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This is a new fanfic with a character I'm introducing called Bandit

Description (as written on the actual fanfic):Balto will die tonight,At my paws for I am the monster he created,And he cannot change that,He will die for being atritor to his pack.




A howl of rage filled the air around the silent clearing."He said he would be here," snarled a large black wolf turning to another smaller wolf tood behind him "why isn't he here?" the wolf snarled his feature contorted with rage "p-p-p-please Bandit,I-I-I Don't know" stammered the wolf.Bandit paced up and down the clearing "This just proves he's even more of a traitor to us then we thought he was" Bandit said smiling nastily he turned towards the Smaaler wolf who shuddered out of fear,"of course, you cant return to the pack" he said the small wolf looked up at him "w-w-w-what do you mean?" he asked,quaking with fear Bandit smiled "You're a witness,I can not allow you to live"he said smiling.Bandit came out minutes later jaws dripping with blood.The only evidence that the young wolf had ever been in that clearing.


Thats all Ive written so far

Okay, lots of grammar errors first off. Second: is this an excerpt from the middle of a larger story, or is it the start of one? If it's the begining of the story it goes a little quick. It's this wolf who wants to kill Balto, with this second wolf, the first wolf kills the second wolf for simply being around, and thats it. I mean the writing is fair, and the rhyme structure of the sentences go along nicely. It's also a little hard to read because it's not split onto separate lines

I would never pass judgment on this as to whether it's good or bad. I mean i'd like to hear why this wolf wants to kill Balto, and why he's so bloodthirty. Did Balto do something wrong? And if so, what? Why is the second wolf involved with this first one at all? I mean, the first wolfs a scary guy. What would compel him to be around this wolf at all.

I hope this helps with your writing. Until then; buy the ticket, take the ride.