legally adopting Kit.”

“We?” the look on Baloo’s face was priceless, it seemed a mixture and stun, confused, and completely lost.

“Yes WE, you don’t really think I’m going to let you have total say in how to raise him.” with that Baloo was about to say something, but then stopped.

“It would be best for Kit.” Rebecca almost fell out of her chair in shock, she thought she would have an argument on her hands at least, but as Baloo now looked at her shocked face it brought a smile to his own, getting Rebecca to snap out of her shock.

“Alright, I’ll contact the court house and start to get the papers ready.” Rebecca got up, started to walk away, but then stopped and looked at Baloo who was looking over the box of stuff. ‘Maybe he’s not such a lunk head.’ just then Baloo picked up the other gauntlet and got it to fire some kind of gas into his face, knocking him out. “BALOO!” Rebecca ran to his side to make sure Baloo was alright, only to smile when she heard him snoring. “Sleeping gas?… like you ever need help to sleep.” Rebecca said, as she smiled slightly then looked around to make sure the kids weren’t in the room and gave Baloo a kiss on the cheek. “Sleep tight you lunk head.”

Thembria

(Torque’s work shop.)

“Well, well what do we have here.” Torque turned to find him self looking at Don Karnage in heavy winter coat. “Professor Martin Torque I presume.” with that Torque started to back up only to find himself surrounded by Pirates. “Tell me, my good Professor, how would you like to get out of the cold?”

“W-what do you want with me?” Torques asked, almost frightened of the answer.

“My dear man, I only wish to make you a deal. You help me get into Cape suzette and, I promise you to get your vengance on a certain round pilot.” with this offer Torque’s fear started to go away as a smile started to cross his face.

“Where do I sign?”

Cape suzette

(Mental Asylum)

Two thugs, a gorilla and a rhino, walked up to a door being led by a very short Croc, dressed in a Doctors garb. “This is the one boys, get the door.” Both brutes grabbed the door and ripped it off it’s hinges, causing the alarms in the Asylum to go off. “I MEANT OPEN IT YA DUNDER HEADS!!”

“Oh sorry boss.” both thugs responded as they put the door back, and then opened it only to have it fall on their boss. “Uh-oh.”

“Both of yous are going to be sorry for this later, grab the Doc and let’s get out of here.” As the three broke out, the entire time their captive was laughing up a storm, as well as going on about how he was going to have his revenge on Khan for humiliating him, as well as calling for some one called M.E.L. “I don’t knows what Karnage wants with this nut bag, but as long as he pays I don’t care.”

(Cunningham Apartment)

It was hours later before any news of the break out of the insane asylum was heard, and as Rebecca heard who was broken out she shook her head several times and looked at Baloo, who had woken up from the sleeping gas. “With that nut on the streets there is no way I’m going to let Shade leave.”

“You don’t have much of a choice ma-am.” Rebecca turned to find Shade standing in the hallway, slowly walking up using the wall to balance him self. “I have done as you asked, I have rested the entire day. I will have my things if you please.” Rebecca looked at Shade, it was clear that he still wasn’t up to snuff, even though he had slept the entire day, the nightmares that he was having seemed to only make him worst not better. but the look of determination in his eyes told her that he wasn’t going to listen to her tell him to go back to bed.

“Shade look at your self, you need to eat something, your barely able to stand anymore.” Rebecca pointed out, and Shade looked at her. He was a wreck, his body was even worst off then before, and his mind was filled with the lasting images from his nightmares. “Your in no condition to go out, you need a little more rest, please, if anything, use some since in this.” Rebecca could see her words meant nothing to the boy standing in front of her. She could tell that this would only get worst, and that even if she refused to let him leave he would only find another way out and run. “If your not going to listen to reason at least listen to your belly, have a hot meal.” Shade was about to protest as he opened his mouth only to stop when their came a rumble from his belly.

“Traitor.” Shade said, as he looked down at his stomach. “May I at least have my gear back?” Rebecca smiled seeing that something had gotten Shade to think about his health, it wasn’t much but at least it would give her more time to think of away to keep shade in for the night.

“Everything except the flame thrower, I’ll hold onto that until it’s time for you to go.” Rebecca said, as she smiled at Shade and handed him the box of his stuff and held onto the gauntlet that shot fire. “You really shouldn’t play with fire, you could hurt your self.”

“Or some one else ma-am.” Shade said, as he started to put on his cloths followed by his equipment. “If you’ve forgotten ma-am, let me remind you that those men last night wanted to hurt you, and sometimes the only way to get through to people like that, is to give them a good dose of reality, and show them just how weak they can be in the face a true danger.” with that Shade finished strapping down his final piece of equipment to his body and he looked at Rebecca. “Be careful with that ma-am, playing around with something you don’t full understand could get you hurt.”

“Now just a hair picking minute.” Baloo said as he stood up from Rebecca’s chair and looked at Shade, only to have Rebecca hold out her hand to stop him. “Becky he can’t talk to you like that, he should have some respect for his elders.”

“Let it go Baloo.” Rebecca said, as she looked at Baloo, then looked at Shade who had already started to get ready for a fight. “He’s just out of sorts right now, I’m going to assume you think us a threat right now, seeing how I’m unwilling to let you leave.” with that Shade nodded once. “Alright, I’ll make you a deal, have dinner with us, and stay around a little while to play some games, tell stories, have some frosty peep, and by 8.” with that Rebecca held up the gauntlet and smiled slightly. “If you don’t wish to stay then I’ll give this back with out any arguments.” with that Shade looked at the clock on the wall and then at Rebecca.

“On your honor, you swear that no one will try and stop me?” with those words Rebecca raised her right hand and smiled.

“You have my word of honor.” Rebecca said, proudly then watched as Shade seem to relax. “Great then, Molly, and Kit, are in Molly’s room Why don’t you go and play with them for a while.” Shade looked at Rebecca for a moment as if trying to figure her out, then nodded and walked away. “Second door on the left.” Rebecca called out, and watched as Shade followed her instructions. “Alright Baloo I need your help.”

“What?… but Becky how can you let him talk to you like that?” Baloo asked, as he looked at Rebecca. “I still remember that one time Kit gave you a bit of lip and you gave him a royal lecture, as well as me.” following Rebecca into the kitchen Baloo wanted to know why Rebecca was letting Shade get away with how he had just spoken to her.

“Because we had been working together for a long time Baloo, Six months by then, and I gave Kit that lecture because he was getting a little to big for his britches, and I also gave you that lecture because he got it from you. The way you talked to me infront of him he thought he could get away with it, and I had to nip it in the bud then and there, yet another reason why I want joint custody with Kit so he doesn’t pick up all your bad habits.”

“But it’s alright for that smart mouth to talk to you in such a manner?”

“I don’t know how long Shade has been on the streets Baloo, and from what you told me about the first time you ran into Kit he had the same kind of behavior.”

“Yeah but that was because Kit had been staying with the Pirates, he had to act tough so they didn’t walk all over him.” in a flash Rebecca slammed a large fish on the kitchen counter and turn to Baloo.

“Shade had to do the same Baloo, at least in the Pirates Kit was apart of some kind of group, Shade was on the streets, he may have had no one, maybe he had some people looking after him, I don’t know. What I do know is that right now something inside of me can’t just let him walk out that door tonight, at least not with out trying to stop him.” Baloo could see that some how Shade had struck a cord with Rebecca thought he didn’t know how, he knew he had to help her.

“I don’t understand Rebecca, but if this is what you want then I’ll help.” with that Baloo started to help Rebecca get things ready for dinner then smiled, as he heard laughter coming from the other room. “Sounds like a great time in there should we go and check?” As a smile crossed Rebecca’s face Baloo looked at her, as the sun came in through the window and covered her in



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March 28, 2013
Usa
No offense intended; but I'm not gonna lie, this story needs some work. But before I go any farther; a brief note to the author: Since your last fanfiction was posted barely more than a year ago I have no idea if you're still active, however, if you are; please bear in mind I'm not attempting to troll you or rage at you, I'm just offering up some constructive criticism. And here it is: Overall, your spelling, capitalization and grammar DO need work. You should probably run the story through spellcheck (if you have Microsoft Word), or just make sure any future scenes are grammatically correct. I guess everyone seems fairly in-character, but the subplots about Karnage, Torque and Trader Moe all feel unrelated and just tossed in randomly. Try developing the story into interconnecting strands more if and when you return and see if that helps any. And finally.... To be honest, my biggest problem with your story is the main character; Shade. It's evident you have other stories featuring him and while I haven't read them as of yet, I plan to do so at some point. However, Shade just feels very underdeveloped to me. What's his story? What are all his little flaws and quirks? If you do these things, trust me, you're gonna have a great character. HOWEVER: No matter how attached to your main character you may get, PLEASE refrain from making them a 'perfect' individual. That's not how real life works; and stories shouldn't work that way either.

August 29, 2011
Webmaster France Male
AS leader
I had read that one previously, though didn't leave a comment yet.
Great job,your character Shade is very original and I can't wait to read what's next!




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