Wolfskin: Shade’s Story
Shade tried to look interested as he stood beside his sister Remus at the mouth of the Eagle Pass pack cave. Remus was taking account of every pack’s arrival for their stay in Windsong Valley to protect them from hunters, and for some unfathomable reason she had asked him to help.
“Is your idea of helping just standing around for half the day?” he asked her irritably, “Because that’s what I’ve been doing.”
“Shhh!” she hissed, “I’m trying to figure this out.” The scratches in the dirt at her feet indicated her accounts.
Shade sighed, and kicked a rock aimlessly down the mountain trail. Why did he have to be the one to do this? Yes, he had followed Remus out here to protect and support her, but there were other things he would rather be doing. Like being eaten alive by a grizzly bear. Torn apart by a snow leopard. Skinned and mounted up on a wall…Shade shuddered. Well. Discomfort had its limits.
“You know, Shaila would be more than happy to do this,” he continued, “I, on the other hand, have important things I have to get to.”
“Oh?” Remus said with mock innocence, “Like kissing up to that girlfriend of yours?”
That stung a little. “Well, excuse me for interrupting our great leader, who has visions and thinks she has to save the world!” he growled, “How do you know you’re not just insane?”
“I’m not the insane one in this family, okay?” she snapped, “Now just shut up a minute.”
Shade heard scuffing behind him, and he turned to come almost face to face with an Eagle Pass messenger wolf leading a group of ten wolves.
“This is the last of the Red Aurora pack,” the messenger said in a low voice.
Remus nodded. “Good. All we need now is the last two-thirds of the Pacific pack, the last third of the White Storm pack, and the Anvil Creek pack.” With her claws she crossed out one of her marks in the dirt, and then she looked at the wolves behind the messenger. “You’ll be taken to Windsong Valley. Your guide knows the way. He’ll show you the passage.”
The messenger padded into the dark cave, and the wolves followed, some gazing at Remus in awe as they passed. Shade didn’t miss the satisfied gleam in Remus’s eyes. He knew his sister had been confident before, but this was getting to be a little much. She had been made the leader of the whole operation by Everest. It was yet to be seen if this was a privilege or a punishment.
An Eagle Pass wolf at the back of the group herded the Red Aurora wolves into the cave and then trotted back to Remus.
“Did you see any hunters while you were out there?” she asked quietly.
He shivered. “Yes. Three. We hid from the first two, but the third one came after us with a gun and a pack of dogs. We had to split up and regroup in the forest.” He stared steadily at Remus. “It’s getting dangerous out there, Remus. It’s going to keep getting harder and harder to bring any more packs here. We might have to reconsider our tactics if the loss of life is too great.”
Remus shrugged. “What else were you expecting? Besides, there are only a few more groups left.”
The wolf bowed his head and turned to go.
“Wait!” Remus cried.
The wolf looked back, his yellow eyes the only evidence of his presence in the cave’s darkness.
“Did you see a red, white, brown, and black wolf anywhere?” she asked.
Shade froze. Ruska. His sister, the deserter.
The wolf shook his head. “No.”
Shade’s ears drooped. Where was Ruska? Was she still out there? Or was she…?
Remus’s disappointed sigh was almost silent. “Alright. Could you send Shaila down? Mr. Bored-to-Death here needs a break.”
Shade threw his sister a look of mixed gratitude and annoyance.
There might have been a flicker of amusement in the wolf’s eyes as he turned and padded away. “I will.”
Remus rested her gaze on her brother and raised one eyebrow. “Well, go on! I want you to be here just about as badly as you do! Get going!”
“Gone!” Shade cried, grinning. He bolted around the cave’s corner and stopped, panting.
“Hey, wild one.”
Shade turned to find the owner of the low, smooth voice and saw a female wolf leaning up against the cave’s wall. As always when he first saw her, Shade caught his breath.
Kestra was beautiful, as beautiful as the bird –the kestrel– she had been named for. Her thick, flowing fur was a rich red-brown, and when it captured the light the very tips of the hairs glimmered with a faint golden sheen. As with all wolves, the whites of her eyes were a glowing gold, and that gold seemed to overflow and seep into cracks in her brown irises. Her body was strong yet lithe, with supple muscles and long, elegant legs. She gave Shade a long look, and then started towards him, gliding smoothly over the ground with her thick tail swishing behind her. “I’ve been waiting a long time.”
He grinned weakly, feeling a little light-headed. How could one wolf be so beautiful? He couldn’t take his eyes off her. “Well, uh, Remus had me helping her getting the packs in and everything, and–”
Kestra lowered her head until her nose touched the bottom of his chest.
Shade froze, shivers quivering over his spine.
She ran her cold nose up his chest, over his neck, and across his muzzle until their noses touched and her mouth slid over his. They kissed, and Shade felt the rest of the world rise up and drift away like steam. He nuzzled her behind the ears, and her luminous eyes closed as she licked his face.
Suddenly Remus’s voice flashed through his mind: ‘Kissing up to that girlfriend of yours?’ A small ember of anger burned inside him, and he drew back from Kestra.
Kestra flicked her tail in surprise and annoyance. “What’s the matter?”
Shade hesitated. Remus doubted any truth behind Kestra’s affection for him, but Shade knew Kestra loved him. He would prove Remus wrong. Granted this was an awkward situation, but he had to ask. “Kestra…Why me?”
Her gold-veined eyes flickered. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, why did you choose me for a boyfriend?” he asked softly.
Kestra shrugged with a wan smile. “Why not you?” She bowed her head to rub her nose over his neck, but he backed off again.
“Kestra. Give me a real reason. Because it’s not like I’m really good-looking, or fast, or even pure wolf…” Shade stopped as he realized he was insulting himself.
Kestra stared at him with flashing eyes. “So you feel you have won me too easily?”
Shade shifted uncomfortably. “No. Well, yes. But…”
Kestra sighed dramatically. “And so the hunted must always be pursued by the hunter. And it has been proven yet again that the chase is more exciting than the catch.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him, and suddenly dashed off.
“Kestra!” Shade lunged after her, his paws slamming softly into the snow. They ran up the mountain trail and out onto the frosted tundra, wandering far from Eagle Pass.
Kestra never looked back, her body bobbing over the thin snow like liquid fire. Shade couldn’t help admiring her. How could such an angel remain in the earth’s clutches? With him, no less. He didn’t deserve her.
With determination fueled by longing, he shortened the distance between him and Kestra and threw himself at her with a strength that knocked them both to the iced ground. Laughing, breathless, the ice crystals melting under them, they nuzzled and licked each other.
“So,” Kestra panted, “Was the catch worth the chase?”
Shade dropped a kiss on her ear. “You’re always worth it, Kestra.”
Kestra smiled. “And now what do you intend to do with your hard-earned catch?”
It hit Shade solidly. It was so simple. His heart beat slowly, steadily, affirming his decision. He drank her in from head to tail, and said, “Return to Eagle Pass with her…pledged to be my mate.”
Kestra’s smile vanished. “Mate? As in, for life?”
Shade nodded, not seeing what the problem was. “Yes.”
Kestra began shaking her head sympathetically. “Shade. Shade, Shade, sweet Shade.” Her smile was twisted coyly. “Sadly, you will have to pursue your quarry evermore.”
The shock hit him harder than his decision had. He blinked, unable to believe what he was hearing. “What?”
“A mate? For life?” Kestra shook her head again, her smile more like daggers than soothing warmth. She raised her eyebrows playfully. “Where’s the fun in that?”
Shade stared at her, stunned. He couldn’t have been more shocked if someone had come up behind him and whacked him with a two-by-four. And compared to this, he thought he would have preferred the board.
He searched her eyes for a joke, a jest, but found nothing but smug pleasure. The words emerged one by one, coming out without any consideration or censor: “But…I…love you. Kestra.”
Her smile faded, and she studied him carefully, and then opened her mouth to speak.
An earth-shattering crack roared through Shade’s ears.
Shade spun around to see a dark-skinned hunter clothed in many furs pointing a huge, smoking rifle in their direction. Behind him barked four thick-furred dogs, jumping up and down and yapping for all they were worth, but smart enough not to get between hunter and prey. All this Shade took in in less than a second, and he swiftly swung around and yelled, “Kestra, c’mon! Run!”
Kestra didn’t move. Her body was sprawled out on the snow, but her beautiful eyes were still open, boring hard and deep into Shade. A thin trickle of red dripped slowly from the side of her head.
“Kestra!” Shade nudged her with his foot, and recoiled instantly. She wasn’t there.
Another shot split the air, and Shade instinctively jumped away and started running. He gritted his teeth as he felt the bullet graze the back of his neck, and the hunter muttered something obscene.
Shade’s mind was a wildfire, burning with images of what he had just seen and the dim glow of automatic thought settling in around them. Somehow while seeing Kestra’s dead body he could still think, ‘If he follows me, I can’t lead him to the packs.’ He zigged and zagged lest more bullets come his way, and finally threw himself down behind a boulder outside a lonesome cave many miles east of Eagle Pass.
Blood drummed against his skin, and he panted heavily for air and for the ability to erase his memory. His thoughts presented themselves one by one: ‘Kestra’s dead. Those dogs…I could be one of them. Kestra’s dead. It’s my fault; I shouldn’t have said anything. When I go back everyone’s going to say how stupid we were. Kestra said I was the hunter, but we were both the hunted. Kestra…’
Shade closed his eyes, and for the first time let a sob erupt from his chest. Shoulders shaking, he buried his head between his paws and whispered his regret and loss and guilt to the snow. He tried to howl in mourning for Kestra, but his throat was too tight with sobs. He lifted his head to the pale ice-gray sky…and collapsed.
A few days later Shade stood on a stone ledge protruding out from above Eagle Pass. The whistling wind tossed his fur to give the impression of movement, but in reality he stood as still as a statue, leering down at the tundra below. He didn’t even know how long he had been standing there, searching the frozen land with his eyes.
And at last, he saw what he had been waiting for.
A speck in the distance grew larger and larger until Shade could see it for what it truly was: the hunter. Three smaller specks followed him. Shade knew these had to be the hunter’s dogs. He wondered where the fourth hound was. He hoped it had been mauled by a grizzly bear in front of the hunter’s very eyes, or accidentally shot by the hunter’s own gun. If the man cared anything about his dogs, only then would he understand what he had done to Shade.
The hunter moved to the edge of the forest that lay before the mountains and walked along it, his dogs sniffing at his every step. Shade’s eyes narrowed, and a low growl rumbled like thunder inside his throat. His vision sharpened, and his gaze shot through the thick forest to rest on the hunter. The man was still clothed all in animal skins, but a new fur caught Shade’s eye. Around his shoulders the man wore a short cloak. It was furred beautifully, a rich red-brown that, when caught by the light, gleamed with a golden sheen like a thousand tiny pieces of sun.
Shade started to shake. An icy rush of adrenaline burst from the small of his back over his head, through his legs and into the ground beneath him. His heart, so stiff and cold for the past few days, suddenly felt flames of anger heating its surface until it blazed. The knife of grief glided between his ribs and stabbed at the heart, but the pain only added more heat to the flames.
Shade felt the hate swirl over him like a river, nearly losing his mind to it. That was Kestra’s fur. That was Kestra’s skin. They had taken her from him, only to use her as a cheap trophy.
With an anguished cry Shade threw himself towards the ledge, his body burning to rip and tear and take vengeance for Kestra’s spilled blood.
“Shade, no!”
Shade slammed into someone and knocked them to the side. He dug his claws hard into the dirt, leaning dangerously over the ledge and then sinking back.
Remus raised her head to look at him, and the look in her eyes was so shocked and angry and bewildered that Shade had to wonder if they were really brother and sister. She didn’t understand. She didn’t understand his need for avenged blood.
He threw his gaze back down on the hunter. The dogs were sniffing excitedly at the path leading up the mountain pass, and Shade held his breath. The hunter scrutinized the path, sifting the dirt through his fingers, but then he seemed to change his mind and stepped lightly back to the edge of the forest and faded among the trees. One of his dogs whimpered at the unexplored trail, but at an unseen signal all three pulled themselves away and melted into the foliage after their master.
Shade listened until the snap of twigs under boots and paws had died away, and then he felt his shoulders slump. He had missed his chance for revenge. He had missed it…all because of Remus.
A small coal of anger began to burn inside Shade’s chest. It caged his chest, spreading slowly over him until his torso felt trapped in a tight box of hot, bubbling metal. It scorched his skin, plummeting deeper and raising scars and blisters long-buried but not forgotten. He could feel the veins pounding with blood against the metal, the box tightening with every pump of his heart. He could barely breathe. His breaths came faster and shallower as his chest heaved, as once again he saw Kestra’s blood speckling the snow like pieces of a splintered aurora. Her eyes, her lips, her voice, all taken by a single bullet.
He silently groaned as a wave of pain overtook him, but just as quickly that wave twisted into a typhoon of hate. He whirled on Remus, spitting flames of malice. “You always hated her, didn’t you?”
“What?” Remus stammered.
“Kestra! My ‘girlfriend’ I’m ‘kissing up to’, remember? No, of course not, because you never remember anything but things that are important to you! And what are those? Taking control, being the boss of everyone, crawling over others’ backs to save yourself! Well, all you need to get into your head is that I love Kestra! I love her! No, she didn’t love me…So you were right about that! Well, who cares? What matters is that I love her, but now that doesn’t even matter anymore because she’s dead! Dead! And you can’t even get your head around how this feels! You’ve never had this feeling! You have a head and a heart of stone. So could you get it through your head that your stupid little plan is never going to work? There will always be wolf hunters! There will always be someone to kill wolves. We shouldn’t be hiding; we should be getting rid of the threat against us! Killing this hunter will get rid of one more killer so no more wolves end up like Kestra.” His blood was on fire. And with every sharp, flinty word the metal cage loosened a little from his chest. Words left him, and the cage squeezed again, leaving him choking and angrier than ever. He stared straight into his sister’s eyes and raged, “So what’s it going to be, Miss Queen of the World? Either way, you’re history!”
Sweat flecked his heaving sides as he breathed heavily, his eyes flashing like dull gold. The metal cage had fallen away, leaving only a hard, hot iron ball lying heavy inside his chest. He thought he rather liked the feeling, but then he couldn’t feel anything.
Remus stared at him, her eyes searching for he knew not what. The coppery scent of blood pricked his nostrils, and he watched as she reached up to wipe away the scarlet trickle from the side of her mouth. He had hurt her when he had pushed her out of the way. Normally he would have felt shame, but now he could only watch impassively.
She hesitantly pushed herself to her paws and then slowly padded over to the path leading down the mountain, keeping her eyes on Shade the whole time. She raised a paw as if to stumble back down to Eagle Pass, but when she turned her head she lowered her eyes and said quietly, “I didn’t know you…felt that for Kestra. I just thought it was something you guys did for fun. I’m sorry.” Her white cheek was smeared with red. “I’m sorry, Shade, but don’t endanger these packs. If you go out and hurt that hunter, other hunters will find out there are wolves around here, and they’ll come by the hundreds. Please. Save your anger for a better time.” Finally she raised her eyes to his and said curtly, “I have to warn the pack leaders about the hunter. Come back to the caverns when you’re finished here.”
Shade glared at her. “I’m done taking orders.”
Immediately her whole demeanor grew hard towards him, and she descended from his presence in cold silence.
Shade watched her go, and then turned his attentions back to the forest where the hunter lay hidden.
A stiff wind streamed through his fur and bit at his ears and cheeks and nose until moisture filled his eyes. Some of it leaked down his cheek, and suddenly he felt sick to his stomach and sick at heart. He couldn’t rid himself of the image of the blood dripping down the side of Kestra’s lifeless face, the blood trickling down Remus’s shocked face. He had killed one, and now he was killing the other. The two images melded into one inside his head, and he ached to send up a howl of mourning for Kestra’s life, his love, and Remus’s trust in him. But, of course, he couldn’t.
He glowered down at the trees and then almost threw up when he caught a glint of gold from Kestra’s skin stretched across the hunter’s shoulders. The pain hurtled inside him and stabbed at his guts, sending anger flooding through his body. “I should’ve kept my mouth shut,” he muttered. With only a few words he had sent Kestra out to meet her death, and he had severed the tie between him and his sister. The crushing guilt washed over him with the anger. But he didn’t let himself buckle under it.
Instead, he stood tall, facing into the wind, and declared, “Hunter, I’ll spare your life now, just once, but if you or any other hunters ever come this way again, I don’t care how many packs are here, I’ll rip you apart and watch you die with a smile on my face. And the only ones who will mourn for you will be your dogs.”
With every word he felt his resolve strengthen, and suddenly he had a reason to live again, and that was Kestra. It had been Kestra ever since he had come here, and that wasn’t about to change with her death. He knew, as he padded down from the ledge, that love was stronger than death…and, in this case, caused death.
He wondered what hunters might think of this new, murderous Dog of the North.