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First off, If anyone thinks this will cause a war, do not hesitate to lock it. I do not want that here, so please do so if needed. And, In a way I know one person who would turn this into a full scale war... Me, But I mean the person to start me off. ^^;;

Next, I know the title may be alittle disleading, or maybe not. This is just the way I feel. And now, I will tell you why...

Do you ever feel discriminated? Unloved? Yet loved, too? I do, all the time. I mean really, how can this feeling come? How can you feel hated, and loved?? Well, its easy.

I am discriminated, easily, really. It may be disleading sometimes, but I am. Actually, I know a few people who coulda guessed that... But for different reasons than they know. I am not like many people. Except for Kari, we are long lost unidentical twins separated at birth. And Suka, except for them. And still, we have differences.

I am offically announcing that I will no longer be talking in real life, unless nessicary. And I already rarely talk. I will talk in my room, I supose. And you cant count this as talking, because I am TYPING. Difference. ^^;;

Tomorrow, 9/15/06, I stop. I will take calls, but ON OCCASIONS ONLY!, and such. Otherwise a simple nod or shrug should surpass people. No one really cares anyways. I rarely talk at school, No one notices. I rarely talk at home, No one notices. I rarely talk ANYWHERE, No one notices. So, if I just stop talking, do you supose anyone will notice? No, I think not. =3

I feel, sometimes, worthless. Really, I do. I dont see the point of staying here, sometimes. Well, I really thought dieing would be more of a life than living. Until recently. Now, someone brightens my day when we talk, or if I think about him. When he calls I go crazy happy, witch is why I will talk then.

Then again, my family (not my family in real life... Kari & Suka. =D) show me that life sucks, but someone is here to be there for you. I luff them both very much, and they are just great. They make little things worth it.

But if you ask my Mum how I have been lately she would shrug & say "No idea." How great, huh? She doesnt care. Shes busy with her boyfriend, who wants to send me away to a Insane Place... I just havent figured out where yet...

My brother & sister? They.... I dont know them, okay? I disown them, and they disown me. Perfectly fine with me. So, you can almost call me an only child... But I got a new brother & sister, so I guess its okay. xD!!

My room is my haven. It keeps me safe, and hidden from.... Reality? I supose. I hate to live, really I do. I perfer to sit & type all day...

School scares me everyday. My math teacher singles me out just to embarass me. Seriously, what a butt. >< He hates everyone, but ME expecially. And we have only been in school for a month & 1 week!!!! Do you know how just darling that it?!!!! I am stuck with the thing for a whole year, if I pass!! >< Nuuu, with my luck I fail, and get hated & teased more! *sigh*

Suicide seems better than sitting in Mr. Rongstads classroom for 55 mins... >< Now that is sad. Really, isnt it?

Oh, did I mention I stopped talking once before? I was left alone for awhile, until threatened to be taken to the.... what do you call those crazed happy people?? Oh yeah... Phyrapists? Right? Sure. I cant spell, terribly sorry. I hate them, they are so stupid.

This time, I think I will be sent to one AGAIN!!!! T_T Its horrible to sit there for about an hour and listen to it try and make me talk. Its practically impossible.

Now that I wont be talking, Maybe, JUST MAYBE, I will get my free speach rights back. =D Maybe. Only time will tell. But for now, I have been offically stripped of my rights. For saying ONE simple word. But, you know... If I was a real.... butt... I would say it, but to keep this topic open, I wont. Although I should have the right to say it.

Moving on... My mother asked me if I cut myself. HOW DARE SHE!!!!!! I mean really, has she any idea where my little cuts come from?? We have 11 cats that only play with ME because no one else will play, does that give her ANY hint at all?!!!

When you have 11 cats, cuts happen!!! They have claws, SHARP LITTLE MENCING CLAWS!! Gahhhh!! On my arms, on my legs, feet, hands, you know?? Exactly. Everywhere. Just little cuts that sting when you get anything in them & they sting like heck, and you then you wince & my mum demands to see my legs, or hands. Yepp. Freaky, I know.

So now, I am asumed to be 'suicidal' or something. >< You know the story... Just because I am quiet and cant get a life, doesnt mean I will take what little I have left of mine. I belong to someone, and love him. I wont disappoint him.

So now, I have a question. What do you think? How do you feel? I want to know if anyone feels the same... I mean, whats wrong with feeling this way? Tell me. I want to know what you all feel, because saying that makes me feel somewhat better. =33 I want to help people too.

I have spoken my peace, and leave it at that. I hope this isnt closed, because it could help-- or not.

I love you all at the BaltoSource, and I bid you ado.

--Maya Huskee

Maya, I know exactly how you feel. All my life I've been singled out, teased, discriminated, and anything else you wanna call it. Things have happened in my life that make me want to shut everything away (and go to my room; it's my haven as well). I'll admit, I concidered suicide more than once, and each time I thought better of it. My family relations aren't so smooth either.
Just so you know, you're not alone; you're not the only one that's been X'd out.
There's nothing wrong with feeling this way, 'cause it's likely to happen to anyone.

I'm really glad you think we're all here for you, Maya. And we are. But sometimes, you just gotta help yourself at times, y'know? I'd know...me online and me in person are two totally different people. Misunderstood? Sure. Aren't we all? You need some self-confidence, some sort of...inspiration what will help you to see all the pleasurable things you have right now.

So yeah. I can sit here and rant and babble all day long about how I feel for you, and that you shouldn't be doing this -- but what's the point if you think the bad things in your life outweigh the good things?

Meh? My comp is MY haven. I can password protect everything, burn everything on a disc, and voila!! My own little legacy. But why would I burn what I've lived so far when I still have so much to look forward to? I think about it, and every disc I burn untimately ends up in the fireplace (Bad place to destroy discs, lemmie tell you right now. The mess it leaves never comes out. XP ).

So here I am. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life -- because that's your choice. I can only offer this advice, and hope something strikes up that feeling long enough for you to reconsider anything suicidal or...y'know...emo-ish. XD

Thank you 3DG Wolf, I appreciate your words. And I hope it gets better for us both. I know it shall for me. These next four years will pass by oh so freakin' slowly. But, time will tell.
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I'm not emo, nor suicidal. Suicide may cross my minds at times, but no, In all truth I would never do that, Suka. Really, I am not that way. I would never seriously consiter it.

I may tease sometimes to people that I am going to go jump off a cliff, and would rather do so, but no, I wont.

Its not that I am afraid too, its just that I wont. I have a future after 18, and will live it. I have people and animals to help, and I plan to do so. I have no idea what I will actually be doing at 18, but I know it will be better than now.


I have once again spoken my peace.

--Maya Huskee

Well, here's my story, Maya. I have recently felt the strain of the pressure of a teenage driver. It sucks.

My mom recently gave me a tearful lecture on how people my age have died from careless driving, and also because they say that me and my sister mean everything to me, they say that they will completely fall apart if anything like that happened to me.

At that point, which is really scary even to this day, even though it happened three dasys ago, I thought "Why don't I just stab myself through the heart and put myself and my parents out of their misery?" I truly thought that for about a half hour, probably the saddest half hour of my life. As soon as I snapped out of it, I realized that there would be many people not only that I know personally, but those here that I care about here.

Ugh, I might be getting beside the point, but Maya, I talk extremely little to most anyone as well. Even my parents. A lot of times they talk about things that I neither know nor care about. They might give a similar response if asked how I've been as your parents would. In school, there aren't many people in my class that really know anything about me. A vast majority of them, actually. If I left, or stopped saying anything, then I don't think that they would notice it until class started and the teachers would notice that there is someone missing or there is one less voice asking a question or talking. That happens because my school has a total of about 460 kids in grades 6-12.

I kind of feel your pain, Maya, I mean, not so much the hated part, but the unknown part. I feel that hardly anyone in my class knows me very well, yet I get the feeling that they care for me at least a little.

-Swords

Edit: Mom just saw this site and told me that Balto and wolves are too immature for a guy my age. Great, just great. Now my safer haven from the harshness of reality is under fire.

Well I thought I was the only one. Some time ago I have discovered that I don't have any real friends in real life. People these days can be so hateful with eachother. Recently I've counted my online friends and the real ones. I was pleasently surprised of the result: which was more online friends then real-life ones.

My personality is different. I mean if you saw me in real life and watched the way I acted you wouldn't believe it was me. I tend to "loosen-up" when I'm here on BS. I can finally act the way I want. I think the most of you have seen my hyperness gone wild and that's how I am deep down inside. I don't like acting my age.

For example today it was the first day at school. Fine and dandy until they all started teasing me because of my name and stuff. Not to mention the folks that I hang out with off school, same thing. Because I listen to a specific music genre. If you think about it it's a sort of discrimination. Like Maya said my room is also the place when I retreat from reality in there. Being my little Universe and all.

As a conclusion, I would like to consider BS my family where I share my good and also bad things. Thanks for those who know me and accepted me for the way I am.

Swords, I am terribly sorry. Dont listen to your mother. She is crazy. I will be here til I die, I swear... or don't have the strenght to type anymore. XD!!!

And Axel, I know exactly how that is. Once I used to act so freakishly young in the real world, but now I do it in my world. I dont want to act my age!!! I'm to crazy for that!! I am merly but a little lost wolf pup who pops into my head whenever I feel something. Actually, It is me who is that wolf pup. Just a mere mistake made on the outside, I supose. Hehe.

And Bitsay, I know how that is too. >< Me and you are alot alike, but also very different. lol Really, we are. Teachers are mean, and I know that. >< Very well, actually. Today, Mr. R picked on me without actually saying it to my face. And everyone knew, inculding me, that he was directing what he was saying towards ME!... And how do I know that? Because everyone looked at me. >< Haha. Dang.... Life sucks. ><


--Maya

I'm feeling like the wolves in Wolf's Rain (I saw the first episode the first time today). We are outcast, like them, and most of us hide things in a world that doesn't seem to accept them...

*hugs Maya* Honestly, I have felt that way before. But then I began my freshman year last year and now I'm a sophmore... High School really changed me... Or rather, a few people I met there. You may feel like the whole world hates you and everything you do is wrong, but just find that happy little place within yourself and everything will be alright. Trust me. Heck, join Yearbook. lol. When your a member of the yearbook staff, almost everyone loves you. It's a great feeling when you're a part of something big like that. ^^ If it was possible, I'd tell ya to move to Stillman so you could go to school with me! ^^ But just remember that everything happens for a reason and that there is a silver lining to every cloud... Or something like that. lol.

Wow, it's like we go to the same school or something, Tibb, sorry to get off topic...

I've been lurking this board, ever since it was created, and felt bad for all of you that feel you have bad lives. I don't want to be rude, or cause a war myself, but all of you that are even on this site right now, have much better lives than anyone in third-world countries, or Africa.

Anywhere there is war that kills thousands of people, even teens and kids our age, die everyday, though they have terrible lives, and live in fear, they make the most of it.

So, I just wanna say, thinking about suicide, is insane. It should never come across your mind, not even for a brief second. Just be the glad you aren't the ones, who have a fear, that you might never live to see the light of day again, and die brutally.

Sincerely,
Lightning

Man...reading this kind of stuff on this forum reminds me of how spoiled I really am...

Awww...Maya, I'm just glad I could help my "sister" XD *huggles*
And I'm sorry that you're caught up in something like that. I know exactly what it's like to be blamed for something that you didn't even do. I was thought to be suicidal once, too, just because I was depressed about something that had happened at school. I know you might not realize it, but your mom is probably just looking out for you. ^_^ It took me awhile to realize that during my issue. I just sat down, thought about it, and realized why she had been treating me like that. I know you're not suicidal, Maya. Heck, if you were, I'D become suicidal. XD

And of course I'd care if you didn't talk. I love it when you express your opinions on issues that I'm having. You saved my butt more times than I can count. XD You shouldn't hide your opinion. Let everyone know what you think, even if they disagree. ^_^ They'll just have to get over it.

Good luck with that math teacher. lol, he sounds evil. I will pray for you. XD

*huggles again* I luff you too. XD If you ever need help, remember that I'm always here for you. ^_________^

My life is a slow brutal death. I am sorry to disagree with you, but I may NEVER live to see another day.

Did you ever think of this? That our lives can be just as mad as theirs?? It rattles my brain. Tomorrow, you could die. You know this?, Dont you?

Dont tell me that I will live to see tomorrow, when I could die. You could die. Anyone could die. Millions of people are killed-- on purpose, or accidentally. People die. It is life.

To me, Death is just another adventure.




Kari-bari! Your sweet as pie!!!! I luff you so very much!!!! >< Man, I swear... XD!!!!!!

KARI! I am going to hunt you down... I will search & search & search!!!! UNtil I find your sorry butt!!! Then... THEN!!! You know what I will do??!! >=D

....I will.................... HUG YOU TIL YOUR TURN PURPLE!!!!!!!! ><!!!

Thanks Kari-bari! ^^