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me and friend are writing my first story and this is the first part of the first chapter tell me if its a good start please just a simple yes or no

Chapter 1: The Barrens.

The Barrens... Dusk and dull in every direction,
Filled with dead trees, hollow mountains,
small but dry oasis.
Filled with many savage creatures that are always out,
always hunting...
Vultures constantly circeling in the skies.
The air was dusty during the day and foggy during the night,
there was always a red overcast that glowed down
onto these barrens giving them a slight light.
The many wolfs in this area called it the wilderness,
where they never ventured.
They stayed in their packs safe to the west where the
creatures would never go.Where they had their own perfect
home by a small oasis which provided them water,
they also hunted in the nearby forest for their food.

Apon these packs of wolves was a particular pack that
consisted of 8 members. 4 of these members are the ones
we are looking at.
First of all there is the father and leader of the pack,Edon;

Edon was a big scary wolf, he was a good leader and a good
role model for his sons. He has a really thick black coat
that covers his entire body, except for a light grey patch
on his chest. He cares most for the safety of his pack
and wants his cubs to look up to him and grow up well. He
can be very bossy at times and can be very stubborn
but he does love his pack very much and will make sure that
nothing will harm them and will do anything to keep them safe.

Second of the 4 is Tasha, Tasha is Edon's mate and mother to
the 2 pups.

Tasha is the sweet side of the parents; She is very lovely,
cuddely and is extremely kind to everyone, she has no violence
in her soul. She was a cute wolf with a smooth grey coat
with mixes oftextures of brown that followed down her
legs and around herneck. She tries to keep Edon calm at
most time so he doesnot get too stressed and she almost
cares for the cubs 24/7.

Then ofcourse there is the 2 cubs; Niky and Zion.

Niky is a small pup who inherits most of his characteristics
from his mother Tasha, he is caring and sweet and good at
heart and also caries his fathers intelligence and very
easily picks up on new things such as hunting and tracking
for prey. He is covered in a sort of scruffy in some areas
such as around his rear legs but is very smooth and delicate
around his upper spine and neck. He inherits his light grey
patch on his chest from his father Edon and his brownish
legs from his mother Tasha. Although he does not set as much
of an image from his father, mainly his mother. He does not
like to kill even to survive but knows he must as he is
smart and has a good wit.

And last of the 4, Zion..

Zion is considered abit of a weirdo in their pack, he is
bright white all over with a really hard to see grey patch on
his chest which you could only spot at a close glance. He
inherits almost all of his characteristics from his father.
He is cheeky, sly and mischievious but he also has a big
soft spot in him from his mother, he cares for Niky more then
anything. He is a tough one, he is more muscular then Niky
and usually finds it hard to keep up with his dads teachings
on hunting and tracking, etc. He relies on Niky at times
to help him out in some situations. He feels left out alot and
feels like he is being treated differently because his fur
has absolutley no resemblence from his parents, his genes just
dont match. But he tries to ignore the feeling most of all
and look out for his pack, he tries really hard to be like
his father and looks up to him alot. He can be violent if
a situation which really called for it then he would be
a difficult one to restrain. But no one takes him for granted
because of his fur colour.

So thats our 4 main characters in the pack, now it's time
to look at an average day in life. For 8 months the pups have
been alive and learning from their father and on this day,
they realise something. And do something that will change
their lives forever.

It was a hot dusky day in the Barrens, sandstorms in the
distance all flowing to the south. It was July, a hot month.
In the Barrens this meant alot, a hot day really was a
very hot day, if you did not have water you would fry easily
and quickly dehydrate untill you are nothing but a dry,
wasted skeleton as the sands quickly covered your body.
The wolf packs in the west were safe from these dangers,
mostly. As they had shelter in small but secure caves in the
slopes of the hollow hills, they had small oasis so they
would not run out of water. The packs would normally relax
and lay out in the sun by the oasis drinking the fresh water
regulary to keep themselves cool. The mother of the 4,
Tasha, was either looking after the pups while Edon was
resting or laying out in the sun catching some heat. The
pups were always playing and running around the area
freely as warm breezes were sent through the area in the
wind.Normally the pups were doing something that involved
moving and making alot of noise,they scared small local
creatures off and chased them howling. Edon was almost
always looking out, protecting his pack from wild creatures
that were wondering the Barrens, he also had a great
responsibility to teach his sons right and that washis main
objective, to teach them to be tough and smart like
him!

So a average lesson from father to sons would occur on a
steady day when the winds were low and the sun was peeking out
of the clouds, when all was calm and quiet and many
unthreatening creatures were roaming around.. Defenceless.
Edon would normally teach his both pups nearby for smaller
scavenging creatures such as rats and reptiles but sometimes
he would take both the pups out near the outskirts of the
forest so he may demonstrate some basic hunting skills on
larger creatures such as wild hogs or Zebras.But something
will soon happen that will change they're lives forever...

It was a cool day, a calm day. Not many creatures were out
in sight, most of them sleeping or have migrated to another
region. There was alot less things to hunt now so Edon and the
pups ventured around their area and the outskirts of the
forests...

"Keep up you two, stop slacking and we may find something to
hunt!" Edon yelled back at the two tired pups running after
Edon, following him.
"We're getting tired dad, we've been searching for ages now!
My legs are killing me can't we just try and hunt tomorrow
instead?" Zion replied back to his father Edon who quickly
stopped and looked at Zion.
"Boy, a wolf never gives up hunting untill they know that
they have hunted for a worthy time to compensate for having
no prey!" Edon grew alittle angry as his face puffed up abit
then Zion, with a ashamed face and his tail down, looked up
at his father and replied in a sort of faked sad tone "Sorry
Dad I didn't mean to be a pain."
Edon's face changed quickly and he was alot more calm thinking
his son has learned something new and walked infront of the
two towards the sun. Zion stuck his tongue out at his dad
and then turned to Niky who was chuckeling in a small
humouras way as Edon looked back curiously as Zion quickly put
his tongue away before it caught Edon's sight. Edon looked
at both the pups then sighed lightly and continued walking
forwards while the pups followed. Creeping through the dusky
desert Niky caught a glimps of a small cute baby Gazelle that
was wondering around no doubt lost and defensless. "Dad! Look
over there, a creature we can hunt?" Niky quickly said quietly
but alarmingly. "Okay boys looks like we got ourselves some
prey finally! Now it hasn't spotted us yet so we have an
advantage, so Niky, Zion we should sneak up on it silently
and quickly take care of it." Edon commanded quietly. "Wait
dad, that creature looks quite young. Shouldn't we hunt
elder creatures and not defencless children? I feel as if it's
wrong and I don't feel to good about it..."
Edon looked down on Zion who was laying lowly on the ground.
Edon put his paw on Zion's back and calmly tried to explain.
"Son, not a-" He was inturupted as Niky lept out of hiding
and charged directly towards the baby creature which appeared
to be a Gazelle yelling out foolishly "Chaaaaaaaaaaaaarge!!!".
Zion and Edon both looked at Niky in shock as Edon yelled out
in disgrace "Niky! Get your tail back here NOW!". Edon rushed
out after Niky who was chuckeling at the fleeing baby Gazelle
as he turned around to see his father's big beady brown eyes
glaring into his and quickly jumped back in shock as Niky
could tell that Edon's rage was building up inside of him.
"Niky you fool! What were you thinking?! Why can't you pay
attention some time and be better behaved and respectful!
Zion's going to grow up to be a perfect hunter just like
his dad! But you won't if you don't straighten out and pay
attention! Have you learnt nothing boy?! Patience is the key
to a perfect hunter and you don't have patience do you Niky?
Well you better get some or you won't be coming hunting for
four months! Do you hear me?!" Edon roared down to Niky who
was looking ashamed with his head and tail down who was
feeling slightly afraid that Edon would strike him or
something else but he didn't as he knew his father never would
but he was angry, angry enough to ignore Niky for the rest of
the night as the 3 traveled back to their pack as the sun
was setting on the fiery horizon.

All of the pack were now resting around the Oasis watching
the beautiful sun set as they all caught Edon walking into
view with the two pups following. They both went in different
directions, the pups straight into the cave where the pack
slept but they had their own little spot that was hidden from
the other wolves where they were born. Edon slowly walked to
tasha looking exuasted and collapsed beside her as she started
to lick his cheek. Edon looked at Tasha and started to tell
her what the three have been through the past day and what a
nusence Zion was but Tasha started to comfort him and relieve
some of his stress by rubbing her head against his telling
him sweetly "You should lighten up abit on Zion, love. He may
be a nusence but afterall he is just a lively little pup and
is too evergetic to be paying attention. I think you should
find a better way to connect with him or find another method
so Zion can pay attention." Edon nodded slowly at Tasha and
replied tiredly with a yawn when starting "-Maybe you're right
Tash, I think I can find a way to get him to understand.
Tomorrow I'll try and tell him." Edon lay his head down on a
small patch of grass as he closed his eyes and got some rest.


Meanwhile in the cave, Niky was laying on his back fidgeting
around amusing himself while Zion was circling their small
area in the cave while talking to himself at the bottom of
his voice; mocking his dad, making random complaints and
saying how he can be a good hunter. Niky was watching him
pace around as he called out "Are you feeling okay, bro?"
Zion continued for another twenty seconds and then looked at
Niky who was laying on his back looking up at him. "Yeh im
okay but dad is being a jerk! We just want to have some
fun and he yells at you always and is always saying that we
should be more like him! I mean why can't we be who we want?
I want to be unique!" Zion panted out expressivly as Niky
rolled onto his paws and slowly walked over to Zion and gave
him a family lick to try and make his stress ease alittle
easier and this is when Zion said "I know what im goin' to do
bro, Im going to do something that will make dad proud of us
so we can have alittle bit of respect from him and not him
always thinking less of us and ignoring our suggestions,
can you help me bro, please?" Niky looked at Zion and sat
down as he raised his paw. "Of course I'll help you bro,
thats what family does. c'mon give me some paw to shake
on it.". Zion seemed alittle happier as he snapped paws
with Niky to seal their deal.