Applebuck Season

 

Right in the Apples

Applejack: C’mon big brother! You need to rest up n’ get yerself better. I haven’t met an apple orchard yet that I can’t handle. [She isn’t looking as she goes to playfully punch Big Mac in the ribs and instead-]

Big Mac: GYAAAAH!

[Big Mac falls to the floor and curls into a fetal position as Applejack accidentally punches him in a place that ought not be punched]

Director: Ooh! Quick cut and get him some help!

This Mistake Again?

Applejack: Are you sayin' my mouth is makin' promises my legs can't keep?

Big McIntosh: Eeyup.

Applejack: Why of all the... This is your sister Applejack, remember? The loyalest of friends and the most dependable of ponies?

Pierre the Cameraman: Sir, you did it again!

Director: Did what again?”

Pierre: Last time you called Twilight the most generous pony, and now you’ve called AJ the most loyal. If you’re gonna keep switching up the elements like this people are gonna get confused!

Director: I DON’T WRITE THE SCRIPT!

Pinkie… Script… Please

[The background ponies run around in panic as the stampeding cows shake the earth. In the midst of this, Pinkie Pie judders across the ground]

Pinkie: Thiiiiiiis muuuusst beeeee whaaat a jaaackhammmmer feeeellls liiikeee!

Director: Someone stop the cows!

Pinkie: Aww… why’d ya make it stop?

Director: Stick. To. The. Script!

Pinkie: …oh… whoopsie.

The Problem with Popcorn

[As Applejack and Winona corral the cattle, Rarity looks away from the scene while Pinkie Pie stand in between her and Twilight with a bag of popcorn]

Pinkie: This is the best rodeo show I’ve ever seen.

[Pinkie then dives face-first into the popcorn; however, not too long after she resurfaces, coughing, getting the rest of the ponies on-set to look in her direction. Pinkie plugs one nostril and snorts a piece of popcorn out the other one]

Twilight: Pinkie, are you alright?

Pinkie: Yeah… what can I say? I’m just not all that POP-ular today when it comes to getting my part right.

[The rest of the crew all groan at Pinkie’s awful pun]

Not All Sweetness and Sunshine

Applejack: [whistles] Winona! Put ‘em up!

[Winona hops on top of one of the stampeding cows backs’ however a second later she slips and falls into the herd]

Applejack: CUT!

[A crunching sound followed by whimpering is heard and the cows stop running, all looking at one particular cow, who is staring down with horror]

Director: Great, that was our eighth Winona!

Pinkie Prankz

[Twilight and Spike walk over to Rarity, who is tying a red ribbon around a tree trunk]

Twilight: We all ready?

Rarity: Just one last thing.

[Rarity levitates a banner into the air and hangs it across the Town Hall railings’ however instead of the intended apple theme is should have, it instead has a crudely drawn picture of Pinkie Pie wearing sunglasses, with the phrase ‘Pinkie Pie Wuz Here’ scrawled onto it]

Rarity: PINKIE!

Pinkie: Gotcha!

Director: Cut!

Shuffled

[Twilight walks up to the speaker’s podium and levitates some cards over with her magic. She starts shuffling them but drops a few, growling in frustration]

Twilight: I’m just used to shuffling playing cards! That’s all!

Director: Cut!

Dash Bash

Twilight: Welcome, everypony! Today we are here to honor a pony we can always count on to help in matters great and small. [Takes next card] A pony whose contributions to-

[Rainbow Dash then zips over and slams a hoof downwards, intending to hit the cards, but instead hitting Twilight, who falls to the floor clutching her head]

Twilight: Owowowowow! Nurse please!

Director: Nurse! Again!

And the Best Pony is…

Mayor Mare: [Clears her throat]. And so, with no further ado, it is my privilege to give the prize, Pony of Ponyville Award, to our beloved guest of honor, a pony of the utmost trustworthiness, reliability, and integrity. Ponyville's most capable and dependable friend: Applejack!

[the crowd cheers and the curtains pull back]

Spike: Cool! Way to go Applejack that was awesome! I mean- DERPY?!

[Derpy is sitting on stage where the curtains parted, looking around]

Derpy: How did I get up here?

Director: Cut!

Those Crazy Mud-ponies

Applejack: I'm here. I'm here.

[Applejack trudges up to the stage with some apple baskets on her back. She has large bags under her eyes and looks absolutely exhausted. The entire crowd is looking at her with concern and confusion.]

Applejack: [yawn] [sigh] Sorry I'm late--whoa- I was just... whoa... Did I get your tail? [She makes it to the stage, shoving Mayor Mare away] Miss Mayor. Thank you kindly for this here... award thingy. [yawn] It's so bright and shiny and [she stares at her reflection in the trophy] heh, heh heh, I sure do look funny. [Applejack starts making funny faces in the surface of the trophy] Woo… woo…

[Pinkie Pie joins in, and the two earth ponies rock back and forth on their hooves while making the ‘woooo’ sounds]

Twilight: Okay… well thank you Applejack for saving us from that scary stampede, and always being there for everypony.

[Applejack stops ‘woo-wooing’, but Pinkie Pie continues]

Twilight: Um… Pinkie?

Pinkie: Woo! Woo!

Twilight: Pinkie, you can stop now.

Pinkie: Woo! Woo!

Director: Oh boy…

Sleeping Pills: Good or bad?

Applejack: [yawn] Yeah. I like helping the pony folk and… [yawn] and stuff.

[Applejack falls asleep, and slowly tips forward. Finally she topples over onto her face, making Twilight cringe]

Twilight: Um… were these drowsy pills the best idea?

Director: If we want the audience to believe she’s tired, then YES!

This Will End in tears

[Applejack kicks out blindly with her back hooves and ends up collapsing to the floor with a thud]

Twilight: [From offset] I really don’t think this is gonna work…

[We hear the sound of Applejack falling over again from off-camera]

She Almost Exploded my Head with Science

[Applejack walks away from Twilight, so she uses her teleportation magic to zap herself in front of her earth pony friend]

Twilight: Applewhat Season?

Applejack: It’s what the Apple family calls harvestin’ time…

[Applejack walks off again so Twilight teleports to catch up to her]

Applejack: …we harvest all the apples from the trees so we can sell ‘em.

Twilight: But why are you doing it all alone?

Applejack: ‘Cause Big Macintosh hurt himself.

[Twilight teleports in front of her again right in front of the earth pony so their noses are pressed together and Applejack leaps back in surprise]

Applejack: for the love of apple dumplin’s Twilight! Ya can’t just teleport in front o’ me like that! Do you even know what happens if a unicorn teleports into somepony’s head?

Twilight: Well… yes… scientific tests have shown that if a pony teleports in the same place as another’s head it will… explode.

Applejack: That’s it; can I get a stunt double?

Director: No. Cut.

Dumb Dummy

[Applejack is standing at the top of the platform staring down at Rainbow Dash on the seesaw]

Applejack: Oh my.

Rainbow Dash: Ready? One... two... THREE!

[‘Applejack’ jumps off and lands front ways on the ground; however after hitting, her head flies off]

Rainbow Dash: GAH! APPLEJACK!

Pierre: Dash! Calm down; it’s just a dummy!

Rainbow Dash: Phew! Ya could’ve told me before!

Director: [To Pierre] You’re the dummy for getting such a cheap life-sized pony doll.

Pierre: Did you even hear the sentence you just said?

When a Rainbow Hits an Apple

Applejack: I have an idea.

[Applejack reaches up and pulls the raised end of the seesaw down so that Rainbow’s end rises up. However, Dash forgets to balance herself and tips forward, tumbling down the seesaw and crashing into Applejack, sending the two toppling off-set and into an unsuspecting crew member]

Crew Member Pony: [From underneath Applejack and Rainbow Dash] Hey! Nopony falls on The Great and Powerful Head of Special Effects Trixie and gets away with it!

Director: CUT!

Pierre: Hmm… that pony looks like she has potential.

Overshot

Take 1

[Twilight is sitting on her balcony reading a book. She looks up as she hears somepony screaming, just in time for Rainbow Dash to hurtle straight into her, sending both of them crashing into a wall]

Director: Okay we launched Dash too high. Let’s do it again!

Twilight and Rainbow Dash: Oh no…

 

Take 2

[Twilight is reading her book and looks up as she hears screaming, she looks higher and higher as Rainbow Dash shoots clean over the set, still screaming. Eventually a loud crash is heard along with a Wilhelm Scream as Dash hits the ground]

Director: A LOT lower, okay?

 

Take 3

[Twilight reads her book, trying not to let the worry for the stunt show on her face. She hears Rainbow Dash screaming and looks up, but only hears a crash followed by the balcony shaking as Dash crashes into the library. She peers over the railings, seeing that Rainbow is half embedded in the wall]

Director: Pierre…

Pierre: [Sigh] I’ll pay for damage.

The Importance of Lids

Applejack: Nothin' doin', Twilight. I'm gonna prove to you, t'everypony, that I can do this on my own. [Applejack walks into the tree branch she hit her head on earlier and yelps] Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go help Pinkie Pie. [As she limply walks, she leans too far to the right and topples

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