Concentrate. It's hot, baking hot; sweaty, clingy hot. I want to be at the waterhole again, cool by the water. Can’t… Why am I here? What was that? No, I can't. Uncomfortable, got to get up; move; be somewhere else. Be on my own… anywhere but here.
"Sassi?"
I've just got to keep out of his way. That's all: Simple. Unless he comes here…? What will I do? No, that'd be a disaster. Got to go. Can't stay here. Move. Move now.
"Sarabi!"
What?
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I…. errr, I, well, I… mother?"
Why are they giggling? She’s not. She’s sitting silent opposite me, watching intently.
"Are you with us?"
Be honest. Just tell it. "No, I'm sorry. I'm not really. I…" Can't be that honest. I can't tell mother that. Think…. "…I don't feel well. It's the heat. Can we find some shade?"
"Oh. Well, the sun has moved round quite a bit, hasn't it?"
She's getting up. Hauling herself off the ground. She’s watching me. Watching me all the time. What is she thinking? She knows. She knows everything. She knows.
"Are you coming Sarabi dear?"
"Yes mother. I'm coming."
One last look back. She’s moving away. She’ll still be watching. I’d better watch her first. What is her game?
~oOOo~
It was beautiful here, now look. Last rains, just over there was carpeted blue and yellow. My pads felt cool, we splashed here through the steaming water, Mufasa and I. We didn't care where we were going, just that we were going together. We didn't care, we were alone.
The waterhole was all cracked mud. The first rains didn't fill it. We ran across it and left no prints. I got across first and looked back. He was standing in the middle, watching the ground, fascinated by the rain splattering down around him. Just like the big cub he is, or was. Could he be again when he’s the great king?
No, of course he couldn’t. He’s going away; away from me. He’s going to be king, and I’ll… I’ll still be here. I’ll always be here.
"Sarabi! Wait up!"
Oh who is it now? I don't want to talk. Shall I not hear them? No, better not, they'll just keep on coming after me. They'll not give up. Anyway, who is it? Is it her again, been watching has she? Got to see what I’m doing? Maybe if I'm short with her she'll go away. Look away, Sarabi; look away. Her padfall’s slowing, she’s coming, slowing… standing. Hardly out of breath too: not bad.
"Sarabi? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"OK." No, I'm not fine but I'm sure as ever not going to tell you. You aren't even a pridelander.
"So where're you going?"
Truth. Give her the boring truth, then she'll get bored and leave me alone. "To the waterhole."
"The waterhole huh?"
Just leave me alone, why don't you! "Yes, the waterhole."
"What's so great about the waterhole?"
"Prey. I'm going prey watching if you really must know."
"Prey watching eh?"
"As you heard, my mother says the first rule of hunting is 'know your prey'."
"Yeah, I heard. Does she always go on about it that long? Does she was ever get on to anything else?"
You haven't heard the half of it. I've had it all my life. On and on. Maybe she's alright after all. Maybe. Welcome to my world Sarafina. “You're lucky, you've missed most of it."
"Like what?"
"Never you mind."
"Are you really going prey watching, or do you just want to be alone?"
Finally she gets it! Let’s look her in the face like I really mean it. "Both."
"Ah, so I could leave… or we could be alone together. If you want to not talk about it that is."
Who are you Sarafina? Where did you come from? What did you learn from your mother back where you were born? You don't understand the first thing about my life: the things I have to do, the stuff I'm expected to do, everything. You don't understand any of it do you? Yes, I really don't want to talk about it. Now, let’s move on shall we? "Have you ever made a kill on your own?"
"Well, no, not yet, but I reckon I could. I bet you're thinking I couldn't and I'm just shooting my mouth off, but I'm sure I could. Your mother wouldn't let me of course. "
Actually no, I wasn't thinking that at all. Well, maybe… maybe with those shoulders you just could. Oh, she has more to say:
"I've got a few half-kills though."
"Alright Sarafina, you can come along. But we're just watching you understand. I'm not making any half-kills yet."
The other lioness picked her head up brightly, her eyes keen in the late afternoon heat. Sarabi stepped on; the other fell in behind her. As a rocky ridge overlooking the waterhole fell into view, the two left the path behind and slipped up the slope; and finding a large flat-topped rock soon to be shaded by a tree they lay down side by side.
As the afternoon fell into sunset the two watched, close enough to feel the other's ribs rise in breath. There was little talk, no secrets shared. For a few hours they were indeed simply alone, together.
Animals came, drank, looking about warily and left, some easing away, others rushing anxiously, in ones, twos and more. In the deepening shadows five young zebra; a bachelor group; trotted easily down from the north. Sarafina watched them arrive, thoughts boiling within.
"What do you think Sarabi?"
"Nothing mother… Only three days ago… Fluffy was the same as the rhino, only yellow." No, it wasn't the rhino, it was the elephant. Was it that long ago? Here, splashing on the water's edge? Just over there. He's so... so much more than I ever want. He's all that he should be... except...
"Sarabi!"
What? It's darker now, gone sunset. Missed most of it I suppose. Go to go back. Where are we? Who is that? Oh it's that Sarafina, isn't it? "What is it?"
"I think we can take one, can't we?"
What is she talking about? Oh, over there, the… zebra. Must be them. 'Take one'? What is she talking about? "Take one?"
"Yes, take one down. We could I'm sure."
"We're watching, that's all."
"Right: you were dozing. Who's Fluffy? Anyway I know we're watching, I was just thinking we could. We're not going to, I know that."
"Sarafina, we couldn't…" Five. Young males, inexperienced, cocky, think they'll live for ever. That middle one, he's smaller; younger maybe, or just smaller. See, he's looking around, he isn't as sure of himself as the others. Where would they run? Maybe… maybe if I got down there, closed in slowly. They aren't going to hang around long enough for a proper strike, but I could get close enough to let them know I'm there. Then they'd run. Maybe across the waterhole, but they wouldn't risk getting stuck. Maybe away up the slope. Yes, if they did that they'd get away most likely, but then… they'd probably run back the way they'd come; the way they knew, the way they’d feel safe. If they did that and Sarafina had already slipped down to the left then she could cut through them as they ran. "Well, maybe we could.” Right through: clean. “Just watching though."
"Oh yes, just watching."
She's got a mischievous smile. I like that.
"We're not the only ones though."
"What?"
"Watching. Look there, on the far ridge. Its…"
A lion or maybe leopard… I think. Does she ever stop talking?
"A lioness. Long muzzle, thin. Old worn coat. Light."
Who on the plains is she? Who can see all that from way over here? "You can see her that well?"
"Yeah, can't you?"
I'm looking but I'm not seeing: no, not a chance. "No, not all that. Who is she?"
"No idea Sarabi."
“Sarabi, why be Mufasa’s queen, when you could be mine?”
Could be yours? Yours? “You will never be king.”
“Well, of course that may be true – technically – but I’d treat you like a queen. What I mean is that if anything were to happen to my dear brother, forbid that it did, it’d be a great blow to us all, terrible, absolutely terrible: I can’t bear to think about it, but if it did?”
“No Scar, not even then.” You’ll have more luck with one of those hyenas you’re so fond of.
“Look, what has Mufasa got that I haven’t?”
Like honesty, courage, decency… a clean mane? “Nothing, obviously.”
“Well then: be mine!”
“No Scar.” He’d better let me go. Like now: while he’s thinking about it. “Thanks, but no.”
“Going? Oh no, no… no. You can’t go now.”
He’s telling me I can’t go when I like? He’s telling me!
“Why go so soon? Stay here and… talk with me a while. We have so much to discuss.”
“No Scar, we have nothing.” Oh no, he’s doing that paw waving thing again. “Now let me go. I can go anytime I want.” What’s he doing? He’s leaping round to cut me off isn’t he? Why? What’s he up to? No, he can’t be, surely. No even Scar would, would he?
“No, no… I mean, well… of course. I’ll give you some more time to think about it. You run along now.”
Run along! He’s telling lionesses to run along like a naughty cubs now? I won’t even let Mufasa do that, even when he is king! And I have thought about it: It’s not happening… ever. At least he’s getting out of the way. Smiling at me too, the cocky slime ball!
~oOOo~
How could he do that? He can’t get away with it. I’ve got to tell someone, but who? Fluffy? No, he’d go all noble on me and do something. I’m sorry Fluffy. Ahadi? No, he’d not believe his precious son could do that. Naada? Too young, and she’d blab the whole thing to everyone. Mother? I wish I could, but she’s too wrapped up in her own world to understand mine. Who? That… no… I hardly know her. Maybe… Sarafina. Maybe she’d listen. She doesn’t gossip, and she might understand. But then does anyone really need to know? As long as Scar doesn’t say anything, what does it do to put it out there, in to the open for all to hear? How does that help? There’s no harm done: no one needs to know.
How could he have thought…? What have I ever done that suggests I’ve got the slightest interest in him anyway? Of course nothing’s going to happen to Fluffy. What that Scar needs is… well, he’ll just have to ask another lioness, won’t he? How can anything happen anyway? I’d lose him… I’d die without him, just die. I know I would. He’s… he’s… no, nothing can ever happen. But… but we can’t be together. What if we can never be together? We could run away… somewhere where no one knows who he is. We could be together then. Just us. Why does he have to be Ahadi’s first born son? Why couldn’t Scar have been? Then… no, then Scar would be right, and I would be his queen! Then I’d have to run away with Fluffy so that we’d be together.
Nothing is right. Nothing fits. Nothing works anymore. Everything leads the same way, but there’s the problem: Fluffy wouldn’t come with me. He’s going to be the king. He’s always known he’d be the king just as I’ve always known I’d be his queen. Oh, he’d never give it up: too duty bound. There’s no way round it: he’s going to be king. At least Scar might give up any ideas about me then: he’ll have to. He used to be such a poor lost cub. His mother’s gone, he barely knew her. She was crazy: got the hyenas to look out for him. Fluff’s dad ran her off. She’ll be dead by now.
“Sarabi?”
“Pardon?”
“Is anything wrong.”
She seems to care. Seems… maybe.
“No. Everything’s good.”
“I saw you pacing way out here. I hope everything’s alright.”
Of course it’s not alright! But I can’t tell you what is wrong. I wish you’d never have noticed. “Nothing's wrong.”
“OK…”
She’s walking off! “No, wait!” I’ve gone and done it now. “Please, Sarafina, I didn’t mean…” What am I going to say? She’s looking back, her eyes glinting in the moonlight: jewels sparkling in the darkest place. “Please, I can’t say, but no, everything’s not alright.”
“Do you want to not talk about it again?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not Sarabi?”
“Private. I can’t tell you.”
“Who can you tell? You’ve got to tell someone? You’ve been like this for days now. Pacing here, there and everywhere; off in a world of your own most of the time: your mind never on the stuff at paw.”
“No one.”
“Your mother?”
No! No her! Please, not her. “No.”
“Your sisters? Naanda?”
“No.” She’s getting impatient: shaking her head. Her tail’ll be twitching next.
“Aaah, what is it with you Sarabi?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Understand what?”
Say it. Say it in simple terms even she will understand. “I told you. I can’t tell you: I can’t tell anyone.”
“You have to tell someone, why not me?”
“You’re the… the… you’re…”
“Yeah, what am I? You? What have you got? Everything. You’re Sarabi. You’re going to be queen. You’re always going to be queen of the Pridelands. You know what? You look like it. You always look like it. If you’d been rolling in mud down the waterhole you’d still look like it. Serene, calm, dignified: always Sarabi. Yeah, you may not be queen yet, but you’re gonna be, and don’t you know it.”
“No… of course I don’t. It’s not like that.”
“So what IS it like eh?”
Tell her nothing. Nothing. She’ll get nothing from me. That’s all there is.
“I bet it involves your mother!”
“No, no, of course not.”
“Yeah, yeah I bet it does.”
What is she up to? Following me around everywhere, poking her nose into my business, my private business. So who does she think this is all about? Scar? No, you wouldn’t touch him with Rafiki’s stick. Ahadi? No, so it’s got to be… no, not Fluffy! “This is about Mufasa isn’t it? You hate him, don’t you?”
“Me, hate him? He’s not bad, he’s OK.”
“OK?” So you think he’s OK do you? “Back off!”
“Mufasa? Look Sarabi, there’s no way I’m going anywhere near Mufasa. It doesn’t matter whether you’re betrothed to him or not. Believe me; it’s not going to happen?”
That almost-laugh in her voice gives it away: she’s right. She’s not interested in Mufasa. Why?
“And what’s wrong with him then?”
“Nothing. Really nothing. Believe me, I like Mufasa, but I don’t ‘like’ him. You’ve got a clear run with him from me, I can tell you that for sure, take it home girl. Sarabi, you were always going to be queen of the Pridelands, and that means being the king of the Pridelands’ mate, and Mufasa is the next king of the Pridelands.
“You’re jealous aren’t you?”
“No Sarabi. I really don’t want to be queen, and I don’t want Mufasa. Look Sarabi, this isn’t getting us anywhere. I’m going, but before I do, I just want to say you’re going to be queen, but you’re not queen yet. Right now, you’re not Sarabi, you’re just Sassi.”
How dare she talk to me like that? No damn it, you can’t just walk off after all that!
“Oh, and if you don’t want to talk to me Sassi; why don’t you tell it to Rafiki: he never gives away his secrets.”
Several kopjes set in the plains to the east and south overlooked Priderock. Being higher than their surroundings, and warmed by the sun, all were used by the lions, or more precisely the lionesses. The largest lay below the tree-crowned ridge that dominated the eastern plain. Though not a true kopje – more a tight cluster of boulders and larger rocks with a clear space at its heart – Lionheart Rocks particularly caught the late afternoon sun and was a favourite of many.
One lioness though, couldn’t bring herself to use the name. It was still more than two hours before sunset. Sarabi dozed fitfully, getting up and moving with the weak shadows cast from the few trees and larger shrubs that grew between the stone.
Someone growled huskily, called out Sarabi’s name angrily then yawned loudly. Sarabi moved again.
Who really wants to sleep in this stifling heat? Ooo, shut up, I know, I know! Stop; just breathe. Breathe. Priderock stands very dark against the sun now: cold even... silent. I don’t live there. I live here, and over there, and way over there, but not on that rock. The king and his queen live there. I am just a lioness… well, almost a lioness. My cubs could play there… my cubs? My cubs: how could that be? Mine and… Mufasa; isn’t that him down there? Walking this way, by himself? Better get out of sight.
“Sarabi, mind where you’re flicking your tail!”
“Oh sorry… can you see him?”
“Who?”
“Who else?” Isn’t it obvious?
“Oh no, not Mufasa again?”
Ah yes, it was obvious. “Is it?”
“I’m trying not to open my eyes.”
“Sarafina, it’s him, and he’s coming here. You’ve got to keep him away.”
“Why me?”
“Come on Sarafina, please.”
Who’s that? “If it isn’t him…” Ah, just like you to moan Naanda! “…I’m going to kill you myself Sarabi! Just shut up why don’t you? Some of us are trying to sleep.”
Better keep it down. “Please Sarafina. Please.”
“OK, OK. If he comes closer I’ll do what I can.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you. You might have just saved my sanity.
“Now just turn around so you can’t see him and at least look as if you’ve settled down and got some rest.”
Right, let’s make it look like I’m settled here. Turn around. Oops careful, don’t step on anyone. Sorry about that… ah you didn’t notice. This’ll do. Head down, blend in…
“Where’s Sarabi?”
“Sarabi? Err, she’s not here.”
“Yes she is, that’s her over there. She’s got a… distinctive tail hasn’t she?”
“Err, no, that’s Naanda.”
“No it’s not Sarafina. I know Naanda, her coat’s lighter, and her ear marks are much browner. Over there, see? That’s Naanda.”
He’s coming closer! Come on Sarafina, do something!
“Mufasa, look, there’s something I really need to tell you.”
He’s stopped, he’d be here by now if he hadn’t.
“Not now Sarafina. I’m sure it can wait.”
“No! No, it can’t.”
“Hmm.”
Ah! That’s his paw beside me: warm, strong, so strong. He’s so, so close. Got to hold down my breath: can’t let him see what he does to me. No, no! He’s dropping down beside me! Pressing himself into my flank. He can feel everything: my heart, my breath, everything.
“Sassi.” He’s so quiet, so close. His breath caresses my ear: tickles a little, teasing, offering so much. Take me Fluffy. I give you everything. Right here, right now, everything. Please, take all of me. “I had to come. I couldn’t sleep for thinking of you. I know I shouldn’t, but I had to. Please don’t be angry with me.” How could I be angry with you Fluffy, how? “I just needed to be with you, to feel you.”
“By the stars! Why don’t you just get her in cub already?”
Naanda, Naanda, Naanda. You’re always so…. “You know my sister. She’s always so…”
“Yes Sassi. I know Naanda, I see her every day. She’s direct, but not always tactful. It’s you I want to see.”
“Well, yes, but I… well… I can’t always be with you.” Oh but I want to be. How I want to be. Being this close is too much to bear. Too much to live with, and far too much to live without. I wish he hadn’t come. He said he wouldn’t. I’ve got to go, got to get away. I hate myself for that: I should be wanting to be with him now, and always, but I do. “I… I have to go and seeRafiki.” Just like Sarafina said, yes, that’s it.
“What, now? Why Sassi?”
“It’s a personal matter.”
“Ah, I see.” No you don’t see, but you can think you do if it helps. “I feared I was too much, too soon. I know you’re not ready for all that.”
No Fluffy you… great furball. It’s not like that at all. I’d have you in an instant if things were different. Not gentle, but urgent and powerful. I don’t care who sees, or hears. I want you, you fluffball. Want and need and I’d kill to get you… but it can’t be. Not like this. “No Mufasa, it’s not like that. When I am ready to be your queen, you’ll be the first,” and just for you Naanda I’ll lay this on a little thicker, “and only one to know.”
“Oh, personal. I see. Well, if you’re sure… I mean if you need to… you… err, better go and see him. I don’t need to know. I mean, not that I’d expect you to tell me or anything.”
No! Please don’t… go. Please do. Oh it feels so cold and alone without him by me. Look at him, he’s shaking his head awkwardly. What’s he doing? Is he coming back? No, of course not, he’s just washing his forepaw! I’d better smile: just a little.
“Sarafina, ah there you are. Now what was it you wanted to tell me?”
“Ah…..” She wasn’t listening! He can’t see me. Point, lift this paw and point. She’s puzzled. Try looking like a tree. How can I? I’m all the wrong shape. Sit up. Us.. how to do “us”? Ah, yes, that’ll do it. Four words, second word… point over there, making stepping shapes. “…err we, yes, Sarabi and I…” He must suspect surely? “We’re going…” Monkey, that’s easy… isn’t it? “ape?” Try again. Do the stick holding thing. “No, silly me! Of course, Sarabi and I are going to see Rafiki! Yes,that’s it!”
“Sarafina, if I didn’t know better I’d say you and Sarabi are up to something.”
“Us? No, of course not. Why ever would we do that?”
“Just bring Sassi back in one piece. Please, she means everything to me.”
There he goes. At last.
~oOOo~
“Are we even going to see Rafiki?”
“I am.”
“Not me too? So tell me again ‘Sassi’: why am I here?”
So you were listening…. “Because…” two can play that game Sarafina! “Saffi, It’s what friends do: support each other; and you know about climbing trees.”
"Trees?"
"No, just one." That got her: she's stopped dead! This'll really do her in: "I know all about the Jamalayla Incident."
"Nothing was ever proved. She made it all up."
"You stole her cache didn't you? You somehow got into her tree and took her kill. I know you did."
"What if I did? She’s only a leopard."
"Tell me how. Tell me how to climb trees." Just over this rise… and there! There it is at last. He might have chosen somewhere closer.
“What tree?”
I’ll just stand here, she’ll get the idea. “That tree.”
“That crazy monkey's baobab? Sarabi, you’ve got to be kidding!"
“You don’t have to do it. Just tell me how.” She’s holding back. Come on Sarafina. Let’s walk and talk.
“Sassi, hey! Wait up!”
Look at the size of that thing! It is big; very tall. How am I going to get up there? I’ve got to. I must. She’s catching up. She should know I’m serious by now.
“Is there any other way? That baobab is…”
“There’s no other way. It’s something I have to do.”
“Look, climbing isn’t that hard. You’ve just got to mean it.”
Oh, I mean it all right.
“OK. It’s not like walking or running. It’s all in the forequarters.”
Go on. Tell me.
“Baobabs have near straight up trunks. You need your claws out all the time and once you’ve on, keep moving until you’re on top of something. If you stop you’ll fall off, or tear off your claws trying to hang on. Believe me, that’s not good.”
“Yes, I’ve got that: once on my way keep going.”
“You can’t use your hind paws. If you get anything from them you’re lucky. It’s not like walking, where you uses all four legs, just your forelegs: left-right, left-right. Take a good leap from the ground and haul yourself up and just…”
“Keep going.” That explains your shoulders. “How do you now? How did you learn all this?”
“Oh, my mother taught me. I don’t know why she did it. She actually liked swimming too.”
Can’t think why… so you had a mother. Of course you did Saffi, we all do. “What happened to her?”
“Not now Sarabi. Just concentrate on climbing. It’s going to be tough. That’s not just any tree. It’s a massive baobab, with a monkey on top.”
We’ve been walking forever, and we’re not even half way there. There’s nothing here, only red earth, flat, hot, arid: empty, and that tree. Maybe Saffi’s right, it is too high, it’s getting higher and we’ve still a ways to go. It doesn’t look as steep now: the north face slopes over; that’s the way up; but it is higher to the crown.
“Are you sure about this? It’s a long way up. Isn’t there another way?”
“I’ll attempt the north face. It doesn’t look so hard.”
“No Sassi. Isn’t there any other way to see Rafiki?”
“I’m not the king. I can’t summon him, and I’ve not got a messenger to do it for me.” See there, some bird’s flying from the ancient canopy. It makes its own choices. Not beholden to anyone. Free to go wherever it wants. Where’s it going? Take me with you. Give me your freedom. Free from him in my head; free from everyone. “So I have to go to him.”
“What if he’s not there?”
“He will be. All I have to do is wait.”
“And climb that. By the stars Sassi, you are mad!”
~oOOo~
Hold on! Nearly there, so close. Keep going. One more heave. Paws burning, can’t stop, mustn’t stop. Pads over – come on now, just one more and I’m there. I’m there! I am there!
It’s not as big up here as it looked from down there. What are those things on the walls? Markings, they look… Ah, I don’t know. Hey, where’s Saffi?
“You OK up there?”
Turn around. It is tight up here. Oh there she is. The sky’s turning. Whoa, step back. Look away. “Yes, I’m alright, just… getting my breath back.”
“Is he up there?”
“No, no he’s not.” He really isn’t. Even up there. “I’ll wait here. See you back on… on the rocks.”
“If you’re sure… I’ll see you later.”
“Thanks Saffi.”
Now what? I’ve never seen this land like this. Maybe I’ll never will again. Oh if Mufasa could see it too. He’d love it. He’d see his kingdom all new. The sky so beautifully blue, and there: Pride Rock, standing in green, brown and gold. “How wonderful it must be in the rains.”
“Ah yes; very wonderful.”
He’s here! He’s been here all along! Where? If this place was only a little bigger… Where is he? “Where are you? Down there?”
“No, no, don’t look down! Don’t want you falling out.”
Where is he? Why is he upside down? Oh…. “Why not? It might be easier.”
“So are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Lionesses don’t just climb up here for no reason you know. Actually they don’t climb up here at all.”
Tell him? Where do I start? What is wrong anyway? That’s what I’m here to find out. “Rafiki, what’s wrong with me?”
“From here, I’d say nothing, but you tell me. No, no wait! Let me…”
What a complete fool I am. What am I doing in a monkey’s tree admiring the scenery?
“…You can’t sleep. You can’t concentrate. You aren’t hungry. You want to be alone yet you always want someone with you. You think no one understands you.”
“How did you know? That’s exactly it! So Rafiki, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“Yes, yes, nothing’s wrong. Everything’s right.”
He knows everything. I didn’t need to say a word. He knows, but he won’t tell me. He’s playing with me. “How can everything be right when everything’s wrong?”
“So, who is it?”
“Who is what?”
“Who you in love with? Who else?”
I’m not in love! I’m ill. Can’t you see that? In love? With… “Mufasa.” I’ll never be able to show myself again. I’ve got to leave the pride. Sarafina… she can tell me how to live alone. She’ll know.
“Ah, yes. That’ll please your mother, and king Ahadi, and his mate and… ah yes, everyone will be pleased for you. Now then, what is the problem?”
Where’s the rest of the sticks for his bundle. I just told him the problem. “Problem? That’s it.”
“Is it? Not a problem to me. I don’t think the king will mind, and Mufasa? Heh-eh, if he sees it as a problem then we’re all in trouble eh!”
“There’s more…”
“Ahh, in that case you’d better start at the beginning.”
“When’s that?” When did it start? I don’t remember when. I suppose it started when Mufasa was presented, but I don’t remember much about all that. He doesn’t want to know all that does he?
“Oh dear, it must be a big problem. But, before all that, tell me: how did you get up here?”
“I climbed up.”
“You’re friends with that Sarafina aren’t you?”
“Sort of.”
“You do know I know about the Jamalayla incident?”
“You do?”
“Oh yes. And where is she now?”
“Gone home.”
“Did she tell you that climbing up trees is easy,”
What’s he on about?
“…but it’s getting down that’s the trick?”
“She didn’t actually mention getting down…”
~oOOo~
What’s that up there? Rafiki said I should look up more, maybe he’s right. It’s heading for Priderock. Interesting, it’s turning, it’s coming here. Ah well, it can look all it wants. It’s getting close, landing up ahead. Oh, it’s him. What does he want?
“The king wants to see you.”
“Well he can want on.”
“I really don’t think you’re taking the king of the Pridelands seriously enough.”
“He can’t order me about.”
“Oh miss Sarabi. Ahadi just wants to talk to you; that’s all. He is almost your father after all; even more when you and Mufasa are… well, when you’re together.”
“Well he’s not, and we’re not either. Maybe we never will be. And he should know better than to send you to do his dirty work, Zazu.”
“Now see here! I am the king’s majordomo. Where would he be without me? Delivering messages is but one of my many tasks. Some… well, yes, maybe he could deliver himself but you know how it is. He’s the king and the king can’t go here there and everywhere just to say ‘come and see me’, now can he?”
“Save your breath Zazu, I’m going already.”
“And take Sarafina too, he wants to see her as well!”
“You tell her!” That’ll get him in a flap. So, what is it now? He’ll want to know how I made a fool out of his son, out of my Mufasa. I’d never do that to you Fluffy, you know I wouldn’t. What can he do to me? I’m to be Fluffy’s queen, he can’t just throw me out of the pride. If he did there’d probably be a few who’ll go with me.
~oOOo~
It’s taking a while to reach the rock. Come on Sarabi, think of something… “So what’s it like: living alone?”
“It’s not what you think. Anyway, I wasn’t alone for long. No, you really don’t want to know.”
“Yes Saffi, I do. I’d like to know, if you want to tell me. Please.” She won’t tell, will she? Ah, she hesitating, pausing, stopping, looking up at me. She has kind eyes, mother’s eyes.
“Look, I was in a pride, long way from here. It got taken over. Two brothers, big guys, mean, throw their weight about. You know the type. They came in; killed my brothers and sisters, all of them. They left me alone: alive that is, because… they took a fancy to me I suppose. I was old enough, almost, but they couldn’t decide. You know, who was going to… first. It all got nasty: they argued; they fought. While they were fighting their petty battles, I left: just ran. My mother followed me out. She said I wouldn’t be able to survive on my own; someone would have to go with me. So we left together.”
Saffi, why didn’t you tell me all this sooner? Why did you keep it all in, it makes everything that happens to me like nothing.
“We ran: anywhere, it didn’t matter where. A few days later we got hungry, we had to eat. So we brought something down together: my half a kill. My first half anyway. We moved on. We didn’t know if they were following: it didn’t matter, we were just going. We saw this big rock thing in the distance; way off. So we thought we’d go there. We’d got about half way, we’d better eat again. Another kill, you know: easy. Only, she… got mauled, badly kicked… she didn’t make it. It was my fault: I didn’t know what I was doing. She died because of me, and I was here: starving, barely alive. You know the rest. So no, I’ve not lived alone, carefree and wild. I was never that… I ran away. That’s why I’m here.”
“It’s OK Saffi.”
“Whatever you do, don’t, don’t tell anybody. It’s my secret. I’m not telling anyone else.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yes… no, but I can’t help that. We’ve got to see the king.”
“Do you think we’re in trouble Sassi?”
Of course we are. “I got you into this.” She deserves more. “Don’t worry; I’ll get you out of it. It’s my fault.” The king’ll want to tear me off a strip or two, but hey, he can’t do that much if he still wants me to be his son’s queen. The son he’ll say I’ve dishonoured. The son… Ahadi: he’s a son too. Mufasa: he deserves happiness. Mufasa, Mufasa, Mufasa. It’s been a beautiful evening; we could have been spending it together: watching the river go by, slipping across the lugga, curling up in our kopje.
“Hey, what’s up? Thought of something to get us out of this?”
“No, no, it’s OK. Come on let’s get up there and get this over with.” It is a nice evening: cool. The moon’s up, white, bright and shimmering. Is Fluffy looking at it too? “Oow! Do you mind?”
“Don’t keep stopping then. It was only a walk by nosing.”
Ah it’s cold; towering over us, tomb-black. All the joy is gone, taken by the silver-shadowed moon. Mufasa can’t be here. He cannot be where love isn’t.
Hard, high, hope-forlorn rock. A lost king’s empty throne….
Twisting over the stone, soft-padding the trickles of soft earth between. Up and on; the slope of the promontory sliding away into the moon-shone night.
“There’s no one here.”
“They’re here alright.” OK Ahadi, you asked to see us, here we… “ARE!!!”
“Sarabi! Do you want to wake everyone up?”
“That is the general idea.” Ah, that must be him now. Yawning echoes from the cave. Indistinct voices. Yes, that’s the king.
“Who the heck is…” There he is at the cave mouth: looking a little bleary eyed. “Ah, it’s you Sarabi.” He’s coming closer, slowly. I’ll just stand and watch. What’s Saffi up to? Oh no, she’s dropping her head for him. She gets a polite nod for her trouble, not that she can see it. Here it comes. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. You know, he’s got nice eyes. I’ve never noticed that before. Kind, but strong. He’s quite a bit like Mufasa, only totally Ahadi. I really don’t see much in him, though if he wanted, I’d probably lie for him… probably… if he asked… really nicely. Wow, he’s sitting down! I expected he’d haul me over the coals standing up. Oh no! Scar and Fluffy are coming out behind him. No, we could have done this without them. Scar’s barely able to keep awake. I wonder what he’s been up to?
“Sarabi and Sarafina.” So it begins. “Something very worrying has been brought to my attention.” No, Sarafina didn’t do anything. I asked her to stall Mufasa: it was all my fault. “I don’t summon lionesses to Pride Rock very often, but this matter is really very disturbing.”
“You can do whatever you must to me, but Sarafina wasn’t part of it.”
“Errr, yes she was…. You both saw her.”
“Her?”
“Yes, the lioness.”
Sarafina, do you have any idea what he’s talking about? “Sire? The lioness?”
“Yes, down by the waterhole. Who was she?”
An empty husk. A shadow. A ghost lost to the years.
“That lioness. Ah, yes, well she was gaunt almost, like a ghost on a night like this. Not so much thin as built like that, more like Scar than Mufasa I’d say. Long nosed, marked over the centre of her head, light coat but ragged and marked. Looked, well, like she was used to living alone, you know, as if she could look after herself. I’ve never seen her, and few like her. I thought she might want to join the pride.”
“Thank you Sarafina, very… comprehensive. Did she see you?”
“Must have.”
Of course she saw us. Didn’t seem to care if she did though.
“She looked at us for long enough.”
“And you Sarabi?”
“I… I barely saw her. She was at the other side of the waterhole. She seemed…”
“Yes?”
“Well, almost familiar somehow, but I can’t place her. She looked… hardened, cold; like this rock. That’s about it.”
“I see. It’s as I suspected. Oh yes, I understand you’re getting on well with my son. That’s good.”
Which son is that exactly? Fluffy of course… got to be. He’s getting up already. Is that it? Oh look, he’s going to get Fluffy to…
“Mufasa?”
“Yes Dad?”
“You stay here and look after the pride. You’re the king until I get back, you hear?”
What? What’s going on? “Wait sire… you think you know who it is; don’t you?”
“Maybe, but you need not worry anymore about that. Your job’s done, and well done too. Thank you.”
If you’re going after her, don’t go alone Ahadi, take Mufasa!
“Scar, you’d better come with me. Go back inside and say goodbye to Akase and meet me at the waterhole. I’m going to have a closer look.”
Saffi’s looks as dumbstruck as I am. Can her jaw drop any further? What’s this all about? Who was that lioness? Well, that’s the question, and Fluff’s not going to be able to answer it. How’s Scar going to be any help? He’s as much use as a dewclaw. There goes Ahadi. Not hanging around either.
“There, you see Sarabi: I can’t be all that bad, now can I?”
Yes Scar, yes you can be. Just keep a straight face, don’t give him anything. Go on and run back to mummy.
“Oh go on, ignore me if you feel you must, but you can’t keep it up forever. One day you’ll see…. One day.”
“Sarabi?”
What’s up Saffi? Ah, that’ll do it: here comes Fluffy. “Scar, isn’t there somewhere you need to be?”
“Oh look, if it isn’t the King and Queen of Pride Rock… together for a change.”
Don’t Fluffy. Just let him go.
“Now then Sassi, Scar is right about something, we are together.”
“Not now Mufasa.” If he presses against me any harder I’ll not be able to resist. “I’ve got to go.”
“Where? Oh no. You heard my father; you’ve done what you needed to. Now stay here.”
“Fluffy, I need to know who she was. I can’t leave it.” He’s pulling away, leaving me. “If your father won’t tell me, then maybe you know?” He’s sitting, distancing himself, looking aside.
“I don’t know. You intend to go after her, don’t you?”
“Yes, I have to know.”
“I thought as much. Look, I heard a name, maybe: Immali. That’s all I know. My father told me to look after the pride, that’s what I intend to do. I can’t be in two places at one time.”
Thank you, thank you.
“I won’t stop you, Sassi, but I do ask you take someone with you.”
“What? Who?”
“That’s up to you. You decide.”
That’s easy. No problem at all. I absolutely know who. “I’ll take Sarafina.”
“I thought you would. Take care, you might need it. Please, come back safe. I need you.”
“We’ll be fine. Won’t we Saffi?” She’d better back me up, or else this all falls apart right here.
“Oh yes, sure we will. We’re lionesses; we do this sort of thing all the time. We’ll be back by dawn.”
I said back me up Saffi. Don’t overdo it!
~oOOo~
“Why are we doing this? What is it that we’re doing exactly?”
“We’re searching for that lioness, ‘Immali’ or whatever she’s called.” Just keep walking. “I’m doing it because the king told me I couldn’t. Why are you doing it?”
“Because I want to help you Sarabi, that’s not too hard to believe, is it?”
Yes, I know. I know. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you just making a point?”
“A point?” A point… you know Saffi, you might be right. “Maybe, but I am making a choice too.” The point… “All my life I’ve been told what to do. Mother, then the males, all of them. I get told what to do, when to do it. What to hunt, or mostly what not to hunt. I’m told where I should be and where I shouldn’t go. I’m told everything, even whose cubs I’ll bear. Why? Because I’m a lioness, a female, and I don’t get a choice. This is it: the last day I’m being pushed around. Today I’m making my own decision, my own choice. I’m going where I want. I don’t know if I’ll find this lioness. I don’t know what I’ll do if I do, but it’ll be my choice, and mine alone.”
“…And mine. I’m coming with you.”
“Yes Saffi, I know. I asked you. I wanted you beside me on this. I didn’t want to make it look as if I was forcing you to come. I’m sorry if it seems like that. It’s not too late to turn back if you want.”
“No way. I’m in this till the end. Whenever that is?”
“You said it: dawn. We’ll be home by dawn.”
Fresh and alert, the two lionesses set out for the waterhole, following almost in the two males’ pawfall. They were well enough used to hunting by night, the darkness held no terrors. Indeed, for many other animals they were that terror; that cry in the dark, the ending of all things.
From the ridge where they had first seen the lioness, Immali, crouching in long grass, they struck out in the direction she had taken. They tracked blind. They were not hampered by the night. They would have had little more success by day. There was no spoor: neither track nor sign of any kind that showed any animal had passed that way. It had simply been too long for the key marker, scent, to have survived to be distinct. What little scent they did pick up gave them hope that they were on the right track: this was, most likely, the way the lioness had gone.
The half-moon had long since set. The going had toughened; now rock strewn hillocks, steep gullies and dense thorn bushes. Though still several hours before dawn; the trail could get no colder; the lionesses were beginning to consider returning.
“Have you got anything there?”
“No, nothing.”
“Do you think Ahadi’s having any more luck with Scar?”
“Don’t know, if they did, they didn’t come this way. I’ve not smelt either of them since the waterhole.”
“I think I caught a bit of Scar a while back.”
“Oh, lucky you, Saffi. You know, this might just be the making of him.”
“Oh come on Sarabi, he’s not that bad. He’s really quite nice when you get to know him, you know.”
“I’m quite sure…” Who is that? Is that her? “…He’s nice, and considerate…” Where is she? “…and noble, and dignified: kingly even.”
“Who are you? Show yourself!” And stop the wildebeest dung about a lion you know nothing about!
It is her: it must be. Where is that voice coming from? Ah, a gulley over there. We are a long way from home….
“Don’t be alarmed. You have nothing to fear from me. No, no, no, nothing to fear at all.”
“Come out in to the open so we can see you.”
If she doesn’t then we might have to fight it out. There’s little clear space here, it’s all narrow between these gullies. Sandy, not easy to grip, can’t get a decent run up. No surprise, it’ll have to be a straight knock down pile up. Not nice at all.
“Here I am dear. Now who are you?”
If I do know you; if I really do know you then you should know me, but do you?
“No, no, don’t answer that.” Strange, that’s the same paw waving Scar does. “Ahah-ha, let me think. Let me think.” And she can’t stand still: circling, trying – no, succeeding to look menacing through that tight smile. “Mmm, now you… I don’t know. I’m not sure at all. Hah-uh, oh dear, dear, dear.”
“Who are you?”
“Ah! Now I… well I, I… you don’t know me do you?”
“No, I don’t, but I’m sure I’ve seen you before.”
“The waterhole perhaps, hmmm?”
“Before then.”
“Oh yes, yes, you should. I know you.”
“Oh yes? And who am I?”
“You have met Rafiki I take it?”
“What’s he got to do with it?”
“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all, no, no…” Get on with it. You’re playing games aren’t you? You know perfectly well who I am. You always have. ”My, my. You’re Sarabi, aren’t you? Yes, yes, yes. And that must mean you… you’re not Naanda are you.”
Was that a statement or a question?
“No, I’m Sarafina.“
“Are you dear? Oh well, we can’t all be perfect. So Sarabi dear, you’re ummm… you’re with Mufasa aren’t you?”
“What? How do you know about that?”
“Huh-huh, oh there’s lots of things I know about you. Lots of things Sarabi, lots of things indeed. Like… mmm, well anyway lots. Yes… yes… are you running away?”
No, no, no. She’s got me doing it! “No! No I’m not.”
“Hmm, sounds like you are. Looks like you are. There are just the two of you: dead of night. Hmm, there’s no one else, and you are a long way from Pride Rock, aren’t you?”
“I can go off on my own.”
“Of course you can, of course you can dear. Don’t… Don’t, don’t do anything on my account. You can go walking wherever you like. Of course you can, of course… of course… yes...”
OK, so she knows me: better than I’d like. So just who is she? “And you are?”
“Oh yes, yes: I am.”
“Hmm?”
“Oh you don’t want to know dear. Oh no, you don’t want to know. I’m just… you know… I’m just wandering about a bit.”
“So I’m not allowed to walk where I want but you can?”
“No, no, no dear. Of course you can. You can go wherever you want, it’s perfectly OK. Don’t mind me… just go on… do whatever you want.”
“Where’s your pride?”
“My pride… my pride? Oh, you don’t want to get me started about where my pride is…. My pride is at the great rock. That’s where my pride is. They’re all there, waiting for me. Waiting for me. Oh I know what you’re thinking, but they’re there: waiting for me, just me. I’m going to be queen of Pride Rock you know. Ah yes, yes... yes.”
She’s no queen: she’s gaunt, thin. She can barely feed herself. Lonely? Strange certainly, very strange: been alone too long. Totally and utterly mad. I know I should feel sad for her, but I don’t. She feels threatening: closing in, smothering, and then laughing it off. I’m going to be queen, that’s almost as certain as the dawn whether I like it or not… Ah, the dawn: we ought to be getting back.
“Well now Sarabi. It’s been so nice to meet you again, after all this time. Too long, far too long. My how you’ve grown. But, you know, I really must be getting along. Things to do you know. Yes, yes.”
“Where are you going? Who are you? You’ve not told us your name!”
That’s the way Saffi, go get her.
“Oh, I did. I really think you’ll find I did. Well now, I really do have to run. Bye!”
“No, don’t go!”
She’s off. Really off, as if she’s onto a strike. Gone; got the drop on us too, damn her. What the…? Saffi’s going off after her. Come on, get a shift on Sarabi! Three, no four lengths now: she’s got to know this ground well, to pull away from us, from Saffi anyway. Where’s she off to? Whoa, steady up! I don’t believe it. Where’d she go? There? No, down there… she leapt off this deep bluff to get away from us! Us… “Let her go Saffi! It’s nearly dawn. We’ve got to go back.”
“Come on Sarabi! We’ve got this far. We can’t stop now. We’ve only just found her. We can’t just let her got now.”
Your heaving sides sure say different girl. “She knew exactly what she was doing. She found us, she played us, and yes, we can let her go. I’m letting her go. You can go after her, if you like, but I’m going home. What use to us is a crazy lioness like her anyway?”
“She can hunt!”
“For herself maybe. She’s probably not hunted with anyone for… a very long time. She’ll not be able to learn how to hunt with the rest of us. Please, let her go.”
“I’m sure she’s alright. Strange yes, but she’s OK. We have to give her a chance.”
There’s something… something worrying about her. I don’t know what it is, but something’s eating at me. I know her… but I don’t know why. I should know why. I don’t trust her. I don’t trust her at all.
“No Saffi. Please leave her; she didn’t say anything about joining us. If she wanted to she’d have made it obvious. And what was all that about Pride Rock: that’s where her pride is? HER pride? She doesn’t want to be with us, and I think we ought to let her be. She knows where Pride Rock is; she can come and find us if she wants to. I’m…” No, no I’m not, but she’s not going to, is she? “I’m sure we’ll welcome her if she did.”
“Well, if it isn’t Sassi-stop-out back again. Mother wants to talk to you. She’s got her claws out for you and no mistake.”
Yeah, right. Sure she has.
“You’ve been with that Sarafina haven’t you? I always knew she was trouble. Mother does too.”
Oh no Naanda, she’s not the one who’s trouble around here.
“Yeah, you can stand there saying nothing and look like Pride Rock in the rains all you want. It won’t change a thing. I know what you’re up to.”
“SARABI!”
Mother: Ahhh, it had to happen soon.
“That’s right missy no-kill, off you go, slinking to mother.”
Oh no Naanda. Yeah, I’m looking you right in the eyes. I’m going alright, but I’m going with my head held high. I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.
“You’ve been looking for that lioness, haven’t you?”
“Yes mother.”
“Well you can forget it. You’re not going anywhere. Do you hear?”
“We found her.”
“We? You mean you were out with that Sarafina? She’s a bad influence on you: she is I tell you. You stay away from her.”
“She’s my friend. She understands.”
“Understands does she? Understand this, my girl, and understand it well: You may not think you have to try – that you’ll be Mufasa’s no matter what – but no lion likes a lioness that doesn’t make an effort. You can’t just go off whenever you want: you’re going to be queen. You’d better start acting like it.”
Fluffy does like me: just as I am. Well, pretty much as I am.
“Don’t you dare try to look down on me young lady! What have you got to say for yourself?”
“Sarafina and I went looking for the lioness: Immali. Sarafina didn’t get me into anything: it was my idea.”
“There’s no way you’re doing anything like that again: far too dangerous. Ahadi, and Mufasa, won’t like it at all if you’re injured or dead!”
How are you going to stop me? Hold me down? Hobble me? “I can look after myself mother.”
“Oh yes? You can hunt, can you?”
“I would if you let me try. You let Naanda get plenty of kills, but as soon as I try, you stop me.”
“When you’re ready – which you’re not – then I’ll let you take something down.”
“I am ready. I have been for months. I could have had a family of my own to hunt for by now.”
“Sarabi! It’s for your own good. I’m only protecting you: keeping you safe for Mufasa.”
Keeping me safe! SAFE! Mother, you’re holding me back: smothering me! No point trying to tell you. You just don’t listen to me.
“There now, you can see I’m right. And another thing: keep away from Sarafina and her strange ways. She’ll only get you into more trouble. She’s not a Pridelander: you know you can’t trust her. That’s why I can’t let her hunt with us. You understand.”
“I trust Sarafina with my life.”
“You’re so naïve Sarabi. That’s why I have to ground you all the time. If you didn’t have me you just float away with your silly ideas. Now, I won’t hear another word. Stay away from Sarafina!”
No mother. She’s my friend.
“Oh, and if I hear you’ve been to that blue monkey again then there’ll be hell to pay. You hear me?”
“Yes mother: stay away from the creepy monkey.”
“Now then, if we’re lucky, Mufasa won’t have heard too much about this and you might yet be his queen after all. Makes it all worthwhile doesn’t it? …Doesn’t it Sarabi?”
Does it? No… I’d better nod at least.
“Going running off without telling me, or him, considering he was protecting us all. I mean, what were you thinking?”
What was I thinking? “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here. Have Ahadi and Scar come back yet?”
“Yes, The king has returned, Scar too. Don’t worry yourself about that: it doesn’t matter to you.”
Yes it does! Ahh, I’d only be wasting breath telling you, and you’d never believe me if I told you Mufasa agreed….
~oOOo~
It won’t be long now. It lays still, so still. The noise of the plains, distant and empty, hangs in the rocks. All life comes here, but death breathes through, chill and silent. Some say the ghosts rise in these places. Do they? She said that beauty comes, and through it, and from it, life. Does it?
Looking down to see the stars: turned about so unfamiliarly. Their light fading into the still blackness, now tainted by colour: blue and gold. Soon now.
There, the “ghosts” arise in the first burst of day’s new life. So cold; biting through fur. Life I too can give… and take… and live… with Mufasa. Mufasa… why haven’t I been thinking about Mufasa? A day or more and he hasn’t been anywhere in my thoughts. He’d love to see this: dawn over the waterhole, a blanket of those “ghosts”, so solid away, yet nothing close. Everything glinting in the perfect first shining of day.
There, something dropping, cutting through to the water; turning away the ghosts. Rippling, circling out. Ow! Stinging my haunch; what was that? From behind, it came from behind.
“I’m not supposed to be seeing you.”
“Oh no? I can see you; it is dawn already.”
“No, I’m not allowed.”
“Ahh, so who says that eh?”
“Mother.”
“Do you always do what she says?”
Do I? Not anymore.
“No, no, of course you don’t. Anyway, you’re not seeing me. I’m seeing you.”
“Rafiki, what did you do to me?”
“Me? Do? To you? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
“You’ve done something: herbs, a potion?”
“No.”
“Put a spell on me?”
“Wrong!”
“Then what? What have you done?”
“Do you come here often to watch the dawn?”
“Eh? No, well, sometimes. The mist over the water, the light sparkling and new: it all goes so soon.”
“Ah yes, it does doesn’t it?”
“You’ve done it again, haven’t you?”
“No, you’ve done it. He-he, all I did was give you something else… to think about.”
“You…” Of course, it was him! “You told Ahadi about the lioness: Immali.”
“Me? Maybe, might have, might not. Won’t tell.”
“Do you ever give a straight answer?”
“You’re right. You should bring that Mufasa here. He would love it… like you.”
~oOOo~
“Oh no Sarabi. I couldn’t possibly tell you.”
“You refuse to tell me who she was?”
“If my father won’t then who am I to break his confidence? Hmm? I couldn’t tell anyone I didn’t totally trust. You understand.”
“Then who will you tell?”
“Why Sarabi, I really shouldn’t… but I might be persuaded… no. no I shouldn’t.”
“No Scar, you’re not getting anything from me.”
“No, no, of course not. I didn’t mean anything like…. That. No, no. I just meant that maybe I could tell Sarafina here. She understands me. Don’t you?”
“It’s alright Sassi. I’ll tell you everything, don’t worry.”
It’s not that that I’m worried about Saffi. “You had better come back. Scar, do you understand me?”
“Why of course. Saffi and I will just have a little chat, that’s all. She’ll be back with you in no time. No time at all.”
~oOOo~
No time he says. No time and here I am, sitting in front of Ahadi explaining myself. Where is she? Where’s he got her? If he’s done anything to her I swear I’ll… why, there she is. In a hurry, big hurry. She’s coming here, isn’t she? She is! Something’s happened! She’s frightened… no, she’s… she’s fired angry. The look she said she holding back for prey. Hunting? No, coming, running, pounding, leaping, roaring, clawing here. Ahadi’s puzzled… confused… astonished… frightened?
“You utter bastar...!”
She’s on him. They are together: rolling, clawing, kicking, biting, tearing. Got to get her off him. She’s turned him over on to his back, slapping him, back, holding him down, and pounding hind paws into him. She’s killing him! “Saffi! What are…” Struggling, pushing, pulling. The air filled with noise: roars. Whose are whose? Can’t kick, can’t pull, push, that’s it, knock her off. Turn the hunter into the prey. Head down, go in, hope she’s tougher than a zebra. Hope Ahadi is. Hope I am too… “Saffi! Stop!” That got to her. Owww, it got to me to. I see it in her eyes, she has got it in her to kill. What? Ahhh! She’s heavy, and struggling. Kicks out. ARRRGG! Ripping through my flesh: ripping, tearing. “Sarafina!”
“Let me go!”
Against the sky, he’s over us both, raising his forepaw, drawing it back to strike. Still. Warm pain in my off thigh. She’s still, heaving yet still. Frightened. That makes two of us.
“Why? So you can attack me again?”
“Let me go!”
Lowering, softly placed paw on her chest. Heavy pain in back, piercing.
“No Sarafina. You’re not going anywhere.”
“Then get it over with. Kill me now.”
What is she talking about? “SAFFI!”
“Kill us both, damn you Ahadi. Kill us! You should kill us like you wanted to kill her!”
“Who?”
“You both know who. That Immue, that’s who. You threw her out because she, a mere lioness, defied you: the great Ahadi. You banished her. I’m not letting you banish me. So you’ll have to kill me.”
“I’m not killing, or banishing anyone. Now, I’m going to let you up slowly … just don’t try anything OK? ...And you too. I’m sorry Sarabi.”
Stop wriggling damn you Saffi. Don’t you know where your hind paws are! OOW, you really don’t know do you? A growl, a look, a thought not for me, and she’s away… what just happened?
Why is my underfur covered in… whose blood is that? Mine? Where’s it bleeding? Inner thigh, ah that’s not big enough, it’s barely a scratch. What have you done Saffi? Is it? Surely not. Is it Ahadi’s? You caught him? You actually got him didn’t you! “Ahadi are you alright?” He’s bloodied too; there on his near shoulder and paws.
“Yes, I’ll be OK. Just keep your ‘friend’ away from me.”
Saffi’s trying to get up… she can’t. Oow, yeah go on: roll back on to my why don’t you!
“This isn’t over! I’ll get you Ahadi!”
“Not today.”
Struggling again. Trying to get to her paws. I wish she wouldn’t. Falling. Damn this rock! Whatever it was, got her really fired up. Sarafina’s sure got some… well… spirit, though Fluffy would say it differently.
“Damn you Ahadi! Come back here!”
Such desperation in her voice, such pain.
“Come back here!”
“Sarabi, I’ll send someone over to help you look after her.”
No, not Scar. Please not Scar. “You heard him Saffi. Stay down. You’re in no state to go after anyone.” Now, what’s this all about? What was that you called her? Where are you hurt? Got to find out. Look there, down your side… right to the thigh. Through it even. “I mean it Saffi. Stay down, let me look at it.”
“Get your nose out of it! You’re part of it!”
“OK, I’ve had enough. You want to go taking on fights you can’t hope to win, then that’s your business…” But you very nearly did take him down Saffi. That’s impressive. Bloody, but really impressive. “…but I’m no part of it.”
“Yes! Yes you are! You’re one of them: you’ve got to maintain the honour of the family. That means keeping its filthy secrets. You ARE one of its filthy secrets. You lied to me. You knew who she was all along.”
“No, no I didn’t! I’ve met her before, that I know, but I don’t know her. I don’t even know her name. Please Saffi, believe me I don’t know who is.” Maybe if I clean her wound she’ll settle a bit.
“Ahhhhh.”
It does seem to help. Poor Saffi, for putting yourself through this. Brave. Foolish but courageous too.
“She’s Immue.”
Immue? Immue, not Immali. No, still doesn’t mean anything… wait… It was Mufasa’s presentation. Yes, she was there. There, and… Scar! “Immue! She was Scar’s mother, wasn’t she?”
“She still is Sarabi. Don’t you see? She still is!”
“So what’s Ahadi got to do with it? Why did you attack him?”
“He drove her out of the pride so that her son, Scar, wouldn’t be king. Scar is Ahadi’s first born son, not Mufasa.”
That’s why he took Scar and left Mufasa here. He was her son.
“What are you doing with that trash? I told you she was a troublemaker but no; you wouldn’t listen, would you?”
“Go away mother! Sarafina’s my friend and I’m looking after her. Ahadi told me to. Don’t come any closer!”
“The king… You, Trouble, who told you this?”
“I don’t have to tell you anything.”
Please Saffi. Tell us. Tell us.
“Mother, back off!” Mufasa! So he’s the one Ahadi’s sent. Look he’ll get here soon. “Saffi, who did tell you this?”
“Scar of course: her son, the rightful future king. She just wanted to see her son, to find out how he had grown up.”
‘Her pride’. She said her pride was waiting here for her. Right here on this rock. Her son is the rightful heir to Pride Rock. It can’t be true. It can’t be. Please, please someone… “Tell me… it’s not true.”
“It’s not Sarabi. Mufasa was the first born, not Scar. Yes, Ahadi drove her out. Banished… a strong word, but yes, it’s true. She tried to kill Mufasa.”
“No she didn’t! She didn’t try to push him off Pride Rock. That’s just Akase being over-protective! She made it up.”
“Saffi?”
“The trash is right, she didn’t actually push him off Pride Rock, the very top that is. Akase got to them just in time to prevent it.”
“Fluffy! Is this true? What happened?”
“Fluffy?! I thought you hated him.”
“No mother. I love him.” I do Fluffy, I do. “So, did this Immue try to push you off Pride Rock?”
“Sass… err, Sarabi… I don’t know. I don’t remember any Immue.”
“Of course you don’t, you were too young. Sarabi, you were a little older: you barely remember her do you?”
Little bits of her. Fluff’s presentation, some other flashes: then she was gone. I don’t… “Something, a bit. I didn’t even know her name… until today.”
“Are you hurt Sarafina?”
“Yes, she is.” Fluffs cares. “Come here and lie on the other side of her. Give her some support and comfort, please.”
“So why would Scar be able to remember any more? He’s younger than both of you.”
“Because she’s his mother!!”
“Please Saffi, calm down. Mufasa’s here now, he’ll help.”
“Sassi, that’s not actually what…”
Fluffy!!
“Ah, yes. Err; I will help as much… as I can.”
“She made a pact with the hyenas, of all animals, to protect him. That’s why he’s so pally with them. Anyway, the top of Pride Rock was nothing. Ahadi and Akase caught her wet-pawed at the waterhole, standing on Mufasa, holding him under. All the way under: the only sign that he was even there, let alone alive, was a few bubbles. Moments later and he’d have been dead, drowned. All so as her son, her Scar, would be the next king.”
I know that shake of his head of Fluff’s: ‘don’t look at me, I don’t know.’ He really doesn’t remember, but it explains why Ahadi didn’t take Mufasa: in case there was more trouble. So he took Scar, her son, so she could see him; that’s what she was after.
“That’s when Ahadi drove her out; never to set paw on the Pridelands again. Scar stayed, brought up as the son of the king. Well, he is after all.”
“Why would Scar tell me all this if it was lies? He told me the truth. I know it.”
“Because he can! Anyway, it’s his truth. He really believes it. To him it is true. He worships his mother, but he really never knew her. He loves a dream of her. Now she’s really here... who knows what he’ll do? Scar’ll tell you whatever he needs to make you believe his dream: to make it real. You’re part of it Sarabi. He asked me if I’d agree to you being his. He said you were deliriously happy about it. I sent him packing. Even I could see you were anything but happy.”
The slimy ball... Eh? “Saffi? Saffi, are you OK?”
“No...”
She’s crying. She’s hurting but it isn’t the pain doing that.
“It can’t be true. I just can’t. He can’t have made it up. He was so sincere. So… truthful.”
“Saffi, I think mother was saying that it is true for him.” Come on girl, pick up your head: come on. “He isn’t lying; it’s what he really believes. It just isn’t the truth: it’s his truth.”
“Immue really believes it too, she always did, right from when Scar was born. She’s not mad you know, not crazy: it’s her reality; her world. For her Scar is the next king of the Pridelands. She had to go. If she had stayed, Mufasa would never have been safe. You’d not be alive today.”
“She’s not going to kill me now, Narala.”
No, nothing’s going to hurt my Mufasa. Please don’t let anyone hurt him.
“That’s as maybe, but it won’t stop her trying. Maybe she did only want to see her son, and now’ll leave us alone. But then, she’s somehow managed to stir up this.”
Seems to me it wasn’t her that did this, it was Scar. He’s doesn’t love a dream of her, it’s a nightmare. Just what is he capable of? Where will all this end? “Mufasa, let’s get Sarafina away from here, off this rock. Saffi, can you stand?”
“I don’t know… maybe. I’ll try.”
You’d better girl, or this is going to get a whole lot uglier. “We’re here. Come on Mufasa, press against her: help Saffi up.”
“Where are you taking her?”
“Lionheart. Sarafina can rest and recover there. Mother, you’ve done more than enough. Let us pass.” Will she move? Is she really as vindictive as she sounds? No, I thought not. Nod to her as we pass, she is my mother after all.
~oOOo~
“Thank you Mufasa. What you did was courageous: standing up for Sarafina. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I am not my father. Some things will change when I become king.”
No, you are not your father, but you are like him in many ways. Even Scar is like him in some ways. You are both your father’s sons, just as I am my mother’s daughter. Stay, stay with me… tonight.
“I must go back to the rock Sassi. I’ll smooth things over with my father. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll send Zazu over to fetch you.”
Oh yes Mufasa. You are your father’s son. “Goodnight, and… take care.”
“Sarabi, I have discussed the matter at some length with Sarafina, with my sons, and Rafiki. It is now clear to me that, despite her best intentions, Sarafina seriously misunderstood my son. Hers was an honest mistake, compounded by misplaced enthusiasm. I am sure you’ll be, err what was that? Ah yes, you’ll be relieved to hear that I am taking no further action and that I bear her no ill will.”
No ill will..? Misunderstood? What was there for her to misunderstand? Scar told her he was your first born son, which he isn’t. He told her you had banished his mother without any cause, and that you and Akase had made up the Mufasa incidents to cover yourself. As, so it seems, I am told you covered up how Scar came to be born in the first place. Oh yes, it’s quite convenient that Immue is out of the way, though yes, you had more than good enough reason for doing what you did; but Sarafina didn’t misunderstand Scar: he gave her only lies.
Many lions would have killed her for simply for daring to stand up to them. Ahadi, at least you’ve listened to her. “No, she didn’t misunderstand. What your son…” No, Ahadi you’re perhaps as much a victim of Scar’s deceit as Sarafina is, though you, as king, should have known better. But then, blood is thicker than water, isn’t it? “What you, Scar, told her were lies. You manipulated and used her for your own ends.” No, don’t give me that ‘what poor, innocent me?’ look. You know what you did. You’re never going to admit it, so I’ll just have to tell it like it is. Not that any of you are going to like me for it. “You lied to my friend, you lied to my mother and you lied to me, and you tried to take me away from Mufasa, your very own brother.”
“Who me? Surely not? Father, you’re not going…”
“Quiet Scar! No Sarabi, I am sure both my sons have acted with dignity and integrity. I will not hear any more of it. Do you understand?”
“No Ahadi, you cannot order me to forget it! It happened, I know it happened. My mother knows what happened. Scar knows it happened! You may want, through…” Neglect? No… “…inaction, to let it happen again, but I will not.” Yes, Ahadi, you may well drop your head, but you’re not the only one. “And you Rafiki; you used me. You used me: for what end I know not, but you used me as surely as you use that stick of yours.”
“Me? Pabpt! It’s for the pride; for your pride, to keep you all safe. The king needs to know. Needs to know everything.”
“Yes, he needed to know, but you needed to tell me that he needed to know, and I would have told him.”
You can wipe that smirk off Scar. You not won anything in this, you’ve lost everything. You’ve lost almost all respect I had for you. But you still think you’ve won, don’t you? For you, I have this, “ “.
Fluffy, oh my Muffy Fluffy, what about you? “Mufasa, you are the only one to come out of this with any shred of dignity and honour, but do you really have any idea of what is going on around you? You so want to see the best in others that you blind yourself to the harm and the pain they can bring.” Do you believe your brother? Do you still think he wants you to be king? Just how far do you think would he go to make his mother’s delusions reality? Has he really forgiven you for living? "There you are, all males together: the great Ahadi and sons. The crazy, all knowing but oh so lovable Rafiki and even that stuffed up Zazu: all in the male club together. You had it all planned out: my whole life, didn’t you? You knew what I was going to do long before I did any of it. Yes, you all knew because you had decided it long ago. Whose idea was it? Come on, tell me. Who decided I was going to be Mufasa's queen?"
"Akase and I decided it, Sarabi. Zazu told us it had always been traditional here."
"Tradition? Tradition! Why did you have to follow some tradition told you by a... flappy messenger? You're the king Ahadi. You decide for yourself. You decide for the pride even, but no you decided for ME before I could even see! Did any one of you ever stop to ask me what I wanted? Find out how I felt? Did you?”
Did they? Let’s see them all, one by one. Did you Rafiki? You, Ahadi? Scar? You thought you could have me for yourself didn’t you? And Mufasa, you just went along with it all; always assuming I’d be your queen. Then in bounds Sarafina, the outsider. She knew none of this: impressionable, easy to lie to, wants to feel she’s part of the pride.
"No? You all just kept on going in your cosy all-boys-together club; expecting us females to toe the line. If we know what's good for us." Yes, if. Got nothing to say? Good. “Rafiki: when you used me did you stop to think what I would feel? And Scar, when you were telling Sarafina those lies, did you think how she felt? Was it that you knew how she felt, but you did it anyway? Ahadi: you may be the king; you may hold all the power in this pride but you don’t control love and you don’t control me. For love must be freely given and joyfully received between equals with no obligation or expectation of any reward. Mufasa: until you now this, I cannot be with you.”
"What is it that you want Sarabi?"
"It’s too late now Ahadi. You should have asked years ago, you all should have, before you choose my fate for me. I never got to choose anything. My whole life, I've done what's expected of me and what do I get in return? Nothing. No choices, no dignity."
"But how can we make it right Sassi? Tell me, I want to make it right."
I’m sure you do Mufasa. I’m sure you do, but it’s not that simple; it’s really not.
"So do I Sarabi."
"Ahadi, you really want to know? Really? Don't tell me who my mate is. Let me decide for myself."
No Scar, that doesn’t mean you’ve got a chance. It doesn’t mean that at all.
~oOOo~
Glad it’s all quietened down at last. Mother finally got round to accepting Saffi. Well she had to in the end. After all that, most of a day of frustrating missed strikes. Wildebeest too, not your gazelles or anything: proper prey. Oh the look of mother’s face as Saffi shot past her! A young male, strong, but careless. Didn’t have long to know his mistake: Saffi made sure of that. Leapt up and pulled him down from behind as clean as you like. I almost needn’t have piled on after. No more half-kills: that was all Saffi’s.
Even Ahadi was surprised when we told him who had taken it down. Ahadi…. it’s about Ahadi: it’s got to be. That’s what this pride meeting is. He’s back, surely? Unless… Scar? Could he have killed Ahadi? Maybe Scar wanted Sarafina to kill him that day? No. No, that’s ridiculous, surely not? Anyway, Mufasa would simply have become king. No, that’s impossible. Immue? No, she couldn’t have got the better of a male such as Ahadi? No, he’s alive, he must be.
~oOOo~
“You are all… no doubt aware… why I have asked for you all… to gather here today.”
This is not good. This is serious.
“It has… been a moon… since my father, the king,”
It is Ahadi! He’s not here. He’s not here!
“…left us… one early rain-filled morning. “
Mufasa! He’s going to say he’s gone, dead, isn’t he?
“During… this difficult time… I have been supported… and comforted by my family: …my father’s queen, my mother, Akase. Also by my brother, who has made the decision I have made… less difficult through his… unwavering support and assured allegiance.”
Decision? It must be Ahadi. Scar’s support… and allegiance? How do you think you’re kidding? Fluffy, what happens now? I’m sorry: I couldn’t be there for you….
“I have naturally… relied on the counsel and assistance of Rafiki and Zazu… and will continue to call upon their wisdom in times ahead. For that I am very grateful.”
“I have to tell you now… that we have received no word from… nor seen my father… since that morning and so... we must assume… that he is lost. So it now falls to me, his first born son, to take our pride forward… as I know my father would have wished.”
So, that’s it: the king is dead. So much has happened, so much has changed, and Mufasa has to endure it alone because of me.
“I have always known it would be my duty, as my father’s son, to take his place were anything to have happened to him. You will also know that I would have wished this to have happened in personal circumstances other than these.”
I must be those ‘personal circumstances’. But I had to: I had no choice. That was the whole point: I had no choice. If I had, then I know who I’d have chosen, and you wouldn’t be going through this alone.
“Yet, and speaking more personally, I am painfully aware…”
No Fluffy, don’t torture yourself like this, please!
“…that there is one pathway of support that I cannot tread alone and that for the good of our pride I face the unappealing prospect of taking other, less life-affirming, sensitive, independent and beautiful, paths in the future.
So it is… with a heavy heart… that I now ascend to begin to take on… the heavy burden of my duties as king… without the help and support of the lioness I love.”
I’m here. I’ll always be here. Mufasa! Please! I am here! You won’t always be alone, I promise.
“Whatever you do, don’t trust Scar.”
“Why not mother? Does he still want to be king?”
“Of course he wants to be king. Of course he does; his mother brought him up to be king. He still loves her.”
“How can he still love her and yet do that to his own brother?”
“And maybe his own father… think on that.”
“Oh come on... how can he love her?”
“Sarabi, you’ll find out soon enough; when it’s your time. You always love your mother… even you.”
That sound, those calls: so empty. They fall through me still. Most evenings he calls as if he were his father; still standing there, still calling. No one answers. I don’t. I still want to: to go to him, to be with him, but it’s too late. Our time has past. We’ll soon see him, as we get out these trees; the moon silvering his mane. The stars looking down; a new one somewhere now.
“Look, he’s calling for you.”
No, he’s calling to other nearby lions, claiming his territory, placing the borders of the Pridelands.
“He’s waiting up there. He’s not been with any other lioness. He’s waiting for you. Go to him.”
“Yes Sarabi, go.”
“Mother, Saffi: you two go on ahead.”
“Come on Sarafina, let’s go home”
“We’re not getting any younger Sassi. We ought to have had cubs by now, both of us. Ahadi is gone, and your mother and mine have had their time; this is ours. It’s not as if you can say you hate Mufasa, can you?”
“Please Saffi; I just want to be on my own for a while.”
“Come on Sarafina! It’s getting chilly out here!”
“Yes Narala. I’m coming…. Don’t stay out too late: I don’t know how much more ‘advice’ on hunting from your mother I can take.”
Just go. Leave me. He’ll stop in a bit, and then I’ll be along. It’s such a lovely night I’ll just sit here for a while. “Yes.”
It is a beautiful night. There’s only one thing that could make it better, and he’s standing on that rock. I could go to him now, but what do I say? Anyway, in my state I wouldn’t have to say a lot, he’d get the idea pretty quick, or else he’s not the lion I thought he was. Aaach no, who am I kidding? Now can I? After everything that’s happened? How can I? Go home Sassi, go home.
Saffi’s trying to be kind. Mother… well, she’s just being mother. Not sure what she means by Scar… He wasn’t anywhere near Ahadi apparently… so he says. Who’s to know?
Oh, he’s not there anymore! Stopped calling for the night I suppose. I can just slip by now, keeping far out of sight. I can slip up the ridge, along the far side. He’ll not see me now, no one will.
Mother and Saffi got away easily; where are they now? Did they stay on the rock’s side of the ridge? Why hide? I can go along the top, in the moonlight. Just up here a bit, round that scrub, and…
There he is! Downslope, looking lost damn it. Why? What should I do? I should go home, and save Saffi, but should I? He sees me, he knows I’m here. I can’t pretend I haven’t seen him. Anyway, it is a beautiful night, and he’s, well, looking very… he’s Mufasa, of course he’s liony, he’s a lion.
How? How to do this? What is he expecting? I know he’s expecting that, that’s not the point. How do I? Ooh, how? Go to him. Be with him. Move closer: still lengths off. He’s looking. He’s looking to the stars! No, now he’s looking at me; his eyes soft and big. His ears ringed with moonlight. His mane floating in the pool of stars. Closer. No words.
He wants a queen. He wants a proper queen. He wants Sarabi, not Sassi. So be Sarabi. Head up, tread deliberately. Say nothing. Go to him. Closer.
He can smell me by now. He knows… he knows. He’s smiling gently, lovingly, longing for me. Closer. Close.
“Sarabi… err I… I mean... it’s a lovely night isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Did I just say yes? Oh I mean… no, I don’t know what I mean. I know what I want.
“I know you said you’d tell me when you were ready to see me. I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry. I know how much you value your independence: that you’re your own lioness.”
“Don’t go Mufasa.” Sarabi, be Sarabi. Press against him, shoulder to shoulder. Move on, slip alongside him, flank to flank. “No Mufasa: after sunset…” Lift hindquarters up a little. He’ll get the message. “…I’m your lioness.”
~oOOo~
Really cool? Hmm, what’s he up to? Nowhere’s cool in this weather, certainly not this rock now the shade’s moved off. Ah well, what trouble can he get up to at his age? “So where is this ‘really cool’ place?”
“Oh. Uh... around the waterhole.”
Waterhole? And I’m a hippo’s mother… but I was a bit like that once.
“The waterhole? What's so great about the water hole?”
That’s Nala, just like your mother Saffi.
“I'll show you when we get there.”
Waterhole… OK, not so bad. I can live with that, but not on their own.
“Oh…Uh... Mom, can I go with Simba?”
“I don’t know, weren’t there hyenas running around this morning? What do you think Sarabi?”
You’ve got a point there, and yes, you can get in to trouble at the waterhole. Maybe it’s not such a good idea after all, but it is just the waterhole. “It’s alright with me.” So… ah yes, I know, someone to accompany them, but who? I know, but they’re not going to like this,”…as long as Zazu goes with you.”
“Not Zazu!”
Neither do! They’ll be back soon enough, sooner now, and there’s a silver lining. There they go, so keen and full of life. For their sakes’ I just hope Zazu doesn’t mention anything. He’s on his last chance: he’d better not get all “traditional” on Simba. There’s no way I’m forcing any cub of in mine into anything like that; he’ll have to choose for himself, when the time comes.
“Nala, you just had a bath! Try and stay clean for once!”
No chance of that. Anyway, you call that a bath? I call it about the only way I’ll get to have my son in my paws for a moment. We’ll only have to do it all again: it’s not so much a waterhole at the moment, more a mud wallow.
“Zazu? What use is he, Sarabi? At the first sign of trouble he just goes flapping back to Mufasa.”
“Yes he does, doesn’t he?” Why not let Fluffy deal with something for a change? “But just in case, how about us doing a bit of prey watching?”
“Prey watching eh? Yes, why not Sarabi?”