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This is a Sonic fanfic about a hedgehog named Haze, who is created by Eggman. Umm..I don't want to spoil anything, so I'll say no more and proceed to type up chapter one. Note: I do not own Sonic and the others, but I do own Haze.
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"I've finally done it!" Shouted a rather large man who wore a red suit and tight black pants that made his legs look rather thin, it made one wonder how he could even stand. The name of the man was Ivo Robotnik, but everyone called him Eggman...No wonder, the shape of his head is similar to the shape of an egg. Eggman stood beside a large machine that contained something deadly, something powerful. Eggman flicked a few switches and pressed a few buttons on the machine and it opened with a loud hiss.

Haze's POV:

Where am I? Who am I? What am I? I'm so confused...W-what is that strange creature? I sat up and extended a hand towards the strange being, who took it and helped me out of the strange machine I was in. "I have many questions, but for now, I will only ask one. Who are you?" I asked.

Normal POV:

"I am Dr. Ivo Robotnik, but everyone calls me Eggman...I assume you want to know who and what you are?" Replied Eggman. He grinned at his creation, it was an evil grin that could make anybody puke. Haze folded his arms and nodded. “Your name is Haze, and you are a hedgehog. You were created by me to help me build the Eggman Empire, and get Sonic and his friends out of the way.” Explained Eggman. “Your first mission is to try and get everyone in Station Square to be part of my empire.” He added.

Haze nodded then stepped outside with Eggman. Eggman’s base was in the middle of a desert and it was shaped like a pyramid. “So, how long will it take to get there?” Asked Haze. “For a normal being...Two hours. But for a hedgehog like you, it will only take thirty minutes. Station Square is to the east of here, east is that way. Now get going!” Replied Eggman, pointing to the east.

Haze frowned slightly but obeyed the doctor’s orders. He ran off, heading east towards Station Square. Haze was very fast, in fact, he was so fast his speeds rivalled Sonic’s. ‘Whoa..’ Thought Haze. Soon, he reached Station Square, and as soon as he got there, he received stares from the many citizens walking in the streets.

‘What are they all staring at?’ Thought Haze, staring at the humans. “Isn’t that..Sonic?” Whispered a young woman. “It looks too..Grey to be Sonic.” A young man whispered in reply. Haze shook his head slightly and decided to ignore the humans. He continued walking, minding his own business until..

“Hey! You!” Shouted a blue hedgehog with green eyes like his own, except they were lighter. Haze turned around and glared at the blue hedgehog. “Who are you?” Haze growled curtly. “The name’s Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog.” Replied the blue hedgehog.

‘Sonic? Didn’t Eggman say he wanted Sonic and his pals out of the way or something?’ Thought Haze. Haze bared his teeth and charged at Sonic, fist raised. Sonic’s eyes widened as he dodged Haze’s attempt to punch him. “Whoa man, what’s your problem?!”

Haze didn’t answer, he had only one thing on his mind. Kill Sonic. A small, dark sphere of energy formed in Haze’s hands and Haze threw the sphere at Sonic. It was a direct hit and Sonic was sent flying backwards. Sonic hit the pavement with a dull thud. He got up and shook his head. “What was that for?” He asked.

“You. Must. Die!” Hissed Haze as he charged at Sonic once again, fist raised. Sonic bared his teeth and jumped into the air before performing a Spin Dash, knocking Haze off his feet. “Now...Tell me, what is your name, and why are you trying to kill me?” Asked Sonic.

“My name is Haze, Haze the Hedgehog...And any enemy of Eggman’s is an enemy of mine.” Haze growled in reply. “I should’ve known Eggman would have something to do with this.” Muttered Sonic before extending a hand to help Haze up. Haze frowned and reluctantly grabbed his hand.

“Why are you working for a creep like Eggman? Sooner or later he’s just gonna treat you like dirt.” Said Sonic. “He created me, he is my master, and shall remain my master until he dies.” Muttered Haze. ‘Why does Eggman want him dead? This hedgehog, is kind and forgiving.’ Thought Haze.

“Just because he created you, doesn’t mean you have to serve him. He’s evil, and everyone hates him...Do you want to become just like Eggman? Evil and hated?” Asked Sonic. Haze paused for a moment. “No.” He muttered in reply.
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Okay, that’s the end of this chapter, hope you guys like it. I know this first chapter sucks, but it will get better!

It's great! But what I would suggest is to add more adjectives. Like, describe what his 'grey' fur looked like, and perhaps describe Eggman and Sonic as if you were telling the story to someone who didn't know the first thing about him. You've got a great thing here! All you need to do is expand your sentences. Like, perhaps stretch a sentence like this:

The dusty grey fur of the mysterious hedgehog creature blustered around in the gusts of wind created from his speed, which rivaled Sonic's.

See how much longer it is from this?:


See what I mean?

But I must say your imagination threaded into this piece is awesome, and I've gotta say... Haze is a pretty cool name :3

Thanks for the tips Paws. And sorry this chapter and it's sentences are so short, the next one will be longer and have longer sentences. Also, Shadow is in the next chapter XD.

YUSS! Shadow PWNS! And maybe I'll post my Shane stories on another topic. You want me to?

Maybe, for Shane BTB you can help me come up with the names? You've got a knack for that, you know. I mean, Sparks, Haze... AWESOME!

You can post them on this one if you want to.
And I'll help ya make up names. Just tell me what type of animal the character is, what his/her gender is, what his/her colour is and what his/her personality is.

Name: (That's your job! XD)
Gender: Female
Species: Brown fox
Colour(s): Um..... brown? (All different shades of brown)
Personality: Protective of her friend Tina, doesn't like Shane at all and wants nothing to do with him.

I gave her a temporary name of Jen, and it's nice but not exactly creative And I know that once you read the first Shane book, you'll understand better. And I like to use realistic names for my Sonic characters, if you haven't noticed, but I guess Jen could use some spoils ^^

And if you ever need help with anything for your stuff, don't hesitate to ask!

Hmm, you like realistic names for your characters? I have a few realistic names in mind:

April, Betsy, Keesha and Sandy. If you don't like any of those names I can think up some more.

Sorry for the double post, but here's the second chapter. I tried to put a little bit of humor in this chapter.
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Sonic led Haze to a large workshop on the other side of Station Square. "This is where my buddy Tails lives." Said Sonic, knocking on the door. A small yellow fox with blue eyes and two tails answered the door. "Hey Sonic! Who is he?" Asked Tails, staring at Haze. Sonic was about to answer when Haze interrupted him. "My name is Haze, I was created by doctor Ivo Robotnik." Explained Haze. He entered the workshop and soon came across a large plane. "Did you build this?" He asked Tails. "Yeah, I call it the X Tornado." Replied Tails proudly.

"Hey Sonic." Greeted April. April was a dark purple hedgehog with gold-coloured eyes. April always helped Tails build stuff in the workshop because she enjoyed building machinery. "Who's your charming friend?" She asked, there was a hint of sarcasm in her voice when she said 'charming'. "Haze." Muttered Haze, folding his arms and staring at April. 'This female is...Quite beautiful.' Thought Haze. He finally took his eyes off the female when he realised he was blushing. 'Why is my face turning red?!' He thought. Now, let's not forget he was created not that long ago, so he is quite confused about these types of things.

April rolled her eyes at Haze. "Is the beauty too much for ya, pal?" She teased before going back to fixing one of Tails' machines. Meanwhile, a black and red hedgehog stood on the hill near the park, watching the city. He had seen the fight, but didn’t dare stop it, for he actually enjoyed watching someone beat up that smart-mouthed ‘faker’. The hedgehog’s name was Shadow, he was black with red streaks on his quills, arms, legs and just above his eyes, he also had a small white patch of fur on his chest. Ever since Shadow’s best friend Maria died aboard the ark, Shadow had been very quiet, mysterious and sometimes a bit violent. Shadow was also the leader of a team, Team Dark. But the team had gone their separate ways.

“I wonder who that grey hedgehog is, I’ve never seen him around here before.” Muttered Shadow. “Well, I’ll find out.” He said before starting up his jet shoes and dashing off towards Tails’ workshop. Haze was standing outside, his eyes closed and his arms folded, he was enjoying the peace and quiet when suddenly he heard someone approaching the workshop at a high speed. Immediately thinking he was an enemy, Haze fired a sphere of energy at Shadow, who dodged it with ease and stopped in front of Haze. Haze glared at Shadow, trying to intimidate him, but he could not intimidate Shadow.

Haze growled and tried to punch Shadow, but Shadow caught his fist and flipped him onto the ground. “Your fighting skills are poor.” Said Shadow, looking down at Haze. Haze got up and stared at Shadow. “Of course my skills are poor, idiot. I have only been alive for two hours, and still have much to learn.” Haze growled in reply. “You can say that again.” Muttered Shadow. “Okay, I will. Of course my skills are poor, idiot. I have only been alive for two hours, and still have much to learn.” Repeated Haze. Shadow slapped his forehead and shook his head. ‘This hedgehog is dumber than Big.’ Thought Shadow.

“Guys, stop fighting...Geez, men...I swear they have no brains, I’m going for a walk and then, I am going home.” Said April, picking up her coat and walking out the door. The sun was setting and it was a bit chilly outside, but April didn’t care, she just wanted to get out of the lab, get some fresh air and get home. Soon it was dark, and the only light, was the light of the moon shining down on the empty streets. ‘Maybe I should take the short-cut home.’ Thought April, turning the corner and heading down an alley. Big mistake. A gang had made their home in that alley, and they weren’t exactly pleased when April wondered into their ‘territory’.

“Lookie what we have here boys.” Said the leader, a dark red hyena. Behind him stood an orange hedgehog and a light blue eagle. The leader pulled something out of his leather jacket, it was a gun. “Say your prayers princess.” Growled the hyena, his finger on the trigger. Before he could fire he was pulled into the shadows, there were several shouts of anger and then three gunshots could be heard. Everything was silent until the hedgehog and the eagle were pulled into the shadows, screams of pain could be heard. When the screams of pain ceased, a figure in the shadows spoke. “You’re safe now..Go home.”

April ran out of the alley, frightened but unharmed. It started to rain heavily, but luckily April reached her house before she got too soaked. She locked the door quickly before wrapping herself in blankets and sitting on the couch.

Once April was out of sight, the figure in the shadows sighed and walked away slowly, the only thing visible in the darkness were his dark green eyes. Haze returned to Tails’ house, tired and soaked from head to toe. Tails was still up, working on a machine, he noticed Haze. “Wow Haze, you’re completely drenched.” Muttered Tails, giving the dark grey hedgehog a towel. Tails soon noticed the wound on Haze’s shoulder. “You’re wounded, how?” He asked.

“I was in a fight.” Replied Haze, though Tails knew he wasn’t telling the full truth. “There’s a bullet in your wound, were you shot?” Questioned Tails. Haze nodded, but acted as though it weren’t really there. Tails shook his head and went over to the medical kit and pulled out a pair of tweezers and some bandages. Soon, the bullet had been pulled out and Haze’s wound was wrapped in bandages. “Where is Sonic and that other hedgehog I saw earlier?” Asked Haze.

“Sonic went to his house to get some sleep, and Shadow...Well, no-one really knows where Shadow goes.” Answered Tails, continuing to work on the machine. “If you need a place to sleep, there is a spare bed in the attic.” Added Tails. Haze nodded then folded his arms before climbing up the stairs and opening the attic door. It was a bit dusty in the attic and there were a few cobwebs in the corner, but other than that, it was fine. Haze turned on the light and sat on the bed, which wasn’t very comfy. Haze rested his arms on his lap and started thinking. What would have happened to April if he hadn’t followed her?

Haze finally decided to get some sleep and so turned the light off and lay down on the very uncomfortable bed. He soon fell asleep, not knowing just how weird the next day would be.

Pretty good, buddy! I can't wait for the rest!

Finally finished the second chapter XD

For the record, more words in a sentence doesn't make it better. Even less so, if all your adding are adjectives and adverbs. If you do that, the reader tends to loose the scope of the subject, and before the end of the sentence, I'm trying to remember what exactly it was you were describing in the first place. In such cases, sentence fluidity would best preside over word choice. That is, try varying your sentence lengths.

Example:

"He ran off, heading east towards Station Square."
"The dusty grey fur of the mysterious hedgehog creature blustered around in the gusts of wind created from his speed, which rivaled Sonic's."

= "Haze zipped eastward, heading towards Station Square. The wind ruffled his dusty, gray fur as he sped along at a pace that would rival Sonic's."

[end Example]

Being too descriptive is good when trying to relay a scene that STANDS STILL. Not when things are speeding along as they are here. And even then, it's not like you have to fit everything in one sentence. Break it up. In such cases, give the reader only what they need to know. Nothing more, but certainly nothing less.

Here's chapter 3, I have tried to make this one better than the last two.


Haze awoke to the sound of power tools, he figured it was Tails. He sat up slowly and stretched, ignoring the pain in his shoulder. The dark grey hedgehog got out of his very uncomfortable bed and headed down stairs to find out that it wasn’t Tails, it was April. It seemed as though she had gotten over the incident that had happened the night before.

He stopped when he was half way down the stairs and watched her. April had a strange feeling someone was watching her and so turned around to see Haze standing on the stairs. “Oh, it’s you...Umm, what’s your name again?” She asked. “Haze.” He replied, descending the rest of the stairs and walking over to her. “What are you building?” Asked Haze.

“I’m building a shelf to put stuff on silly.” Replied April with a small giggle. Haze smiled and sat in a seat at the work bench. April was getting slightly bored and so decided to start a conversation with Haze. “Y’know...The scariest thing happened to me last night. I decided to take a short cut home, and was suddenly attacked by a gang..Then this guy in the shadows saved me.” She said while working on the shelf.

Haze’s ears perked up and he cleared his throat. “R-really?” Was all he managed to say. “Mhm.” April replied while smiling. “I’m glad that guy came along when he did, otherwise I wouldn’t be alive right now.” She added. Haze stared at the ground for a brief moment. ‘Should I tell her?’ He thought. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a worried gasp.

“Haze, your shoulder! What happened?” She asked. Haze paused for a moment, trying to think up a lie. “I tripped and fell on a piece of glass.” He lied, hoping she would buy it. April stared at Haze, deep in thought, the room filled with silence. “Oh.” She muttered, sounding as though she didn’t really believe him. “You should be more careful.” She added. Haze nodded then sighed. “Is there anything fun to do around here?” He asked, looking quite bored.

“There are a lot of things to do in Station Square...Hmm, how ‘bout after I finish with this shelf I show you around Station Square?” She offered.
Haze thought for a moment then replied with a small nod. After about fifteen minutes, April had finished with the shelf and the two hedgehogs were already on their way to the mall. Haze observed his surroundings, taking in every detail. The two soon arrived at the mall; there weren’t a lot of people there that day so it wasn’t over-crowded.

“This is the Station Square mall, where everyone goes to buy clothes, food and other stuff.” Explained April. She turned around to look at Haze, however he wasn’t there. He was staring at a microwave with a puzzled look on his face. “What an odd television.” He muttered. April let out a laugh and Haze just stared at her, confused. “What’s so funny?” He asked.

“T-that’s not a TV, it’s a microwave...Humans and Mobians use them to heat food up.” She replied, trying her best not to laugh again. Haze let out a weak chuckle then continued walking through the mall with April. Soon the two came across an ice cream shop and April bought an ice cream for her and one for Haze too. Not knowing what the strange new food was, Haze immediately took a large bite and swallowed it quickly.

Haze’s eyes widened as he held his head, it felt as though his brain had been frozen. “T-t-that’s c-c-cold.” He stuttered. April giggled and took a small bite of her ice cream. “You’re not supposed to eat it so quickly, you’ll get brain freeze if you do.”
Haze nodded in agreement. After going to the mall, April and Haze went to the park, where children were running around and playing with their dogs while their parents kept a close eye on them. Haze quickly scanned the area for any signs of danger, he didn’t know why he did it, maybe it was just one of his instincts.

When he saw no danger he calmed down, that is until a Frisbee hit him in the back of the head. “Ouch!” He growled, spinning around and picking up the small disc.

“What’s wrong Haze?” Asked April. “Someone threw a plastic disc at me.” Haze growled in reply. Once again, April giggled then took the Frisbee from Haze’s hands and threw it to a little kid who had been playing with it. “That ‘plastic disc’ is called a Frisbee, and they’re made for children to play with at the park or in their back yard.” Said April.

“Maybe we should go back to the workshop.” She added. Haze only nodded in reply before heading back to the workshop with April.

So cool. (and for the record, I didn't know that Eggjerk's first name was Ivo).

Well, now you do And I'm glad you like my story.

That was great! April is so cool. Can't wait for the next part! And Shane 2 will be up soon, I'm just too lazy to post it right now XD