(How I found My Destiny) New fanfic series, please read

Wingrunner · **Posted:** Sun Apr 26, 2009 5:54 pm

I like this fanfic.

(+)It was an interesting story
(+)It was worth the time spent reading it
(+)It's got an interesting theme going for it
(+)I liked the ending 'cause I was like "What's this destiny?" and then when she got in the sled it hit me

(-)There were a few grammatical issues
(-)It could have maybe been divided up into one or two parts so it wasn't that long to read
(-)The next part isn't out yet to read

Keep up the good work

angryunicorn · **Joined:** Wed Dec 28, 2005 10:41 am **Posts:** 3023

I dunno if I missed something, but the transition in time wasn't very clear. Like, its not known how old Kaala was during any of the events that happened other than when she was adopted. And since we don't really have a sense of Kaala's personality, her reaction to Brahma seemed too promiscuous for having just met him. Plus, we don't really have a sense of her relationship with Bria. Since I know what's going to happen, I can easily tell that the readers won't really care what happens to her.

So basically it just lacked some information. You should just go back and add some stuff. What you have is fine, it could just be alot fuller.

Kiona123 · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:08 pm

I liked this fan-fic and i hope you make the sequal soooooooooooon

Kiona123 · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 5:41 pm

angel12349 wrote:

kiona123----> Thank you, and yes the sequal will be coming out very soon :]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Wingrunner · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 6:10 pm

I also would like to help elaborate on what catwhohas14tails said.

Your story is pretty good but it does lack a bit too much detail methinks. It might have been more beneficial to either break down your stories four parts into smaller parts to help go into detail more with the surroundings, the characters relationships, and whatnot. Remember, ya can never really be too descriptive 'cause it helps people visualize it better. I would just recommend maybe taking it a bit more slowly and looking for areas where ya can add more information.

I would also recommend that ya have someone maybe review it first and get their opinion before posting other parts so ya can improve things before ya post them here.

Wolfhusky · **Posted:** Sun May 17, 2009 3:00 am

Ok,I couldnt give advicxe without repeating what the others said but Very interesting,I cant wait for the rest of it.

monsoon. · **Posted:** Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:08 pm

I agree that the disposition of time is a little off, but this story is really very interesting.
I can't wait for the next one to come out :]

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(How I found My Destiny) New fanfic series, please read