Just a quick FYI.  Someone informed me of another word for a male fox: Reynard.  For the purposes of my fics, I use it as a rough equivalent to "gentleman."

Enjoy!

Bilbo: Don't (play with the knives)!  You'll blunt them!

Dwarf: Oh, d'ya hear that, lads?  He says we'll blunt the knives.

The Hobbit (haven't seen the movie, but the clip is funny)

 

The cop and would-be cop met that evening to compare notes at Judy's apartment. Nick cast an eye around, taking in the shabby wallpaper and sparse furnishings. These differed from what had been there when she moved in only by the presence of a very small dresser Judy had picked up as a roadside freebie. The fact that one of the antelopes next door (thankfully while heading out) had almost stepped on the fox without so much as an 'oops' hadn't done wonders for his impression of the place.

"Luxury apartments, huh?" he asked.

Judy shrugged. "I know, I know. I wanted the whole 'big city' experience."

Nick smirked. "Kind of like wanting to ask someone out 'in the worst possible way?'"

He might as well have rolled out the red carpet. "Funny you should say that," the bunny couldn't resist pointing out.

"And why would that be?" he asked, frowning.

Judy glanced at him with the same look she gave a parking meter when it chimed. "Well, unless I'm going crazy, I saw you driving with that vixen earlier; uh..." she stared at the ceiling with a paw to her chin. "Tabitha, was it?"

"That's Taelia," Nick replied, a little nonplussed at having been caught. He wasn't sure which Judy seemed to be better at: being in just the right place at just the right time to catch him up to something, or saying, 'I told you so' without actually saying it.

Nor was Judy going to stop there. "Ha!" she exclaimed. "Gotcha!"

Rrrgh. Nick could not believe he'd been caught with that trick. Judy, he thought, is beginning to get too clever for my own good. "You're right," he said cynically. "You are going crazy."

"Ha ha. Now spill it."

"For your information," he said in his defense, folding his arms, "I was making sure she wouldn't get pulled over for distracted driving."

Judy wasn't buying it, but she decided to play along. "And who's going to take care of your distracted driving?" she teased.

The fox weighed his options. If he told her the whole story – that Taelia had treated him to a bite to eat and he'd given her a lift to be a Reynard – he'd never get a moment's peace. If he made something up, she'd probably find out anyway and be twice as insufferable once she did, which – quite frankly – was a far worse prospect than he wanted to even think about.

For her own part, Judy wasn't about to let a little thing like a lack of information stop her; no sir. "So does she have a ring?"

Okay, now she's getting nosey, he thought. "Now why would I tell you a thing like that?"

"You checked," she announced triumphantly. "If you hadn't, you would have said so."

Nick raised an index finger, opened his mouth... and found he had no argument to give. Defeated, he shook his head. "I have the right to remain silent," he said flatly.

"I'm supposed to tell you that," she complained, elbowing him.

He rolled his eyes and let out a very expressive sigh. "They should have you do interrogations," he muttered. "I'd pay any crook who could stand five minutes around you."

By the way Judy stared up at the ceiling in response, it was clear Nick was in trouble. "I may just take that recommendation to Chief Bogo."

"I thought you wanted me in the ZPD? Speaking of which, didn't I come here to compare notes?"

Judy smirked, taking his change of topic as an effort to avoid admitting defeat. "Did you come here for that? Yes; yes you did."

He pointed one claw at her. "Okay, bunny, there is a fine line between sounding smart and sounding like a smart-aleck. You are definitely way over it."

"All I have to do is sound smarter than you."

"Hardy-har-har. Are we going to keep this up all night?"

"Oh, just make out already!" shouted a voice from the other side of the wall. Apparently one of the antelope neighbors had decided to stick around.

That threw a bucket of icy water on the repartee. Judy scrunched her eyes tight and stuck out a paw. "Truce?"

Nick shook it. "Truce. And how about we hold this meeting someplace where we won't have color commentary?"

Judy considered a quip about him supplying the color and her supplying the commentary, but decided it would take too long to word it right. Besides, he was right about one thing: if they didn't get down to brass tacks, they really would be up all night.

Then Nick snapped his fingers. "We could text it back and forth," he pointed out.

The tall, rounded ears dropped in confusion, and one of Judy's eyebrows went up as if to take their place. "While we're in the same room?" she asked. To her, the idea of using a phone when face-to-face conversation was doable was totally foreign.

The fox just smirked, glad to be back on top of the banter. "Hey, 'big city' experience."

Judy sighed and pulled out her phone. "If someone told me I'd ever do this, I'd have said they were crazy."

"Kind of like bringing a guy to your apart-"

"You finish that remark, and our friendship is over."

Actually, most of the note comparisons were pretty straightforward; all Judy had to do was let Nick look over her notebook. As for discussion, there really wasn't much to discuss. Judy had been hoping Nick could tell her something about her suspicions, but stock options weren't his strong suit. 'Too much paperwork,' he texted, 'and too easy to trace. I always deal in cash.'

Judy let out a huff through her nose. 'Can you think of anyone who might be able to help?'

Nick tapped his muzzle a few times and texted back, 'I know a few mammals in the stock market. I'll shoot them some texts.'

For all her merits, Judy was not a patient doe. Also, she was a creature of schedules; they had been an inescapable part of her youth. They had to be if one was to maintain any semblance of order in a house with over three hundred young rabbits (as the count had been by the time she left for the academy) running around. So as creative as she was, she now found herself growing fidgety with unexpected time on her paws. There was nothing to do but watch Nick batter away at his phone with his thumbs.

The string of emoticons he sent her now and again didn't help either. The :) was alright, and the ;) was worth a smirk, but when he shot her a ;P she started to get the feeling he was just trolling her.

Nick suppressed a snicker as he watched Judy's foot drum the floor. Pausing from his texts to other parties, he sent another one her way.

'Has anyone ever told you how cute you look when you're impatient?'

Judy felt her face and neck grow hot as she read the message. She took in a breath to reply, then caught herself and texted it instead. 'Has anyone ever told you not to call me cute? Oh yeah – me.'

The fox snickered, wondering if he could make her turn as red as himself. 'I didn't call you cute,' he replied, throwing in a wounded-looking emoticon. 'I just said you look cute.'

'Oh, you're hilarious.'

'You don't like looking cute? Okay, you look funny. Funny funny bunny.' He ducked a pillow and kept right on texting. 'And you throw like a bunny too.'

Judy groaned out loud. "Isn't there someone else you can annoy?" she asked, abandoning texts for the moment.

Nick grinned. 'Good idea. I'll text Taelia.'

By this time, Judy had migrated to her bed. Now she smashed her face into her mattress, having already thrown the pillow at him. "Wake me up when you're done," she groaned, glancing at the clock. She had scheduled for Nick to be around until ten. It was now 8:28. I am never going to make it, she thought.

Nick made a truly infuriating clicking sound. "Aww, is da bunny jeawous?"

Judy lifted her head just long enough to cast him a withering look before letting gravity take her. She decided she wasn't going to move until Nick was done goofing around. Unfortunately, her body wasn't exactly on board with the idea; about ten minutes later, she felt the call of nature.

"I'll be right back," she groaned, trudging out the door.

As soon as the door was shut, Nick looked up from his phone. Both as a predator and as one used to being on the wrong side of the law, he always kept an eye on his surroundings – like a certain odd, flat thing sticking out from under Judy's bed. It looked like a sock, but there was something off about it (and besides, Judy didn't wear socks). Glancing at the door, he tiptoed to the bed and knelt to take a look.

Oh, wow, he thought, a grin covering his muzzle. This is even better than I thought it would be. Moving with silent speed, he locked the door. What he was going to do was beyond mean, but 'all work and no play.' Besides, between the stunt she had pulled on him at the traffic stop the day before and the fact that she had twice outfoxed him

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