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A little something I found on Last.fm I thought I'd share.

Before you fans get all bent outta shape, read it, I just want you to know that I didn't post this out of my hatred for the band. I posted it because I thought people on the site would find it funny.

Since time immemorial, the greatest poets have attempted, and failed, to write lyrics as good as those of Linkin Park. Often they get very close, but at the last minute can't think of anything that rhymes with "sad" and give up. Looks like this is one mystery that humanity will never solve, right? Wrong! Read on, and within five minutes you'll be writing Linkin Park-worthy free verse that every angsty teen in a five block radius will want to carve into their forearm to prove that nobody understands them.

Writing Your Linkin Park Verse

First you'll need to find yourself a pudgy guy who can't rap, then force him to anyway. Possible rhyming combinations should include feel/real, you/too, living/unforgiving, mean/scream, and soul/bowl.

Writing Your Linkin Park Chorus

Lyrical content for the chorus shouldn't be your primary focus; instead, put all your energy into shrieking the lyrics until you hear a loud snap from your groin area. Possible "teen-focused" subject matter to go for here should be feeling ignored, feeling like you don't belong, wanting to feel something "real", and then just throw something in about your soul. This is key: have the bad rapper repeating everything you say in the background.


Barre Chords and Record Scratches

Have these.


Putting it All Together

Using these simple rules, you too can write your very own Linkin Park single, indistinguishable from actual Linkin Park singles! Observe:


Verse 1

Chubby Rapper:
My hollow nothingness is consuming me
You don't listen to me, I got something to be

Skinny Bald Screaming Guy (in background):
You don't understand...

Chubby Rapper:
I just need to feel, what's inside is real
And I kneel when I feel that my soul is for real
My soul is inside where you can't see it
But I see your deceit when I feel it for real, yeah

Chorus (remember to shriek)

Skinny Bald Screaming Guy:
You'rrrrrrrrrrrrrre a parrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt of me
I can finnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnally seeeeeeeee

Chubby Rapper: (in background)
He can fine-ally see...

Skinny Bald Screaming Guy:
Why dooooo I lettttttt you talk down to meeeeeee...?

Chubby Rapper: (in background)
Why does he let...?

Skinny Bald Screaming Guy:
Now I can finally see
When you talk down to me
Me soul is real, and I want you to feel
When I kneel
can you feel
that I'm real
and a soul

[five minutes of drop-D barre chords, record scratching]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. People are going to get so angry, you know. Ohhh well.

Nah, that would just be downright ridiculous; nobody gets angry on the Internet. There was something like this on Last.fm a few months ago, but I think it was for another band. Could be wrong though... ...probably not.