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Chapter 1
Eyes of glass

It was a cold night in Nome Boris was with stella and balto was bored he fell asslep,and there she was as white as the snow telling him:on the path something is back from the past... She howled and dissapeard in the snow, balto woke up in a flash and went over to Jenna's.

But in the middle of the way she appeard and balto without looking back said:Aleu she was back Balto immeadiatly asked her:why why did you come back? Aleu said:I had a dream and vitions so I came back I do not know what to do but something is 4 sure I have to stay here untill the message is given to me and... Kodi says:Aleu you are back sis! Aleu:Kodi!

Balto says:well Its getting colder lets go in.When Jenna sees Aleu she says:uh Aleu you are back!? Balto:well whatever it is let's find out totomorrow because its late.

Jenna:yes lets get some sleep.

In the morning, Rosi:Look dad its Balto,Aleu, and Kodi! (all dogs):ahh!!! When Aleu sees Rosi she starts licking her, after a wile they get out of the house.

Balto says: I have to go home now. Kodi:me too. Aleu:Jenna can I stay with you? Jenna:mm ok, Aleu:thanks. While balto was going to his boat he hears a voice it was steele trying to bother him but he ignored him steeele got angry but while steele tryed to catch up with Balto he fell, Balto had a brief smile in his face, but something weird happened to him he got lost and he suddenly was inside an ice cave.

He saw pieces of glass on the floor he walked back so he did not cut himself but he crashed on something he looked back and the first thing he saw was the white wolf then Balto asks: why did you bring me here the white wolf says: you need to know were to find me.........if you need me just come here.



Chap 2
A difficult decition


Balto sniffed his way out of the cave, he foud that weird totem pole and knew that hiw boat was close. Jenna had been talking with Aleu, Aleu talked about so many different things in the island Aleu told her that she had vitions Jenna immediattly said what do you mean you have vitions? Aleu explained her about spirit guides and etc. Later that day on the susset Balto sat in the corner of the boat thinking about what had happened earlier that day he had so many questions when Boris walked by him and said what's wrong Balto said I don't know. Boris talked to him and asked him questions to see if there was anything he could do to help him and oh surprize there was Boris told Balto that he got him when he was a puppy he said he found him in lost in Nome so he decided to take care of him Balto wondered how he got lost so he decided to go to the cave but in the way he saw steele talking to Jenna and Aleu he saw that steele stated attacking Aleu because she was protecting Jenna. Balto runned jumped on steele and bited him he made steele bleed steele growwled at Aleu and Balto,Jenna and Aleu growled back at him steele scared said I've got to go he ran like a scardy cat when steele was gone Balto said I've got to go Jenna asked him where he said to a cave Jenna said I'll go with you. Aleu said me two. So they all went to the cave and she was there waiting for them she said I knew all of you would come counting Kodi he was at the back of the cave he said who is this? Balto said:your grandma. when Aleu,Kodi and Jenna find out about this they understand many stuff. Balto asked her about when he was born . When they get out they all go to BAlto's boat Stella was there dessperatly saying help Boris has been kidnapped Aleu had a vition she saw someone saying if you ever want toi see Boris again... then her vition ended Balto remembered that the his mom told him about storm a wolverine caled storm he asked stell what happened she said that she ws eating with boris when a wolverine named storm kidnaped Boris. Balto said Storm he snifffed the floor he got her trail all the others had to go with balto. But even thought Jenna had to go she made a relly hard decition she dicided to go with them. With this decition she would leave Noem for while and Rosi...


Story images:
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y4/grksfd/Nobites.bmp
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y4/grk ... tsback.bmp
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y4/grk ... dother.jpg

sorry 4 the double post but if you did not like something from the story tell me, or if liked something from the story tell me what it it is.

It's okay, I guess. My biggest things are these.

1. Use periods.
2. Put speech in quotes. It's much easier to read.
3. Spacing helps make it easier to read too.

OK it had a nice story line I loved the idea about the mystery of the white wolf and all but I have to tell you some stuff about the looks of your story.

1) Use proper grammer I went through the whole story seeing lots of mistakes.

2) Write your sayings properly like this:
Yes lets get some sleep, Jenna said.
You did this: Jenna says: Yes lets get some sleep
NONE OF LEASE :

3) Use commas and periods it will improve the way your story sounds. When I read a story I stop at the commas and that's what your surposed to do a story without commas will never have a break.

Just take some advice you will get better but except for those three things I think your story will turn out well.

you did a great job so far and i can't wait to read more

Sounds great so far, I think you have something there.
I have to agree with the above though, taking their advise will make the story a lot easier to read. One other thing, I think you need to describe things a bit more, you have what, like two pages there? If you described all of the scenery and characters actions, you could easily have forty or fifty pages in that.
Just take this example.

The gray wolf whose name was Togo bit at a brown one named Tieme.
Tieme bled.
Tieme ran way.

or

The two wolves stared at one another.
A gray wolf named Togo growled at his brother wolf, whose name was Tieme.
In a flash, Togo lashed out with his teeth, and bit Tieme's shoulder.
Tieme yelped, and looked down at the wound.
Blood ran down his shoulder and dripped on the cool rock floor of the mouth of the cave.
Tieme looked up at Togo, a look of disbeleif on his face.
He couldn't beleive his own brother would attack him like that, no matter what he'd done.
Tieme turned and ran, he was truly alone now.
"That's the last time he'll show his face here, that traitor," Togo thought as he walked back into the cave.

Of course there doesn't have to be blood in them or anything, but see how I embelished on the details, describing the way that everything moved, it'll make your story's a lot longer and more enjoyable to the reader, see, don't you want to know about Togo, and what Tieme did to make his brother so angry at him?
That's what you want your readers to ask, Who Why Where When and How.
As long as you keep them guessing, leave them in the dark most of the time, they will keep reading your story to find out the answer's to these questions.

I LOVE writing FanFics, and I know how it can be to receive critisisem, (spelling sucks today) but please don't let what I have said, or anything ANYONE else tells you on here or anywhere else keep you from writing, keep doing it, and you'll find that it's a very enjoyable hobby.

Hope this helps.

Oh and by the way, Rosy is spelled R O S Y
(Don't worry, I had it spelled wrong over two thousand times in my first FanFic Balto: Jenna's Journey, so it happens to the best of us.)

It's ok..But it's really nuce
dude!


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Made by CL