Tournniquet

by: Lady Vader

rated: G

characters: Ryssa, Thorn (c) to me.

Sequel to Thoughtless.

Songfic based on Evanescemce's 'Tourniquet'.

Please read Thoughtless first to understand the story.

Note: Do not read if you are offended by Christianity or God in any way. If you are, this is most certainly not a fic for you.

I tried to kill the pain.

But only brought more.

So much more.

I lay dying.

And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal.

She sat crying beside a pond just outside of Nome, the cold wind snatched roughly at her black and white pelt. She had been banned from the town because she had KILLED a dog, trying to make the madness and pain come to an end.

"I was so stupid." She muttered softly, her words soon lost in the wind. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to get rid of the pain.. The guilt was heavy and it wouldn't leave her alone. "I just made things worse... Why did I have to do that? Why couldn't I just take the pain like I had been my whole life. If I had, Rex wouldn't be dead and I would be back in Nome." She took a shaky breath. "And maybe the one I love might still be alive too." She said, refering to Thorn.

"I promised myself I would just take the pain and be strong, and that I wouldn't sink as low as them. And believe it or not, I've sunk lower..."

She had betrayed herself.   

I'm dying, praying, bleeding, And Screaming.

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?

She sighed. She was going to die out here, just outside of Nome. And her grave would be the snow. 

"Oh God," She prayed aloud, her voice mixed with many emotions. "I'm going to hell, aren't I? I'm too far gone to be saved...?"

She let out a scream of frustration. "Why me?" She muttered, glaring at her reflection in the pond water. A bloody dog stared back. Her once pale blue eyes were now dull and lifeless. She didn't even look like herself anymore.

My God.

My tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

My God.

My tourniquet.

Return to me salvation...

"Please." She whispred to God. "Be my tourniquet. I shouldn't have killed him..."

Do you remember me?

Lost for so long.

Will you be on the other side?

Or will you forget me?

Her thoughts slowly ventured back to Thorn. He had died trying to save her. It was her fault he was dead.

She sighed. Would she see him again after she died, or would he push her away like he didn't know her? That's probably what she diserved.

Or was she even going to heaven? Was she damned to hell?

My God.

My tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

My God.

My tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

"No God, please. I don't want to go to hell for killing him! It was a mistake."

My wounds cry for the grave.

My soul cries for diliverence.

Will I be denied?

Christ.

Tourniquet.

My suicide...

Her whole body ached from her injuries, but that was the last of her worries. "God please. Forgive me." She whispered, hoping she wouldn't be denied.

Suddenly, she wasn't alone. She turned to see a man cocking a gun. She stood and he yelled at her. "You killed my Rex. Now I'm gonna kill you." He spat and pointed the gun at her.

Ryssa closed her eyes and heard the gun fire.

-

"Welcome home." Said a loud, booming voice. It was perfect, and calming, yet so strong. God. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around.

"Ryssa?" She heard her name and she saw Thorn. He rushed over to her and began nuzzling her softly.

"Where am I?" She whispered.

"Heaven."