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Hello all! I've been taking a LONG break from the "Fathoms Below" story. Now I'm getting back to it with new ideas!
Here's the improved version (so far):
-It's a bright sunny day on the Pacific Ocean. The Sea Duck flies over.
-Baloo and Kit were flying the Sea Duck to deliver fishes to a fish market in Creeter's Isle (an island where all fisherman hang out and fish some fish!).
-Kit hums a tune while Baloo tries to plug his nose from the disgusting smell from the fish. Baloo says to Kit, "How can you hum with all these stinky fish?"
-Kit replies, "Humming can actually make the work better other than whistlin'."
-Baloo smiles and says, "Little britches you always look on the bright side of things."
-Baloo pokes out of the window and begins to look down for Creeter's Isle. Baloo says, "I'm getting a feeling that we're lost! I can't see anything accept the blue."
-Kit spots Creeter's Isle and yells, "Aha! There it is, Baloo!"
-Then Baloo lands the Sea Duck at the docks.
-Baloo and Kit began to notice Creeter's Isle is deserted because of no fisherman except one.
-Baloo asks, "You order these fishes?". The fisherman replied, "Yes I did. Just put them into my place."
-Baloo and Kit begin to haul all the fish and place them at the restaurant.
-Baloo and Kit notice the restaurant is empty with no other fishermen.
-Kit then after placing the last box says, "This place is kind of..."
- The fisherman interrupted and said hysterically "Deserted? Yeah I know! I haven't had a single customer in entire weeks! Or maybe months. All because of that sea monster everyone has been afraid of!"
-Baloo and Kit both ask, "A sea monster?"
-The fisherman, now finally relaxed, says, "Yes. A sea monster. He gets anyone or anything that floats in the water for far too long! Over the past news, it struck on two ships in ten seconds! It says so in the papers!"
-The fisherman shows Baloo and Kit the newspaper about the ship destroyed incident.
-"And..." The fisherman continued, "Many other fish hunters, including most of my customers, have gone to catch and get the monster for it's reward money and..."
-Baloo interrupted, "Reward money?!? I could use that money to buy back the Sea Duck and.."
-The fisherman interrupted Baloo, "But none have returned. Except one man named Ol' Carter, has seen it and lived to tell about it."
-Kit asked, "Where's Ol' Carter?"
-The fisherman answered, "Let's just say he threw himself with the fishes, literally."
-Kit asked, "Is he...?"
- The fisherman interrupt Kit and said, "Oh Don't worry he's alive. He's just now living with some fish at a aquarium." He snickered.
-Baloo and Kit began to leave the restaurant. "Wait!" said the fisherman, "Before you go. There's one thing I should tell you as my warning, the one thing you'll see and can tell is the glowing eyes! The eyes like an angler fish! Farewell the both of you. Have a safe travel."
-Baloo and Kit get into the Sea Duck and flew away from Creeter's Isle.
-Kit asks Baloo, "Do you believe that there is a sea monster Baloo?"
-Baloo, a little terrified, gulps and says, "Well, er, no. Maybe so."
-Kit says, "C'mon papa bear, I bet there's no such thing as monsters."
-Baloo smiles and says, "Yeah. I think so too. But there's one thing that's more scarier than some old sea monster."
-Kit asks, "What's that?"
-Baloo says, "The after smell of the fish."
-Baloo and Kit both smelled and get disgusted by the after smell of the fish. The Sea Duck now smells like rotten fish.
What do you guys think? It is bad? Or is it weirdly written?
-RGC
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