what do you think of my song that I just made?

Boltodude · **Posted:** Thu Dec 22, 2005 6:43 pm

tell me what you think of this song I made please I hope you like it

this is how it go's Why must we fight if we are the ones to blame for her death in the first place. Can we just forget about this ever happening and just maybe we can patch things up between us... I MUST BE DREAMING! she's actuly gone from this world can we be more careles about others?Truly can we just forget this dat ever happened or do I have to live with this every day... talking Like how do we repay what we have done to her but all we were doing was having fun target practicing but then she got in the way.. then bang and then everyone went silent then she fell to the ground and everyone gatherdround and was dismade and from this day forth I am shund from everyone.All that's left at the sceen of the crime ls the blood stain that was made from the bulet that went into her skull I am band from the fesility.Can't I just get some justes? I truly sorry I must dreaming a nightmare that just won't stopat any cost I must be the one to blame for this not you can you forgive me?! LORD! forgive me please...Ineed you'r forgivness please oh please Lord free me from this nightmare I don't care how you do it just do it! I hold the shed blood of a inasint person that I murdered Imust be dreaming... there you go that's all of it

BlackwolfWSP · **Posted:** Tue Dec 27, 2005 4:32 pm

Hmm,...I like the last few lines. But it doesn't really make sense cause usually if you write a song you don't come to the direct cause. You know how you said that she got in the way and got hit with the bullet? really I would take that part out and use a big metaphor instead. But I still really like the last few parts.^,^ Here's one;

Broken, I'm broken. These past few days I've realized it was the words you had spoken that cause me to be broken. Save me. No one's here to save me, no one wants to save me!! I've been so hurt that I've been bending!! No one, oh no ones here to do the mending!! Help me...I'm falling I'm slipping from all sanity!! Catch me!! As I sip into insanity. Lost in this forest of heartache...slowly, slowly I break!! I'm alone...Im alone....Why did you have to leave Me , here! You don't care...in the middle of the night I wake and your not there. I dream of you, and hope that I'll pull through. You left me here....I'm all alone. I'm all alone!!! alone....alone...alone. (There it was...stupid but yeah...XP) :lol:

There I got rid of the cheesy stuff GlitteryBagels.(sorry I couldn't help it GrhaeXP

Boltodude · **Posted:** Tue Dec 27, 2005 9:43 pm

I think that was great not stupid great I like it a lot

BlackwolfWSP · **Posted:** Tue Dec 27, 2005 10:04 pm

Boltodude wrote:

I think that was great not stupid great I like it a lot

Are you really being serious?? :lol:

Sorry I just wanted to keep this topic alive. :lol:

But yeah back to the question are you REALLY sure you like my songs?? No critiques?? *cocks head* :lol:

Grhaeh Lit · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 12:14 am

BlackwolfWSP wrote:

Hmm,...I like the last few lines. But it doesn't really make sense cause usually if you write a song you don't come to the direct cause. You know how you said that she got in the way and got hit with the bullet? really I would take that part out and use a big metaphor instead. But I still really like the last few parts.^,^ Here's one;

Broken, I'm broken. These past few days I've realized it was the words you had spoken that cause me to be broken. Save me. No one's here to save me, no one(small break) wants-to-save-me-e!! I've been so hurt that I've been bending!! No one, oh no ones here to do the--mending!! Help me...I'm falling I'm slipping from all sanity!! Catch me!! As I sip into in-sani-ty-y,e-e-e. Lost in this forest of heartache...slowly, slowly I b-reak!! I'm alone...I-im alone....Why.did.you.have-to.leave?? Me-e-e-e-e-e, here! You don't care...in the middle of the night I wake and your not there. I dream of you, and hope that I'll pull through. You left me here....I'm all alone. I'm all alone!!! alone....alone...alone. (There it was...stupid but yeah...XP) :lol:

Its fine except for the pauses and holds that sound extremely chee-ee-ee-sy! Sorry no offence XD......and Boltodude's song would be bettter if the spelling was more civilized and if the song was in paragraphs and not such a big blob.

BlackwolfWSP · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 8:33 am

Yeah thankyou Grhaehlit. :lol:

Next time I'm just gonna post the lyrics....aa!!! Feel so embarressed. I never show anyone my songs!!
:lol:

But anyways thanks for the advice...why don't you write a song?? :lol:

Joking only if you want to. :lol:

Nighteyes · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 9:13 am

Boltodude, its a good start, like Grhaeh lit said, the spelling and structure would enhance it. But good so far.

BlackwolfWSP, your song sounds a lot like something linkin Park would do lol. The song style i could hear in my head as from being from them. Just me though.

BlackwolfWSP · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 9:16 am

Nighteyes wrote:

Boltodude, its a good start, like Grhaeh lit said, the spelling and structure would enhance it. But good so far.

BlackwolfWSP, your song sounds a lot like something linkin Park would do lol. The song style i could hear in my head as from being from them. Just me though.

I'm having a tough time deciding if that's a good thing, or a bad thing. :lol:

Boltodude · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 5:13 pm

[quote="BlackwolfWSP"][quote="Boltodude"]I think that was great not stupid great I like it a lot

[/quote]

Are you really being serious?? :lol:

Sorry I just wanted to keep this topic alive. :lol:

But yeah back to the question are you REALLY sure you like my songs?? No critiques?? *cocks head* :lol:

[/quote]

yes I'm sure I like you'r songs I wouldn't say I like them if I don't

Nighteyes · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 9:48 pm

BlackwolfWSP wrote:

Nighteyes wrote:

Boltodude, its a good start, like Grhaeh lit said, the spelling and structure would enhance it. But good so far.

BlackwolfWSP, your song sounds a lot like something linkin Park would do lol. The song style i could hear in my head as from being from them. Just me though.

I'm having a tough time deciding if that's a good thing, or a bad thing. :lol:

I love linkin park

BlackwolfWSP · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 9:50 pm

Ugh I'm still so flipped out and embarressed I didn't think more than one person would post here and my song is so wierd!! :lol:

AAGHH!! *hides* :lol:

Grhaeh Lit · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 9:57 pm

XD....................................................................................................................................................... i would post a song, but all my songs are ones that sound like they should be in LOTR...

BlackwolfWSP · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 10:01 pm

I like Lord of the Rings songs. I mean how bad could your songs be?? :lol:

Glittery bagels. =P XD :lol:

Grhaeh Lit · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 10:05 pm

So bad you will bleed internally

BlackwolfWSP · **Posted:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 10:07 pm

Really?? Try. Do you mean there really sad or there really bad?? :lol:

God I might have given you brain damage from my song. XPD :lol:

joking.

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what do you think of my song that I just made?