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* Link to download the screenplay for the 2nd pilot :

http://www.animationsource.org/sites_content/talespin/download/ts-pilotdraft.pdf


* Including a revised version of the first episode :

http://www.animationsource.org/sites_content/talespin/download/Ep1-ProductionVersion.pdf

Tentative 2nd Pilot Outline (Rev 1)

(Post Updated 11.01.09)

*** { start }

>>> episode #1

-[Introduce external conflict]
Mr. Sultan reads in the paper of Khan getting certain government benefits. Sultan wants to build a new shipyard on the docks to compete with Khan so he is annoyed that Khan now has an edge. Mr Perry suggest forming a business front to con business around the docks into being seized so they can be bought very cheaply. Mr. Sultan likes the idea and puts Mr. Perry in charge of the scheme.

-Rebecca hears that Shere Khan has managed to obtain certain benefits for some of his businesses; she is envious and wants to get similar benefits for H4H. She resolves to be less cautions and take bigger risk because she thinks that with bigger risk comes bigger returns.
*** { catalyst }

-Meanwhile, Baloo has some vacation time so he and Kit go to see an air race. They arrive at the race location and are buying tickets when they bump into Ignatz. He owns the local hotel and restaurant and is one of the sponsors of the race. His pilot had just quit so he is looking for a pilot when Kit suggest Baloo. Baloo agrees and enters the race. Ignatz cautions that it can get a little crazy because of his ongoing competition with a neighboring business owner, but Baloo isn't worried.
-Baloo is forced to fly Ignatz's plane because he doesn't own the Sea Duck. Ignatz's plane is a fast 2 seat racing plane. At the airfield, Kit and Baloo meet Ignatz's rival, who laughs at them and says they don't have a chance. Baloo dismisses the comment and prepares for the race to start. Kit sits in the back seat with the track map to navigate while Baloo pilots.
-The race is thrilling with many twists and turns. The rival pilot tries a few dirty tricks but they are unsuccessful and Baloo wins by a nose.
-Ignatz and Baloo win a considerably large money pot. Ignatz, Kit and especially Baloo is overjoyed; Baloo plans to buy back the Sea Duck with his portion. Kit and Baloo thank Ignatz and return to H4H.

-Mr Perry meets with Griffith to set up the land grab con. Perry assures Griffith that Sultan will pay top dollar for his services. Griffith agrees and Perry explains the plan to him.

-Back at H4H, Baloo presents Rebecca with enough money to buy the Duck. She is shocked but takes the money like in "Save the Tiger" and Baloo leaves.

-Baloo is looking for a place to live and Kit suggest Ignatz's hotel until they can find somewhere more permanent. Baloo is reluctant but eventually gives in. They return to Ignatz's hotel where he offers Baloo a job piloting his plane in race events. Baloo accepts, but only under the condition that he can fly the Sea Duck in the races. Ignatz is surprised and confused saying that a cargo plane couldn't possibly challenge a racing plane, but Baloo disagrees. Ignatz finally gives in, trusting Baloo's judgment.
-Ignatz does mention that he's happy Griffith left town. Kit and Baloo ask who is Griffith. Ignatz tells them that Griffith was on the city council in Race-ville, as well as the owner of several business there. He helped bring racing to the city and sponsored pilots, but then he got greedy and corrupted. He hired goons and gangsters to intimidate the pilots and sabotage their planes. He was caught and served a short sentence. Upon his release he left the city to set up shop somewhere he was not known.

-Meanwhile, back at Cape Suzette, Rebecca is unknowingly meeting with Griffith who is posing as a financial expert. He is sneaky, manipulative and makes all sorts of "too good to be true" promises. She falls for his convincing performance and hands over H4H's books for him to “review”.

-Perry reports back to Sultan that so far their plan is a success. Sultan is pleased.
*** { plot point 1 }


>>> episode #2

-Meanwhile at H4H, Rebecca gets a letter saying she under-reported H4H's profits in order to pay lower taxes and that she owes a substantial amount of money. If she does not pay up in a short time H4H will be seized and sold at auction. She is dumbfounded and wonders how it could have happened.
-Rebecca tries to handle the situation but can't come up with the money in time. She thinks about calling Baloo for help but decides not to.

-Baloo, having bought back the Sea Duck, enters in another race with Ignatz as the sponsor. The rival Pilot makes fun of them for entering a cargo plane in a race. Baloo tells him to save it until after the race.
-The race starts and the rival pilot tries even dirtier tricks which Baloo and Kit deal with in stride. (Probably involving some cloud surfing.) Baloo wins again angering the rival pilot.
-Kit and Baloo are happy to win again, but are also beginning to miss H4H, Rebecca and Molly. They are thinking of visiting when they get a call from Molly who is calling without Rebecca's knowledge. Molly tells them what happened and they are concerned.

-Baloo and Kit meet with Rebecca at her apartment and find that she is packing up everything preparing to move out. They offer to help (Kit particularly is insistent) but she says that everything is alright because she found a high paying job in a nearby city.
-Rebecca reassures them that that none of her personal finances were affected and that she will visit once she is established in the new city. They reluctantly agree and say their goodbyes.

-Baloo and Kit leave and go back to Race-ville

-Rebecca leaves the next day to move to the new city just as H4H is put up for sale at auction.

-Perry reports to Sultan that at the current rate, Miniversal will have bought all the land it needs to begin construction by the end of the week.
*** { pinch 1 }

-Rebecca has arrived at the new city and is starting her new job at Miniversal, which is actually quite nice. She has a respected managerial position with a salary to match. She is actually better off than before but she cannot shake that “empty feeling”.
-In her new position at Miniversal, she has access to documents concerning Miniversal's past and present business ventures. While searching for a document she finds an internal company memo detailing the plan to defraud people out of their businesses and property. She soon figures out that she is a victim of the scheme and she is enraged.
-She calls the police but they say that the matter is under investigation and that will take weeks.

-Meanwhile, Baloo and Kit are talking to Ignatz about Rebecca losing H4H. Ignatz warns them that someone matching Griffin's description has been spotted going around posing as finance expert and tricking small businesses into handing over their books. When he has the books, he deliberately cooks them and then reports the businesses for tax fraud.

-Rebecca calls Baloo to share what she learned about the scheme just as he is coming to the same conclusion from his conversation with Ignatz. Baloo warns her not to say anything to anyone at Miniversal about the scheme because she doesn't know who she can trust.
-Baloo promises to do something. Rebecca tells him that's its her fight and to let her handle it. He reluctantly complies and warns her to be careful.

-Unfortunately when Rebecca called Baloo about Miniversal's fraud she called from Miniversal and her conversation was overheard by Perry. He decides that he must take care of Mrs. Cunningham.
*** { midpoint }


>>> episode #3

-Baloo Kit and Ignatz are discussing what will happen to H4H, Kit especially wants to help. Ignatz says he knows someone who may be able to help. Baloo decides to try to help even though Rebecca told him not to. They start to come up with a plan to get back H4H.
-They go to Griffith's business front to try to collect evidence against Griffith but they aren't sneaky enough and Griffith catches on to what they are trying to do. Not willing to risk himself by getting rid of they right then, he lets them think they have succeeded and plans to attack him during the next air race and make it look like an accident.
-Griffith goes to Race-ville where he meets the rival pilot and pays him to sabotage the Sea Duck. (maybe they know each other, old sponsor maybe)
-The next air race, Baloo and Kit are winning when they start to have problems with the plane. Baloo is handling it alright until the rival pilot attacks them, forcing them down.

-Baloo and Kit are captured by Griffith's goons and taken to the business front.

-Ignatz finds some kind of clue in the Sea Duck when it discovered abandoned along the race route as to what happened to them. He contacts Rebecca to let her know that Baloo and Kit were captured.

-Rebecca goes to Griffith's business front to rescue Baloo and Kit. She uses her Miniversal credentials to get into Griffith's business. She pretends to be an executive from Miniversal sent by Perry to deal with the troublemakers. She disguises her appearance and puts on an award winning performance. -Griffith almost recognizes her from their earlier encounter when he defrauded her, but he is fooled by her perfect performance. She rescues Kit and Baloo (possibly using Wildcat as her 'goon' backup).
-On her way out, she sees a stack of incriminating paperwork and decided to try to take it. She yells at Griffith for not destroying such incriminating evidence. She declares that she is going to take the evidence back to Miniversal to be safely destroyed.
-Griffith is growing suspicious and questions her about her authority to interfere in his business. She is shaken for a split second before getting her nerve back and putting on yet another amazing performance which finally convinces him of her legitimacy. She leaves with Kit, Baloo and the evidence they need to take on Miniversal and Griffith.
-On their way out, they pass Perry on the way in. He is distracted talking to one of his goons and doesn't notice the gang leaving until they are climbing in a car. (double take)
-Perry rushes in Griffith's office to find out why he let them go. Perry quickly explains to Griffith that he was royally duped and Griffith is furious. He contacts the rival pilot and contracts him to deal with Baloo and Rebecca.

(I have to add more here)

-The gang learns H4H is to be demolished to make way for new Miniversal Shipyards construction.
*** { pinch 2 }

(And more here also)

-The gang defeats Griffith, forcing Perry to deliver unfortunate news to Sultan. Sultan explodes on Perry, ordering him to fix the problem. Perry plans to deal with the H4H gang one way or another.
*** { plot point 2 }


>>> episode #4

(Obviously MUCH more needs to be added here. I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do, I just have to put it into writing.)

Final battle with Miniversal.
Possibly epic dogfight.
*** { showdown }

Miniversal dealt with.
H4H is saved.
Baloo comes back to H4H.


*** { end }




### { conflicts }

Internal
-Baloo and Rebecca are too stubborn to admit that they need each other. They start to miss one another, and Kit and Molly miss the family aspect of H4H. After trying to resist being drawn back together, they are forced together by the external conflict.
-Rebecca resents Khan being able to get benefits simply because he is rich and powerful so she takes risk that he might not have otherwise taken to try to get similar benefits. Rebecca realizes her mistake and corrects it, saving H4H

External
-Khan obtains special benefits for his company making Sultan envious. Sultan wants to build a new shipyard in Cape Suzette to compete with Khan, but the property he wants is already occupied. He feels that he can't compete on even footing legally, so he hatches a plan to defraud business owners out of their property. Sultan's greed almost destroys his company, he saves it only because he is wealthy.

### { characters }
Mr. Sultan (Baloo Thunder) as CEO of Miniversal Corp.
Mr. Perry (Baloo Thunder) as go-between for Miniversal and Griffith's business front (con-ring).
Griffith (OC) as the CEO of the business front (con-ring)
And a few dumb goons
H4H crew
Ignatz as owner of a hotel and restaurant and a race sponsor
A (thus far nameless) rival pilot and sponsor to challenge Baloo in the air races.
Shere Khan and some staff.
An office coworker or two for Rebecca

### { character arcs }
Baloo will accept that He and Rebecca make a good team and that they are an unofficial family which prompts him to return to H4H.
Rebecca will learn that schemes rarely work and that H4H is a family business prompting her to tell Baloo how she values his company.








A few days ago I was chatting with Opus and he suggested doing another pilot movie. This wouldn't be a reboot or re-imagining of the original series, and it would still pick up where original left off. Basically it would be a multi-episode movie like Plunder and Lightning to reacquaint people with the series that may not have seen it in awhile. The idea for the 2nd pilot as it now stands is to do a kind of reversal of the original pilot. Rebecca will lose H4H and the unofficial H4H family will be split up. This 2nd pilot will probably span 4 or 5 episodes. As always, input is appreciated.

Tentative 2nd Pilot Outline

1st episode – Rebecca hears that Shere Khan has managed to gain tax-exempt status for some of his businesses; Rebecca is envious and wants to get similar benefits for H4H. Meanwhile, Baloo has some rare vacation time so he and Kit go someplace where there is something that would interest them both, like an aviation museum or air show, but that also has a casino. They arrive with time to spare so Baloo decides to “run by” the casino for a quick hand of blackjack or two. He plays a few hands, losing much of their spending cash. Kit is afraid that they might not have enough money to do all the things they had planned to do so he reveals to Baloo that he can count cards. (Which is not that hard to do btw.) They win back all their money and a large amount more. Baloo is planning to buy back the Sea Duck with the winnings when they are accused of cheating and taken the see the “boss” who is Ignatz. Since Ignatz was friends with Kit, he gives Baloo no trouble about keeping his winnings. They begin to talk and Ignatz warns them of a ring of con artists that have been traveling around conning unsuspecting people...

Meanwhile, back at Cape Suzette, Rebecca is unknowingly meeting with one of those con artist who is posing as a tax expert. He is sneaky, manipulative and makes all sorts of "too good to be true" promises. She falls for his convincing performance and signs the "dotted line of doom". Baloo and Kit get back and Baloo presents her with enough money to buy back the Duck. She is shocked but takes the money like in "Save the Tiger" and Baloo leaves.

(Ignatz could be an asset in helping them catch the con ring, but they should do something for him first so he owes them. Not that he wouldn't help anyway, it just adds another reason for him to help.)

2nd episode - Rebecca tries to handle the situation but is unsuccessful. She thinks about calling Baloo for help but decides not to. Meanwhile, Kit and even Baloo, are beginning to miss H4H, Rebecca and Molly. They are thinking of visiting when they get a call from Molly who is calling without Rebecca's knowledge. Molly tells them what happened and they are concerned. They meet with Rebecca at her apartment and find that she is packing up everything preparing to move out. They offer to help (Kit particularly is insistent) but she says that everything is alright because she found a high paying job in a nearby city. She reassures them that that none of her personal finances were affected and that she will visit once she is established in the new city. They reluctantly agree, and say their goodbyes. Baloo and Kit leave and go back to wherever is it that they're staying. (still have to decide that but it is a minor detail.)

Rebecca leaves the next day just as H4H is Put up for sale at auction. Ignatz does in fact have a few connections and agrees to help. Baloo, Kit and Ignatz begin to lay out plans. Meanwhile, Rebecca has arrived at the new city and is starting her now job, which is actually quite nice. She has a respected managerial position with a salary to match. She is actually better off than before but she cannot shake that “empty feeling”. Baloo Kit and Ignatz come up with a plan to con the con artists and get back H4H. (A plan that involves a lot of risks, naturally.) The plan is going well until they're discovered.




That's all I have for now...

I'm thinking of having Rebecca come to Baloo's aid while not realizing that he is in the predicament because he was trying to help her. I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to go that route. I thought having Rebecca come to help Baloo would show how much they care for each other while also keeping her an active and participating character in the story. Also, I still have to come up with some kind of compelling external conflict... like how the H4H gang will physically "battle it out" with the con ring. They would almost certainly have to be dealing with many enemies (like an evil organization or company) to justify spanning several episodes. and to balance the seriousness of the internal conflict with the external conflict.

I'll continue to work on this, and please don't hesitate to make suggestions.

That's a VERY good plot. I could have never imagined something like that, so good work


Yes, but help doing what? Especially if she's not aware of their plans.
Although, I definitely agree that one helping each other without knowing / admitting it is the way to go


Yes, from what I can see the plot misses some action - you need to find the good balance between a plot involving the characters feelings and a plot action-filled. That's one quality of the original pilot.

She will receive word that Kit and Baloo are in trouble and need help, but she won't know how they got there or why they're in trouble. She can help somehow... When we decide how they're in trouble, then we can decide how she can help. (It will ppssibly involve her being as sneaky and manipulative as the guy who conned her.)

I know it's weak on action right now... I'm toying with the idea of having the H4H gang get caught in a crossfire of corporate foul play, like extortion or sabotage... Perhaps Khan Enterprises vs Miniversal Corporation... Or perhaps Miniversal could be the only enemy and Khan ends up being an ally... Maybe Miniversal is sponsoring the con ring... Once owners are conned into losing their property Miniversal can swoop in and buy the liquidated properties very cheaply... (Also, there's a good chance the con ring will contain at least some mobsters.)

Still kicking around ideas. Suggestions are welcome.

This is, as Steet has mentioned, a very interesting plot. I'm a bit tired right now but Í'll try to give a more in-depth feedback tom.

Just tossing up a few other ideas. Considering that H4H will be lost and the gang will split up. One detail that needs to be addresse: what about Wildcat? perhaps he goes with Baloo and Kit? Or he still winds up living in H4H not noticed by the con artists/new owners.

another idea, to address the action problem. In the first pilot most of the action was because of Don Karnage and the Air Pirates. Maybe they can be some sideline, armed force so to speak. I dunno. XD Just came up from the top of my head.

I'll try to think of and share ideas tomorrow in line with this plot.

We shouldnt have to add too many more characters right away. Don Karnage was the villian in the first one, yes, but I think we should avoid repetition on this pilot. He will get involved later on, and it will be more action packed. What I told 0X7B about this plot was to explore the H4H as a family-friend relationship, to really get those emtions out unlike what the Disney version did on thiers, because of cutting out scenes like "Home is where your heart is". The action in here will be involving the Mob (think of Baby-head Half Nelson gang at least two times over)

Perhaps Shere Kahn will get involve since probably it will hurt a penny out of his pocket too and he will surely hate that because now H4H and other companies going bankrupt will reduce his gasoline sales for real.


Just a thought out of my head.

I agree, adding Don Karnage as main villain in that new pilot would be repetitive, I'm sure there are other ways to explore this character.


Again, good idea, everything is linked.

I like the plot line, a very good opening storyarche. It's intresting. As I promised, I would be glad to make the OCs for this one, namely the con artist/artists. Just tell me what you need and I'll whip up some quick bios, actuelly, I'll make a thread for OCs to be posted, so we have everything in one place.

Ok, I've finally updated the outline. 'Bout time, I know. As you all can see it's still not complete, but it's closer than it was. I added the new version alongside the old so that changes would be made obvious. Hopefully all major changes are done and all that's left is to flesh out the end of the story. I'm sure there are plot holes or other things wrong with it, but I'll fix all that by the next (and hopefully final) revision. (Don't let that stop you from calling out plot holes and any other potential problems as you find them.) I have a few concerns about this story, like that it may be too complex or convoluted... Anyway, I'm looking forward to feedback, good -or- bad.

I like the new verson, though the rival pilot could be good for an OC, do you want me to make one for the spot?

One question, how do they defeat Griffith? I mean does he attack them directly or in a car chase or something? Ether way, I don't think he should be permently beaten, he sounds like he could be a reccuring villian, he has the possibilities to.

Sure, that would be great! I picture him as the arrogant bully type, but I haven't really thought of any more traits.

I haven't quite decided... There will probably be a physical battle like a car or plane chase, but I'm not sure if I want him to be completely defeated. I'm split down the middle on that one. Probably he won't be totally defeated just to leave the option to possibly bring him back in a later episode.

Hi guys. Sorry I just replied now. I read this the other day and got inspired to sketch up aircraft designs. Now these will be a little more streamlined than the usual aircraft on TaleSpin. However I'd imagine these racer would be more radical compared to standard ones. Actually... in reality they really had outrageous designs. Anyway, sorry to go all info-dump on you guys XD

The one labelled KI-32C is an idea for the Aircraft of Ignatz. Designed to have that two seat configuration and just as an offshoot I got the KI from Kahn Industries. The one labelled RA-1 is really what the acronym stands for: Random Aircraft. However I think that this might be a contender for the rival plane. The KI was patterned after the P-51 Mustang and the RA: The Shinden.

EDIT: Um, Steet, is better(for you/the site) for images to be uploaded on photobucket or is using the attachements feature here fine?

Cool designs! I especially like the KI! (I love the P-51!) It's interesting that the RI is based on a WW2 Japanese prototype fighter, it's certainly very different from what one would expect to see in that era. I think that the KI will do just fine as Ignatz's racing plane. Thanks for the drawings.

Here's additional sketches for aircraft. Perhaps the RA-2 will be a more fitting aircraft. This was based off a real racer. It was literrally an engine given wings. As for the Tus it really was random.

In fact I have made another series of sketches turning modern jetfighters into proppeler planes. XD didn't mesh well with the idea of being placed in Talespin.

My suggestions in order, reading through the outline:

For starters, we need a lot more Wildcat. It might be a challenge but he needs to take on a larger role, a larger role than he played in the episodes.

I think there's really good potential for dialog between Ignatz and Baloo when they bump into each other. I can't see Baloo instantly agreeing to do something that Ignatz wants; remember in Polly Wants a Treasure, Baloo wouldn't even turn back for the treasure (which would have bought back the Sea Duck) until Ignatz said he'd be out of his life forever if he would. So I think Ignatz would have to boost up Baloo's ego in order to get him to fly for him (a la Shere Khan in A Bad Reflection On You). Baloo doesn't like the bird so there has to be some sort of motivating factor like his ego for him to work with the bird. It has to be more than just the possibility of buying back the Sea Duck.

I don't think Baloo would be forced to fly Ignatz's plane because he doesn't own the Sea Duck. Ignatz's plane is a racing plane designed for the competition so that's enough reason that Baloo would fly it in the race.

I see Ignatz's rival as being a heavy set pilot with large pectorial muscles, sort of a cross between Dumptruck and one of Khan's pilots (especially the smugness).

After the race, Kit would be happy that they won but upon hearing Baloo say he's buying back the Sea Duck, reality would set in that he's leaving H4H, his surrogate home. Kit would act very deflated over this. Baloo usually notices when Kit is troubled by something; however, when Baloo is estatic about something he tends to not notice everything else going around him.

So who is Griffin exactly and how is he different than Mr. Perry? Is Griffin even fleshed out?

Remember those street thugs that messed with Kit at the beginning of Idol Rich? Because we're talking about the dock areas of Cape Suzette, I think those street thugs should make an appearance. They could be the guys doing all the really dirty, brute work for Griffin/Mr. Perry. I also think presents an opportunity for Kit to avenge himself, as he'd recognize the thugs. Come to think of it, he could foil one or more of their plans just by recognizing them.

Rebecca would be not only shocked but also a little deflated when Baloo pays her the money. I think her and Kit would share the same look to each other.

I'm leaning against Ignatz revealing who Griffin is to Baloo and Kit at this point. The audience does not need to know that yet and the only purpose for Ignatz saying so is to inform the audience. It should remain a mystery until later on. One of the things DuckTales could do well was mystery... what was going on "behind the scenes" wasn't revealed until the end of the episode. I always thought this was lacking in TaleSpin, so here I think we need to keep the mystery. It also keeps the audience guessing as to where the story is going to go next.

I would like to personally write the scene where Baloo and Kit are happy to win again, but they start to miss H4H. I have an idea in mind for this.

Rebecca would be really distraught over the loss of H4H but she would want to keep her feelings away from Baloo and Kit.

I don't think Ignatz should warn Baloo and Kit "that someone matching Griffin's description has been spotted going around posing as finance expert." I don't think Ignatz should be used so heavily to connect all the plot points.

My suggestion is to tie in the street thugs in from Idol Rich. When Baloo and Kit leave Rebecca's apartment, Baloo has the idea to go to a burger stand nearby. Kit, being reminiscent, decides to leave Baloo with his food to go to H4H. Baloo doesn't care to go to H4H... it's just an old shack to him he was quick to abandon in P&L. Upon taking the old "shortcut" (and it's late afternoon/early evening so he's not as concerned), Kit hears some familiar voices... the street thugs he ran into before. They are meeting with the guy who looks a lot like the "financial expert" that Rebecca dealt with. Earlier in the story, there are scenes in which these thugs were doing all the dirty work to the businesses that Griffin could not do as a financial expert. It isn't obvious that their actions were tied into Griffin's until Kit eavesdrop into their conversation.

Kit would be the one that initially works with Rebecca, not Baloo. Kit would call Rebecca (he's smart, he'd find the number and use a payphone and dial into her office asking for Miz Cunningham) and tell her what he heard. Then she'd reveal what she knows from the memo and the police.

Kit would then tell Baloo about the situation. He would have to convince Baloo to help ("Yeah, but what could we do??") but it doesn't take a lot of convincing because Baloo has already realized that he enjoyed what he had at H4H plus he's protective of Becky. Baloo would get slightly irritated at this point at whoever harmed Becky.

Start of episode #3, possibly replace Ignatz with Wildcat. They go to the street thugs hideout to try and gather evidence on against Griffin (think of a MacGruffin item that Griffin hands to the street thugs that Kit notices when eavesdropping). The street thugs catch Baloo, Kit, and Wildcat but Kit outfoils them with Kit's brains and a little mechanical ingenuity from Wildcat. Not really revenge but Kit relishes the thoughts that he finally taught them a
lesson.

I like using Wildcat as her goon back-up.

I'm not sure that Griffin would even believe that someone would be "sent by Perry" to deal with the troublemakers if it's an illegal activity that is being kept to as few as people as possible. Rebecca would go under other circumstances and would capture the evidence without Griffin realizing it. She would still act though to fool Griffin so he won't recognize her.

I won't add any comments on episode four until I see your ideas.

As far as the conflicts go, it's probably not that important to have to spell them out. They will spell themselves out through the actions and motivations of the characters and what they learn about themselves.

Baloo, Becky, and Kit aren't forced back to each other by external issues. Yes, the external issues play a factor but they all realize that they are in an equilibrium with each other. Kit is the first to figure this out, as he's the one who sees H4H as a family. Baloo is the second, realized through the persistence and insistings of Kit. Kit says things that Baloo knows is true. Then finally Rebecca, who started to have empty feelings when Baloo and Kit left (especially through the things Molly said).

Becky is greedy, that a character flaw of her's. That said, I think her willingness to take on more risks and trust the financial expert is augmented by Baloo leaving H4H; she remembers the troubles she had with a new pilot in "Save the Tiger" so she feels like she really has to do something this time (taking on more risky ventures) to make up for Baloo leaving.

"Baloo will accept that He and Rebecca make a good team and that they are an unofficial family which prompts him to return to H4H. Rebecca will learn that schemes rarely work and that H4H is a family business prompting her to tell Baloo how she values his company."

And they both realize that Kit appreciates H4H because he sees it as a family. Wildcat doesn't really notice the world going around him.

Ignatz role should probably be reduced, substituted with the situations above and with Wildcat. It's been a while since I've seen Polly Wants a Treasure, but to me, Ignatz seems to have a weaker version of the neutrality that Shere Khan has. Ignatz is loyal to his friends (for all intents and purposes just Kit) and for everyone else, he'll only help out if there's something in it for him.

@straycloud:
There are actually sketches of the rival pilot and Griffin in the "OC Bios" thread. IMO they look good.

@0x7B:
I really like this pilot. I agree with straycloud that there should be at least some appearance of main characters in the show that haven't been written in to the pilot yet (ie Louie, Wildcat). Just as the goal of P+L was to introduce all the chars for the first time, since this is our re-introduction to the show, the main chars should be re-introduced. But I wouldn't go overboard or have chars appear in a way that would feel out of sync with the story. For example, Karnage doesn't appear to have a role he could play in this pilot. And I don't agree there needs to be that much Wildcat in this pilot; we can always put him in more actual episodes later. In P+L Wildcat did not have much of a role but this was good because it allowed the focus to be on chars more central to the story.

I agree with straycloud's comment that Ignatz seems to be relied on too heavily in some sections to reveal some important plot points.

Episode 1:


I like the idea of Sultan and RC reacting to the same news in different ways. However, I don't see the connection between Khan's government benefits and Sultan's desire to build a shipyard, or Rebecca's desire to take on more risk. What if, rather than government benefits, the news was that Khan just purchased a major shipping company in the harbor of Cape Suzette. I can see Sultan wanting to take over the docks to compete with Khan, and RC meeting with the financial expert b/c she is worried about losing business.



Why can't Sultan just deal with Griffith directly? Actually I think having Perry in this story is not really necessary, as he seems like just a go-between for Sultan and Griffth. Griffith and the rival pilot already give us two great main enemies we can focus on (plus Sultan if he ends up taking more of a role). And since Griffith and the rival pilot are new to the TS universe, I think the focus should be on introducing and fleshing out their characters. Removing Perry from the story gives us more room to do that.



I really like how this idea ties in what is going on in Cape Suzette and Race-ville.

Episode 2:

Maybe RC could have gotten mad when Baloo announced he was quitting H4H, and she doesn't call because she is still sore at him?


This seems kind of unrealistic, as I don't think Molly would be old enough to understand what is really going on. I like the idea of having Baloo/Kit just drop by H4H for a visit and finding out that way. Maybe a couple of weeks have elapsed (it would take time for Griffith to execute his plan anyway) so Baloo/Kit wanting to visit would seem natural.


Why does RC have to move to a new city? Can we just assume Miniversal is located in Cape Suzette and her new job is there? Just seems easier to have two cities (CS and Race-ville) where the action is going on, rather than three (CS, Race-ville, and RC's new city). I like the idea of a move-out/goodbye scene (lots of possibilities there), but this can always be set at H4H rather than RC's apartment.

I like straycloud's idea of Baloo and Kit starting to figure out Griffith's plot during their initial visit to Cape Suzette (ie seeing Griffith meet with some shady characters). But I don't agree with straycloud that there should be much focus on the Idol Rich street thugs...they were really peripheral characters in that episode and as I noted before about Perry I think the focus should be more on establishing the two main villains, the rival pilot and Griffith himself.



Like this idea too.


As straycloud mentioned, this seems a little forced. How would Ignatz know all this? I like straycloud's suggestion of having Kit and RC unravel the mystery themselves, through bits and pieces, then have Kit convince Baloo to help RC.


Episode 3:


"Collecting evidence against Griffith" seemed kind of vague so I had a different idea for this. Let's say the police in Cape Suzette are investigating Griffith but don't have enough evidence against him to make a move. But Griffith has connections to Race-ville where he committed a lot of crimes (connections with mobsters and whatnot). There should be some record of Griffith's crimes somewhere in Race-ville. Maybe Baloo and Kit get this evidence and try to deliver it to the Cape Suzette police so they will have enough evidence to arrest him? The Sea Duck sabotage scene could take place on their way to Cape Suzette to deliver the evidence. This does a couple of things IMO. It explains why the Cape Suzette police can't help Rebecca after she calls them. It also creates "the very incriminating book of evidence" alluded to later in the episode, that they can chase after for the rest of the pilot...I think it's more feasible than having RC discover the evidence randomly on a desk in Griffith's business.


Like this.



Have you had any new ideas for the final pilot episode? I like the idea of an epic dogfight

I just had one more point and that is we need to solve the problem of why Baloo would come back to work at H4H...since he legitimately purchased his plane back there is no reason for him to come back to work for RC. I had an idea to get around this...if the incriminating evidence against Griffith was for his crimes in Race-ville, it could also show that the money Baloo got in the race was illegally won (maybe it was mob money or something like that). Thus, by turning the evidence over to the police, Baloo would have to forfeit his winnings. This would give Baloo a tough decision of whether to withhold the evidence and keep his freedom and wealth, or help Rebecca and the rest of the harbor businesses but go back to his old lifestyle. I can see a lot of possibilities here, if we go that route.