Before the dawn

Logan's love · **Posted:** Sat Apr 11, 2009 2:35 pm

Lobo: NO! PLEASE DON'T!
Despairent: Sorry Lobo, but you had your chance!
The earth shook and the wind blew, Lobo knew there was no stopping it now.

Logan's love · **Posted:** Sun Apr 12, 2009 12:57 pm

Lobo fainted and the mountain continued to shake.

In Nome -
Jenna: Balto look! The mountain is shaking!
Balto: What on earth? No wait it stopped.
Jenna: Yes but still what was it?
Balto: I don't know, mabey I should go check it out.

Logan's love · **Posted:** Sun Apr 12, 2009 7:21 pm

ok dose this have to invole balto?
and am i doing ok or is what im writing stink.........if so why?

Kiche · **Posted:** Sun Apr 12, 2009 7:26 pm

Well you have an interesting scenario started - there's lots of potential... but... it's -extremely- short and undetailed. Even if it's meant to be in a play format, you should add in descriptions of settings, 'stage cues', etc... try Googling "writing a screenplay" for tips on this.

If you can just beef it up a little, I'm sure you'll be able to hold your audience's interest and draw them in more... not to mention gain some artistic/literary respect & credibility ;3

Logan's love · **Posted:** Mon Apr 13, 2009 12:33 pm

uh ok thanks.........

Back on the muontain Lobo awoke dizzy and grogy. He slowly made his way to the edge of the overhang. He saw a horrible sight. There at the bottom of the mountain was a huge black wolf made of shadows with glowing blood red eyes.
Lobo: Oh my stars! I've got to stop him! He'll kill every living thing in sight!

In Nome-
Balto could feel a darkness start to cover the land. He headed up deep into the woods.

hows that? better?

Logan's love · **Posted:** Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:43 pm

lobo has unexspectently died, this fic will now nolonger continue, i sugjest a mod lock it........

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Before the dawn