Its on a normal peaceful day when Azure galloped up to see spirits herd. But what he didn't know was an albino mare named Alexanderia followed him and hid behind a near by tree and watched him. Azure slowly galloped into the herd watching spirit to make sure spirit didn't notice him. Then Alexanderia followed close behind then got behind another tree and watched again. Then she went in the circle of mares so no one would noticed her then Azure got 2 mares and galloped off. Alexanderia made sure he got away with the mares then she took off running behind him then she hear galloping running towards her and it was spirit running dead ahead at her then he hit her knocking her over and then Azure came to a halt and turn his head. Alexanderia tried to signal him away so he could get the mares away from spirit but Azure didn't listen. So Blake a steel grey stallion came and took the mares for Azure then he reared up with his ears back at spirit. Alexanderia got up quickly and got away then she turned and thought well since he knocked me over ill do it back so she backed up and reared up with her ears pinned back and ran at him at full speed. Hitting him dead ahead she ducked her head and hit him knocking him over by hitting his stomach then she snorted angrily. Azure whinnied at her to back down she looked up and did as he commanded then they galloped away Alexanderia looked up then back a spirit in a threatening way. Azure looked back and flicked his tail and snorted. Alexanderia trotted the started to walk again she looked at Azure and smiled Azure said "whoa" i didn't see you there" he whinnied she laugh whinnied and said " well i guess I'm just quick" Azure smiled and said "quick huh" whinnied "race yea if your quick" she whinnied "oh I'm quick enough" and took off galloping after him" Azure galloped faster Alexanderia kicked back and went forwards going faster. Azure jumped a high log landing fast Alexanderia looked ran to jump the same one then she got a flash back from when she was little when she first jumped she did it wrong and fell and got hurt then she felt something making her snap out of it. Then she realize she was on the ground in pain with pain going threw her leg straight threw her back she tried getting up but it hurt to much so she just laid down. Azure came to a halt looked back with his head to the side she looked up at him trying to get acting like it wasn't a big deal acting like it doesn't hurt then she tried standing up tears came to her eyes cause of how bad it hurt. Azure trotted over to her put her onto his back and trotted to the water falls and grazed plains and he laid her down softly she smiled and was going try to stand so he didn't have to carry her again but she was glad to have a friend like him there with her. Azure watched Alexanderia and then smiled and started drinking Alexanderia smile leaned in the water and lightly splashed Azure. Azure's forehead hair came in his face (cause of being wet) and then he snorted. she nicker laughed then snorted. Then she started playing in water then all a sudden Azure looked up and Blake came galloping down to Azure. Alexanderia looked at Blake then at Azure then looked back at Blaze and walked up to him smells him looks at him and says hmmm nice the nickers. Blake disappears. Azure pinned his ears back then snorted Alexanderia looks at Azure and nickers "what". "just Blake these day"he whinnied then grazed she looked up then back down at Azure then she started stomping her hoof on the ground and then starts grazing again. He shocked his body and watched her she starts walking forward slowly she sees a few shadows by the trees up ahead kind of starts walking acting like shes grazing he snorted then followed her when she got close to the trees she looks up closely trying to see who it was then she jumped back seeing a black stallion she got a Lil freaked not knowing who it was because she had never seen him before she kind of looked at Azure freaked out thinking what now. Azure smelt the other stallion, he reared at the stallion Alexanderia stomped her feet then the stallion started charging at them she reared up and she was scared not knowing what was going happen then she tried standing her ground this time and he took her to the ground standing over her she swung up hitting him making her dizzy. Azure galloped and bolted the black stallion off her . Azure rears she looks at Azure she snorted off saying god I'm weak then she got mad and reared up at the stallion biting kicking she turned biting his neck slamming him to the ground then reared up and stomped down snorting angrily he stopped then watched, he looked to the side and snorted she looked down snorted and said if you come around us again then it will be the last thing you ever do and then backed up and snorted. He watched Alexanderia, Alexanderia turned around and saw Azure and pranced over to him snorting he nuzzled her but more loving she nuzzled him back loving then stuck her muzzle on his cheek bone and then snorted he blushed. She nuzzled him then smiled and then got closer to him and hugged him he hugs her and nuzzled her.
 She smiles and kind of bobs her head and then she put her muzzle on his nose and kind of nibbled she smiled and snorted he licked her cheek and smirked.
 she blushes then licked his cheek and smiled then nuzzled him then snorted  he blushed red then grazed. she smiled and grazed right behind him he flicked his tail then looked at her.
 she snorted then pranced around him then started jumping in the air whinnied he watches her. she smiles then runs around stops jumps in the air then looks at him snorts then grazes again he smirked then grazed. She snorts and then looks at Azure and smiles he nuzzled her.she nuzzled him then snorted then started prancing around the reared up and lightly jumped upward whinnied and then smiling at Azure. he started to blush then he walked back into the water  she followed him into the water laid down then rolled in it then smiling happily. He laid down then put his head in the water she watched him then smiled and snorted. He got up then walked over to her and nuzzled her. She nuzzled him back smiling lowered her head for a drink then kind of nudged him he looked at her then put his head on her back. She smiled and snorted and started drinking he nuzzled her then took a drink. Rue trotted around happily. Her man blew in the breeze and her green eyes scanned the area for danger. Alexanderia looked up watching she looked at azure and smiled snorting. Rue heard a snorted and whinnied before trotting off. Rue then snorted Alexanderia looked up smiling. Azure whinnied and smiled Rue sighed, feeling lonely and sad. Alexanderia looked up again and whinnied and Azure did then looked down getting a weird feeling she got light headed and water into the grass to lay down Sun Dorm watched Rue. Azure he laid down next to her.
Alexanderia smiled and looked at Azure then laid her head back down hoping that she just moved her head to fast. he rested his head on her shoulders  she starts to relax knowing she wasn't going be alone then when she started to relax she started falling asleep he also started to sleep when she fell asleep she started to dream and it was of the calvary near by them all a sudden a loud doom woke her she jumped hoping she was hearing things. he wakes up then yawns she looks at him smiles and tries to go back to sleep  he stood up then shook his body. She laid there for a minute then got up with him he started to graze until he hear another whinnied. she looked at him then looked around trying to figure were it came from  he walked a little until a rope came out of nowhere. he galloped and then reared at alexanderia to get moving.  she backed up but she didn't want to leave him the she started getting mad but she didn't want to get roped either but he gut wouldn't let her leave she didn't know what to do he whinnied loudly, he galloped towards the human and reared.  she ran and hid behind a tree watching hoping he could get away the human fell down. Azure Bolted off Alexanderia galloped behind him  he quickly halted and grazed. She trotted up behind him and started to graze he flicked his tail  she flicked her tail then snorted and shoot her mane he looked at her. She looked at him and snorted he nuzzled her she nuzzled him and then smiled he smirked then grazed. She smiled then started to graze then she gave off a Lil evil smirk and takes off galloping turns around sharply and starts to jump in the air snorting. Soon Azure and Alexanderia became mates



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December 27, 2012
Your "storytelling" isn't bad. It is obvious in how many details you have included here that you know your story inside and out. If you were to tell me out loud your story, it would sound awesome, like a good story you have put lots of work and effort into. It is only at the gap between speech and text where people get thrown off. Like I said, your story is very good. But when there are grammar mistakes (as if we don't ALL make those :) ) and very few indents (to the point where the story looks like one giant impenetrable mass of text), it can be very hard to see the story behind the mask. Find someone to proofread your story, someone you trust to be nice and honest at the same time and, if on the internet, someone who will not steal your story. (This is just a suggestion; apply if you want, ignore if you wish.)

September 11, 2012
Usa
Ummm... I don't want to be mean but u need to work on your story telling




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