Hello. I don't normally do this, but considering you both are new to the site, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and just post on this topic.
I am glad that you two are roleplaying with wolves since this type of story is practically extinct. But I do have to point at a lot of things that could help improve this roleplay.
Plot - Simply, there isn't once. Now, after reading over your post, Shameless, I think I understand the plot. Then again, there are two conflicting ideas here.
1. "We are all lost wolves, we make up groups but there has to be at least 6 wolves ot make a pack up, then you have to name it." - This makes it seems as if you want everyone to join as their own lone wolf character and form their own packs with other lone wolf characters throughout the roleplay.
2. Shay's personality. This makes it seem like the story is focusing on Shay, Soren, and Mackenzie.
Neither of these are very well-thought plots to being with, but having them both on the topic is also confusing. I would start by choosing just one of these ideas and building upon it.
Rules - These are really good. I am glad you posted them. Not many roleplays have good rules anymore.
Skelly - This is also good. You've covered all your bases here. Good job!
Shay - What exactly is her personalty? She is sweet and loves her family, but... what else? A good character needs depth, flaws and strengths. Shay is a type of character known as a Mary Sue, or a perfect character. This are actually against the rules.
Machenzie - Although not to the same extent, she is also a type of Mary Sue. She is evil. That is it. A good villian has a motive and most times a complicated personality.
Soren - Pretty much the same as Shay.
Josey - A character with the most potential. The biggest thing is why does being a rogue make him hate his life?
First Post - First off, reread what you've written before posting. There were alot of little mistakes that were obiously just typos that could have been easily fixed. You also do not have to post you characters name above the post. I know its a trend you'll see in some roleplays, but to be blunt, it is wrong. Also, try to keep your style the same. Half way through your post, you went from third person to first person. Here is how I would edit it.
Shay walked around the new land of the forest and looked behind her to where Mackenzie was. Mackenzie was very mad at Shay because she talking to Soren. Mackenzie said, "I hate you, Shay!" Shay growled, jumped, and snapped at her. She hated her back and fiercely bit her neck, trying to make her break the grip. When Shay let go, Mackenzie ran off like the chicken that she was.
For the best tips on roleplaying, look at these topics.
RP RulesOfficial Roleplay GuidesRoleplay TutorialHope this helps!
~Black Rose
No cussing
