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Here is a new fanfic of mine about Jenna and her two other siblings. This one, though, focuses on Jenny her sister. In my story You should know

Characters
>Jennavieve (jenna-v-eve) Is Jenna. Jennavieve is her full name in my story.
>Dhoti (Da-ho-tee) Her Brother
>Jenny The main character.
Setting
>Nome
Do this/tell me:
>read the fanfic
>Tell me what you think about my fanfic
>Tell me if I should continue the fanfic

Here is the fanfic:


Jenny part I: Away from Nome

“All right Rosie darling you can pick one of these puppies to keep.” Rosie looked at her mother and smiled. She was only one and had no idea what was going on. Three puppies jumped around and played on Rosie’s lap. The smallest pup licked her Rosie’s face and rolled around. Rosie clapped her hands together and laughed.
“Dear, I think she likes Jennavieve.” Rosie’s mother looked at her husband and smiled. “Ok darling Jenna it is.” She picked up the small puppy and scratched behind her ear. Jenna liked her fingers and yipped. The other two puppies looked at Jennavieve with sad expressions.
“Well this means Jenny and Dhoti are up for adoption.” Rosie’s father looked at the two puppies and rubbed his hands together. Jennavieve looked at her siblings and yipped.
“No, no Jennavieve.” Rosie’s mom put Jennavieve on Rosie’s lap and picked up the two remaining puppies.
Jenny struggled trying to get to Rosie. Dhoti yipped as he and his sister Jenny were placed in a cardboard box. Jenny looked back at Jennavieve and began to whimper. This was surely the end thought Jennavieve.
Next day some people gathered around the box looking and pointing at the puppies. One little girl picked up Jenny.
“Mom, she is so adorable can I please get her?” Rosie’s father looked at Jenny.
“She is a smart pup. She’d make a great pet for anyone.” He said smiling.
“Mommy, please?” The little girl held Jenny in her arms.
“Well Susan I just don’t know we are only visiting here. Where would we put her?” Her mother said looking truly sorry.
“She can stay with us” Rosie’s mother came around the corner. “How long are you staying? We can keep her here until you are ready to leave. Where are you from? Not very far from here right?”
“We are staying just two more days. We are from Fair Banks. Not a long drive I guess.” She smiled. “Well yes we will buy her. What do you call her?”
“Jenny. Well you can change it if you want.” Rosie’s mom said smiling.
“No. I like that name, Jenny…” Susan’s mother trialed off looking at her purse. “How much?”
“$15 for her, she’s a purebred you know.”
“That’s a bargain price. We’ll take her.” Susan Smiled at her mom and hugged her. “Thank you for keeping her for the next two days. We will be back soon!” Susan and her mom walked away from the box.
“Wow Jenny look at you, already sold.” Dhoti smirked at her.
“Well at least I am going some where.” Jenny looked at her brother disapprovingly.
“Ok, what ever you say Jen Jen. But, you will never be able to come back.” He watched her eyes hoping they would widen in surprise.
“I know…” She tried not to look too sad at this fact.
“Ok Jenny but-”He started
“Enough Dhoti, you can’t scare me.” She turned away from him and started to yip.
Rosie’s dad put his hands toward Jenny “Come on back inside Jenny before more people want to buy you.” He winked at her and picked her up. She smiled at Dhoti and he turned away from her rolling his eyes.
***
The next two days passed quickly. Jennavieve was center of attention when Rosie was around. Jenny sat outside most of the time and looked at the clouds. At the end of the last day, Jenny’s heart beat fast.
“Jenny! I can’t believe your going…” It was Jennavieve.
“Well yeah…I guess.” She looked up at her sister.
“It will be sad and lonely with out you…”Jennavieve smiled though Jenny had not seen it she sensed the sarcasm in her voice.
“No it won’t you and Rosie will be together every second, won’t you!” She barked at Jennavieve. Leaving her sister stunned Jenny walked away.

***
Next, she knew, jenny was driving out of the little town, away from her family…
“I can not wait ‘till you meet Dan Jen! He is my other dog.” Susan explained. Jenny was not listening though, she was thinking of Nome and her parents. She thought of everything she left behind. She had not even said good-bye to Dhoti. She wondered where he was now.
“And once he and I were playing Frisbee and…and…Jenny?” She stopped and looked at the pup.
Jenny looked up and put on a smile then barked. She could not hide what she was really thinking.
“Its ‘kay Jenny, once you get home you will not even remember Nome.”
“But I don’t want to forget Nome...”Thought Jenny

>I did read the fanfic
>I think it's not too bad and I'd rate it a six out of ten so far
>I think ya should continue it 'cause at least I'd like to read more

Thanks! Anything I should change?

Well, I can't

Well, I can't say too much about the story 'cause I don't know where y'are going with it but there were a few small things I thought ya might wanna try:

>Label the chapters a little differently(like this) Chapter one: Jenny so that it's easier to tell which chapter is which or to distinguish between a chapter title and regular text.

Wow...I really can't think of much else 'cause I didn't see anything really wrong with it.

Thanks !It is actually the name It is called> Jenny part I: Away from Nome

I like the new additions

I just hope that other people read this 'cause I don't think this section of the forums gets the attention it deserves.

Thank you! Yeah...I wish I could make it so more peple would read this

I want more! Is there more? Haha

Yep it will be up soon

I found it very interesting. The use of punctuation is perfect =). The only critique I can give is that perhaps there is too much speech in relation to description. My suggestion would be not to cut back on speech (I've tried to do this, it doesn't work) but to increase description. For example instead of what you have here:

He watched her eyes hoping they would widen in surprise.

He watched her brown eyes intently, hoping that they would widen in surprise.

It doesn't seem like much, but this way the writing flows easier, grows longer and drops hints about the characters appearance and surroundings. Also, where you have:

“I know…” She tried not to look too sad at this fact.
“Ok Jenny but-”He started
“Enough Dhoti, you can’t scare me.” She turned away from him and started to yip.

The words "He started" are not really necessary at this point. Without them, the writing flows better and the speech there seems more sudden.

All in all, your writing is great, but when you edit your work, just try and pick up on little things such as these so that your writing becomes more enjoyable for your readers.

Keep it up =) -VividLegacy

thankies!