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Well this is my fan fic. I used myself as Katie and some of the things are acually like me which made it easier to write. So far I have three parts done....do you guys like it? Should I add anything? And do you suggest I should skip ahead some time for the next parts?
Part One from Katie
The bright sunshine filled me with warmth making me want to lay in the grass like I had when I was a young child but I knew my mother would not find that action very acceptable. Instead I swept my wavy brunette and blonde hair into a messy bun on the top of my head and stuck two shinny earplugs to my ears and started running fast as I could down the sizzling sidewalks. I loved the externalization of running if I pushed my legs to go fast enough I felt like I was floating. I closed my eyes I knew the sidewalks path by now my feet could feel their way. I passed the crashing waves of the public beach and heard a few whistles which made me squeeze my eyes tighter and pump my legs faster. I as I felt the warm air of cars passing me and although my body begged to be out of the heated Florida heat I kept going forcing my legs to keep fighting the impulse to stop. Suddley I felt a huge impact crash into me sending me backwards onto the hard concrete sidewalk. I opened my eyes to see a boy about 15 standing there a worried exasperation on his face his dark grey eyes opened wide and focused on me. He blushed his cheeks turning flushed as he offered a tanned hand to help me up. He ran his hand through his spiky brown hair his eyes taking me in. I brushed myself off hurriedly and looked up seeing his starring into my eyes with a look of curiosity. “I’m Robby sorry about that I wasn’t paying attion.” my tinkling laugh filled my own ears “Let’s remember I was the one who’s eyes were closed. And I‘m Katie” I said and he smiled a genuine smile that stood out against his sun tanned skin. He cocked his head like a dogs as he looked at the ipod in my small hand “What song where you listening to? “I-” before I could finish he had reached out to grab the earphones his warm hands brushing against my cheek as he gently took them from my ears making me unable of proper speech. He put one ear phone in and pressed play his eyes changing as he heard it. “This is….beautiful.” He said staring at me intensely “I’ve never heard of it and it doesn’t show in artist name here” He said pointing a long finger as the worn screen “That would be because….I wrote and sang that.” I finished quietly looking at the ground. I looked up and he softly placed the ipod back into my hands “Well all I know is that was great” He said. I watched him finger his shirt “I was heading down to Charlie’s Treats for some ice cream do you want to come?” I was usually very shy with new people but today I stuck my ipod in my pocket and nodded coolly “That sounds great.”
Part Two From Robby
Her eyes were so beautiful I found that I had to force myself from looking into them. Her eyes where like the soul of her. When I first saw her open them I found myself starring into swirling green eyes with hints of brown that were outlined with long dark eyelashes. She had stunned me her wavy brown hair falling to her shoulders with blonde highlights from the warm beach sun weaving through it. Now as we walked onto the hot sand of the beach I listened to her explain how she ended up living here in that tinkling voice of hers. “There’s Charlie’s.” I pointed out the small wooden building perched just above a worn seawall composed of rocks of varying sizes. She nodded and began to climb up the wall. I saw one of her black flip-flops catch in a crevice her eyes widen as she wobbled backwards I lunged forward catching her by the small of her back so she would avoid falling. Redding I let her stead herself and I kept climbing. Once final over the rocks we ordered and she grabbed some napkins and we sat at a splintering wood table. I watched her scoop up the ice-cream in a spoon and I laughed. “What?” She asked her eyes bright. “I have never met someone who doesn’t lick their ice cream.” I told her smiling as she shrugged happily and continued. “So enough about me. I moved here, am private schooled, like art, to sing, run and live about 4 beach houses down from you by mosquito lagoon. Your turn mister.” She said in-between spoon full of melting ice cream. I paused and told her how I worked down in the turtle rehabilitation center, I went to the small high school a few miles away and other basic things. She listened closely nodding a few times. When I was done we both realized our ice cream was all eaten. She laughed “Let’s go.” She dumped her trash into the trashcan then mischievously smiled suddenly rocketing away weaving through the tables then over the sea wall in one stretched out jump. I ran after her definitely not as fast. Once I reached her she smiled cockily and rasied an eyebrow “Race ya.”
Part Three From Katie
I heard his labored breathing as he struggled to keep up as my thin body allowed me to weave past tourist and sandcastles. I barley knew Robby but it felt like we had been friend for ages and that this was just another day of hanging out for us. I turned running backwards taunting him as I easily still looped through the crowds gathered. When I turned back around and saw my white beach house looming in the distance I silently cursed and caught myself by surprise of how disappointed I was at that. Robby finally caught up then heaved his body to the sand dunes panting. Amused I laughed and sat down next to him looking out at the waves crashing into each other sending foam flying. He looked up at my beach house and then began to search around in his pocket to pull out a piece of paper “Crap” he muttered realizing he didn’t have anything to write on. He blushed “I was going to give you my number but ah-” he said looking at his lonely piece of paper. I smiled pulling out my ipod and pressing my worn buttons to come to a “notepad” option. He nodded gratefully and punched in his number. He looked at his hands “Well I guess we better get going” he said looking at his watch which displayed 3:35 brightly. “I will call you later.” I said awkwardly then starting to run. “Later.” He called raising a hand goodbye.

It looks good, at least what I've read of it. I'll get to the rest later.

As for run on and spelling I do agree this is just like a rough draft. Why it reminds you of twiligh I have no idea because the charters are normal and the girl is acually based on me. And DT thanks for reading!

I agree that the punctuation needs work, but that example was a poor one. The sentence you suggested would probably flow better like this:

"The bright sunshine filled me with warmth, making me want to lay in the grass like I had when I was a young child. But I knew my mother would not find that action very acceptable." (notice the use of a comma instead of a period)

In a related note, "little girl" would make it sound more like something a teenager would write.
Other things to tackle:
*Breaking up paragraphs (usually a new speaker signals the start of a new paragraph) makes reading easier, like this (punctuation changes added in):

*Check your spelling, there's a lot fo that throughout.
Other than that, this is very, very good. You put in a lot of detail, making it easy to picture the story playing out.

I'm sure you've heard enough opinions on grammar in this topic, so I'll spare you that. lol All in all, it's a pretty good story so far, though it obviously couldn't be submitted on the site fan fics because as far as I know it's not related to balto, dogs or wolves.

DT-Thanks and yes I know the puncuation is horrible as well as the grammer but I am going to fix that soon. The one thing I was confused about was what you ment by little girl and young child....?
Grey-Yes well it's more of a side story to help my wirtting improve....thanks for the commet

Oh, alright. And you're welcome.

Well, it's that different age groups have different ways of talking. For example, adults will use terms like "child," whereas teenagers and kids rarely do, unless they are trying to sounds grown-up - like when they say, "Please, mother, I'm not a child."(quote from McGee and Me: Twister and Shout
Most of the time, kids and teenagers use terms like "kid," "boy," or "girl."