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 Post subject: Dusty's surprise for Balto and Jenna.(Re-edited)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 11:26 am 
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Chapter 1:One night when Balto and Jenna invited Dusty to spend the night with them,
she had accidently overheard how much they had missed seeing Aleu,
while Balto and Jenna were sleeping,
Dusty woke up and walked out the door,
while they continued sleeping and dreaming about seeing Aleu again,
Dusty looked back at them,with a smile on her face,boy by Nome Alaska,
aren't you two gonna be surprised when
I come back,then continued on her way to find Aleu,which took Dusty longer than she had expected,
whew,Dusty thought,
Aleu certainly did come a long way from home,to find out who she really is,
then decided to lay down again,
because her journey to find Aleu had taken the entire day almost,
when she did find Aleu,Aleu snarled at Dusty,who are you,and why have you come all this way to find me?Dusty snarled back,I've come to bring you home back to Nome,Alaska,to your parents,Balto and Jenna,and what makes you think I want to go back,Aleu snapped at Dusty,and started to advance on Dusty,
while still growling
and then leaped at Dusty grabbing her by the front legs and knocking her to the ground.....end of chapter 1


Last edited by Gold Wolf on Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:20 am, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 12:30 pm 
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Chapter 2:Aleu stood over Dusty snarling,
and continued to relentlessly attack her,
then Dusty did something that took Aleu completely by surprise,
she grabbed Aleu by the throat
and tossed her aside,now Aleu,Dusty panted,
are you gonna come home along with me,
I've come a long way to bring you home as a surprise for Balto and Jenna,
Aleu then stopped her attack upon Dusty,and widened her eyes,
you came all this way just to bring me home as a surprise,Aleu gasped,ok,Dusty,she agreed,you lead the way,but first lie down,
while I tend to the wounds I inflicted upon you,ok,Dusty agreed,as she laid down so Aleu could do so,here now,Aleu said with a smile,
let me help you get back on your paws
so we can get back home to Nome,
while they were on their way back,Balto and Jenna,
awoke with a start,where's Dusty,Jenna gasped,while she stared wide-eyed at Balto,Dusty'll be fine,Balto assured her,then the unexpected happened,Dusty and Aleu came through the door,Dusty smiled and stood away from the happy family reunion,and smiled contently as the three of the embraced each other.


Last edited by Gold Wolf on Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:20 am, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 12:39 pm 
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Aww. ^^ This is a very nice fic SF. ^^

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 12:48 pm 
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Thanks Tibby,very happy that you like it. :wink: ^.^

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 1:24 pm 
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Chapter 3:Just then,Kodi came through the door,
and stared wide-eyed at the strange female wolf that came into their house,
and started to growl at her,
who are you,and what are you doing here?Kodi asked her,does this feel familiar,
the strange wolf asked him,and playfully pushed him to the ground and began nibbling on his ear,OW!,Kodi winced with a little bit of pain,
that hurts,then Kodi thought back to his puppyhood,
ALEU!,sis,is it really you?Aleu nodded,
'tis me bro,so I heard that you're a sled dog now,Aleu said,
yeah,Kodi said in a rejected tone,but I'm no leader like my sister,
Kodi then looked at Dusty,who then approached them,I'm very happy to bring home a long lost family member,they all then joyously broke into laughter.(Encore,yes,or,no?)


Last edited by Gold Wolf on Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:19 am, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 9:03 pm 
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I'll say that this fic has a lot of potential. I just have a little constructive critisism, if you don't mind. :wink:

First of all, it's a little difficult at the moment to tell when your characters are speaking. The quotations are squished in with the text and actions. I think that if you used quotation marks, it would make the fic ten times easier to understand.

Also, your text seems to be merged into one huge run-on sentence. Use periods; space out your writing. It makes it a little easier to follow.

Another thing. Use details in your writing. Maybe describe the scenery or describe the thoughts of a character. Personally, I think that a fanfic with details is a lot easier to visualize and understand opposed to a fic that just states the obvious.

So, basically, just a few errors in grammar. :) Nothing too huge. Keep this going, just put forth a little more effort when you write.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 11:50 pm 
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Well,thanks for your words of encouragement. :shock:

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 5:19 am 
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That was brilliant SF please write more it is very good :D

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 5:29 am 
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:lol: I can only write my fanfics down in book chapter form,please get used to reading them that way,no offense to anyone.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:13 am 
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Chapter 4:Then Aleu whispered something quietly into Dusty's ear,
which made her look at Aleu with a little bit of shock,really?,
I have had some dreams about being a wolf,
I have howled two times before,Dusty replied to Aleu,well you are welcome to come along and learn how to be a wolf if it's what you've been dreaming about,
Oh yes,I really have,well then,Aleu replied,shall we be off then?,Ok, Dusty answered,let's go I'm ready to answer my call of the wild,
which made Aleu chuckle out loud,
Ok fine let's be off then shall we,
Farewell,Kodi,Aleu and Dusty replied at the same time,
then bid their goodbyes to Balto and Jenna,and then Balto and Jenna,let out goodbye howls,as Aleu and Dusty ran off into the sunset,
When Aleu,and Dusty came back to Aleu's wolfpack,
some of them growled and snarled at Dusty,until Aleu growled at them to stop,which they did,then one of them approached Dusty and asked why she decided to join them,because Dusty replied,I'm answering my call of the wild.


Last edited by Gold Wolf on Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:18 am, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:59 am 
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Chapter 5:Ok Dusty,your first lesson in becoming a wolf,i
s to learn how to hunt for food,now let's go to where I hunt for food,
that would be perfect for someone just beginning to learn how to hunt for the first time in their lives,
when they got there,the wolf hunting grounds were teaming with prey,
now the most important thing to remember is to stay low to the ground,
and try not to make any noise,like this?,Dusty replied,as she did everything Aleu instructed her to do,
and caught her very first caribou,
with Aleu's little bit of help that is,Aleu was as proud of Dusty,
as Dusty was of herself,and she looked at Dusty in shock,
you'll make a really splendid wolf,but it'll take a lot of years yet.


Last edited by Gold Wolf on Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:18 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:48 am 
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Chapter 6:As the years went by,Dusty became more
and more wolf-like,she even started to sound like a wolf,
even Aleu was pleased with her,
but back at Balto's boat,Jenna awoke with a start,Balto,
where are Aleu and Dusty?,Jenna asked him,in a worried tone of voice,
I'm sure they're fine,they're probably out enjoying the town,meanwhile back at Aleu's pack,
Dusty was falling in love with a wolf,named Lupino,and they even hunted caribou really well,and even shared stories about Balto,
and how he brought medicine back to Nome,Alaska,just then Kodi walks in,
and asks if they've seen Aleu and Dusty,
both shake their heads no,then the three of them set off to see if they can find Dusty,
and bring her back,because Ralph began to worry about her being where ever she might have gone off to.


Last edited by Gold Wolf on Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 3:24 pm 
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Chapter 7:Then Balto and Jenna started off on a long journey to find
and bring back Dusty back to Ralph,they traveled in the cool of the night,to avoid the hotness of the day,when they found Dusty
and Aleu,Dusty had become more wolf-like,
since she hung around with Aleu,more than she should've,I'm not realy certain if I want to Return to Ralph,and Kirby,and their sled-dog ways,
Dusty snarled at Balto,and Jenna,Jenna looked wide-eyed at Dusty,
who then raised her head,and gave out a very wolf-like howl,
c'mon Jenna,let's go back to Nome,it's seems like we're wasting our time trying bring Dusty back to Ralph.


Last edited by Gold Wolf on Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:59 am 
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Kool keep up the Story! :D


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:24 am 
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Kari wrote:
I'll say that this fic has a lot of potential. I just have a little constructive critisism, if you don't mind. :wink:

First of all, it's a little difficult at the moment to tell when your characters are speaking. The quotations are squished in with the text and actions. I think that if you used quotation marks, it would make the fic ten times easier to understand.

Also, your text seems to be merged into one huge run-on sentence. Use periods; space out your writing. It makes it a little easier to follow.

Another thing. Use details in your writing. Maybe describe the scenery or describe the thoughts of a character. Personally, I think that a fanfic with details is a lot easier to visualize and understand opposed to a fic that just states the obvious.

So, basically, just a few errors in grammar. :) Nothing too huge. Keep this going, just put forth a little more effort when you write.


I agree. This story HAS potential, but your not USING it. And the fact that your chapters are only a paragraph long is very... Well, it makes it displeasing. If I was someone with any sense, I would not read this story with paragraph 'chapters'. Take your time, and use that space bar. It is your friend. Oh, and quotes do wonders.

I know just about everyone has taken english lessons for school. Use them to your benifit.

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