Never again will I love someone. Never again will I feel the pain in my heart. I would rather die than love someone again. Something will just happen to them. I'd probably kill them too. Never again. Never again.
Ch. 1
Emethyst lays on that hill for days. After about a week, another storm comes. She hasn't moved since the last one. Winds rage, thunder rolls, and lightning strikes. She doesn't move. Her heart is gone. She's too weak. No food for days takes a toll on her. She just lets the storm roll around her. Her fury made for her.
The winds pick up and the lightning strikes not far from there. She hears something in the wind. She doesn't pay much attention though. She doesn't care. Then she hears it again. Closer this time. A small flame of recognition flutters in her gut. She refuses to acknowledge the small piece of her heart that is hoping. She pushes it away. She crushes it. It's gone.
Lightning cracks a few feet away from her. She feels the electricity in it. She feels the heat. She doesn't move. She doesn't care. She'd rather die than keep living with the pain in her heart.
She hears someone running up to her from behind. She doesn't even turn around. She feels the electricity in the air. She knows another lightning strike is about to flash. Suddenly she is pushed off the mountain. As she falls, she sees lightning strike right where she was laying. She hits the ground. Everything goes black.
When she wakes up, the sun is shining. She is in a cave. She has no idea where she is, but she doesn't even care to know. She's too weak to stand. She's about to let herself fall asleep again, when a lion walks into the cave. Emethyst doesn't move. She doesn't care. But, she's curious. Why did he save her? Why did he care about her? Where was he from?
He was a young lion. Maybe a year older than her. He painfully reminded her of Jay. But he wasn't. There's no way it could be him. Jay was dead. The only mark she could see on this lion was a scar running down his back.
He was dark like Jay, but maybe a little bit darker. Maybe. His mane was out of his eyes unlike Jay too. But what he also didn't have was the light strip of hair that Jay had at the front of his mane. There was no way this lion could be Jay. Only Jay had that mark. He said he got it from his mother's side of the family.
The lion comes in with an antelope. He sees she's awake and pulls it toward her. "Here. You're too skinny. Eat."
His voice is soft yet rough in it's own way. Emethyst notices he keeps her from seeing the left side of his body. She doesn't care. She's not going to eat. She's going to let herself die. Then she smells the antelope. Her hunger overpowers her mind.
The lion tears off pieces of the antelope and gives them to her, always hiding his left side. "My name's Cole. What's yours?" He doesn't want to push her, she can tell, but he seems to want to know her name.
"It's not like it matters, but it's Emethyst."
"Why wouldn't it matter? I won't let you kill yourself. I've watched you on that hill for days. Then when the storm came and I felt the coming lightning strike, I knew I wasn't going to let you die."
"I don't deserve to live."
"Why?" he asks. He's not pushing, he's curious Emethyst notices.
"I don't want to talk about it," she answers. "It hurts too much."
"Ok. I'm not going to push you. It's not my business." He turns around to leave, always keeping his left side away from her. "By the way, Emethyst is a beautiful name. 'Mind if I call you Em?"
"No, I don't mind. You can call me Em." With that she lays her head down and goes to sleep. He could kill her right now for all she cared. But, she knew if he was going to hurt her, he would have already.
Em doesn't care if she lives or dies, but this lion, Cole, intrigues her. Why does he hide his left side? Does he want to help her, or does he just want her for a purpose? Em doesn't care. Her heart is gone. She'll take any abuse without sound. Something just came back alive in her heart. The knowledge that someone cares. Even if it's just a tiny bit, someone cares and it helps her realize, her life's not over yet.
Em goes to sleep that night, crying for the first time since Jay died. She doesn't want to live to remember, but something inside her does. She doesn't understand it. A feeling that he hasn't left her yet keeps her from giving up.
She knows it's just the hope in the absence of her heart. The hope that will never leave. She just wants to either forget, or die. She hopes one comes soon. Even if that means this new lion kills her. She doesn't want to remember.
Ch. 2
She wakes up the next morning to Cole bringing in another antelope. Em is starting to really wonder why he hides his left side. She's just scared to ask. As he comes up to her, she struggles to stand up. She pushes up with her front legs. They're wobbly, but she holds up fine. As she starts to stand though, she almost collapses. She realizes Cole's holding her up.
"Thanks. I've never been one for staying down long."
"No problem. You okay?"
"Yeah. I just need to get back on my feet." Em starts to eat. After eating, she sits down. She feels a lot better. It's amazing what only two meals could do for you when you're starved. Em looks around. She suddenly notices how dark it is in this cave. She shakily stands up. She can stand okay, but when she takes a step, she's caught by Cole.
"You want to go outside?" he asks her.
"Yeah. I need to get outside. I can't stand staying still when I know I'm not going to die." Em smiles a little bit. Her first smile in a long time even though it's small.
Cole helps her outside, looking away from her when they get out into the light. The light makes him feel uncomfortable when he's around a girl. They can see him clearly. He doesn't like that.
Em notices him draw back a little. "Thanks for bringing me out here. It looks like it makes you uncomfortable." Em hesitates before asking, "Why do you hide your left side from me?"
Cole looks away. He lets Em lay down and walks up a few steps. "I'm like you. I don't want to talk about it."
Em doesn't want to push it, but she tries again. "I don't want to make you show me, but I'm going to see you eventually. I'll tell you what's wrong with me." Em feels encouraged when he glances back at her. His head is down and he looks a lot different than he did a few moments ago. Instead of looking big and strong, he looks nervous and vulnerable.
Cole turns to her. "I know. I just don't want anyone to see. That's why I live by myself."
"I don't want to pressure you," Em says not wanting to sound inconsiderate toward his privacy.
"No. It's okay." With that he turns around. He closes his eyes as if to block his heart from her hurting words that are sure to come. He turns his head away.
Em looks at him. She studies him. He has claw marks all along his neck and back. Then, he has a triple scar on his eye. She wonders of the story behind the scars, but she doesn't ask. He's trusted her enough for one day. Em takes all of this in stride. She doesn't react. Cole is confused by this.
"I don't see anything wrong with you."
"Then you must be blind," he mumbles. He doesn't look at her.
"So you have a few battle scars. So what. That doesn't change who you are. Which, I don't know yet but I will find out."
"Yeah, well, I've gotta go. Don't worry. I'll be in distance. If you need me, just yell." With that he walks into a section of trees. Em lets him go. She knows he feels self-conscious. She knows she needs to respect that.
Em goes to bed later that night after making it back into the cave. She faintly notices Cole coming in later.
Ch. 3
Em wakes up early the next morning. She stands up and stretches her muscles, sore from being still for so long, and goes to the top of the cave. There's a clear path so it's easy to get up. Cole must come up here. Probably to do what she's doing. To watch the sunrise.
Em watches the sun rise into the sky. This is her only happiness without Jay. She watches the colors change from dark blue to purple, then red, then pink. Then she hears Cole behind her. "Beautiful sunrise isn't it."
The phrase startles her. Before she can stop it, her mind flashes back to that morning when she first slept with Drew. The first morning she started cheating on Jay. She thought she had blocked out most of her memories. This one came back. It hurt.
When she doesn't answer, Cole asks her, "You okay?"
Em shakes her head. Her head gets all dizzy and her stomach feels sick with pain, regret, sorrow. She needs to get away. Now. She needs to be alone. Her head fills with the pain she thought she had left behind. She can't stand remembering.
"I need to go. I... I just need to be alone."
"Em, what's wrong. Em..." Cole tries to hold her still.
"Memories. I..... I don't want to remember. I don't...." she doesn't finish. Her mind reeling, she turns and runs. She runs blindly. Away from the sun, away from those words. She doesn't care where she goes. She just wants to find a place to cry. To make the pain leave again.
She keeps running. She stops as she starts to cry. She finds herself at the foot of the mountain. The mountain that she stayed on for days. Where she cried off her pain the first time. She's back to do it again. She goes to the top, and starts sobbing. She sobs through the night and crushes the memories. She falls asleep when the moon reaches the pinnacle of its climb through the sky.
She wakes up the next morning confused. Then she remembers. She was crying. Why? She remembers Cole, then running off. It must have been a memory that came back. But she doesn't remember. She doesn't want to. She just wants to find her way back to Cole. She doesn't want to be alone. Something about her past makes her not want to be alone.
She goes down the mountain and looks around. She doesn't see anything familiar. Then she sees the sun. Already rising, she decides to head toward it. It should lead her to Cole's cave. She starts off.
* *
Emethyst's heart is gone. Without it, she can't remember anything about what happened. She achieved her goal. Not just crushing her heart, but forgetting about what happened. The memories would be too painful.
When she does remember something, it's from her brain. The only way to remember it, is to have something from that memory repeated or reminded of. She doesn't want to remember. When she remembers, her heart grows back a tiny bit. It allows the pain to return. She can't stand the pain of the memories.
She has to crush that piece of her heart to make the memory go away. She has to get rid of all the pain by doing what she needs to do. Cry, run, whatever. When the pain is gone, she can make her heart go away. She will then not remember anymore.
This process takes time, energy, and pain. She is exhausted when she's finished. She hurts when crushing her heart. She feels like a part of her is disappearing. But, she doesn't want anything to do with her heart anymore. She doesn't want to deal with the heartbreak again.
* *
Ch. 4
As she walks, she thinks. She remembers Jay, but she has blocked out what had happened to him. She knows it's bad, but she doesn't remember how it happened. She doesn't want to know. Right now, she just wants to feel safe. She wants to get back to Cole.
She finds herself in front of some trees. She remembers Cole going through them. Maybe if she goes through them, she'd get back to his cave. She heads into the woods. It's darker in there, but it's light enough to see where she's going. She looks through a spot in the trees from time to time to make sure she's heading toward the sun.
After traveling for a while, she hears something. Something walking. She stops. She doesn't hear it anymore. She looks around then keeps walking when she doesn't see anything. Then, she sees light ahead. Em goes through a spot in the trees and finds herself at Cole's cave. But there's one problem. He's not there.
After checking in the cave and around it, she comes to the conclusion he's gone. Where and how long, she doesn't know. But she does know one thing; someone has walked out into the clearing. She looks at the thing.
A hyena. No. Now three hyenas. They're looking at her hungrily. "You look awfully skinny to be out here on your own," one of them says. He's obviously the leader.
"I'm not alone." Em hides her fear. She's too weak still and if they tried, they could overpower and kill her. She was ready to die a few days ago, but she doesn't want to die like this.
"You look alone to me," the hyena says licking his lips. "You look tasty too. You would be a good meal."
Em backs up. Her tail touches the side of the cave. She's trapped. The hyenas are surrounding her, she's too weak to fight them off, and Cole's not here. Cole! That's it! "Cole! Cole help!" Em starts to shake. She's alone again. And this time, she's really going to die.
"If I were you, I'd back away."
That was the best sound Em has heard in a long time. She breathes a sigh of relief as Cole walks up. The hyenas back away at the sight of this big, healthy, strong lion coming toward them. When they see the scars all over him, they figure he's not worth one meal.
"And if I were you I'd go pick on someone your own size." The leader tries to stand his ground and hold his friends with him.
"And if you don't start leaving now, I'm going to make you think twice about messing with someone twice your size." Cole is standing between Em and the hyenas now. Em is looking around him.
The hyenas are already thinking twice, and turn and leave mumbling. They all look back, their mouths watering, before leaving. Cole mumbles something about mangy beasts while turning to Em. He walks up to her. "Are you okay? They didn't hurt you did they?"
Em smiles. "No, I'm okay. You got here just in time. Thanks."
Cole eyes her. Em notices he seems to be studying her. Then he asks, "Why did you leave? What was wrong. Did I say something or do something that was wrong?"
"No, no. It wasn't you. I.... I just had a flashback." Em turns her head away from him. Please don't ask what about she thinks.
"Flashback? Of what?"
"I've blocked it out. I don't want to talk about it. Just things that are like what happened, make me remember. I can't remember. I don't want to remember."
"Okay. But if you need to talk, I'm here. And next time, don't run away. I'll find a way to calm you down. Just don't leave again."
"Thanks. Right now, I think I want to rest. I didn't get much sleep last night as you can imagine." Em turns around with Cole and goes into the cave. It's only midday, but she needs to catch up on sleep.
Cole takes Em to her spot and fixes up some leaves. "I brought these in, in case you need a softer place to lay."
"Thanks. I woke up stiff this morning. These will help a lot. I need to start getting back in shape." Em goes to her spot and lays down.
"Take some time to relax for a while. I think you got enough exercise today. Go to sleep."
Em lays down. "I'm just not used to being helpless."
Cole turns around to leave. "You're not helpless. Just hurt. Now, go to sleep. You're fine."
Em watches him go. As she closes her eyes, she is pushing back the hurting that comes with looking at a lion as much like Jay looked. I'm not going to hurt again she thinks. She goes to sleep as Cole walks out the door.
Ch. 5
She runs after Cole. She's chasing him just for the fun of it. He looks back at her. He has tears running down his face. She skids to a stop. It's not Cole. It's Jay. He keeps running. Em calls after him. She wants to tell him she really loves him. Not Drew or Cole. Just him. She starts running after him. He turns to look at her. She runs faster as she sees where he's headed. He's going straight for a cliff. She cries out to him as he falls. She jumps off the cliff after him. Then, she wakes up.
She wakes up shaking, gasping for air as if she was really running. It's dark outside but she sees Cole running to her. He lays her down and tries to calm her down as she catches her breath. He shushes her and talks to her until she's calmed down. He goes to lay in his spot as she goes back to sleep. As her eyes close, Em sees him put his head down and goes to sleep close enough in case she wakes up again.
The next morning, Em wakes up to rain. She looks toward the door and sees Cole watching the rain. He's sitting just inside the door. As Em gets up and walks over, lightning flashes, making him only a silhouette against the sky.
A brief flashback from one of the storms at pride rock flashes in her mind. But this memory was a good one. She doesn't push it away. She embraces it. A good memory is better than a bad one any day. It's of Jay sitting in the doorway of pride rock. Em had walked up to him and they had run out into the rain together.
Em comes back to real life. She tries to hold the memory. She wants to be in that moment forever. One of her favorite memories. She wants to be with Jay forever. But no matter how hard she tries to keep the memory, it goes away just as fast as it had come. She sighs as she goes to sit next to Cole.
"I love the rain," he says as she sits next to him.
"So do I. A memory I want to remember took place in the rain. I was running with a friend. A good friend. His name was Jay."
"Is that the one you have flashbacks about? What happened?"
Em looks to the ground. "Something terrible happened." She doesn't say any more. If he found out she killed someone, he'd probably make her leave or treat her different.
"You said if I showed you my scars, you'd tell me what was wrong." He turns to her. He avoids his eyes. She has never been able to look into his eyes. She doesn't want to look into eyes like Jay's.
"You're right. I did." She hesitates before she starts. She digs back into her mind to pull up these memories. "Jay was my boyfriend. We loved each other. We were always happy when we were together."
Cole doesn't look away from the sky. "What happened?"
"One day the Abyss pride attacked my pride. The leader went right for Jay. When I saw Jay go down, I thought that was the worst thing that I could ever see. But I was wrong. Abyss defeated me, but Drew must have saved me."
"Who's Drew?"
"Drew was an old friend. Always a loner, he was passing by when he saw what was going on. I wake up to him and find out that Abyss had taken Jay. Drew decides then and there that he's going with me when I tell him I was going to find him. I didn't really want to go alone, so I let him come along.
We find out where they're headed and leave that day. Normally a four day travel, we take it in two days. The second day is when he asks me about the sunrise. Also that day he teaches me how to fall down a cliff without getting hurt. Without that, I probably would have died getting across the gorge we had to get across.
That night, I get cold. Drew sees me shivering and he comes over and lays next to me. I don't mind because he's my friend and is just keeping me warm. He tells me to tell him if I get uncomfortable because he's to close. I turn to tell him it's okay, and we lock eyes. My thoughts seem to go away. I let myself kiss him."
"What about Jay?" Cole asks.
That sentence echoes in Emethyst's mind. She's startled by the question. The memories of that night come back, flashing along with what Jay says before he dies. Em starts to freak out. She can't take the image of Jay's face. She starts to tremble. Cole is already reacting.
Ch. 6
"Em! Shhh. It's okay. I said something didn't I? I'm sorry. Stop trembling. It's okay."
"His face. I don't want to remember his face." Em is trembling in Cole's arms. He holds her has she calms herself down. "I'm erasing the memories. Don't worry if I make any noises. It hurts."
"Then why erase them? They're your past. It's what has happened to you." Cole rubs his paws up and down her arms.
"I can't remember. It hurts too much. I can't see his face without breaking into tears." Tears are running down her face now. She trembles more.
Cole rocks her back and forth. "It's okay to hurt. It's okay to remember. You need to remember the bad things so that you know what to do the next time. Memories bad or good help you through stuff."
"You don't understand. I do something worse than cheating on him. I....I...." she can't finish her sentence. She sobs in Cole's arms for a while. After a long time, she stops.
Cole holds her as they watch the rain stop. After asking if she's okay and she nods, they walk out and watch the sun come out of the clouds. The ground dries as Em and Cole lay on top of the cave. Both thinking about things.
Cole looks to Em. "I'm not going to ask you to finish today. You seem to be a wreck. What did I say? I'm just wondering."
"You asked the same question Drew asked when that happened. It made me remember Jay's face....." Em fades out. "I knew I'd get there in the story, but I didn't want to actually remember. I can't stand that look he gave me." Em puts her head down.
The sun starts to go down. The rain and story took up most of the day. They had spent the rest of the day enjoying the after-rain smells, sights, and feelings. Feeling as if everything was fresh. But it wasn't. Everything is still the same. Jay is still gone. And he will never return.
They go down the cave and sleep that night. Not an exciting day, but they have plans to hunt tomorrow. Em is feeling restless after laying still for so long. They will hunt together tomorrow for the first time. Em's first time hunting in a while. Tomorrow will not be as boring as today was.
Em lays down in her spot and Cole lays down in his. As Cole lays down, Em studies him. He seems to want to get closer to her, but is keeping away. Afraid of rejection maybe? Or knowing she doesn't want another boyfriend? Em thinks about this as she falls asleep.
The sun beats down on them as they Em lays hidden in the grass. Her and Cole had woken up this morning and had set out to awaken Em's hunting skills. She waits as Cole chases the herd toward her. She crouches as she sees the dust rising. She makes out a few antelope in the dust. As they get closer, she spies Cole.
Em waits for the herd to get closer. As she leaps, her mind stumbles off track. She pushes away the disturbance until she had pulled down and killed the antelope. Then a memory floods in. The day her and Drew had caught that antelope. Drew running up, then kissing her. She starts to push the memory away.
This memory is not a horrible one, but it's bad enough for her to react and for Cole to notice. He Comes up to her and puts his paw on her shoulder. "You okay?"
Em calms herself down and nods her head. "Yeah. Just a memory."
"Of..." He's probing. Not forcing.
Em knows she doesn't have to answer, but she decides to tell him. "The next morning, I wake up with a herd of antelope coming toward me. Drew was chasing them. I take one down."
"That doesn't seem to bad," Cole replies as they carry the antelope home.
"It's not that. It's just that...... I let him kiss me again. It bothers me, but I push the guilt away. It's like I am already taking Jay for a loss." Em decides to tell more of the story.
"After hunting that morning, my cuts from the war at home start to hurt. Drew carries me until we stop for a break at a pond. After traveling for a while longer, I feel him. I feel Jay. I smell around. I smell metal, rotting carcasses, too. Drew asks me what's wrong and I tell him. We both walk up a hill and drop to the ground at the same time.
"There are lionesses guarding the door. We see bones everywhere. We decide to wait till dark. What we didn't count on is it getting quieter. We move in when a group of lionesses come out. They are grumbling loud enough for us to get to an unguarded wall. They are grumbling about food. That's lucky. Less security to worry about.
"We find a window broken enough to get through. Inside, we hear the lionesses leave. We decide it would be better to find each other than try to get each other's attention. That would be too dangerous.
"Before we separate, Drew turns to me and tells me he loves me." Here Em starts to get quiet. "He says if I choose Jay over him, he will leave me or stay with me as just a friend. I turn to him and..... and tell him..... that he will always be my friend, no matter what happens, and it's not even true."
Ch. 7
Em and Cole had just gotten to the cave. Cole sets down the antelope and they start eating. "You lied to him?"
"No, I just...... just something happens that makes it not true. Just wait. I turn down a hall looking for Jay. I focus my senses. I never knew that I could do what I did. I could feel Jay. Hear him. I can feel his pain. How? I don't know. All I know is that he's down that hall."
Em takes a few more bites of the antelope and continues between bites. "I run down that hall and skid to a stop in front of a cage. When I see him there.....lying on the floor..... covered in blood..... I can't believe it. Someone actually beat him enough to practically kill him."
Em stops eating and tears roll down her face. "When I take him into my arms, I don't know what to do. All I can do is cry. I cry even harder when he smiles at me and tells me that they had said I wasn't coming or had found someone else. It hurt to not tell him, but I knew it wouldn't help right then. I was just concerned with getting him out of there.
"Then, I hear someone. I hope and pray it's Drew. But when I ask, I get a sinister and evil voiced return. It was Tornado. Abyss' brother. He tries to get me with words for a while but I would have none of it. I jump at him. He's so big and strong that he overpowers me. He bites down on my throat. I look over at Jay."
Em stops here to try to stop crying. Cole comes over and lays next to her. He wipes the tears off her face. He seems close to tears himself. "Look. Why don't we stop here today. You need to think about something else for a while."
Em looks up at him. "I want to get it over with."
"Yeah well, I say you need to stop. Let's go do something else."
"Okay." Em slowly stands up. "What should we do?"
"You like water? There's a pond a little ways away."
Em almost hesitates. Thinking of how she and Jay used to play in the water. She figures it should be okay. "Sure." She follows Cole to the pond. When they get there, she sees a small waterfall coming from a river that goes long into the distance. It's a beautiful pond.
"Well, this is it." Cole sits down and smiles. "I'm not much of a fan getting deep into water, but you have fun."
For Em, time seems to freeze when she sees Cole smile as big as he did. He must be getting used to his scars being ignored. She can only smile back as she goes into the water. She swims around for a while, then gets out to lay next to Cole. She hesitates before asking, "How did you get your scars?"
"Why'd you say it like that?" Cole asks trying to stall.
"Well, I have mental scars. Yours are physical. But, they both impact you in your life. Mine seem to hurt worse. But, I don't know your story."
Cole sighs before he begins. "I got in a fight with another lion over my girl."
"Who one?" Em asks softly.
"He did. My girl, ended up going with another lion. Not the one I fought, but another."
Em's quiet for a second. "Sort of how I almost treated Jay." Em leaned against Cole. It was as much for her as it was for him. They laid there for a while, taking comfort in each other's company and their shared pain. After a while, Em and Cole headed home. They took their time, and stopped at a few places on the way, just taking in the sights.
As they get back to the cave, the sun is just beginning to set. They look at each other and know what they're thinking. They go to the top of the cave and watch the sunset. Em turns to Cole. "You must have loved your girl a lot to fight for her like that."
Cole doesn't pick up his head, but he does look Em in the eye. "I loved her more than she ever knew."
She thinks about this for a while. She lays her head down. What kind of girl could leave him. He's so sweet and considerate. Em falls asleep as the sky turns from purple to dark blue. She faintly remembers Cole carrying her to her spot in the cave as the stars come out.
Cole lays a little closer to Em tonight. He lays there, waiting for her to have another nightmare. He knows she will, after talking about what happened today. He closes his eyes. If only I could tell her the truth he thinks as he goes to sleep.
Ch. 8
Em wakes up the next morning confused. She had the same dream again. She woke up at the same time too. Maybe it was trying to tell her something. Maybe, the dream needed to be finished to get the message. But when will it continue? One thing she does know, she's glad that Cole was there. Without him, Em would be a wreck. Without him at all, she'd be dead.
She gets up and looks around. She knows where he is. She goes out and climbs up the cave. She goes and sits next to him. "Thanks again for last night. You getting tired of calming me down yet?"
Cole smiles. "No problem. And, no, I'll be here whenever you need me. Not like I have anywhere else to go. What was the dream about this time?"
"It was the same one I had the other night," Em answers. "It ended in the same place too. I just keep seeing Jay go over a cliff. What confuses me the most, is that you and Jay keep switching places. It must be because you look so much alike." Em looks at Cole. "It hurts."
"I'm sorry. I can't fix that."
"No, it's not your fault. I just need to accept the fact that he's gone." But you can't her heart tells her. Em ignores this. She turns and leaves Cole.
"Hey! Where are you going?" he calls after her.
"To the pond!"
Cole goes down the cave and catches up to her. "You okay? You seem upset."
"No, I'm fine."
Cole just follows her in silence. When they get to the pond, he lays down at the edge and watches her in the water. He loves her so much, but he can't tell her the truth yet. It wouldn't tell him what he needed to know. He had to wait a little longer. "Do you want to finish the story? You said you wanted to get it over with. Maybe it will help your dream."
"Okay." Em goes up and lays next to Cole in the sun to dry. She thinks before she starts. She composes herself. "As I said yesterday, I look over at Jay. I can't believe what I see. He's standing up. He's practically dead, but he stands up. I hear him say 'I will not lose her again'." A tear runs down Em's face.
"He leaps at Tornado. Tornado lets go of my throat. This spares my life. But, he's too slow to get around enough to keep Jay from gettin his throat. Right above his mane. Tornado falls gasping for breath. Before he dies though, he tells me Abyss has Drew.
"To make a long story short we have an emotional talk. I head around a corner to see where it leads. I see a door. I turn around to get Jay and he's gone. I find him with Abyss. It was true. Abyss had Drew too. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I will stop at nothing to rescue both of them.
"Abyss tells me I have to choose one out of the two if I don't just go with him. All I say is 'I hate you'. He lets them both go. I hadn't realized the full intensity of the problem until now. I was too mad before. I run off the cliff and jump. I go for Drew." Em stops here. She has trouble talking without crying now.
"But I thought you loved Jay," Cole says softly. He has tears in his eyes too. He hates to see her reliving this moment. It just has to happen. He has to find out the truth.
Em waits a moment trying to stop crying. After a little while, she is able to continue. "I do. I grab Drew first because the hill is slanted toward him. He would hit the ground first. I push off the branch I land on and go toward Jay. He doesn't see me coming toward him. His back is facing me. He doesn't see me get hit.
"When I hit the ground, I get the breath knocked out of me. I don't know what happened. I can't feel my right front leg, but I get to Jay." Here Em stops. She cannot continue.
Ch. 9
Cole carries Em home. She is too broken down to stand. What Em doesn't see is tears running down Cole's face. He wipes them off as he puts Em down. She's asleep from exhaustion now. He wipes the tear marks off her face and goes outside.
Cole is already awake when Em wakes up. She sits next to him as the sun rises. "When he looks at me, all I can see is pain in his eyes. I can see what I did to him. He doesn't care if he dies or lives. He thought I loved Drew more than him. He thought I didn't care if he died." Only sheer willpower kept Em from crying now. She wanted to finish. She wanted Cole to understand her pain.
"Abyss sneers at me. He's the one who hit me. I blame him and attack. Before I know it, he's on the ground looking up at me. He looks like a coward. Then I see why. In his eyes, I see my reflection. They're blood red. I don't know how.
"He surrenders to me then. I don't listen to a word he says. I kill him then and there. Drew fixes my arm then I push past him to Jay. When I get to him, I know he's dead. There's no heartbeat. Then I start realizing that it was really my fault."
"Em, it wasn't your fault."
Em ignores Cole and continues. "I yell at Drew. I can see I hurt him with what I say, but I don't care at the moment. I just turn and walk away. It starts to rain as I run. I run to the top of the mountain that you found me on. I lay there. Crying out my pain. I killed Jay, and there's nothing I can do about it."
"Em, it's okay."
"No! It's not okay! You're just like Drew! You're so consumed with how much you love me you don't care that I love someone else!" Em turns and runs. She runs all the way to the pond. There she lets herself cry again. She lets herself cry all the tears she was holding in for the past few days.
As the sun goes down, Em cries herself to sleep. She doesn't even think of Cole. Cole has decided it would be good to let herself have a good cry before he talks to her. He listens not to far away in case something happens.
* *
Em's running. She leaps off the cliff after Jay. She sees him falling. But now, he's Cole again. She's confused. Then she sees Cole hit the ground. She looks again. It's not Cole, it's Jay. He hits the ground, his scars bleeding. The image flashes between Jay and Cole. She doesn't understand. Then she hits the ground.
* *
Em sits up and cries. She saw the incident clear in her head. Jay hitting the ground, multiple times with blood all over him. The image hurt. She could almost have relived it. There was something though, at the back of her mind that she couldn't figure out. Right now though, it didn't matter. She just starts crying again. The sun is just beginning to rise above the horizon.
"Em? Em?" Cole walks up behind her. Em doesn't even listen. She just keeps crying. "Em, I...." he's cut off by Em.
"Look Cole, I don't love you. I loved Jay and only Jay. I didn't realize that at the time, but I know now. I will never be able to love again. I don't have a heart to love with anymore."
"Em, you don't understand. I...." He's cut off again.
"Well look'ee here boys."
Cole turns around to see a whole pack of hyenas. There are enough to kill him and Em if they try. He sees this, but tries to keep them from knowing. He just stands if front of Em. He's not going to lose her. Not now. He needs to tell her the truth. "Back off. Go kill yourself some antelope."
"There aren't anymore antelope. The herd has left. A band of lions chased them away. You are the only good source of food around." The hyena chuckles as the pack moves in. "We haven't had a good meal in three days. There's been a shortage of antelope because of two certain lions."
"Leave us alone. You have no idea who you're messing with." Cole doesn't move. He's ready to fight for Em again. This time, he won't lose.
"Come on. Don't make this more difficult than it has to be. Tell ya what. If you don't put up a fight, we might let your girl go." The hyena licks it's lips.
"I won't take a chance on a might." Cole turns to Em. When he turns around, he sees her standing up. She has no sign of tears on her face. She turns and takes her place beside Cole.
"Don't hold back. Go right ahead."
Cole's shocked. She's giving them her life! She's letting them kill her! No! This isn't right. She can't die this way. But before he can react, hyenas have already leapt at her. He starts to fight them away. Then he realizes she was fighting back. It was a trick!
Em fights the hyenas. She may not love Cole, but he doesn't deserve to die. No one does. She kicks and bites and hits until she's backed up to the pond. Before she can get away, two hyenas leap and push her into the water. She tries to swim but the hyenas hold her down. She can't breath.
Meanwhile, Cole is pushing back they hyenas. When he hears a splash, he figures it's one of they hyenas. When he hears another little splash, he realizes it was smaller than the first. When he doesn't see Em, he knows. He turns and jumps into the water, not caring about his secret anymore.
Em is losing time. She can't breath. She breathes in water in her panic. She chokes. The hyenas swim up. Em sinks. She doesn't care if she dies. She might as well die now. She doesn't even think of Cole. Her heart has never grown back. She just doesn't care.
Cole swims down to her. He can see her. The hyenas let go. She's still sinking. He keeps going down to get her. He's losing air. His lungs are contracting. He pushes away the burning sensation and keeps going down. Deeper, deeper, deeper, then, he reaches her.
Em, sinking, looks up for her last glimpse of the light. As she floats down, she sees Jay coming to get her. She closes her eyes and lets herself go as Jay pulls her toward the light. She surrenders. She's done.
Ch. 10
Cole pulls Em out of the water into a small cave under the waterfall. They're hidden from the hyenas. "Em, Em, c'mon, wake up." He nudges her. She doesn't move. Cole starts to panic. "Em!" He puts his head against her chest. He hears no heartbeat. He starts to do what Drew had showed him.
Em wakes up choking. All the water in her lungs comes out and she chokes and coughs breathing again. She feels arms around her. She closes her eyes. It's not Jay. It's Cole. I'm still alive she thinks. She lets her head lay on Cole's shoulder. But when she turns to see Cole, it's not Cole. She catches her breath and backs away.
Jay is standing in front of her. But, it's like a mixture of Cole and Jay. It's like Jay with Cole's scars. Then, her dream flashes in her mind. The changing of scars to bleeding scratches. All in the same spot. There is no Cole. Cole does not exist. There is only Jay.
She can't speak. She stands there with her mouth open looking at a very uncomfortable Jay. She watches him as he shifts around and tries to find a way to explain himself. "Jay.....?" She finally breathes out those words.
"Ummm, yeah. I don't know where to start. Ummm, you have Drew to thank for my life.....ummmm....."
"Jay? I....I don't understand. I thought you were dead."
Jay doesn't try to explain anymore. Em just isn't in the right state of mind to process this information. Almost drowning and lack of oxygen has got her head all messed up. "Em, how 'bout we just get back to the cave. I'll explain everything in the morning." He walks up to Em.
"No. No get back. You're not Jay. I saw Jay die. You're not him. You may look like him, but you're not." Em backs away. Her heart is in denial. She doesn't want to believe it. There's no way it can be true.
"Em, listen. Can you not hear my voice? Can you not see that I am who I was without the scars? Or has pain blinded you? Do you not love at all anymore?" Jay looks at Em for the first time for who she has become. Not what she used to be.
"I can love no one but Jay. There is no way you are him. He...he...."
"I love you. I cannot let you go. Drew kept me alive. I don't know what he did, but he knew you loved me. He told me you never really loved him more than me. I didn't believe him. He came up with this whole plan. I would be dead right now."
"If you were really Jay, you wouldn't have done this to me. You would have seen how broken I was." Em has closed her heart. It has been closed for a long time. It will take a lot of convincing to make her believe Jay could be alive. A lot of healing.
"I had no choice. You think I liked seeing you cry. I cried with you. It took all of my self control to keep from holding you when you were sad. It broke my heart as much as it hurt.....what used to be yours. You have blotted out every form of love. You do not even believe that I can love you so much, that is the only reason I am still alive." Tears are running down his face. He doesn't know what else to say to make her believe. To touch her in some way.
"I can't believe you." A tear rolls down Em's face. "I just can't."
Jay walks toward her. Em just sits there with her head bowed crying. He puts his paw to her face and lifts her head. He looks her in the eye and says the one sentence, he knows will finally prove that he's the one she loved. "You have no idea how far I would go for you."
At those words, all of the barriers in her heart broke down. She herself breaks down. She starts sobbing uncontrollably. She cries and cries saying his name over and over. All the while, Jay holds his girl through the night, telling her how much he loves her. Telling her, everything is going to be alright.