looks up at me.  He knows he's done.  He lays on the ground, not even attempting to get up.  I tear open his throat with the last of my energy.  Then I turn around to Jay and I start to cry again.  Drew is by his side, holding him.  He sees me and sets Jay down.  Now I know he's gone.

 

Ch. 8

 

      &reaks when I see him on the ground in pain, unable to breath without hurting. 

            "Jay.  Jay stay with me.  C'mon Jay."  He turns his head toward me and I start sobbing at the sadness in his eyes.  The hurt.  I don't know what to say.  He talks for me.

             "You... you went for him first," he chokes out.  "You love him don't you.  Tornado was right.  You did find someone else."

             I am shocked.  "Jay, no!  I love you.  I would do anything to redo that.  Jay, I thought I could make it.  I don't know what happened.  Jay...." my voice trails off as I see tears go down his face.  He's crying. 

             "Emathyst, I loved you.  You love Drew.  I'm not going to make it, so what does it matter?" he says.  I could almost see his broken heart.  He's starting to fade.

             "No! Jay no!  Don't leave me!"  His head collapses.  Then I hear a voice.

             "I told you there was no way to save them both."  Then it hits me.  Again.  Tornado saw that I was going to save both of them, so he stopped me.  It was his fault.

             "It's your fault," I scream at him.  "You killed him!!"

             "I didn't kill him.  You went after Drew first.  I told you you had to choose."

             I leap.  I still can't feel my right front leg, I don't know what happened.  I just know that he killed Jay.  That's all I need.  I pull my anger up from my heart and use it on Abyss.  Rage and hatred against him make up for my lost leg.  I keep attacking.  Then he's on the ground in front of me, covered in blood and claw marks that will not soon heal.  I see horror in his eyes.

             Then I see why.  I see my reflection in his scared eyes.  My eyes have turned blood red.  I would have scared myself if I wasn't so mad.  That's it.  It was the anger.  I was so consumed in my anger, I became someone else.  A killer.  A savage.  But right then, I didn't care.

             "Okay, you win," he says out of breath.  

             "I'm not letting you go.  You deserve to die."  I stare down at Abyss, cowering in front of me.  The only way I could have beat him is because of the heartache that fueled my anger.

nbsp;      I run to them trying to get to Jay and Drew throws his arms around me.  I bawl my eyes out.  Drew rocks me back and forth shushing me and trying his best to comfort me.  It doesn't work very well.  I just keep crying.  I keep trying to get to Jay, but Drew keeps me away.

              Drew pushes me back and looks me over.  "Are you okay?" he asks me.  "Are you hurt?"

              "Let me get to him!"  I try to push through him to get to Jay.

              "I need to check you out first.  Are you okay?" he asks again.

               "I can't feel my right arm but what does it matter," I say through sobs.    

              He feels my shoulder then puts one paw on my shoulder, and one on my arm.  "When I count to three, i'm going to push it back into place.  Ready?  One, two,...three."  He pushes and I hear a pop. 

               Pain shoots up my arm and I yell.  Loud.  I clench my teeth, and move my arm around.  It still hurts, but I still get up and go to Jay.  He's laying on the ground.  Still.  Never to move again.  Tears come to my eyes again. 

               He can't be gone.  He's not gone.  He just can't be. I say to myself trying to will him alive.  I lay my head on his side.  No heartbeat.  Nothing.  That's when my head cicks in.  It butts out my heart.  He's gone, and it wasn't Abyss' fault.  It was mine.  It was all my fault.

               New hot tears spring to my eyes as I turn around to Drew.  "I can't stay here anymore.  I can't go home either.  I'm leaving.  Go home and tell them I failed.  Tell them he's dead so, so am I.  And it's all my fault."  I turn around and head away.  Anywhere but here.

               "Wait, why are you leaving?"  He runs up behind me.  "No.  It's not your fault.  Abyss killed him.  Not you."

               "No.  I killed him.  He thinks I love you!  He thinks that it doesn't matter to me that he's dead!"  My sadness turns to bitter anger toward myself and Drew for not understanding.  "He's gone because I went after you first.  He's gone because I didn't save him.  You might have survived that fall.  He couldn't!  He was already almost dead!  If I had went after him first, if he knew I loved him, he'd be alive now!"

               "Emathyst, it's not your fault.  Blaming yourself isn't going to bring him back.  It's not going to make things better.  Come home with me.  The pain will go away."

               "No it won't!  You don't understand! I love him!  Loved him echoes in my heart.  I love you, but just as a very good friend.  I don't want you hurt either.  Just go away before I kill you too."  My heart is gone.  I don't care about Drew's hurt face.  I just turn adoesn't work very well.  I just keep crying.  I keep trying to get to Jay, but Drew keeps me away.

              Drew pushes me back and looks me over.  "Are you okay?" he asks me.  "Are you hurt?"

              "Let me get to him!"  I try to push through him to get to Jay.

              "I need to check you out first.  Are you okay?" he asks again.

               "I can't feel my right arm but what does it matter," I say through sobs.    

              He feels my shoulder then puts one paw on my shoulder, and one on my arm.  "When I count to three, i'm going to push it back into place.  Ready?  One, two,...three."  He pushes and I hear a pop. 

               Pain shoots up my arm and I yell.  Loud.  I clench my teeth, and move my arm around.  It still hurts, but I still get up and go to Jay.  He's laying on the ground.  Still.  Never to move again.  Tears come to my eyes again. 

               He can't be gone.  He's not gone.  He just can't be. I say to myself trying to will him alive.  I lay my head on his side.  No heartbeat.  Nothing.  That's when my head cicks in.  It butts out my heart.  He's gone, and it wasn't Abyss' fault.  It was mine.  It was all my fault.

               New hot tears spring to my eyes as I turn around to Drew.  "I can't stay here anymore.  I can't go home either.  I'm leaving.  Go home and tell them I failed.  Tell them he's dead so, so am I.  And it's all my fault."  I turn around and head away.  Anywhere but

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