Finding Destiny

          I am…no one. I am an orphan, a runaway, a mutt, and a tramp who has been to one side of the wilderness and back. I have no identity. I don’t even have a name.

          All of that’s going to change. I haven’t been searching my whole life just to get nothing in the end. I need an identity. I need a soul. I need a life.

          You might ask why I’m standing at the edge of a town and not going in. I hate to admit it, but I’m afraid. I’ll say it again: I’m afraid. Me! A dog who has defended herself from her abductors, invaded others’ territory, helped fight a war, and…You get my point. I can’t believe what a coward I am, either. All my life I’ve had no problem with putting one foot in front of the other, moving on. Yet when I get to the place where all my questions could be answered and my history restored, I chicken out. I’ll just say it: I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed again. I’m afraid it won’t be him. My brother.

          I’ve been searching for him and my mother for what seems like forever. Even when I have real hope that I’ve found them, it always turns out my hopes were false.

          I haven’t always known that I have a family. I didn’t even know what a mother was until I was a few weeks old. Maybe it would’ve been better if I had never known. Then I wouldn’t have gone on this insane journey.

          No, wait; the knowledge of my family kept me going. If I hadn’t known my family existed, I would’ve never had the strength to survive Roan and Soran.

          Roan and Soran. Those names still make me burn up inside with hate. Roan hurt me physically by biting and hitting me, and Soran hurt me mentally by never defending me, making me feel like I wasn’t worth enough to defend. When I was a pup I felt like there was no escape from them, until the day I learned I had a family.

          I was seven weeks old.

          “Go ahead, pup. Lick it,” Roan coaxed from the side.

          I tore my eyes away from the huge, shimmering icicle in front of my nose and stared up at him. I pictured him lying beneath the icicle, and it falling and crushing him. I hid my smirk.

          “C’mon, it’s fine,” Roan cajoled.

          I backed up quickly when he leaned forward, but all he did was give the ice a tiny lick. He sat back unharmed, licking his lips. “Go on, pup.”

          Curiosity swept through me and I forgot to be cautious. I jerked my head up and gave the huge, blue icicle a big lick…and felt my hot tongue fuse to the cold surface. I tried to pull away, but was snapped back. My tongue felt like it was being ripped out of my head. I grunted and whined as I tugged and shook my head back and forth.

          Roan snorted and grunted with laughter, and from the corner of my eye he looked like a shaking red blur with one chipped fang gleaming in the sunlight. I imagined his fiery-colored fur burning into flames and the earth swallowing him up, taking him down where he could never hurt me again.

          Humiliation replaced my curiosity, and I glared at the icicle until I thought I could melt a hole right through it. I slowly peeled my tongue off the hard, cold ice, slowly, carefully…and whipped around to sink my teeth into Roan’s leg.

          “Augh!” Roan cried, knocking me to the side with his free paw. I lay in a heap, quietly breathing, knowing that I was alive and that I would live to regret it.

          Roan limped over to Soran’s resting place, muttering and cursing all the way. Soran looked up with an amused smile on his smug face. “What’s the matter?”

          “That little whelp just bit me!” Roan snarled. He held out his paw, which was now even redder with blood.

          Soran inspected the wound, then stretched out, yawning lazily. “It’ll be fine. I swear, you’re the only wolf I know who whines over a little nip.”

          “You call this a nip?” Roan held out his paw, which only now had stopped pouring blood. He licked at it gingerly. “Bites just like her mother,” Roan muttered, glaring at me.

          I lay still, scarcely daring to breathe. Mother? I only had a dim understanding of what that word meant. My mother. I had a mother?

          Soran looked at Roan with a wry smile on his silvery face. “C’mon, Lover Boy. Get over her. Aniu would’ve never had any interest in you even if she hadn’t found Scout.”

          “There’s still a chance, right?” Roan growled. He glared at something off in the distance. “But then Scout -that dog, that husky- came in. And she forgot everything else except for him.” A low snarl hummed inside Roan’s throat.

          Soran still wore an amused grin on his face. His sense of humor had always been a little…different. “Look, Roan, you got your revenge, right? Scout died, Aniu’s mother croaked, Seminole kicked the bucket, and we got ourselves a little toy in with the bargain. That was a great trick we played. You got your revenge, I got to have some fun with the husky-lover, and we didn’t get caught! I still can’t figure that part out.”

          “We ran like heck out of our pack’s territory, that’s why,” Roan explained gruffly. His left paw crunched up into a fist. “I didn’t get that second pup, though.”

          “Huh?”

          “While you were running away with the whelp over there, Aniu had another pup. A boy, from what I could see. I almost got him, but then Aniu bit my paw. She nearly broke it.” He looked down at his wound. “Actually, she bit the same leg that little monster just did.”

          “Huh! Like mother, like daughter, right?” Soran drawled.

          “Right.” Roan’s eyes suddenly darkened, and he looked straight through me. I felt his anger brush the air, and I knew when he looked at me, he saw my mother. And Roan was still angry. Very, very angry.

          My heart slammed against the inside of my chest, over and over. I froze for a moment, quivering, as Roan advanced toward me with that dark shine in his eye. I bolted, and I could barely hear his thundering footsteps behind me above my own pattering footfalls and battering blood in my ears.

          ThumpTHUMP, ThumpTHUMP, ThumpTHUMP.

          Roan was coming up behind me, ready to hurt me again, ready to bathe me in my own blood. I ran faster, fear surging through my limbs like electricity.

          THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP.

          I couldn’t breathe. I was choking on my heartbeats. I needed to slow down, to breathe, but then Roan’s breath burned my tail, and I ran faster.

          THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP.

          I was going to collapse. But I had to keep running, had to keep away from him, my torturer. My heart was going to explode. I was either going to die from fear or a heart attack before Roan even got me in his claws.

          THUMPTHUMPTHUMP–

          “You little–!” Roan’s teeth closed around the back of my neck, and I flailed my legs desperately as I hung from his teeth. Soran stood laughing on the sidelines.

Hate broiled my insides. I reached up and slashed Roan across the nose.  He howled, but clamped his mouth shut before neighbors heard, and dropped me to the ground. I scrambled to get away, but his heavy paw pressed down on my back like a weight. I whined and coughed as he pushed me down down down into the dirt, and I could smell the dark scent of the earth as he ran his claws through my skin. He whispered to me that I took after my mother as a mindless weakling, and I was worthless, and that it wouldn’t matter if he killed me right then because I didn’t matter. Those words are still in my mind today, even though I do my best to shut them out because I know they’re stupid lies. But I didn’t know that then, and I was pitiful enough to believe every word.

“Roan, stop!” Soran pointed his nose to the north and sniffed. “You smell that?”

“Yeah,” Roan said, holding me down by my tail as I tried to run away. I whined in pain and in fear of my tail getting ripped off.

“What do you think it is?” Soran sniffed. “Smells like a pack heading this way.”

“So we’ve got to hide the kid!” Roan exploded, “If they find out what we’ve been doing to her, they might kill us! You know how a lot of wolves go crazy over pups!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Soran murmured.

I suddenly found the strength to tear myself away from Roan, and ran as fast as I could to who-knows-where.

“Hey!” Roan yelled, “Get back here!”

“For Pete’s sake, Roan,” Soran muttered.

“You just shut up,” Roan growled.

I scampered behind our cave and hid there behind a molting pine tree. The needles prickled my nose, and their spicy smell was nauseating, but I didn’t make a sound. I had learned that staying quiet would help me get less beatings from Roan. Maybe silence could help me now.

Roan was my real tormentor, but Soran never lifted a paw to help or defend me, even though he never hurt me. Soran simply didn’t care about me, and that’s the reason my hate for him was even more so than for Roan.

I lay there, shaking. An overwhelming surge of insecurity swept through me, and instantly I wanted nothing more than to curl up somewhere safe, between loving paws, and cry and cry until Roan and Soran drowned in the salty river of my tears. I thought of the mother I had heard talked about. Was she real? Could she hear me?

“Mother?” I whimpered pitifully into the wind. It tossed away my words, and I felt more alone and stupid than ever. “Mother…”

Approaching footsteps below made me duck, and I listened, terrified, as they marched closer and closer until they were right in front of the cave. There were a hundred, a thousand footsteps. I imagined duplicates of Roan and Soran coming to hurt me, and I burrowed down into the snow.

“You two are intruders here,” a deep voice rumbled, “This is not your territory.”

I peeked over the ridge and saw an elderly gray wolf standing up to my two abductors with a pack of ten other wolves at his back.

“We’re sorry,” Roan said in an emotionless voice, “We didn’t know we were in your space.”

“Really?” the older wolf replied, arching an eyebrow, “I can tell you’ve been living here for a few weeks. The edge of my territory is only a few pawprints to the east. You haven’t scented it in all this time?”

“Look, who are you to be telling us this?” Soran blurted out.

Roan kicked him. For all his gray fur, Soran had never had much gray matter in his head.

“I am Kalim, leader of the White Storm pack,” the wolf huffed, straightening up and glaring at Soran, “And you are on my territory, so I suggest you come up with a good reason why I should let you stay!” Suddenly Kalim stopped and sniffed. His right foot pawed at the snow. “Do I smell…?” He sniffed again, and narrowed his eyes at Roan. “Do you have a young pup living here also?”

“Pup? Geez, no!” Roan exclaimed hastily, “If you smell anything, it’s the baby, uh, uh, deer we killed this morning! A wolf’s got to eat when a wolf’s got to eat, right?”

“I’m not so old that I cannot tell the difference between prey and my own blood,” Kalim said icily.

“Well, c’mon, Kalim,” Roan said with a weak grin, “Why would we have a pup hanging around here? Do we look like the kind who babysit?”

Kalim stared at them, and then sighed. “Very well, then. You may stay, but I’ll be keeping an eye on you. Good day.”

The wolves turned and padded off into the snow, disappearing into the distance.

Roan glared at Soran. “Nice.”

“What? I had no idea he was the pack leader,” Soran said innocently.

“I think it was kind of obvious,” Roan said, rolling his eyes, “Old guy? A pack following him? He starts talking about territory? Hmmm, let’s think here…”

“Hey, not everybody can be the brains of the operation.” Soran went over and lay down in front of the cave.

Roan snorted. “Oh yeah? And what are you, the foot?”

Soran closed his eyes and growled softly.

Roan looked around with sudden urgency. “Hey, where’s the kid?”

“You let her go, you go find her,” Soran said with his eyes still closed.

“Gee, thanks for the help,” Roan muttered.

“My pleasure.”

I curled up beside the cave, shivering and waiting to be found. Kalim and his pack had opened something up inside me. I had only seen other wolves (besides Roan and Soran) from a distance, but now, knowing the wolves could be reached and talked to, I had new hope. Maybe one day I could escape from here…

“Gotcha.” Roan scooped me up in his teeth and carried me to the cave. I went limp in his mouth, but a hot star seemed to hurtle out of the sky and stamp itself on my heart. I felt a warm determination in my chest that one day I would escape, and hopefully leave Roan and Soran crying for their mothers just as they had made me cry for mine. I would escape. I would be free.

Time passed. I grew from pup to young adult, maturing, and growing a little older and wiser…Okay, maybe not wiser, but definitely more independent. I started to see I didn’t have to be a frightened little whelp anymore. I didn’t have to be pushed around. I could make my own rules.

Roan and Soran noticed I was growing and changing, too, and I could tell what they had in mind for me. But I wasn’t going to be their toy. They didn’t seem to realize it, but I was as strong as they were, and my will was stronger still. It was time to get out of there, and make a future for myself.

It felt like it was around the time I would turn two. I couldn’t be sure of the exact day, but it felt like a special day, now that I was determined to leave for good. And what better gift could I get than my freedom from Roan and Soran? I deemed it my birthday, got up, and lumbered out of the cave that morning to a fine silver mist.

My abductors were nowhere in sight. I looked around, and then cocked my head when I hear voices. I crept back to the cave and padded around, and froze when I saw Soran and Roan talking earnestly behind the cave.

I quickly drew back behind a mound of snow and tried to stop the pounding blood in my ears so I could hear what was being said.

“Hey, Soran. Have you been noticing…the pup’s not exactly a pup anymore?”

“Yeah. She’s a good-looking one, alright,” Soran breathed.

I almost choked as I tried to hold back my laughter. I had never actually seen myself, so I didn’t even know I was physically attractive. To think that I was attracting these bad boys, my kidnappers, was so weird it was kind of funny.

“You know this is what we’ve been waiting for, right?” Roan said lowly, “She’s attractive, and she’s scared of us. This is our chance. Today’s the day to really have some fun with her.”

My blood iced into freezing liquid. I knew it. This is what they had been planning to do to me. They would hurt me more than they had ever done before, and this time it would be both of them, not just Roan. My blood bubbled and boiled into liquid fire, and I glared at my abductors with so much hatred only time would tell which one of us would explode first. I suddenly promised myself that I would not let them do this. Whatever it took, I would be free of them before the day was out.

As if feeling my glare, Roan turned and stared right into my eyes. “Well, well. Didn’t anyone ever tell you eavesdropping is rude?”

“I never did have good parents,” I shot back, stepping out to face him.

“Well, you’ve got us,” Soran snickered.

“Shut up,” Roan and I said in unison, and returned to our argument.

“How much did you hear?” Roan asked.

“Enough,” I replied shortly, “Enough to know that you’re going to hurt me, and that that’s the only reason you’ve kept me around. It’s all been for your pleasure, hasn’t it?”

“Hm, smart and beautiful,” Roan drawled, “Though it would be more beneficial to us if you only had the latter of those traits.”

“Your loss,” I snapped, “I’ve been your play thing for long enough, Roan. I dare you to come over here and touch me. Just touch me.”

“Is that a challenge or an invitation?” Roan whispered menacingly.

“You’ll regret it either way,” I spat.

Suddenly Roan gave a swift nod, and out of nowhere Soran pushed me down from behind. I fell flat on my face, but immediately I tried to get up. Soran just grinned stupidly as he held me down.

“Look at Ms. Hot Stuff now,” Roan sneered, padding over and standing to the side, “What do you think? Do you want to go first, Soran?”

“It would be my pleasure,” Soran chuckled, and I squeezed my eyes shut as I started to feel sick. I couldn’t let this happen. They couldn’t do this to me. No way would they ever get the chance to do this to me! Not now, not ever!

“NO!” I threw Soran to the ground and kicked Roan in the jaw, cracking his head back. I flew to my feet and kicked at Roan again, catching him in the eye. He groaned, but he bit my foot at the last second and twisted my leg, flipping me. I spun through the air and my head whirled, but even as I hit the ground and felt the pain, all I thought about was winning my life, and my pride, and my self-respect.

I sprang up, only to duck down when I felt Roan’s teeth glide over my neck. He missed biting me by a second. I screwed my teeth into his leg and threw him to the ground to lay belly-up. Soran tried to come up from behind again, but I flipped him over my shoulder and onto the ground. He landed next to Roan with his stomach and neck up and exposed. Two pairs of amazed eyes stared up at me. I glared back. I had them pinned. They were beaten and they knew it.

For a minute I almost ripped into them, imagined seeing their dead bodies, feeling the relief, but I stopped myself. The best revenge would be to make them live with themselves. Without me, without pleasure, their lives had no point except to annoy each other day in and day out. Ah, sweet revenge.

I stood over them, one paw on each of their chests, my eyes flashing fire as I held their lives in my paws. They looked up at me. I looked down at them. We were all breathing heavily, and it took me a minute to gather the breath to deliver my parting words to my abductors:

“I’m leaving you both, and don’t come after me. Don’t you dare come after me. I’ve been your toy for long enough. I’m not just a thing to be played with. I have feelings, and right now I hate you both so much I wish I could kill you. But I can’t. You need to see for yourselves how pathetic your lives are. That will be your only chance. If you follow me, or try to hurt me again, I will personally rip out your throats and watch you die with a smile on my face. I’m done here.”

Slowly I slid my paws off their chests and backed away, watching them in case they decided to follow. Neither of them moved. They didn’t even watch me go.

I turned around and sauntered down to the entrance of the cave. I looked into its hollow chamber for the last time, before turning and breaking into a flying gallop, pounding over the frozen plain. I left behind my old territory and hurtled into the unknown, where nothing but snow and ice and silence greeted me.

A lightness came over me like raven’s wings, and a howl soared from my throat that raced over the tundra and expressed my relief to the world. I grinned almost happily. Happy birthday to me. I’m free. I’m free!

I loped on for a couple miles before scenting and then seeing a pack of wolves gathered together on a small piece of the Alaskan tundra. My first instinct was to run, but the pack’s smell snuck up my nostrils and bruised my brain with memories. It was the White Storm pack. Their leader, Kalim, had shown concern for me when I was a pup. Maybe he could help me now.

I started to run forward, and almost slammed into a gray wolf who seemed to appear out of nowhere. I tried to barge past him, but he blocked me every time. Then he pushed me back, and I saw I was surrounded by four other wolves. I cursed softly under my breath.

“You have invaded White Storm territory,” the wolf who had blocked me proclaimed loudly, “State your name, pack, and mission. Unsatisfactory missions will be dealt with accordingly.”

“I don’t have a name,” I spat, “And I don’t have a pack, either. I want to see Kalim so I can become a new pack member…and none of you can stop me.” I had decided the only way to lead a normal life as a wolf would be to join a wolf pack. And man, did I want to be normal, to forget everything about my very unordinary and most unfortunate past.

“No name?” one of the wolves echoed in surprise.

“Feisty little thing, isn’t she?” another of them chuckled.

I whirled around with a snarl and a warning glare to show him just how feisty I could be. Immediately the others barricaded me in with their bodies. I was about to take a swipe at one of them when the commanding wolf’s words caught me.

“Kalim has passed on,” he said, “Our new leader is Ice Moon. If you would like an audience with her, we’ll escort you there.”

I gritted my teeth to stop myself from breaking through the bodies caging me and running to see Ice Moon myself. Defiance wasn’t going to get me anywhere, even if it was my style of dealing with others. I gave the leader of the group the smallest of nods and forced an “Okay” past my teeth. He returned the nod and signaled the group with one paw.

Immediately the four wolves took one step away from me, and for a moment I thought I was free to go.

But no. They boxed me in, and so I was forced to march like a common criminal into Ice Moon’s cave.

Ice Moon sat staring into space on her throne of rock. She would have been an imposing figure if not for the path tears had cut through the fur on her face. Her fur was a dark red-brown with a crescent-shaped patch of white at her throat. She seemed to snap out of a sorrowful trance when the leader of my escort cleared his throat, and her dead brown eyes flicked over me. “Jaydor, who is this?” she whispered icily.

“She has no name nor pack, Ice Moon,” Jaydor answered, “She wishes to speak to you about-”

“Make me a member of your pack,” I demanded, pushing forward.

Ice Moon bristled, and her fur color reminded me vaguely of Roan’s. I forced myself to stay calm even as flames seemed to kindle inside my chest and behind my eyes.

“No name, you say?” she muttered coldly, “Perhaps we will have to settle for ‘Impertinent One’, since that is what you are.”

“I’ll choose my own name, thanks,” I snapped. The truth was, I hadn’t decided on a name for myself yet. It probably sounds stupid, but a name is more than a label. It was about the only thing in life I could control, so it had to be perfect. It had to reflect me. I wasn’t about to let Ice Moon take that freedom away from me.

“You wish to be a member of my pack,” Ice Moon mused, “Why?”

I sighed impatiently. “Look, here’s how it went. I was kidnapped by Roan and Soran when my mother, Aniu, gave birth to me-”

“Aniu?” Ice Moon practically shrieked. Then she seemed to put a mask over her face.

I eyed her suspiciously. “Yes, Aniu. Do you have a problem with my mother’s name or something?”

“Such an unusual name,” she gushed, but I’m not stupid. She knew my mother or she knew something about my mother that she was hiding. I watched her carefully as she said in a stiff voice, “Please continue.”

I told her the whole story, starting with the kidnapping and ending with my escape from Roan and Soran and my journey to her cave. When I finished I felt exhausted, as if a hurricane had whirled inside me and then spiraled out bit by bit.

Ice Moon stretched her lips in a thin smile. “Well, well. I’m glad to see you got here safe and sound. Yes, you are welcome to be a member of the White Storm pack. Jaydor, show her where the pack sleeps. She deserves rest.”

He nodded and turned to go.

“Oh, and Jaydor?”

He stopped.

“Send a troop to the inhabitance of Roan and Soran. If they are there, kill them.”

“NO!” I yelled.

The whole cave was silent. Jaydor was struggling not to gape at me. And if I thought Ice Moon had bristled before, this was no comparison! It looked as if all her fur suddenly suffered severe gravity loss.

“You dare oppose your leader?” she screeched.

“Yes, I do dare,” I said as calmly as I could, “Because I’ve already…worked everything out with them. I’ve left them to themselves. You don’t need to kill them.”

“Since when does any wolf need to be killed?” Ice Moon answered dryly, waving me away with a few last words: “But with your impudence, you have just condemned them.” She turned her back, and Jaydor hustled me out of the cave before I could say anything more.

“Don’t push it,” he muttered to me, his voice rough and coarse, much different from the voice he had spoken to Ice Moon with.

“Look who’s talking!” I exclaimed without thinking.

Jaydor stopped in his tracks, and slowly pivoted around to face me. “You don’t have any respect for authority, do you?” he said lowly.

“Anyone who tries to boss me around doesn’t deserve respect,” I growled. Frankly, I didn’t think much of Jaydor. His personality and mine were like the clash of fire and water. He seemed too cold and stiff, too obsessed with rank and rules. I, on the other hand, had learned that to survive I had to be as disobedient and disrespectful as I could so as not to let my kidnappers get the better of me.

Jaydor and I stared at each other like wolves about to fight, but then he looked away and trotted on. I followed him into a cave entrance hidden in the hill by fallen branches and dirt and snow. Jaydor padded into a large stone chamber and up to a young gray female who was busy rationing out the meat to several other wolves. She stopped what she was doing to listen to him, and then signaled another wolf to take over her job. Jaydor and the female hurried over to me while I stood awkwardly, feeling exposed and enclosed at the same time. Seeing so many wolves together at one time, and feeling no wind rushing past my face, made me dizzy and lonely at the same time. I was an alien to this life.

“This is my sister, Crystal,” Jaydor said, “She’ll help you out until you’ve settled into pack life.”

“Call me Crys,” Crystal said warmly, her blue-purple eyes laughing with utter amusement of the world and all its inhabitants.

I nodded to her carefully. I had learned it was never too smart to trust anyone too much. Crystal’s cheer only made me more suspicious of her.

Jaydor excused himself to return to his duties, and I was left staring with hatred at Crystal’s brittle smile. How could she be so happy when the world, even her own pack leader, was full of turmoil? I didn’t understand her, or trust her.

“Jay said to find someplace for you to sleep,” Crystal told me, “After what he told me you’ve been through, I don’t blame him. You’re lucky that at this time of day the sleeping quarters are almost always empty. C’mon!”

I grudgingly followed her past the wolves getting their food, and they all stared at me as if I really was an alien. I glared at them as I padded past, but then I almost smashed into a stalagmite in my way. From there on I stuck to holding my head high and ignoring the others, but it was a relief to enter a narrow passageway and then a small, empty cave.

Suddenly my mind shut down. All my defiance and rigidness in my muscles dribbled away. Exhaustion over what had happened in the past few hours left me feeling boneless and weak. I stumbled over to a spot and collapsed, sinking into sleep like it was a warm blanket. Crystal was still talking, though.

“Well, now that you’re part of the pack, you need a name,” she was saying brightly, “What do you think we should call you?”

I was too tired even to make a smart-aleck comment about the prissy, girly names she was probably conjuring up for me in her mind this very minute.

My memories circled back to the nights when Roan and Soran, drunk on the blood of their prey, would raise their eyes to the moon and tell stories of Luna, the moon goddess, a female white wolf who watched over all wolves from the skies at night. She was doomed to an inferior fate, though, for when it came the time for day, she took to the shadows while her mate Fenris, the sun god, soared into the skies with his shining golden eyes and coat. His loud glory covered her own simple beauty, and she was destined to be overshadowed by him until her night came again.

That’s how I felt: unnoticed, overwhelmed, swallowed up by a pack name. I was no longer myself. I was a White Storm wolf. But I wouldn’t allow this to be my destiny. I wouldn’t let something else decide who I was. I would take charge of my fate. But right then, I felt like Luna. I was Luna. 

 “Call me Luna,” I murmured in answer, and then slumped into a sleep so deep it was as if Luna’s night itself had swallowed me up.

I awoke with a terrified jolt the next morning. Where was I? Why were there all these warm bodies around me? How much damage had my two kidnappers done to me during the night? Had I fought them off as if in a dream, or had I been too tired to resist?

I heaved myself up and stretched, when my brain snapped back to the present. Roan and Soran were as good as gone. I was with the White Storm pack. I was Luna.

I picked my way through the slumbering bodies, straining to see through the dark. By the time I reached the end of the chamber, I had endured snaps, growls, and curses as I accidentally kicked and tripped over the other wolves. I was so used to that treatment, though, I hardly noticed.

I squeezed myself through the narrow tunnel and into the main cave. By this time I had figured out that all the caves were connected, and that the sleeping quarters probably connected to Ice Moon’s cave by some passageway I hadn’t seen. It was a maze, and I was stumbling through it too early in the morning, half-asleep and hungry.

The thick smell of raw meat floated to my nose, and I tracked it outside beneath the snow. I scraped at the frozen soil with my claws, digging furiously until a square of brown-red appeared beneath the dirt. I grabbed it with my teeth and tore into the chunk that came up out of the hole. I swear, I had never tasted anything so good.

I had only gulped down about a quarter of the chunk before I was suddenly smashed to the ground and held there with a paw pressed against my neck.

“Anyone who takes more than their share is considered a thief and a traitor,” a low male voice snarled. I couldn’t say anything back, because generally when someone is crushing your windpipe out the other side of your neck, you can’t talk, never mind breathe.

When I was starting to see little black dots, a low female voice saved my life: “That’s enough, Cyan!”

The paw released me, and air rushed into my lungs. I sucked it in furiously, and dizzily pushed myself to my feet. I rubbed my neck and glared at the wolf who had attacked me. He had a gray coat that subtly changed to brown-gray at his hips. He had startling, bright blue eyes with a shining black pupil in the center that reminded me of a dollop of oil floating on the water. And now I knew his name: Cyan.

Ice Moon, my lifesaver, trotted forward from the cave mouth and brought her face close to Cyan’s. “Luna is new, and she missed meals today,” she said firmly, “You were doing your job right, but you of all wolves should know about these things!” She swept past him and back into the cave’s shadows.

I quickly choked down the rest of the meat before anyone else came on the scene.

Cyan shuddered after she was gone. “Crazy old bat,” he muttered, and turned to me. “Uh…sorry.”

I rubbed my neck again. It didn’t really hurt that much, but he deserved to feel guilty. “Why is she a crazy old bat?” I asked bitingly.

Cyan snorted and narrowed his eyes. “You haven’t heard?”

“Would I be asking you if I had?” I retorted.

He sighed and sat down. I sat down, too. The night was freezing, but our talking would wake the others if we went inside. I hoped for a quick summary of a tale that seemed like it could last awhile.

“Kalim was the alpha male, and Ice Moon was his mate,” Cyan began, his blue eyes serious, “They started this pack awhile ago, and I joined as a lone wolf. Anyway, a few weeks ago Kalim died of old age, and Ice Moon went a little screwy from grief. She’s the leader of the pack now, but she’s old, too. She won’t last long.”

“What do you mean by ‘screwy’?” I asked suspiciously. I remembered her staring off into space when I first saw her, and the tears on her muzzle.

“She’s always acting like she’s out to get us,” Cyan replied, “Or that we’re out to get her…Do you know Jaydor?”

It was my turn to snort. “Doesn’t he run this place?”

“…Kind of,” Cyan said, a mysterious grin floating on his lips, but it quickly drooped into an indifferent expression as he said softly, “Just remember, Jaydor’s a lot more than he seems. Now c’mon, let’s get inside. I’m freezing my tail off.”

He padded into the dark cave, and I was seized by a sudden thought. I ran up to him and stopped him with one paw on his shoulder. Cyan turned around. “What?”

“If you ever attack me again,” I growled lowly, “You won’t live to regret it. Because I’ll kill you.”

“Oo, tough girl,” Cyan said sarcastically, but I could tell he was a little impressed. Well, why wouldn’t he be? All guys care about is how tough you are or how attractive you are. Guys, in my opinion, are like rocks. They don’t think, but they can hurt.

I lay down in my spot and dozed for awhile before falling asleep. I dreamed of the moon and meat and my escape, and a certain wolf with bright blue eyes that glinted at me through sinister slits.

A few hours later something poked me in the leg. A feminine voice whispered, “Luna. Get up, Luna.”

My drowsy brain stirred. Luna? Who was Luna?...Oh, yeah. I still had to get used to having a name.

I squirmed away, knowing perfectly well who was poking me and that her ugly, smiling face was the last thing I wanted to see in the morning.

The poking became more insistent. “Luna.”

I shifted around, but the voice and prodding paw wouldn’t go away. I cursed silently and pushed the paw away.

“LUNA!”

“GET OFF!” I yelled, finally opening my bleary eyes.

Crystal smiled down at me, undaunted. “Good morning!”

The sunlight streaming from outside fried my eyeballs. I squinted against the glare and heaved myself up. “What time is it?”

“Time to get up, that’s what time,” Crystal said brightly, leading me outside through the tunnel. I prayed that my eyes would survive. How could a place so dark only a few hours ago be so blindingly bright so soon?

“You just missed the hunting party going after breakfast,” Crystal said. She trotted toward a group of chatting females. “C’mon, Lu, come meet the girls.”

Crystal’s constant nicknaming was starting to grate on my nerves. My name was Luna, not Lu. Had I ever said she could call me Lu? No. And I would never, I swore, never call her Crys. She was too annoying to become one of my friends. 

   “Girls, this is Luna,” Crystal chirped, “You know, the new member?”

There were “Ah”s and “Of course”s and cool nods. I struggled not to roll my eyes, or yawn. Who did these guys think they were? They all seemed to be so happy. I bet they would keep smiling even if the world ended right then. They knew nothing of the real world, the cruel world. They had lived here, safe and healthy, while I suffered at the paws of my kidnappers. I knew the true, ugly nature of the world, because I had lived it. And they hadn’t.

The injustice and my jealousy scalded me inside, while Crystal babbled and burbled on about something that all the other females seemed to understand, and I didn’t. It was something about gossip and love and crushes. Half of me wanted to scream, “What the heck are you talking about??” and the other half wanted to yell, “Who cares???”

When I was so bored I was practically drooling while falling asleep on my feet, a new voice woke me up.

“They’re back!”

I glanced up to see most of the male wolves trudge into the area dragging a small caribou behind them. Literally jumping at the chance to get a way from Crystal and her little group, I loped over to the party and sniffed at the meat delicately. My stomach growled earnestly.

A much more threatening growl vibrated behind my ear. I snapped around to see Ice Moon snarling at me, her lip curled. I was a little surprised, but what else could I do? I got ready to roar right back, but suddenly Cyan knocked me to the side and dragged me to an obscure corner. I almost fought him off, but his words stopped me: “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Telling Ice Moon that no one bosses me around,” I said hotly. I watched as Jaydor bowed coldly to Ice Moon as she stepped past him and began eating.

“That’s her job,” Cyan said shortly, then stopped. “Please don’t tell me you don’t know what kind of situation you’re in.”

“All I know is I want food,” I moaned longingly, but as a joke. Cyan’s stare of disbelief suddenly convinced me that this was no laughing matter.

“Come with me,” he said, sliding past the cave.

My stomach rumbled and gnawed at it’s lining, and I held back.

“I’ve got food,” he sighed with exasperation, “Now get moving!”

I shot past him and grinned evilly at the sour expression on his face. He tried to catch up with me, but I was too fast for him. We ran, with him shouting directions and curses from behind me, and eventually wound up at a small den with an odd-looking pattern of large flat rocks arranged in front of it. I clambered up on one of the rocks and lay down, panting and feeling smug.

Cyan sat down in the snow beside me, gasping for breath. “Where did – you – learn how – to – run – like that?” he inquired through wheezes.

“Genes, probably,” I told him, “My father was a sled dog. What did you expect?”

His expression hardened. “Right. Which brings me to the topic at hand.”

“Food?” I said hopefully. A hunger pang hit my stomach so hard I nearly doubled over.

Cyan grunted, and started scrabbling through the snow. While he was doing that, I mimed dying of starvation, which isn’t too hard when you feel like your stomach’s starting to digest itself.

Finally Cyan threw a hunk of meat at my head, which I caught in my mouth and started chowing down. He watched me eat, and the realization hit me after I had swallowed my last mouthful: I was alone with a male.

The hairs all over my body prickled. My heart started going thumpthumpthumpTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP…

“Alright. Luna, there’s something you need to know,” Cyan said.

I stared at him. THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP.

“The truth is…” He stopped. “There’s going to be a rebellion.”

THUMP– I think my heart stopped for a few precious seconds, and then started hitting harder than ever. “What?” I whispered.

“Ice Moon isn’t the most popular leader of all time,” Cyan said, “Ever since Kalim’s death, she’s been too grief-stricken. She doesn’t care about the pack. She only cares about her dead mate. So…some of us have decided it’s time to rebel.”

I was only half-listening. I flicked my gaze around the clearing. I had to get away. THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP.

“There are meetings, and…Jaydor and I are a big part of them,” Cyan continued, “And you need to know one thing…”

If he tried to attack me, was I strong enough to evade him?

Cyan said slowly, “Ice Moon is–”

With a wild cry I kicked him in the jaw, and sped away with my paws pounding into the ground. THUMPTHUMPTH-UMPTHUMPTHUMP. Memories flashed before my eyes of how my heart had been this terrified as Roan chased and caught me, whispering in his slithery voice that I was worthless and weak…

Panic screamed through my head as Roan’s and Soran’s voices followed me back to the cave and into the farthest corner of the sleeping chamber. I flattened myself against the wall until the memories had subsided, and then I slid down to the floor, gasping. The echoes of my past bounced around the room into my head, and it was all I could do not to tremble.

I moaned, I whined, I shuddered as my history seemed to roll down my eyes in waves, as I watched scenes of my life I had forgotten until now: waking up each morning with new cuts and bruises; practicing my howl and then being slapped so hard I thought Roan had broken my neck; listening to their eerie stories that made me so afraid of the dark; and on and on and on…

Biting tears nipped at my face, and I was immediately reminded of Ice Moon. Maybe she could help me. I didn’t really care if she was angry or not. I just needed someone who understood pain.

I picked myself up and stumbled out of the cave, memories still pricking at my brain and eyes. Clusters of wolves were spread out between Ice Moon’s cave and the pack cave, and I avoided them as I padded towards Ice Moon’s cave. I should have seen the gang of males sneaking up on me…but I didn’t.

“Where do you think you’re going?” one wolf said casually, blocking my path. I tried to barge past him, but there were more of them behind him, grinning as though they thought I was the most amusing thing they’d ever seen.

I backed up a few steps and took a deep breath. I couldn’t fight my way out of this.

“Is it any of your business where I’m going?” I said pleasantly.

The male gazed at me blankly as if I had asked him a trick question.

“I can tell you where I’m not going, though,” I told him, “Anywhere with you.”

His grin returned like the waxing of the moon. “Cool it, wolf-dog. You’re not going anywhere until I’ve had a good look at you.” He gawked at me with an almost drunken gleam in his eye. Now I felt my anger starting to boil over.

The other males had similar gluttonous looks as they slowly surrounded me, chuckling.

Suddenly I whirled around in a circle, slapping the leader of the group in the face with my tail. “There! You’d had your look!” I cried, “Do you want anymore? How about this?” I swiped one of the males with my claws. “And this?” I knocked another to the ground. “Are you sure that’s all you want? Because trust me, I’ve got more!”

The hungry look had dimmed slightly in the leader’s eyes, and his mouth curled into a silent snarl as he advanced towards me. His gang followed his lead, and my heart jumped around in my throat as I watched them approach. I was dead meat; for the umpteenth time in my life I felt like a caribou waiting to be slaughtered. I was the hunted, the rest of the world was the hunter. That hunter had chased me my whole life, and each time I had managed to escape. The experience never gets old, though.

Again I found myself thinking the same thoughts I did every time I was cornered and as good as gone: Is this it? Is it curtains for me? What will dying feel like? Where will I go after I’m gone? Dying will be a release from this life, but still…

“Big mistake, sweetheart,” the leader growled.     

“Kamotz! That’s enough!”

I looked up in surprise as Jaydor pushed through the males and stood between Kamotz and me.

“Does his Highness not approve of something here?” Kamotz said mockingly. Someone snickered.

“Watch your mouth and you might get off with a warning,” Jaydor snapped. He looked around at them all with disgust. “As for the rest of you. Get out of here!”

The gang grumbled and mumbled insults as they slowly dispersed.

Jaydor turned to me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said automatically, though I was very surprised to hear something like genuine concern in his voice.

He shook his head. “Idiots. All of them. Sometimes I can’t believe most of them are my cousins.”

I felt my jaw drop. Was he actually being nice to me?

“Ice Moon requests an audience with you,” Jaydor said quietly, “Now.” He whipped around and started padding towards Ice Moon’s cave.

I hesitated. Now that I knew Jaydor actually had more personality than a rock, could I trust him enough to follow him?

He stopped and turned around. “Coming?”

Something moved inside me. I don’t know what it was, but I found myself trotting along beside him as we entered the pack leader’s chamber.

Ice Moon once again sat staring into space, her expression vacant, lost.

Jaydor cleared his throat loudly, and when his leader looked up he proclaimed, “Luna is here.”

“I’m not blind, Jaydor,” Ice Moon snapped, jumping off her throne of stone and landing before him. “You may go now.”

Looking a little insulted, Jaydor slunk away, but not before he looked back and gave me a comforting smile.

Something jumped inside me. Again, I couldn’t tell you what. It was the weirdest sensation.

“Luna.”

I turned back to Ice Moon, who was contemplating me with great interest.

“An interesting name. It means ‘moon’, does it not? Interesting, very interesting.”

“Why is it so interesting?” I asked, “I would bet any number of bones that millions of wolves have names that mean ‘moon’ or have ‘moon’ in them. Your name, in fact.”

Her golden eyes glittered. “It is interesting that you chose a name similar to mine because you have a very good reason to hat me, to not want to have anything to do with me. Do you know what that reason is?”

“You’re old and starting to go insane?” I guess slyly.

Ice Moon’s laugh was hard and sharp, like blocks of ice shattering on stone. “An accurate assumption, but no.”

I disliked the murderous gleam in her eyes.

She leaned toward me with a wicked smile. “You see, I knew your mother, Luna.”

I snapped to attention. “Aniu?”

Her laugh echoed around the cave, making me wince. “Yes, Aniu. She was a sweet little pup, but she should have never been born.”

“What?” I muttered.

Ice Moon bared her teeth in a sickening grin. “Her mother, Silver Snow –your grandmother– betrayed Kalim. She was supposed to be his mate, but then she ran off with this other wolf, Wildfire –your grandmother– and had pups by him, Aniu being one of them. Without your grandmother’s betrayal, I would have never become Kalim’s mate. But…Kalim didn’t deserve to be betrayed!”

I jumped at her wild cry, and started edging backward. Ice Moon saw this and seized me by the shoulder, her claws digging into my skin. As I looked into her crazy old face, for a second I thought I saw Roan leering at me, felt his nails under my skin, but then I realized this time it was Ice Moon who was attacking me.

I ripped myself away, but she clung fast again.

“Your grandmother was a traitor, and your mother was a bastard!” she cackled, “I should have killed Aniu while I had the chance! But no, she has continued her filthy bloodline, and any half-blood, bastard pup of hers deserves to have their dirty blood spilled!” Her golden eyes spun wildly.

I wrenched away from her and almost got away, but she fell upon me with such force that I was dragged down, flailing and trying to call for help. She sank her teeth into my back and watched gleefully as red bubbled up from my body. I hissed in pain and flung her off me.

I scrambled up and tore out of the cave, Ice Moon’s words ringing after me: “You carry Aniu’s blood, wench! With her blood you carry all her mistakes, her regrets, her burdens! I will never forget your grandmother’s and mother’s treachery, Luna! You deserve to die!…”

THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP.

My heart and my feet beat to the same rhythm as I galloped across the clearing and out onto the tundra. I wanted to run forever.

Wind scraped down my throat and froze the dripping blood on my back, and I gasped in pain. I pounded on through the snow and wind, even though I could feel my gait slowing. My first day of pack life had been a disaster: the males were after me, the pack leader wanted to kill me, and underneath it all a rebellion was being planned. This life was no better than a life with Roan and Soran. I was tempted to think it was much worse.

I closed my eyes. The faces of Roan and Soran, Ice Moon and Jaydor, Cyan and even Kalim whirled in front of my eyes.

Icy coldness engulfed my body, and I opened my eyes to see I had fallen into the snow. Fine. Let me lie here. Who would care? Not me.

A voice drifted down the wind, but I didn’t even bother to look up when I realized who it was.

“Luna!” Crystal skidded to a halt at my side and hauled me to my feet before I could protest. “Luna, what happened? Ice Moon’s having a fit, and when I saw you run off I thought she had hurt you. Are you okay? Jaydor was a real jerk to leave you alone with her, no one can tell what she’s going to do next! Are you all right?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” I mumbled bitterly, “I’ve just been attacked by a crazy old wolf who wants me dead because of my mother’s and grandmother’s stupid mistakes, the males in this pack are out to get me just because I happen to have a brain and not just beauty, and to top it all off, Cyan is cooking up a rebellion that’ll make this life even more insane! Did you get all that? Any questions? No? Now bug off!”

Crystal blinked at me for a few seconds, then mustered up an uncertain smile.

I sighed in frustration and glared at her. “You can’t do anything but smile all the time, can you? You think it’s all a happy, happy world out there, with green meadows and rainbows and pretty birdies fluttering around singing happy songs. Well, wake up and smell the caribou, sister! There is nothing left out there for anyone…except cold. Fear. Death. I know because I’ve lived it.”

Crystal’s smile was gone now, but there was a determined look in her blue-purple eyes. I slumped down in the snow, but she lifted me up again. I tried to pull away, but suddenly she started to speak.

“You can’t let them beat you,” Crystal murmured, “I look weak and stupid to you because I look on the bright side while you look on the dark. But I’ve had obstacles, too. We all have. Life without problems might as well be death. It doesn’t amount to anything. Fight, Luna. You deserve to live.”

I ignored her. I didn’t care what she or anyone else had to say.

When Crystal saw that I wasn’t listening, it was one of the few times I saw her angry. She kicked me, and I automatically whirled around and snapped at her. She nipped back, and when I froze from astonishment she threw me to the ground and took off, white puffs of snow flying up behind her. I chased her with savage growls, and slowly I felt the fighting fire inside me return.

By the time Crystal and I reached the entrance of the pack cave, I was back to my old self. I had left my self-pity out on the tundra. Hopefully it would stay there and never come back to pull me down again.

Panting, I stared at Crystal gratefully. “Thanks,” I whispered grudgingly, not wanting her to know that she had won me over so easily.

She looked back at me with a triumphant gleam in her eye. “You know, there are four things I’ve learned to do to survive this life: live, love, forgive, and never give up. Try those sometime.”

I shrugged and padded back into the sleeping quarters, Crystal’s words bouncing around my brain. I tried to think about them, but the day had been too much for me.

I fell asleep wondering what to do to Jaydor the next day to punish him for leaving me with Ice Moon.

The next week was eerily calm compared to my first day of being a White Storm wolf. Jaydor and Ice Moon both gave me a wide berth, though the latter’s absence might have been because of Crystal’s constant complaining that the females were being mistreated in the pack. Again I was shown kindness I didn’t deserve, and my guilt grew as Crystal kept Ice Moon at bay so I could figure out what to do.

My first impulse was to run away. It was the one option that would guarantee me safety from my mother’s enemy…but it didn’t feel right. I had done too much running away already, and if I did leave, where would I go? The only other option was to stay, and that wasn’t appealing to me, either. I would have to hide from Ice Moon the whole time, and I had already hidden enough from Roan and Soran. It seemed I had escaped, only to come across the female version of Roan. But Ice Moon didn’t simply want to play games; she wanted me dead. What could I do?

I tried to take up the matter with Cyan, but he seemed to be engulfed in a mess of storm clouds. His mood was dark and snappish, and after awhile I became wary that every time I talked to him I increased the chance of my head being bitten off.

“Can I trust Jaydor?” I asked Cyan one time, “He was being pretty nice…and then he left me with Ice Moon. I just can’t figure it out! Whose side is he on?”

“Jaydor, Jaydor, Jaydor!” Cyan cried irritably, “That’s all I ever hear out of you! Go gossip with one of your girlfriends. I have enough on my plate without listening to lovesick pups!”

I slapped him hard across the face as the comment zipped past my nose like a bullet.

Time froze around us. I caught my breath and waited.

Cyan slowly turned around, and belted me so hard with one paw I was thrown to the ground.

I lay still for a moment, breathing heavily, and then instinct forced me to my feet. I looked up into Cyan’s face, and his expression was as tangled and full of emotions as my mind. He padded up to me until we were face to face, and shot a glare of his own into my eyes. We held each other’s gaze, until I broke the silence by saying stonily: “I am not lovesick.” My stomach curdled.

Cyan’s eyes burned into me, so cold and so hot at the same time. “Don’t trust Jaydor,” he growled back, “He’s more than he seems.”

“Then how do I know if I can trust you?” I murmured angrily.

Cyan looked regretful. “I don’t know. You’re going to have to trust your instincts on that one.”

My confusion at his reply was interrupted by a familiar figure behind Cyan. “Luna.” It was Jaydor.

My stomach did an unsettling flip-flop. My mouth tasted sour. I could feel the blood zipping around my body. These reactions confused me. I stared up at him with what I hoped was a pleasant, confident gaze, but what was probably a confused look. Why was I acting this way?

“Cyan, could I borrow Luna for a minute?” Jaydor asked.

Cyan nodded curtly, and said, “She’s yours,” then seemed to bite his tongue as he trotted away.

For a second I thought I saw Jaydor sneer at Cyan’s retreating form, but then he turned to me. Immediately his brown eyes became soft and intent at the same time. I found I had to remind myself to breathe.

“I need to talk to you about the…rebellion,” he said, “Since you just got here you can’t have a major role, but there is a way you can help.”

“Yes?”

“Ice Moon has been trying to stop our rebellion for a long time now,” he explained quietly, “But now that you’re here, you serve as a distraction for her. Keep letting her chase you, and we’ll finally be able to get rid of her like we’ve planned. Thanks for helping us out so far.”

I gazed at him stonily. “So that’s why you left me with Ice Moon that one night? So I could distract her while you went off to plan more of your rebellion?”

Jaydor’s face was priceless. “Well, I didn’t mean…” he stammered, “There were…I–”

“I’m just your tool,” I said, icicles hanging from every cold word, “Just like I was for Roan and Soran, and for Kamotz and all those other wolves who tried to attack me. You’re no better than Kamotz. I will not be used!”

“But–”

“Did it ever cross your mind that Ice Moon could kill me? Did it? Because I don’t know why, but that detail seemed kind of important to me, you know?”

“Sorry,” he muttered, “You looked like you could handle it.”

I didn’t know what to say to this backwards compliment, so I simply glowered at Jaydor.

His uncomfortable gaze flicked down to the ground, and then he sighed and looked up again. “Kamotz and his gang are dangerous wolves to attract. Luna–”

“Don’t try to change the subject,” I said icily, but my frosty words were melted by his warm gaze.

“Be careful,” he continued, “They’ll keep coming after you until they get what they want. Be on your guard. They’ll use you no matter what you say.”

“Well, I’m tired of being used,” I said hotly, “What exactly makes me so irresistible to these males? Besides my charming personality, I mean.” My sarcastic remarks dried up as soon as I saw Jaydor’s expression.

“You’ve never even seen yourself, have you?” he said with almost a hint of wonder.

I shook my head, and his eyebrows rose another inch. “Well, then, c’mon. I’ll show you why you’re so ‘irresistible’.”

My instincts were tearing at me to run, but something else was fighting back. I watched as he turned and padded a few paces, then turned around with a question in his brown eyes. “Coming or not?”

My instinct grappled with this strange new feeling.

He’s a male.

But…

He left you with Ice Moon.

But…

You can’t trust him.

But…

I followed him cautiously, and he led me past Ice Moon’s cave, over the tundra, past the cave with the flat rocks that Cyan had showed me, to a frozen river.

I stared at the water encased in ice, and the frozen surface mirrored the whites and grays of the sky above. Jaydor studied the pearly ice for a minute, and then stepped onto a dark patch with one paw and forced it down.

“Careful!” I mumbled, hurrying to his side.

The glassy ice broke into thin shards under Jaydor’s gray paw, and they floated tranquilly on the water they had held captive beneath. He lifted his dry foot off a shard and examined the tiny pool he had made. Since the water around it was locked in ice, the pool became still.

Jaydor backed away. “Look,” was his one word of command.

I did look: first a little uncertainly at him, then at the still water. He jerked his head forward to indicate I was to look into the mirror he had made for me, and so I did.

What gazed back at me from the surface of the water was a stranger. She was a wolf-dog of pain and sharp beauty. Her golden eyes stared back at mine as I stared at her, and her gaze followed mine as I took in her strong legs, her proud face, her thick brown tail swaying gently behind her. Her fur was a dusky brown-gray except for her white paws and white draped across her shoulders like a cloak of snow. She would have been perfect if it hadn’t been for the few cuts and scars that roped their way faintly beneath her fur.

It was not until I saw those scars and the wondering look in her golden eyes that I realized she was me. I looked up at Jaydor with wide eyes. He had quietly padded to my side and had been watching my reaction in silence. Now he looked back at me, and his eyes were a calm place for me to rest.

“I…” Words seemed impossible to reach. I swallowed to wash away the lump in my throat. “So now I know.”

“Luna, you’re very beautiful,” Jaydor murmured, “But beauty like that is dangerous. It could get you in trouble.”

“I’m already in enough trouble as it is,” I muttered.

“Well, here’s something else for you to worry about,” he whispered, and kissed me.

The moment his lips brushed mine an electric shock jolted my body. I pedaled backwards so fast I sat down, but I scrambled up again and left him in the dust, running and running and running away.

“Luna!” I heard him call, but all I could think was ‘no no no no no no no.’ He was too quick, too kind, too sweet. He was the danger.

His kiss ran through my mind, and I shuddered. He would never touch me again. Never.

That night I lay watching again and again as my mind replayed his mouth pressing gently down on mine. To me that kiss was an attack, and with it Jaydor had joined the rest of the world as the hunter. I was still the hunted, and as angry and scared as ever.

Why had he kissed me? The question made my head buzz. The only time anyone had ever come after me like that was when Roan had been looking for some fun. Yet Jaydor’s approach hadn’t been aggressive. Did he want something from me? I struggled with the question that had plagued me my whole life: why?

I didn’t know what love was, so any more possible reasons for Jaydor’s kiss evaded me.

I fell asleep denying to myself that I had liked the kiss, even though in the most secret chambers of myself I knew differently.

Muffled voices.

Paws whispering over the ground.

New scents. Sudden warmth.

I opened my bleary eyes to see Kamotz leering above me through the dark. A constellation of yellow eyes surrounded him, and I knew his gang was watching, grinning.

I gave an outraged yelp and leapt to my feet, but I barely had time to stand before he pushed me hard. I was being flattened into the cave floor.

“No one gets away from me and lives to regret it,” Kamotz growled.

“There’s a first for everything,” I gasped back through gritted teeth. My spine was scraping against the wall. I dug my claws in and pitched Kamotz backwards. “And I intend to be that first!”

He heaved himself up, and this time his gang advanced with him. I twisted around to check for an escape route. I was boxed in, trapped. I spun around again, just in time to see Kamotz face to face.

He licked his lips, and a drop of saliva splashed onto my nose. I shook it off with disgust.

“Party’s over, princess,” he chuckled.

Without hesitation I plunged my claws into his eye, and as he howled the wolves piled on top of me, biting and cutting and spitting on me.

I fought. I bit, kicked, sliced, diced, scratched, clawed– it wasn’t enough. Nothing could stop them.

Gradually I felt the weight on me decrease. I raised my head from my lying position on the cave floor to see wolves being ripped off and flung to the other side of the cave. My rescuer was fast and furious, and before I knew what was happening, he was leaning down trying to see my face.

Speak of the devil. It was Jaydor.

“Luna,” he said through heaving breaths, “Luna, say something. Are you all right?”

Was I all right? I struggled to my feet, and looked myself over. Some wolf had bitten my right back leg, and bruises throbbed on my neck and chest. I rubbed my face, and I could feel a crust forming over a cut that had been dribbling blood down into my left eye. The blood smeared over my paw and my face, and I bet anything I looked like I was wearing war pain. I felt like I had just been through a war.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I muttered, pushing him away.

The cave was in an uproar. I was smothered with questions from concerned or confused wolves, but I didn’t answer any of them. Over the heads of the crowd I could see Kamotz groaning in a corner, Jaydor trying to restore order, and Crystal risking life and limb trying to get through all the wolves enclosing me. Finally she stood in front of me like a shield, and snarled in the harshest voice I’d ever heard her use: “No more questions! Everyone get back to bed! Kamotz, stop whining, you got what you deserved! Jaydor, get over here! We need to make sure there are no more attacks tonight.”

Crystal herded everyone back to their sleeping places, slapped Kamotz a good one across the face, announced to everyone that if any of them tried anything like that again there would be painful consequences, and then trotted back to me. “I’m sorry this had to happen to you, Luna,” she murmured to me as we settled down again. I was in my space with my back against the wall, Crystal lying by my back paws and Jaydor by my front. I squirmed away from him, but his eyes were already closed. He might have been asleep. “Some wolves just can’t control themselves when it comes to revenge. Kamotz is one of them.”

“Huh,” I snorted, “I’m beginning to think it’s the males that can’t control themselves, especially when it comes to me.”

Crystal was silent, and then she whispered, “Jaydor and I are here to protect you. You’re safe, at least for tonight.”

A few minutes later I heard her deep breathing, and I knew she was asleep.

I’ll never know how I got to sleep again, but I did.

I was awakened a few hours later by something odd: cold. And silence.

I wiped sleep from my eyes with my tail and looked around. The cave was nearly empty. Crystal still lay at my feet, snoring softly, but Jaydor and every other wolf had vanished. I considered waking Crystal to ask her about this strange situation, but her snores made me decide against it. She had probably been up all night seeing that no one tried to hurt me. She deserved rest, and much more.

I stepped over her and crept across the empty cave, sniffing deeply. The scents of the wolves led me through the tunnel and out of the main cave. There at the entrance I found an unmistakable trail of pawprints leading past Ice Moon’s cave and out into the wilderness.

Confusion tortured me. What had happened? Had there been a mass pack migration that everyone had failed to tell me about? Had Crystal and I been abandoned? I took a panicked whiff, and was slightly comforted: Ice Moon was in her cave. We weren’t entirely alone.

Thoughts of Ice Moon made me wonder if these sudden disappearances weren’t somehow part of the rebellion…

It was a bright night. The moon hung like a pearl caught in a swath of black velvet scattered with diamonds. I followed the pawprints easily, and they led me steadily northward. Every muscle in my body was stretched and tense as I slunk through the night alone, but after awhile I even began to welcome an attack of some kind. It would cut through this eerie silence that made my skin prickle and my bones grow cold.

A dark shape loomed in the distance, and I slowed down to creep towards it, my senses open and surging wildly.

With a silent yelp I suddenly recognized the mass for what it was, and ducked behind a mound of snow not three feet from it.

By the light of the moon the White Storm pack stood gazing up at two wolves standing proudly on two of the flat rocks laid out before the cave mouth behind them. One of the two wolves was Jaydor; the other was Cyan.

‘They’re the rebel leaders,’ I realized with a shudder, but not much surprise.

“White Storm wolves,” Jaydor cried, “Tonight is the night. Tonight we strike Ice Moon, and end her reign over us!”

There were cheers of approval from the crowd, but Jaydor wasn’t finished.

“I would like to thank the member of this pack responsible for giving this rebellion the chance to rise up against our leader: Luna, thank you.” His smirk was smug. He was certain I wasn’t there to hear his praise.

“Luna?” Cyan cried suddenly, “The wolf-dog? The new member of this pack?”

“Is there any other?” Jaydor said stonily, “As I was saying–”

“Wait. Jaydor, think for once. I told you from the beginning I didn’t like the idea of Luna being part of this rebellion. It was happening before she got here, and it isn’t fair to drag her into it,” Cyan argued.

Jaydor ignored uneasy murmurings from the pack. “What can you do about it now? Anyway, with some convincing, she was the perfect distraction for Ice Moon so we could continue planning our rebellion.”

“Some ‘convincing’?” Cyan barked, “You…you left her alone with Ice Moon that one night and nearly got her killed, and then you pretended to love her so she wouldn’t kill you for it!”

“But it worked, didn’t it?” Jaydor growled, “So build a bridge, and get over it.”

“You don’t deserve to be a leader of a pack or this rebellion!” Cyan bellowed, “Normally I wouldn’t care if you used some wolves to our advantage, but Luna…Luna’s different. She’s had a tough enough life already. You think you can just use her like that, and hurt her along with it? No, Jaydor. Believe me, as soon as she finds out, you’re a dead wolf. She will kill you.”

“Thank you for your concern, but I think I have Luna under control,” Jaydor snapped. He pivoted around so he was face to face with Cyan. His eyes glittered dangerously. “I knew it was a mistake letting you lead with me. After all this time, your feelings finally get in the way of your judgment.”

“My judgment is as clear as ever,” Cyan muttered, but the dimming glint of his bright blue eyes showed Jaydor had struck a nerve.

“Out of every male here, I never expected it to be you,” Jaydor said with a low chuckle, “You of all wolves, Cyan. You love Luna. Admit it.”

Cyan’s face darkened beneath his light fur. “It’s not like that…”

Jaydor shook his head with an amused smile. “You’re weak, Cyan. If you had been leading this rebellion, we would’ve gotten nowhere because of your feelings for Luna not letting you risk her life. You’re pitiable.”

“I’m the only one who’s ever done anything for this rebellion!” Cyan yelled, eyes flashing.

Jaydor stared at him, a mocking smile touching his lips. “May I remind you that although this rebellion needed two leaders, a pack only needs one.” He leaned forward, his legs tightening. “And, in the words of your beloved Luna, ‘I intend to be that one’!” Jaydor flung himself at Cyan and smashed him to the ground.

Rage shot through my blood and flared up into fiery anger in my heart. I was surprised fire wasn’t flaming out of my ears. I could hardly believe it. I had been used again, and by the one I thought loved me and who I had loved back. Well, no more. My childish love for Jaydor was gone. My mind cleared, and all I could see was Cyan.

I charged from my hiding place and butted Jaydor in the chest, throwing him off Cyan. Jaydor crashed to the ground a few feet away, but no one rushed to help him. His supporters were weak.

I turned to Cyan and asked the stupidest question on Earth: “Are you okay?” Apart from some scratches and two deep bites Jaydor had given him on both front legs, Cyan seemed fine.

“Yeah,” he muttered, his blue eyes huge as he looked up at me. I knew he was wondering how much I had heard, but there wasn’t time for that now.

I spun around to see Jaydor heaving himself up from the snow. His gaze was icy, and no doubt mine was filled with fire. I said before that we clashed like fire and water; this was no exception.

“Luna,” Jaydor said coolly, “What are you doing here? Did you need applause for your contribution to this rebellion?” He clapped by smacking his paws together and then thumping them down on the ground, over and over. No one else joined in.

“We don’t need to listen to you try to be funny, Jaydor,” I spat, “There are only three things you need to do.”

“And what might those be?” he asked.

“One,” I cried, “Name Cyan the leader of these rebels and the new leader of the White Storm pack. Two, get as far away from here as you can.”

“And three?” he laughed nastily.

“Three,” I said coldly, “Never come back.”

Jaydor lifted his head back and roared with laughter. There were a few startled gasps from the crowd, and then some titters.

“Luna, your help isn’t needed anymore,” Jaydor said quietly, “You see, I have had it planned out from the beginning. We will sneak into Ice Moon’s cave tonight, kill her while she sleeps, and then I will become alpha while Cyan is the omega– I mean, beta wolf. You did nothing for us but speed up the process. Even so, for that you have my greatest thanks.”

“Traitor!” someone gasped.

I whirled around to see Crystal and Ice Moon at the edge of the crowd. Crystal was trembling with a livid expression on her face, and I guessed she had been the one who had spoken.

Jaydor saw his chance and leapt upon me, flattening me to the ground. I struggled and very nearly threw him off again, but he flipped me onto my side and pinned my neck under his paw. If I made the slightest move, no doubt he would crush his paw down to end my life. I lay still.

I could hear Cyan trying to get up, but his weakened, bleeding front legs weren’t allowing him to do so. I was almost blinded by my hatred for Jaydor.

“Traitor,” I heard Crystal whisper again.

“Me?” Jaydor said innocently, “You’re the traitor here. You weren’t supposed to wake up Ice Moon!”

“Jaydor, what is wrong with you?” Crystal cried angrily, “I didn’t think Ice Moon should be pack leader, but I didn’t think we should kill her! Listen to me, Jaydor! I’m your sister! Ice Moon is our mother! How can you kill your own mother?”

“She stopped acting like a mother the day Kalim died,” Jaydor said in a low voice, “So she is no longer my mother, but an insane leader who endangers us all unless I become alpha!”

An outraged silence stretched the tension lingering in the air.

Suddenly Ice Moon stepped forward, wading through the other wolves until she stood before her son. I could almost feel Jaydor’s glare at Ice Moon scorch my fur.

“So you wish to be alpha,” Ice Moon murmured in the calmest voice I’d ever heard her use, “That wish can only be marked by my death, now that I am an old wolf who will be no use unless I remain alpha. We will fight. My death will mark you the alpha and the new leader of the White Storm pack. Your defeat, but not necessarily your death, will mark my continuous reign as alpha until I pass on like your father, Kalim.”

“Mother!” Crystal cried, but I guessed she was silenced by a look from Ice Moon.

“All right,” Jaydor said slowly, “All right, Ice Moon. We’ll fight like you just said.”

“Since it is probable you will kill me, I would like to say one last thing to you and your sister,” Ice Moon murmured quietly.

“Yes?” Jaydor said warily.

“Jaydor and Crystal, I love you both. I’m sorry if you thought otherwise.” Ice Moon sighed. “At least now I will finally rejoin Kalim.”

I watched with the eye that wasn’t pressed against the ground as Ice Moon backed up a few paces and shifted herself to the ground, ready to spring.

There was a silence so sudden for a few seconds I wondered whether I had gone deaf.

Jaydor sprang forward, and broke the silence by shouting, “Whoever wants Ice Moon dead, attack now!” Jaydor knocked his mother over, and soon fighting mother and son were lost in the barrage of wolves that came at them.

I swung myself to my feet and swayed as air rushed into my lungs. Crystal’s cry of “No!” rang through my head like a somber bell. I remembered Cyan, and whipped around, but the last I saw of him were his huge blue eyes staring at me before wolves leapt onto me and started attacking. Me! Why were they attacking me?

One look into their faces told all: they were overcome with blood lust.  They had waited a long time for this mutiny, and in their eagerness they no longer cared who they killed.

As I defended myself, a revolution struck me hard. I could never live in this pack. I could never live knowing my leader, Jaydor, had pretended to love me and then betrayed me. And I could never live among wolves who had tried to kill me, like they were doing now.

I heaved one wolf at Kamotz, who struck out blindly because of his one eye. A fight flared up between Kamotz and others he attacked aimlessly, and so I made my getaway into the night.

The anguished cries of dying White Storm wolves filled my mind as I struck out into the moonlit tundra. They filled me with as much pain and suffering as my wounds did.

I looked behind me to see I was leaving a trail of bloody pawprints. They gleamed darkly on the white snow, a dark sin on white purity.

I galloped silently across the wilderness, the wrenching cries fading as I left them behind. They didn’t fade from my mind, though.

The screams echoed through me and pounded in my ears as I ran on and on. With every step I weakened, and finally I stopped, visions of the rebellion flashing in front of my eyes.

My heart burst.

I sent up a long, sorrowful, hopeless howl for all the world to hear, and then I collapsed.

Pain jabbed at my front leg. I smelled blood, and the thick scent of a dying body. Was I dead? I felt like it.

Groaning, I opened my eyes to see a wolverine sliding its sharp teeth into my right front leg and taking a bite. My body jolted from the sudden pain, and the bearcat’s brown eyes flashed as they stared at me. For a minute I stared back, oblivious. Then the thought came: it’s eating me! I looked so much like I was dead that it had started to eat me!

With a weak whimper (which was meant to be a fearsome growl) I nudged the wolverine’s face with my paw (I wanted to hit him, but you know…)

It stepped back, startled, then advanced again.

I waited for the rage to rise inside me, to pour out into my limbs and give me strength…Nothing. I felt nothing. I was drained of my strength, my anger. All I could feel was helplessness as the wolverine began to claw at my side. I twitched and shuddered and closed my eyes hard, and suddenly memories shot back at me from the blackness of my mind. Luna. I had been Luna, and now I was betrayed. I would never find my family. I would always be alone.

I gave myself up to the cutting claws slashing me to ribbons and felt myself spinning into a cool whirlpool of death black and blood red…

A gunshot rang through my head, rippling the whirlpool until it blurred. My eyes snapped open. I was still lying on my side, and I expected to feel a bullet jammed between my ribs. At least the wolverine was still.

Footsteps thumped towards me, and a hunter knelt next to me with the butt of his gun on the ground. “Well,” he murmured, “Lucky I got here when I did.”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t care what he did to me.

I felt rough hands slide the dead wolverine off me, and then I was picked up and cradled against the man’s warm body, and wrapped in a corner of his coat. “Let’s see what I can do for you,” he whispered to me.

I suddenly felt sick, and my head started to spin. I spun down a long, black chute that either led to sleep or death. Only this strange man would be able to decide which one it would be.

His name was Mark.

That was the first thing he told me after he bandaged me up and I had recovered from my state of delirium. He told me many things as I lay by the fire of his remote cabin out in the wilderness, letting my wounds heal. Sometimes I was sure he was the loneliest man in the world.

As I lay listening and he sat running his hands over his gun, he told me about his past and how he had come to live in his hermit-like existence. He had committed several crimes, one of them a murder, and so he had run out here and built this house, and lived here ever since. In his running away he had only taken three things: a hatchet, a gun, and his dog Shannon.

His voice dipped and dove for hours as he wove a tapestry of his life for my ears to hear and drink in. While I listened, I had plenty of time to study him. Mark had a pale, slightly wrinkled face, but his brown eyes were kind, even if there was sadness behind them. His hair was a shock of messy brown with only a few streaks of silver. He couldn’t have been that old, yet he was hunched over like an old man and walked stiffly, as if he were made of wood instead of flesh. With all his aging traits and the tenderness with which he spoke of his dog Shannon, I could hardly believe he was a murderer.

Being alone for so long had made his mind grow weak, and I think that’s why he started calling me Shannon.

My wounds had healed over the past week, and I was testing out my weakened limbs. Mark sat smiling strangely at me from the seat of the rocking chair he had carved himself, and suddenly said, “You know, Shannon, after you’re done healing, I reckon you could turn out to be a fine hunting dog. I need all the help I can get. Yes, you’ll be my hound. What do you say to that, Shannon?”

I stared at him. I had grown used to responding to the name Luna. Now that the White Storm pack was behind me, could I start a new life with a new name? I knew the answer to that question almost instantly.

I barked in reply to Mark’s inquiry. His grin broadened to wrinkle his face even more, and he stroked my back gently. “Attagirl. We’ll start as soon as you’re healed enough.”

I shivered almost happily as his rough fingers ran down my back. I had never experienced the tenderness of human touch before, and now I knew why dogs were so loyal to their owners. Being petted was a good enough reason for me to stay at least another week.

I stayed for more than a week. Months went by as I played, hunted, and ate with Mark. I accepted the name Shannon and the fact that Mark had started calling me by his old dog’s name because his mind had started to go after living alone so long. That I was being substituted for a dead mutt bothered me at first, but I eventually forgave my new master and came when he called.

The first thing I discovered about Mark was that he loved to tell stories. Sitting in his rocking chair, fingering his gun, his rough voice would spin tales that made my fur stand on end. Most of his stories were Inuit myths from the tribes that used to live here long ago. My mind would run wild, especially when he told stories about wolves. The villain would become Jaydor, the hero would be Cyan, and I was always either the victim needing rescue or an innocent bystander helpless to do anything but watch.

I hated those stories and loved them at the same time. They reminded me too much of Luna, my White Storm self, but Luna gave me the ability to see the stories clearly, to know the characters and understand the plot and watch the colors of the scenery fly by as the tale moved.

The best time was when Mark would end a story as the coals of the fire died down to blackened hunks, and he would pet my head and say, “You have to hand it to those Inuits. They really knew how to make a story.” I would lick his hand in full agreement even as Jaydor’s and Cyan’s faces swam in my mind.

The first thing Mark learned about me was that I was an exceptional hunter. On the very first hunt we trooped out into the snow and patrolled his trails. Mark swore violently when he found he hadn’t trapped anything, and then excused himself to his foul language (he had this thing about manners, even with dogs).

I sniffed at the weird metal contraption. Its silver teeth gleamed in the pale sunlight. Mark covered the trap with snow again before I could investigate it further, but then I saw movement at the corner of my eye. I whipped around to see a snowshoe hare streaking softly through the white. It stopped suddenly, and started to pull at some small sprigs of plant life it had found beneath the snow.

Everything else fell away. My eyes locked onto the wriggling creature. My body stiffened. I slunk down the slope and crouched behind a snowdrift. I clenched my teeth, and a drop of saliva splashed noiselessly onto the ground.

The hare sat up, frozen. Its pink eyes slowly turned to its left, then to its right. It smelled the air carefully, but when nothing attacked it resumed its meal.

I stole forward and propelled myself through the snow until I was not two feet behind my prey.

The hare spun around and looked straight into my gleaming eyes. I felt its puny heart stop, and then it leaped away, hopping for all it was worth. For the first time the blood lust captured me in its claws. I shot after my prey as if possessed, and pursued the hare for a few feet. I could feel its heart beating wildly as it ran from its worst nightmare, but all in vain.

I snatched the creature up in my teeth and broke its neck with a crack!

Hot blood dribbled down my throat as the chase came to an end, and the blood lust reluctantly freed me from its gripping clutches. I surfaced from the hunter in my heart to my old self, dazed and blinking. I hadn’t thought I had it in me to kill something so innocent.

Mark ran down the slope and over to me, sliding to a stop. Without a word he put his gloved hand out, and I silently dropped the dead hare into his palm. The hare’s pink eyes were still open; they were empty and dead. I shuddered. I wouldn’t have admitted it, but I was scared of this unpredictable killer lurking inside me. What other situations could it come alive in again and inflict torture on others, torture that I couldn’t control?

Mark tousled my head in wonder. “Good girl.” I waited for more. He patted my back. “Good girl.” He was proud of the beast that I had unleashed from within? Then I realized. I was a hunter. When I killed, I was keeping Mark and I alive.

Mark drew himself up, a satisfied grin dancing on his face. “I sure wish I knew where you came from, because if I had a whole team of you, I doubt I would ever have to worry about food again!”

That remark stung a little, but I had to agree with him. I wished I knew where I came from, too.

The thought gnawed at me, and I couldn’t help wondering if Mark was the only family I would ever have.

As the months passed I couldn’t help thinking about finding my real family. Were they all still alive? Could I one day find them? But these thoughts only saddened me, especially when I remembered my father was dead.

One day I was hunting an Arctic fox. I chased it across the tundra, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t catch up with it. It was the fastest thing on legs I’d ever seen.

After awhile I could tell it was tiring, so I changed my strategy and circled around. The fox saw me coming, and it wearily sped away. I went after it, but of course the sun chose that very moment to shine through the clouds.

I was blinded by the fierce glitter of the snow, and I lost the fox in a sudden whirl of white. I couldn’t see anything but white! Cursing softly, I waited, and then opened one eye. The sun had waded back behind the clouds.

After my eyes had adjusted, I looked around. In my moment of disorientation, I had lost the fox.

I listened. Heavy breathing pounded inside my ears. I sniffed. My prey’s scent was still heavy on the wind and snow. I followed this trail of senses ahead and then sharply to the left and around in circles, as if my prey had been wondering where it should go.

The heavy breathing stopped with a sharp intake of breath. I lunged at the snow-covered rock behind me and bared my teeth at the white fox cowering in the space beneath it.

“No! Please don’t kill me,” he pleaded.

I simply glared. I had learned not to listen to my prey’s words. Besides, the fox was too far in beneath the rock for me to kill him. Mark would have to do that with his gun. I howled long and loud so Mark could find me.

The fox’s face lit up. “Oh! You’re a wolf-dog!” he cried, recognizing the small difference between my howl and a pure wolf’s howl, “You wouldn’t happen to be that half blood who ran out on the White Storm pack a few months ago?”

That got me. “How do you know about that?” I asked, suspicious and amazed all at once.

He flashed me a knowing smile. “News travels fast, and I make it my business to know all that goes on in this region.”

A new idea bloomed inside my head. I eyed him warily. “So you’re saying you know all the inhabitants of this area?”

He nodded vigorously. “Wolves, foxes, wolverines, lynx, wolf-dogs, you name it.” A look of cunning snuck across his face. “Ah. You wish to know where your family is. I was told you were an orphan. And kidnapped by Roan and Soran, no less!”

Uncalled-for memories forced themselves into my brain, snapping at me like biting wolves. I pushed them back out with all the will power I had, and tried to hang on to this opportunity glimmering ever so faintly on the horizon. “My father is dead,” I said woodenly, “And I don’t know where my mother is. But I was told I had a brother…” A certain wolf-dog would be easier to find than a certain wolf.

The fox’s grin stretched wider. “He would be another wolf-dog like you, I’m guessing. Well, I know the location of three wolf-dogs…but why should I help you?”

Thousands of reasons flamed my mind. Because I had always been alone. Because I had never had a family. I lunged towards him, and he flinched. “Because I decide whether you live or die. If you don’t cooperate, I’ll…” I raised my head as if to howl and bring Mark and his gun even closer.

“Alright, alright!” he protested, “I can tell you where those wolf-dogs are. But if none of them are your brother, he’s most likely dead. With that, of course, I cannot help you.”

“Just tell me where they are,” I snapped.

“Ah, ah, not so fast,” the fox said, shaking his head, “What benefit is there for me?”

I glared at him, flexing my paws. “Your life.”

“That, indeed, is a fine benefit,” the fox stammered. His face filled with slyness. He regarded me with a practiced eye. “The first wolf-dog is called Shadow. He lives in the town of White Mountain, to the west of here. I can’t tell you the specific place; you’ll have to ask around for that. The second half blood lives out in the wilderness a couple miles…northeast of White Mountain. His name is Fire Eye, and he will just be in his cave. The last one is in a town called Nome, west of Fire Eye’s territory, and his name is Balto. He’ll either be in a house on the very edge of town, or on an old boat on the beach. I can’t say I envy you if any of those half-breeds are your brother.”

“You know, I said I’d spare your life,” I growled, “But that doesn’t mean you’re safe from maiming.”

“Point taken.” He looked up at me warily, but only a blind wolf could have missed the smug gleam in his eyes.

Mark was getting closer. His footfalls crunched through the snow. “Shannon!” he called, “Where are you, girl?”

The fox flashed me a satisfied grin as he bowed. “I’ll take my leave of you now. I suppose I should thank you for sparing my life.”

“You should,” I said coldly, “But you probably won’t.”

He glanced at me almost admiringly. “So young, and still you know so much,” he mused, “Farewell, Shannon.”

I grudgingly backed away, and the Arctic fox slipped out and vanished somewhere between the snow and the sky as he ran off. I watched him go, wondering at fate’s twisted humor, and then remembered where I was.

As Mark caught up to me, I ran past him, howling for all I was worth.

“Did he get away, Shannon?” Mark cried as he ran after me, “Get him, girl, get him!”

My heart pounded inside my brain as I thought of what the fox had said. There was a chance I could find my brother. But if I was to find out where my brother was, I would have to leave Mark. And I couldn’t leave him. I just couldn’t…Yes, I could. It wasn’t an impossible task. But it would hurt. A lot.

Yet where was I getting, living out here? Even as I led him on the aimless pursuit of nothing, Mark was one part of my family. I needed to find the rest of it.

I left at dawn. Leaving was hard. I nuzzled Mark’s rough cheek as he lay in bed sleeping. He groaned and stirred, but didn’t wake up. Against my better judgment, I licked his face and whined softly. His bleary brown eyes opened.

“Shannon?” he mumbled, “It’s too early, girl. Go back to bed.” He combed his fingers through my fur, and my tail wagged sadly as I closed my eyes so I could remember his touch. Mark fondled my ears, and then gently pushed me away. “Go on, Shannon.”

He was falling back asleep. I wished he wouldn’t. I thought this way would be easier so I could just slip away. But is there any easy way to say goodbye?

Mark’s hand fell from my side, and his brown eyes closed. “Go, Shannon…” he murmured groggily.

His words hit me like sharp stones. But I would obey his last command to me. I went, letting the door close silently behind me.

The morning sun tinted the snow pale pink and gold, like flower petals. I took a deep breath and felt the cold air crackle through my lungs. Shannon was no more. I was once again a nameless wolf-dog searching for her past.

Unwanted tears stabbed at my eyelids. I wished the cold would freeze my heart so I wouldn’t feel the pain. The feelings made me apprehensive. I knew I had to forget them, or I would crumple right here on the ground, and my will to find my brother would disappear. Pain wouldn’t claim me.

I threw myself forward and broke into a gallop, streaking across the land as if I were prey and I was being chased by a predator. In a sense, I was: my feelings chased me, the deadliest hunter of them all. 

When I realized I didn’t need to burn off any more heartache, I slowed to a trot, and then an ambling walk. I didn’t know where White Mountain was. Or in my painful departure, I had forgotten. But who was around that I could ask for directions?

The wind blew hard gusts into my face, and the scent that rushed up my nose made my body freeze.

Oh, snap. Oh, shoot. Oh, darn. I had run into White Storm territory.

Immediately I started to scramble away, but curiosity stopped me in my tracks. How had the pack fared in my absence? The question was too interesting to leave unanswered.

I slowly pivoted around and slunk across the land. When I came to the two caves I crept behind a pine tree, rubbing my fur against its scratchy needles so my scent might be masked. I peered out from behind the branches and glanced around the area. Several wolves fanned out in groups between the caves to talk and even laugh. My eyebrows shot skywards. Unbelievable. With Jaydor as their leader, they seemed…happy.

I couldn’t see into Jaydor’s cave, but I bet anything he was inside. My guess was proved correct a few minutes later when a familiar wolf limped out of Jaydor’s cave.

The word sprang out of my mouth instantly. “Crystal!” I slapped a paw over my mouth.

Crystal raised her ears and turned in my direction. I knew she was wondering whether she had imagined my voice.

I stepped out from behind the tree for a breath and then went back. Immediately I heard the drumming beat of her paws as she forced herself to walk so as not to draw attention. I waited, and was knocked over by the enthusiastic greeting of my acquaintance.

“Luna!” Crystal cried hysterically.

I could feel and smell the tears on her muzzle. I scrambled up and eased my way out of the hug, but I smiled in spite of myself. “Hey, Crystal.” Then my eyes focused fully on her face, and my mouth dropped open. Crystal had a black eye; a purple bruise to match her blue-purple eyes. “What the…”

“What?” Her paw came up to finger the bruise. “Oh, that.” I could see she was trying to hold them in, but to no avail. New tears leaked down her face, and she sighed heavily in frustration. “I wish I didn’t cry so much! With this black eye, it hurts to cry.” She touched the bruise, winced, and quickly put her paw down.

I could feel myself going red in the face with anger. “Who did that to you?”

Crystal looked away. “Jaydor,” she whispered.

Images stabbed at my eyes of the night of the rebellion: Jaydor and Crystal, brother and sister, set against each other because one wanted to kill and one wanted to save. As alpha male, Jaydor was taking his revenge.

“Luna, he’s insane,” Crystal murmured, “He calls me in almost everyday and says…things about me, and about Ice Moon. And then he starts attacking me! And you know he’s stronger than I am, and no one can stop him because he’s the alpha male. I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know…”

I was remembering a time when a wolf had attacked me, and I had felt helpless and weak. Crystal had helped me then. Now she was stuck in the same hole I had been in. I had to help her out. “Look, Crys,” I started.

She looked up in surprise at the nickname.

I sat down next to her and gave back the strength she had given to me all those months ago: “You can’t let him beat you. You think you’re weak and stupid, that you can’t handle this on your own. But you’ve had obstacles before. We all have. Life without problems might as well be death. It doesn’t amount to anything. Fight, Crys. You deserve to live.”

She looked up at me with a sparkle in her eye that hadn’t been there before. “Crys?” she asked with a trembling grin.

I shrugged sheepishly. “That’s what you told me to call you. And we are friends.”

Her face burst into smiles, but then it quickly darkened. “But what can I do about Jaydor?”

I grinned devilishly. “Follow me.”

I glanced around to make sure no one was looking, and then ran as fast as I could to Jaydor’s cave. I slammed myself against the wall, panting, and watched Crystal follow a bit more slowly. When she was at my side I peered around the cave. “Where is he?” I muttered.

“Probably behind the stone ‘chair’,” Crystal whispered back, “He likes to go back there, probably to gloat over all the injuries he gives me. What are you going to do?”

Again, I couldn’t keep the grin off my face. After what had happened this morning, I don’t think I had it in me to face Jaydor, but a simple prank would do. “You’ll see.” Tilting my head back, I took a deep breath and bellowed, “Jaydor! What kind of sick animal are you, taking out your insanity on your sister? I know you inside and out! I’ve been watching you, and I’m watching you now! If you dare hurt Crystal again, you’re going to answer to me, Luna! And trust me, you do not want to mess with a ghost!”

My words echoed off the walls and bounced around my head. I fled the cave through an exit hidden behind a huge rock in the cave wall. Crystal was right on my tail, and we collapsed outside, gasping and shaking with fear and laughter.

When my sides stopped hurting I got up and craned to see the entrance. Wolves were flooding into Jaydor’s cave, and I heard Jaydor yelling at them that it was not a ghost and that they should all get out. Even though I couldn’t see his face, I could hear in his voice that I had both scared and angered him.

Crystal giggled a little. “What will they all think?”

“Let them think it was the ghost of Luna come back to haunt her worst enemy. That’ll give Jaydor something to chew on before he beats you again. I don’t think he believes it was my ghost, but he’ll think I’m watching him.”

“Thanks, Luna.” Crystal’s eyes suddenly dropped. “Um…do you remember Cyan?”

Something caught in my chest. “Yeah,” I muttered.

“Well…” Crystal looked up at me as the words came crashing out: “He disappeared. It was a few days ago. No one knows what happened to him. I’m sorry, Luna.”

My old protective shell came back. “Sorry for what? Why should I care what happens to Cyan?” I said.

Crystal’s eyes widened. “But I thought–”

“Well, you were wrong,” I cut in, “Do you know the way to a town called White Mountain?”

She pointed to the southwest with her paw, and cocked her head. “That way. Why?”

“I’m looking for my family,” I said quietly, “And a source told me there’s a wolf-dog in that town.”

“Oh.” Her face fell, but she still managed a smile. “Well. Good luck.”

“Don’t you dare cry,” I warned her, “I don’t want you going all mushy with me. Besides, I don’t want you to hurt your eye anymore, either. I’ll miss you.”

Crystal blinked hard, and I endured another hug. When she stepped back I remembered my hunting days with Mark, and pointed my nose in the direction of White Mountain. “Goodbye, Crys.”

“Yeah,” she said with a watery smile, “Goodbye, Luna.”

I sped away, thinking I was leaving the White Storm pack behind forever.

The human town looked like dozens of square caves placed in rows with everyone’s territory including a small patch of land in front and a path beyond the patch that seemed to belong to everyone. The humans bustled up and down this path and I saw getting in undetected would be a problem. I didn’t know what to think of these humans and their town, so my thoughts were only to stay away from them until I became a little wiser in the ways of their world.

Eventually I found a dark, shadowy area that seemed only to be inhabited by rats, trash, and a few dogs. It was forbidding, but it was the only way in without being spotted.

I slipped into the shadows and immediately turned my face away in disgust. The smell was…rotten. Rancid. Just horrible. I pinched my face and plowed on, hoping this place came to an end very soon.

After awhile, when I had probably become one with the smell, I could pay enough attention to my surroundings to know I was being watched. Staring eyes gleamed at me from behind dumpsters, trashcans, and piles of garbage. Their gaze was made me nervous. I looked down to see my paws start to shake. I pondered whether it was from excitement or apprehension. After all, two of those probing eyes could belong to my brother.

The knowledge that I might find my brother suddenly set my heart racing and my mind in a spinning blur.

“Hey. Uptown girl.”

I whirled around to confront a mangy white husky. He stared at me through slitted eyes, and I braced myself for insults.

“What’s a decent thing like you doing down in the alleys?” he asked.

My mental shield all but disintegrated. Did this dog just kind of sort give me a compliment?

“I-I’m looking for someone,” I stammered, “Do you know where I could find a wolf-dog named Shadow?”

“Shadow?” The husky looked thunderstruck. “You want to know where to find Shadow?”

“Yes,” I managed to say firmly, “If all you’re going to do is repeat the question, I’m going to find someone with a brain to help me.”

“Just hold on,” the husky said, and looked over his shoulder. “Hey, Matt!”

A starved mutt appeared from nowhere. “Yeah?”

“This lady here requests an audience with Shadow,” he explained.

Matt’s jaw dropped. “What? Doesn’t she know–?”

“Just go get him,” the husky growled, “It’s Shadow’s decision how to handle this.”

Matt scampered away with a nervous glance back at me.

I wondered at what all the fuss was about. What made Shadow so intimidating that the mere mention of his name sent dogs atrembling?

I soon found out.

In a matter of minutes a monster of a dog stood before me. He was huge, as tall as a full-grown wolf, and as black as midnight except for streaks of gray that edged his joints and muzzle, and then delved into black once more. The only color on him was his eyes, golden and terrible as the sun. They seemed to radiate hate and heat that burned anyone his gaze set upon, this time burning me.

“Why are you wasting my time?” he said in a low voice that seemed to spit flames.

I could feel myself shrinking before him. I knew I shouldn’t let anyone see my fear, but what did it matter? They were all trembling. And they knew I was afraid. Who wouldn’t be?

“I’m looking for my brother,” I heard a tiny voice say, and when I realized it was my voice I shook myself angrily and forced strength into it. “My brother. I’m searching for him. A source told me you might be him.”

Shadow’s eyes sized me up, and when those eyes began to close I felt my cheeks flame with rage and shame.

He threw back his head and bellowed a laugh, shaking the whole alleyway, the whole world it seemed.

My patience had reached its ripping point. Anger exploded through my head as I screamed, “I am the daughter of Scout and Aniu! Aniu was born of the Blue Moon pack, and when I was born I was kidnapped by two wolves named Roan and Soran! They told me I had a brother they hadn’t stolen! So tell me whether or not you’re my brother and then I will leave!”

Shadow’s mirth had subsided. He stared at me with intent amusement. “How could I ever be related to a puny little pup like you? My parents are wolf-dogs in this town, and their parents were wolf-dogs, and for all I know it’s gone on like that almost since the beginning of time. Now you said you were going to leave…?”

“Well, that’s a relief,” I said bitingly, “Because I would have never been able to admit that a big old carcass like you could be my brother.”

His eyes glared, and the heat on my face increased ten-fold. I flinched, and Shadow relaxed at my show of weakness. “You know, I’ve changed my mind. Why don’t you stay? A pretty thing like you should have some kind of use around here.” He allowed a dark chuckle to roll around the alley from the dogs who were watching.

“It was never your decision whether I leave or not,” I said, turning around and flicking my tail defiantly at him, “Frankly, I don’t see how all these other guys can stand being around you for more than five minutes. I sure can’t.” I took a step forward, and instantly I felt Shadow’s cold breath on my neck.

“Say that again,” he breathed with menace.

I faced him coolly. “Usually I would, but I wouldn’t want to overload your little flea-sized mind.”

With a roar that nearly knocked me off my feet, Shadow sprang at me, but something came between us that sent him reeling back.

Gasping, I looked to see my rescuer was a young brown mutt, probably not even a year old.

Shadow stared at him as if he couldn’t believe the mutt had defied him. “Get out of the way, Ketch,” Shadow growled.

“Let her go,” Ketch said fiercely.

I realized my chance to escape, but my route had been cut off by other alleyway dogs. There was nothing to do but hope Ketch was good at persuasion.

Shadow’s golden eyes boiled. “Ketchikan, move!”

“No,” Ketch barked quietly, “Please…Dad. Just let her go. Just this once. Please.”

‘Oh, yeah,’ I thought, ‘Real persuasive.’ But after a few moments, Shadow growled and backed away. His low voice echoed thunder as he said, “Let her pass.” He glared at Ketch pointedly.

Ketch relaxed and turned to me. “I hope you find your brother.”

“Yeah,” I said hesitantly, “Me, too.”

The dogs parted reluctantly, and I trotted safely out of their midst and onto the tundra. I kept my dignity until I knew I was out of their sight, and then I charged on, running off the fear that had built up inside me as I had waited to be attacked. I silently thanked Ketch, and decided that enough was enough for one day. Tomorrow I would find Fire Eye and Balto. Tomorrow I would find my brother.

The next day I traveled to the northeast in my quest to find Fire Eye. The fox had made it sound like a short journey, but it was almost noon when I finally saw a cave in the distance and smelled the scent of a lone wolf.

I stopped, breathing hard. Disappointment had hit me yesterday almost immediately after leaving White Mountain. I had struggled with it, and many times had nearly given in to sobs, but as the evening wore on and I had found shelter and food, I calmed down. So I hadn’t found my brother. Would anyone want to have Shadow as their brother? I didn’t think so. Besides, there were two more wolf-dogs to go.

Down in the canyons of my soul, I knew there was a good chance neither of them were my brother, but I couldn’t give up. Not just yet.

Queer mutterings and laughs emitted from Fire Eye’s cave. I cocked my head in bewilderment, and cautiously padded up to the cave’s mouth. Inside lay Fire Eye, muttering to himself and chuckling as he rolled small bones beneath his paws. I could see why they called him Fire Eye: his brown irises seemed so bright they were almost red, and the gold around them was sickly. His fur might have been the smoke from his fiery eyes, because it started as a smoky dark gray around his head and front legs, and crept up his body to become lighter and lighter until the tip of his tail was like the gray of a fine mist.

A scent hung around him that didn’t seem quite right, though. It was sickly sweet, a different kind of smell from the White Mountain alleys, but just as horrible.

Suddenly he stiffened, and his nose twitched ever so slightly. He let out a braying laugh, and said to an invisible audience, “Looks like we have company. It’s been such a long time since we’ve had any. Come out, whoever you are! There’s nothing to fear but the darkness itself! Unless I am the darkness.” He laughed again.

I hesitated. This guy didn’t seem right in the head. Maybe I should just leave… ‘Anyone’s better than Shadow,’ I thought all of a sudden. I took a deep breath, and stepped into the cave.

“The visitor emerges from the shadows!” Fire Eye crowed. Then he seemed to fall into a mood. “And believe me, Shadow is the last dog you want to meet!”

“Uh, yeah,” I said uncertainly, “Yeah, I know that from experience.”

“Everyone has experience!” he snapped, “What you do with it determines who you are! Now what are you here for?”

“Oh, right,” I said. I tried to focus, but then Fire Eye started talking to his invisible audience again.

“Why is she wasting my time? I have too many things to do without listening to her babble on and on!” He picked up a bone in his mouth and savagely cracked it in two.

“Uh,” I said, and then tried again. “Look, Fire Eye, I’m a wolf-dog like you are. My mother was Aniu, and when she gave birth to me I was stolen by two wolves. I have a brother they didn’t kidnap, so I’ve been searching for him. Could you be my brother?”

Fire Eye sprang up and bolted past me, running outside. I whirled around and watched him start to dig at the snow, sending flakes flying towards me. I leaped out of the cave before I was buried alive, and watched as Fire Eye dug and dug and dug.

After awhile my patience started to tear again. I clenched my paws and shouted, “For Pete’s sake, Fire Eye, answer the question! Are you my brother??”

“NO!” He swung around with a glare, but then his face saddened. “I’ve lost it, I’ve lost it!”

“You sure have lost it,” I muttered, but then I looked up again. “Fire Eye!”

He was twitching and jerking with a wide-eyed expression on his face. His legs weakened, but his eyes brightened as he seemed to really see me for the first time. Fire Eye stumbled towards me with a hungry look in his eye. I backed away, and that just made him more excited. He dragged himself towards me as his breathing came louder and more labored. He started whimpering with anticipation, and continued stalking me.

THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP. I hadn’t felt this afraid in months. Fear pressed me against the wall and froze me as I watched Fire Eye draw closer, closer. I had seen hunger before, but never like the greedy look spinning inside his wild eyes. Only when he collapsed to the snow quaking and wheezing did I realize: He’s insane. He’s dying.

I thought I would choke on my heart’s fear right then. I took a few steps towards the nature of running away, but Fire Eye didn’t want to go peacefully. Oh, no.

He raised his trembling head, and threw himself at me. His hot breath burned my leg, and I let out a cry and kicked snow in his face before running running running away.

Fire Eye’s last, dying howl of anger followed me as I pounded over the tundra, panting as hard as any rabid wolf. The howl cut me deep, and to my horror I felt a scalding tear slide down my cheek. I never cried. I never cried. 

The surprise was so great I skidded to a stop as the echoes of Fire Eye’s last breath disappeared down the wind. I tried to steel myself against his mournful cries, but it was no use. Another crystal tear slipped down my face.

‘It’s got to be the shock from being so scared,’ I reasoned, but it wasn’t. I was genuinely sad. I  hadn’t felt that…in a long time.

Fire Eye’s death hurt. To think the last thing he saw on Earth was a hard, dirty, lost soul of a wolf-dog kicking dirt in his face was sickening. He didn’t deserve that. No one deserved that. I was a living picture of how horrible this world could be.

The next tear glided over my mouth, and I tasted its salt. It seemed to heal.

Whether Fire Eye had been my brother, I would never know. And if Balto wasn’t my brother, I was truly alone.

I stood tall and faced into the western wind. My tears turned cold and froze on my muzzle. I didn’t feel them. I would not give in. My journey wasn’t over. I wasn’t over. Balto was my last chance for family. I would take that chance.

So here I am at the edge of Nome, bewildered and afraid and wondering what Balto will be like compared to Shadow and Fire Eye. Fear creeps up my spine along with the cold. Night is falling fast, along with my courage. I have to act now before I completely lose my nerve.

I steel myself with a deep breath that makes my head whirl, and I step quickly into the town and dash along the streets. People are calling their dogs in and locking up for the night. I search wildly for a dog who looks kind enough to give me directions to Balto’s house. But who am I kidding? I just need to pick someone before I’m left out here all alone.

A dog slips past me in the growing dark. I jump. “Hey!”

He turns around. “Yeah?” I can’t see his face in the twilight, but he doesn’t seem mad, just…surprised.

“Where can I find Balto’s house?” I ask.

I think the dog raises an eyebrow “Balto’s house? What are…Oh. Are you new in town? You mean Jenna’s house. If I know Balto, and I should, he’ll be there now. Go up this street, and keep going until you reach a house that’s a little separate from the others. That’ll be it. You know, Balto doesn’t get many visitors. Are you, what, his long-lost sister or something?”

“Hopefully,” I mumble, and scoot down the street as I hear the dog’s owner call: “Kaltag!”

The houses rush past in a shadowed blur. After a few steps I realize I should have thanked Kaltag, but it’s too late now.

I find the house. It sticks out of the town, like a wolf-dog among wolves. This is my last chance to go back. I can avoid all the pain of a third disappointment by just walking away now.

I scratch the door so hard some of the paint chips off and the flakes fly away on the cold wind. Human voices rumble inside, and suddenly the door swings open to reveal a man standing at the door with a dog beside him. A wolf-dog.

My heart hits the inside of my chest so hard it almost stops. Balto’s kind eyes grow a little concerned.

“Well…normally I wouldn’t let a stray in,” the man says. Balto seems to read my mind and paws at the man’s pant leg. The man looks down, and his face softens. “But I guess you’re right, Balto. Tonight’s too cold for any dog to be out. Come on in.” The door opens a crack wider, and I stumble in.

My surroundings become very alien to me. I step into a long white tunnel with a ceiling high above my head, and hard, flat wood squeaks beneath my paws. The man closes the door and walks into an opening in the right side of the tunnel. Balto stands beside the opening and sweeps his paw out in front of him in a little bow. “After you.”

I step through quickly with my eyes downcast.

The opening leads to a cozy little cave. A swath of what looks like unnaturally colored fur covers the floor over where two soft chairs rest, and a small fire burns inside an alcove in the white wall. I am led to the fire and dried off by the man, and he sits in one of the soft chairs while Balto sits down beside me.

I can feel Balto studying me, probably wondering why I’m here, or how I got here. I jerk my head up and shoot my gaze straight into his eyes…and immediately some of my fear melts away. He just looks so caring…

“I’m glad you…dropped by,” he murmurs, “What’s your name?”

My throat tightens. That’s another thing I had forgotten to decide. “I…I don’t have one. Well, actually I’ve had two, but neither of them really fit me. I mean…” I stop, frustrated. I sound like such an idiot. Why won’t the story come out? “Are you my brother?” I say in a rush.

Balto looks taken aback. He stares at me, then recollects himself. “I was never told I had a sister.”

I freeze. My insides turn into an arctic wasteland. I can feel the cold wind screaming through my mind. I haven’t found my brother. I am alone.

Balto seems to consider something. “Though knowing my mother…” He looks at me carefully. “What was your mother’s name?”

“Aniu,” I breathe, “She was a white wolf, and she had me and my brother with Scout, a husky. Th-These two other wolves, Roan and Soran, hated her for that, so they kidnapped me, but they couldn’t get my brother because Aniu knew what they were going to do, and she protected him. But I was taken…” The whole story spills out in an ocean of words, and I can barely hear myself over the memories that come with the words. I don’t know where I’ve kept all these words, but they all come tumbling out of my mouth for Balto to hear. I tell the whole story, leaving nothing out, and I can feel the relief spreading over me like warm water as I talk about Roan, Soran, Kalim, Jaydor, Ice Moon, Crystal, Cyan, Mark, the fox, Shadow, Fire Eye, and on and on and on… “And now I’m here,” I finish, “looking for my brother.”

Balto’s mouth and eyes are both very wide, and I would have laughed and made a snide comment in any other situation. Instead, my relief plunges down to an emptiness that leaves me broken and drained. Judging by his silence, Balto thinks I’m a nutcase. I need to get out of here.

“Hey! Where are you going?” Balto cries.

I stop, but I don’t bother turning around. “Somewhere. Anywhere but here.”

“Why?” Balto says, “You’re just going to leave after you found your long-lost brother?”

That makes me turn around. “What?”

Something sparkles at the edge of Balto’s eyes. “My mother was Aniu. My father was Scout. Mother told me stories about Roan and Soran, but she never mentioned…”

“Me,” I whisper, “Why?”

Balto shrugs. “I guess she thought I had suffered enough with my own heritage without knowing I had a sister who was much worse off than I was.” A smile lights up his face. “I…don’t know what to say…Welcome home.”

Without thinking I run to Balto and hug him as hard as I can. He hugs back, and I feel wetness on my shoulder. Tears. I have to hold back some of my own. All I can think is ‘I’m not alone. I’m not alone.’

Suddenly an image flashes in front of my eyes. I hear my gasp at the same time as Balto’s as we both step back, startled.

I see a beautiful white wolf staring at me with love in her amber eyes. She smiles, and smooth words flow from her mouth: “My son. My daughter. At last you have found each other. I want you to know, while in life you have my blessing, and while in death I will be waiting for you. Never forget the pride of the wolf…I love you both.” She lifts her head, and a ringing silver howl sings through my ears. The image fades, and I find myself face to face with Balto.

“Mother?” I say slowly.

Balto grins, though his eyes betray raging emotions beneath the surface. “Yep. That was our mother.”

I don’t even try to understand what just happened. I’ve found my family.

“Sorry I pounced on you like that,” I mutter with a smile.

“That’s OK,” Balto replies good-naturedly, “What’s family for?”

Out of nowhere a song flies from the corner of the room. I look over to see a pretty red and white husky curled around something with her back to us. She’s singing quietly, and the song washes over me like a forgotten memory, even though I’ve never heard it before in my life.

“That’s my mate, Jenna,” Balto tells me, “She’s trying to get our pups to go to sleep. It’s been an ongoing battle, but I think she’s starting to win. Thank goodness!”

I barely hear him. One verse in particular sticks out for me, and as I listen it feels like I’ve just plunged my head into ice-cold water:

There’s no turning back

Your destiny is calling

Listen to the thunder roll

And let your heart break free…

Everything snaps into place. I face Balto with what I know is fierce determination in my eyes. “You know how I told you I don’t have a name? Well, that’s a lie now. I’ve found my name.”

“What is it?” he asks.

“Destiny,” I say, the finality of it ringing in my ears, “My name is Destiny.”

Balto grins. “I like it…Welcome home, Destiny.”

A howl soars through the night, slicing through the windows. I jump up to one of the windowsills and unconsciously start to shake. Through that howl one single word roars: “Luna!”

I know that name, I know that voice, I know that howl. “Cyan!” Just like Crystal had said, Cyan had disappeared…to find me. I dash through the small flap in the doorway and tear up the street as I follow the howl out into the tundra. I only have to go a few feet before I crash into something, and it turns around with a hopeful smile. It’s Cyan. “Luna?”

“It’s Destiny now,” I can’t help saying happily. The name feels so right, and best of all, I chose it myself. “Cyan, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you with the pack?”

“Oh, they don’t need me there,” Cyan replies with a flippant toss of his paw, “I just needed to find you. To make sure you were safe.”

“Well…I’m fine,” I say, “You didn’t have to stalk me. I was just…trying to find my family.”

“And did you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, my brother’s in a house in this town, probably wondering where I ran off to so suddenly.” Unbidden, a grin comes to my mouth. I don’t know why. I don’t remember ever feeling this happy. I have a name, I have a family. What more could I want?

“Oh.” Cyan’s face falls. He slowly turns away. “Well…I guess I’ll be going.”

He only takes two steps before I burst out.

“Cyan!” I cry, “Why are you really here? Really.”

He spins around, and his eyes are like wheels of ice, turning frantically. “Why am I here? Why have I been following you? Well, it’s…I…well…I love you!”

The words hit me in the face. BAM.

“Almost since that morning I tackled you, I’ve loved you,” he whispers, “Do you remember that night Kamotz attacked you?”

“I remember, I remember,” I mumble, my mouth barely moving. I can’t feel a thing.

“I would have been the one who saved you,” Cyan blurts out, “But Jaydor had someone hold me back while he rescued you. It was all part of his plan to get you to trust him. I would have said something, but I didn’t think anyone would’ve believed me, and it didn’t really matter at that point. Luna – I mean Destiny…” He looks up at me. My insides rock with water. I have no idea what I’m going to do next.

Cyan’s blue eyes fall to his legs where the scars Jaydor gave him still show plainly. “I knew you wouldn’t take me. I’m sorry. I just had to see you.” He turns once again to go.

Something sparks inside me, and then kindles into a flame. I put my foot down hard. “Cyan! When I want a mate, I want to be the one who chooses him!” I run up to him and rub my head along his neck. “And I choose you.”

Cyan’s mouth drops open. “Are you…Are you sure getting a different name didn’t change you?” he asks breathlessly, “The Luna I know would never do this!”

“I’m Destiny,” I remind him, “And I am different.” I’m whole.

We stand there in the cold night, nuzzling each other. Cyan runs his muzzle over my head and licks my face, whispering to me, “Destiny. My Destiny…”

And deep down, I know I’ve found my destiny. I’ve found Cyan. I’ve found Balto. I’ve found myself, Destiny.

Luna/Shannon/Destiny, Roan, Soran, Kalim, Jaydor, Ice Moon, Crystal, Cyan, Mark, Shadow, Matt, Ketch, Fire Eye, Silver Snow, and Wildfire © redwolf03