Rudolph's. “Not leprechauns!” SLAP! “Not little green men!” SLAP! “Not fairies!” SLAP! “Elves! Elves!” SLAP!

“Sorry, Captain,” Hacksaw said contritely, slinking off to change.

“Think Christmas, not St. Patronymic’s Day!” Karnage yelled after him.

“Dur, Captain?” asked a low, Norwegian-accented voice.

Karnage whirled around to face Dumptruck. “Yes, yes, yes? What is it, you oversized fruitcake?”

Dumptruck, a grey dog about the size of his namesake, nervously tugged on the collar of his very tight elf costume. Karnage had stolen a whole bunch of one-size-fits-all elf costumes, but one size didn’t exactly fit all. “Exactly vat are ve doing again?”

Don Karnage impatiently yanked on his Santa beard, which was now becoming ragged from abuse. “Why must I put up with these know-nothings for brains? Listen up with the ears, because I am only going to tell you but once more. We, disguised as Santa’s floating village, will sneakity-sneak into Cape Suzette and plunder all of the holiday-type gifts and goodies. Just think, men - money!”

The pirates sang out an admiring, “Fabulous!”

“Jewels!”

The pirates cheered again.

“All the candy you can eat!”

Silence from the pirates. A few even looked scared.

Karnage asked, “What is wrong with you eediots? Don’t you like candy?”

Gibber, a short, stocky brown canine and Karnage’s first mate, whispered into his ear.

“No, there won’t be any ballerinas there that throw the hard candy at you this time, you estupid, scare-dy baby pirates!”

“How to we get past the cliff gunners? They’re real smart,” said Mad Dog, a scrawny ferret pirate with a droopy moustache. His costume hung off his thin shoulders like a burlap sack.

“There are some things I need to know that youdo not need to find out!” snapped Karnage harshly. “Back to your posts, men! Get ready for Operation Break Into Cape Suzette...or something like that.”

Once again Gibber whispered a hasty message in the pirate captain’s ear.

“Excallamundo!” Karnage’s face lit up like a boy who had just received a much-wanted Christmas present. “At long last, Cape Suzette will be mine!”

Karnage and Gibber hurried to Ratchet’s workshop where the skinny canine mechanic was welding the last of eight metal reindeer to the front of a CT-37 disguised as a red sleigh.

Gibber whispered a question into Karnage’s ear.

“How should I know which one is Blitzen?” the captain shot back, causing Gibber to blink with confusion.

Karnage climbed into the ‘sleigh’. He irritably pushed the beard away from the controls. “Is Santa’s carry-age ready for take off, Ratchet?”

The mechanic grinned evilly and gave a thumbs-up.

The single engine of the CT-37 started up. The song - Santa Claus is Coming to Town - blasted from a speaker mounted on the fuselage. “Merry Christmas, Cape Suzette. Here comes the spectaculous Santa Claus!”

Cape Suzette Cliffs
Dawn

Cliff guard Ralph, a lanky brown coyote, snoozed in his lawn chair; his feet were propped on the cannon nicknamed ‘Big Bertha’. A second cliff guard named Sam, a husky beige canine, sipped coffee nearby.

Over the radio, Broadcast Sally cooed in her velvety voice, “Thank you for tuning in to K-CAPE on this beautiful Christmas morning here in Cape Suzette. As my present to you, here’s Bing Cherry Crosby singing his newest yuletide hit - White Christmas.”

Mingled with the crooner’s melodic voice was a tinny version of Santa Claus is Coming to Town. It was getting louder by the second.

Sam flipped the tuning dial on the radio, muttering under his breath, “Dang interference. Must be the coffee maker again.”

Then he spied a tiny speck on the horizon. As the speck came closer, he could see that it was a sleigh with eight reindeer. He dropped his coffee cup in astonishment, failing to notice the scalding coffee that splashed on his feet. “What the...?” He roughly shook Ralph’s shoulder. “Hey, Ralph, do you see St. Nick coming our way?”

Ralph rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and stared at the ‘sleigh’ for a long time before remarking, “Well, I’ll be dipped. A little old driver so lively and quick. That’s him, all right!”

On the opposite cliff, Steve, a small tan feline, peered through his telescope. When he spotted ‘Santa Claus’, he glanced at his watch. It was 6:30 AM. He held the watch to his ear to make sure it was still ticking. It was. “Santa Claus? At this hour? He’s running late.”

The cliff gunners stood in open-mouthed amazement as the fake Santa Claus flew over. Two packages floated down on parachutes - one for each cliff - accompanied by a heavily-accented, “Ho-ho-ho!”

Naturally curious, the guards opened the packages. Inside the first one was a colorful box with a handle. Steve turned the crank and out popped a jack-in-the-box, who bopped him over the head with a big mallet. He sank to the ground with a thud. The other box contained a clown doll. The flower in his lapel squirted sleeping gas in Sam’s and Ralph’s faces.

“Don’t make toys like they used to,” moaned Ralph just before he hit the ground.

Karnage circled over the unconscious gunners, chuckling deviously. “I know when you are sleeping, and I know when you’re awake! Success! Now, for phase-gun two. I will unwrap the biggest present of them all! An entire city!”

Higher for Hire

Beside the Christmas tree, the cubs and Wildcat sat on the floor. They were surrounded by unwrapped gifts, discarded boxes, bows, and torn fragments of wrapping paper. Baloo and Rebecca were side by side on the sofa, holding hands and exchanging affectionate glances as they watched their children open their gifts. At that moment, everyone’s attention was turned to Molly, who was opening her last and largest present.

“Oh, neat-o!” the little girl squealed. The green bow that Kit had placed on top of her head as a joke bobbed back and forth as she examined her new toy. It was a Blinking Betty doll. Her eyes opened and shut when she was rocked.

“Double neat-o!” cried Wildcat. He was also fascinated by the doll’s moving eyelids. “Asleep, awake, asleep, awake...”

“Betty, meet Lucy. Lucy, this is Betty, your new friend.” In a falsetto voice, she said, “Glad to meet you, Betty. We’re going to have lots of fun together.”

“Awesome!” was Kit’s response to a new airplane model, a Boang AR-12. He beamed at his parents. “Thanks! It’s just what I wanted.”

“Yer turn, Wildcat,” said Baloo.

Wildcat tore the wrapping paper off a heavy package to reveal a shiny silver toolbox. “Wow-how-how!”

“An’ it’s even got separate compartments for different sized screws an’ nails ,” Baloo mentioned.

“That’s good,” Wildcat said solemnly, “‘cause sometimes they don’t get along very well. The bigger ones pick on the smaller ones, you know.” He hugged his toolbox like Molly was lovingly hugging her new doll.

“Your turn, Mommy!” Molly said, giving her mother a small package.

Rebecca carefully unwrapped a little box. Inside the box was... “A sock?” She stared at the worn argyle sock in confusion. “I guess you can’t have too many mismatched socks.”

“That’s all I have,” Wildcat said. Then he wondered, “If you put one sock in the dryer, do you get two back? Because I usually put two socks in, but only one comes back.”

“Is this a joke, Baloo?” Rebecca asked.

“Nah.” Baloo grinned slyly. “Look in the sock, Beckers.”

She stuck her hand in, retrieving an even smaller white box. She lifted the lid off the box. “The diamond and amethyst earrings from Richelieu’s?” she gasped. “These cost a fortune, and...wait a minute!” She shot a suspicious glance at her husband. “What did you do, Baloo? Get them on the black market? Trader Moe? What did you do to get these?”

“Nothin’, Becky.” With his index finger, he drew a big ‘X’ across his chest. “Cross my heart an’ hope ta fly.”

“How could you afford these?” she whispered, cradling the sparkling earrings in her palm. They were shaped like tiny flowers with amethyst pedals and a diamond center.

“The kids chipped in, an’ I had some moolah saved up.”

“You save money?” the bearess scoffed.

“Hey,” Baloo retorted, offended, “I can save money for a special occasion like this.” To himself, he thought, An’ it helped to have a lucky day at the Tortuga turtle toss.

“They were waaaaaay on sale!” Molly chirped.

“Yeah, because Papa Bear waited ‘til the last possible second to buy presents, like ten minutes before the store closed!” Kit laughed mischievously as he dodged a crumpled ball of wrapping paper that his father tossed at him.

“Thank you, everybody. They’re beautiful!” Rebecca slipped them on, feeling very rich, but not just because she was wearing expensive earrings. Actually, Christmas came early for her this year - six months ago in June. She gazed around her little family circle with a fond smile. Wrapping her arms around one of her husband’s, she nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder, prompting another big grin from the big bear.

“Anythin’ ta make my Becky happy,” Baloo whispered in her ear.

“I was happy before, darling,” she whispered back. “The earrings are frosting on the cake.”

There was only one present left underneath the tree - a large box wrapped in blue and silver striped paper. Kit picked it up and carefully placed it on Baloo’s lap.

“It’s from me and Kit. Open it quick, Daddy!” Molly said, clutching a doll in each arm.

“Pretty heavy.” Holding the package to his ear, Baloo gently shook it. The present inside rattled dully against the box. “Hm...what can it be?” Just as he slid his finger under the seam in the wrapping paper, a loud, “Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, Cape Suzette!” thundered across the sky.

Still in their pajamas, the four bears and lion flew outside. Their eyes met a truly amazing sight - Santa’s village coming through the cliffs.

Over the loudspeaker, Karnage boomed, “Yes, it is I, that jolly