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Hello members of Balto Source

Brown Wolf here with a message but before I begin I should inform you that this is not from a book, though it is written like that.

To let you know, I'll be 21 years old on the 22nd of August, that's right, this month.

I encourage anyone who comes to this topic to read and in your minds listen and understand…

Thank you, so let’s get started…


I was born to a sixteen year old woman who was a drug addict. She had two other kids before me, so I was her third child. What happened to the other two is unclear but with luck, they were adopted into good families. When it was time for her to give birth she went into labor far too early. 4 1/2 months too early to be honest. I was born premature and a pound 4 and 9 inches long. Very tiny, so tiny I could fit into an adult’s hand.

The doctors in America, or anywhere else in the world, would never expect a baby that small to survive. The truth is, not many do and it’s almost virtually impossible unless a miracle occurs. Well, I was one of those who managed to live. Being born premature wasn’t enough to ensure I wouldn’t survive but I was also born with 35 types of drugs in my body. That's a lot. When a baby is born with both these things, they are not expected to live. For premature babies it is the doctors legal to lay the baby off to die. Where most probably do die…

I did not.

A few moments later, the doctors and nurses who helped deliver me and laid me off, heard me crying and were astonished that I was going to live. Not wasting any time, I was taken into surgery for my not fully developed heart and lungs. I was crying so hard that I deflated a lung. After the surgery, I was taken to where they keep babies born preemies.

I was there for a long while and during those times, my real mother managed to sneak in three times to 'do me in' or kill me in other words, thinking that the machines they put me on were life support systems. They caught her the third time.

There was a woman who specialized in taking care of babies such as me, so she and her husband, along with a few security guards, managed to get me out of the hospital safely but it wasn't any easy task. I was covered in tape and strapped onto pillow. It was the only way to get me out without my real mother seeing me.

I became the woman and her husband's new foster child right away not too long after that. They had a few more foster babies who were similar to me both preemie and drug born then they waited for a family to adopt me. A few families came and went but none of them wanted me or any of the other foster babies as they couldn’t or didn’t want to take care of drug born child. It’s not an easy task but still those babies and myself, needed good homes.

Finally, there was this one family that did want me. My foster parents thought they could be good, so the family was given a test run. I was about two years old I think when this happened.

The mother and her kids were good people but it was the father who had the problem. Sadly, drug babies still maintain the drugs in their system and they go through the withdrawals from the time of birth. It's not a pleasant experience. The drugs never leave. They stay in the body until death, which is a scary thought but if the child is strong, he/she can endure it. I have for many years. Even now I still suffer them. Back then though, with the wanna be adopted family, whenever I would cry due to the pain of the drugs, the father would stick me in a small dark room and leave me there until I stopped crying. He didn’t understand. In truth no normal human being can express or understand what drug born children, teens, even adults, go through.

I speak not only for myself but for all drug born babies of the world.

So, needless to say, when the would’ve been foster parents brought me back to my foster family, I ran to my foster mother and point back to wanna be adopted father, as if saying, 'Don't leave me with them...' My message must've gotten through 'cause I was never adopted by them.

After a while, I still remained with that family and then they decided that they wanted me. They were the only ones who could take care of a child like me. But there was a problem. The family was all white.

As for me, I am black. Half black and half white, as my real mother was white and my real father was probably black. My real mother couldn't remember what he looked like or what his name was.

Before the adoption could be taken care of, my foster mother and father asked my real mother for permission. She said yes, knowing they could take care of me.

The foster parents hired a social worker, a good one but he was called away to another assignment so they were given another one, a black lady. They found out that she was a racist, saying that they couldn't adopt me due to their being white and me being black and a few other ludicrous things. The foster parents had to take 300 hours of black parenting and join a black church, both of which they did. Joining the black church was the best thing. They welcomed me and my foster parents with open arms. We were members of the church for 17 years.

It took seven years for the adoption to be completed, so I was about seven years old when it was finalized. Crazy, that is true but it was worth it.

I am doing very well because of the adoption. My adopted parents don't foster babies like me anymore. They were middle aged when they wanted to keep me and my adopted mother suffered congestive heart failure which prevented her from caring for any more foster babies. As I grew older, I helped out with the babies. I took care of them as best I could, along with the help of my adopted parents’ last born son, who was 25 years older than me and also a miracle child. He was born healthy as could be but he was legally blind and half deaf but like me, he had beaten the odds. We had a close bond but he passed away at an early age. I miss him often but he’s in a better place. When I was old enough to understand my adopted mother told me about how I came to be with them. I was moved. When I’d hear her talk about me with other people, I learned everything and started to do the same when I felt like it. I do it often now. I figure that it’s important which is why I am sharing this now. I am doing well now but I still suffer from the drugs and the affects they have on the body. In other words the withdrawals, but I have learned to live with them and accept.

Even with the withdrawals, I am healthy aside from having Cerebral Palsy, but some of you would probably know what that is right? If not, that’s okay. Not many do. Whereas most people with Cerebral Palsy are either paralyzed completely, I am not. I can walk, talk and be normal as possible.

And I'm also Autistic, something no one ever thought I'd be. I don't look it nor do I act like it. It’s a scary ailment.

I was able to go to school and be normal a kid and teenager. I had plenty of friends, many of whom I identified with due to some shared backgrounds. I was happy to graduate alongside them.

I wasn't 'diagnosed' with Autism until my adopted mother saw the signs of it until after I turned 19. I've been autistic for a year. I can't get diagnosed because with it I don't look it. The doctors and specialists just brush me off, considering I’m pretty intelligent.

I also have a photographic memory, which means, I remember anything I read, see and hear and repeat it perfectly. One of my childhood dreams is to be a minister and hopefully, spread my story a little further. Not many drug babies would do that, but they should. Anyone who can overcome such sufferings, are gifts.

So any of you who say time and again that life is either not worth living or that it sucks, take a good look in the mirror, or at those who care about you that life is worth something and that it is not a waste by any means. Take it from me, a person who was not meant to live, yet miraculously survive, and be happy that you’re alive and well. Yes, it is true life is not fair but it is also a gift in many different ways.

Take time to read this.

I hope it helps those who do read it.

Thank you for your time and any replies you may give.

God bless!

~ Brown Wolf

Hey sweet heart ^.^

I think it's a marvelous idea that you decided to share your story with everyone. It really can help others you know, when they're down and out and think they have nothing to live for look around, be thankful for what you've got and know that there's always some one out there who has it tougher than you, and yet they still keep striving on. Brown, I don't know how you do it. You have a lot of things that you face every day, and yet you're still cheery, you still have this wonderful smile about almost all the time I've ever seen you and you find time to help others... I don't know that I could survive what you deal with each day, let alone with the kind of attitude you have. It's one of the things that has endeared you to me, the fact that you don't see any of those things as limitations. You don't try to make excuses about your condition to cover yourself, you do the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask... if you give it your absolute best then you will never fail in my eyes. I know your b-day is coming up, so HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY SWEETY! ^.^ (don't worry, I know I have a bad memory, but I won't forget that ^.~ ) Brown, you don't know how much you mean to me, and you don't know how much I'm looking forward to the tenth ^.^

Just along the same lines as my first comment, about appreciating what you've got, well, you know that I'm a Rocky fan heh heh so I thought I'd close with a few words of wisdom from the Italian Stallion...

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody!"

That's what you've done sweetheart, for twenty years, soon to be twenty one, that's what you've done. So... no matter how hard life throws it's punches... just keep gettin up and movin forward, one step at a time if necessary, but keep moving forward. Never give in and most importantly never give up. If all works out well... well as far as I'm concerned now and at this moment I'll always be there to catch you if you start to falter ^.^

Again, happy early b-day Sweetheart!

- Tony (RTW)

Just read the odd comment in that last post. xDD I did enough reading today, I was to tired to read the second post so.




And all I have got to say is "seriously" because to be honest, when I was reading that, I could actually see your past life (Well... With my own cool designs of the rooms, xDD) And I could actually see a man throwing/leaving you in a dark room (Or thoe my view was animated for some reason, watching to meany scarey animated films) But I feel sorry for you and I understand why... I'm not evan gonna go there but anyway, I do feel sorreh for you and I hope the future is alot better than your past.

Finally, something inspiring to read! Your story should be painted on every street corner of every town and city in the world. You show that a positive outlook on life will get you much further in life than feeling bitter or resentful. You should definately become a minister and spread the word. Heck, write down your feelings in a story or a poem, or something.

Yeh, you should definately work to be a minister of some sort. Things like this, although terrible for the person living them, should really make people grateful for what they have.
It does get on my nerves when people who have practically everything they need whine about bad their life is or how much it 'sucks to be them' all the friggin time.

Thankfully I have no illnesses but know what it's like to live on the hard side of life all the time.

Kudos for posting this Brown, not many are open about the hard times they've gone through, I know I'm not except with friends.

Yeah, I know she should be a minister. And I also agree with the part of people hiding it, to me she has been really brave.

I have to say, you've got guts to open up like this. If I'd been through this kind of trouble, I don't think I'd have the courage to open up about it.
May God's hand be on your life in all that you do.

Brown it was great of you in sharing this story. People have no idea how rough life is and how miserable people are. This will making people think twice about complaining how their life is. Glad to hear your alive and well and I hope you continue a happy life. best regards to you ^^

You've had quite the interesting and rough life. It's good to see that you've been able to overcome this and do something with your life.

I wish you good health and happiness for the rest of your life.

What a sad yet interesting story. Your lucky to be alive today. God bless you with a happy and healthy life. Anyway, Happy Birthday!

Very inspiring 8D Yeah, you made it this far, hell you could probably be President of the US if you wanted to, at this rate

If Brown did... I would move to the USA