Animation Source Forums

Authors note~ ok this is my first fan-fic that i have chosen to place on the website so please feel free to comment on it you know like offer any ideas that i should add to a sequal or any typos i should fix along with some crictasim because a story is as only as good as people think.
-----------------------------
Plot~ The year is 2525 change has happened to the world everything has seemed to have died all of mankind is gone. The only surviors are animals some are greatfull for the destruction of man but others began to relize what the world is when man has vanished leaving nothing but a barren planet filled with agony and regret. Familes begin to turn on one another saying " Man had no place here" or " Without man we are all going to die " wars have broken between the dogs of New York but what or who is to blame for this great loss no one really knows why this has happened are humans still around? Is there any chance that they can be found? Underneath all of this hate is there love? All that can be said is " When death come Love is left behind"
-----------------------------
Characters~
Ally- is an all white husky who seems to always be in the wrong place at the wrong time you can never trust her with a secret or anything that you would never want anyone to know. Ally is also not the smartest dog in the town but you can always expect at least one good idea to pop out of her. Ally is also the daughter of Buck so she really can't hang out with people that much do to what is going on around the town.

Buck~ Ally's father who is always doing somthing walking around or even if it is just plain talking to someone he does not know. Buck is an black and whitte huskcy with red eyes who married alexis but ashley was one of the dogs who seemed to have gone missing or did she just leave Buck for someone else? Buck know's what happened to her but he won't say.

Dj~ Dj is the dog who everyone just loves to be around. Dj's Mother and father have been divorced for over 2 years now but mabry that what happens when you try and marry to girls at once but anyway dj is the differnt one in the town he is always around someone much like Buck but the only thing about it is people like to be around Dj rather than be around buck. it might be just be the fact that he is a golden retriver but who knows?

Brandon~ Brandon is the one dog who will never talk much like Nero you can say whatever you want about him but he won't do anything about it Brandon is a Black Golden Retriver who is always in some quiet area either just laying down but he mostly is sleeping but pay attetion to his actions around certian people and ypou might learn something that you never would have thought about.

Nero~ Nero is just like Brandon they are releated due to how Brandons father meet Nero's mother on a internet chat room but anyway Nero is an Brown and white Husky who is never around when he should be at times you can find him lying down on the ground thinking deeply about things in life but most of the time he is probley sitting under a tree just day dreaming.

Jhon~ Jhon is tone of the smartest dogs around he loves to be playing around but if there is aything that he thinks could not have happened but has happened he will think of every possiable and logical way for whatever had happened and why and had happened. Jhon is One of the crowd he will always be in the middle of everything even if it has nothing to do with him.

Shelby~ Jhons older sister she can be found where ever you think she would be in an ally or maby laying down in the snow but she is just as smart as jhon but shelby hates to be around people but preffers to be alone ayway from the nosie and out of the way.

Chance~ Is the strict bossy one who can kill a modd just by saying whats on hsi mind .and always feels as if he is never needed but really always is needed even if it is for hunting being a dalmation is another thing about Chance you can really never know when he is up to somthing due to how he never will do somthing unless told to let alone smile.
----------------------------
Authors note~ There are more charcters than this but these are all who are going to start out in the begining of the story. I will post them with a star next to there name if they are new characters.

The sky was a dark grey not as bright as it was before the ground felt as if it could fall from right under you as you took a step fear would grip those who where a large size for a dog being afriad that the earth was going to sawllow you whole for some evil deecd you have done fear was around every corner. Dogs would be fighting for food even if it was out of a trash can Dj was in one of those fights causing his to gain a large scratch on his left leg leaving him limp for a few days looking around Dj saw that Ally or any of his friends where around " What am i to do?" he mutterd out of his mouth as he took a step foward pausing to slowly lift his left leg up and then to gently place it back down on the hard dead leaves that had fallen off a tree and been blown into the park. " Things can not get any worse" said Dj as he began walking at a faster pace his left leg slowly following. A few mintues of limping and walking had gone bye and Dj had found a tree laying down under it he let out a sigh wishing that he could do more than just walk around look for food and sleep " Humans made everything more fun harder but more fun and at least if i had a onwer i could have my leg fixed proplery" before he began to close his eyes letting out another sigh and began to think of his old life as a pet for a rich family the way they had treated him giving him food any thime he looked as if he was hungry wich was almost all of the time but those days where gone his whole life had been smashed when he awoke to find that no one was in the house on that dreadful day he found out that all of man had either died or just left.

Meanwhile...

Ally was up and running around her father was always behind her making sure she would not get into anyhting that he thought was dangerous " Dad i can take care of myself you know that right?" was all ally said while she kept walking only to see her father was right next to her when he replied " I know but i just want to make sure you are safe thats all.." pausing to think of what he was going to say next Buck Knew that Ally would get upset if he said the wrong thing or even came up with the wrong kind of excuse trying to change the subject he said " Why not we go look for Dj or one of those quiet kids who never seem to talk to anyone?" Ally was upset she hated to be near anyone who would never talk it just seemed to make her think she was hated but she knew Dj would talk to her about nothing other than his old family or the humans and how they just seemed to dissaper She knew her father was not going to leave her alone untill he felt that sher was mature enough to go out on her on even if she was old enough to have a mate. Letting out a sigh she said "Fine lets go see if we can go find Dj" before breakin gout into a jog towards the old park where you could always find him. " Should have known that she was going to choose Dj rather then one of those quiet dogs." was all buck could asy at the time while he was running to go catch up to Ally who was now at the park shouting " Dj..Dj Where are you" pausing every few seconds to wait for somthing to be said finaly after a couple of mintues Dj replied shouting " I'm over here by the tree". Ally had broken out into another run her tail flying in the wind as she began to tun towards the big brown tree that had no leaves on its branches it was dead there had been no rain for almost a 5 days now every dog had gone over 6 miles just for a drink of watetr at the lake witch was the border to another city.

Dj had looked up as he saw the small whitte dog running towards him smiling Dj said " Hi Ally where's you father?" shocked to see he was not with her " Oh he will be here in a couple of mintues don't worry" with a misgevous smile almost as if she did somthing Ally asked " SO what are you up to?" with a smile before looking out to see that her father was walking over it was obvious he was out of breath."


So what do you think so far?

really thanks

Since i am still on i might as well post some more
------------------------------------

Dj smiled as he looked over to see Ally's father walking over to them panting and gasping for air his toung was out all Dj could say was " Your father really has to get out more" with a small chuckle before hearing Chance come running by stopping right in front of them saying " Hey whats up guys?" after a few mintues Dj answerd " Nothing much to be honest you?" Chance had nothing to do but sit down and anser the question opening his mouth the small black and white dalmation said " Nothing much i'm hungrey but other than that i am good" stoping to look over to Buck who was now near them still panting saying " i am not as young as i once was" before collapsing right under the tree wich gave very little shade from the frey sun that was still throwing down heat onto the barren planet. " Things are really getting weird man" was all that chance could say at the time Ally looked over to Dj who had nothing to say " another moment killed by chance" was all Dj said before he looked out to a house that had no windows there was screaming but all they could do was sit and listen in fear for in every corner there was a scream of pain ending with a drob of blood from someone " Its a fight" was what buck said he knew because there was no scream of fear or pain or anything that you would here in a fight or without life

Topic locked on creator's request.

And since I was also asked to read and comment on this fiction, here goes.

First of all, there's an interesting plot you have there. The whole 'mankind has died out in 2525'-concept could really be built upon. Since this is very early in the story, I can't comment much of it (I do hope you write more, though), but I'll try as good as I can.
The dog vs dog war in New York could prove to be rather interesting, although the idea itself has been played with many times by other authors, but I'd like to see what you do with it.

However, I find the story progressing too fast here. DJ had - apparently - just come out of a fight with an injured leg. He misses the humans since they could fix his leg properly. He closed his eyes to begin thinking of his past life, where his owners had been rich and they treated him good. Then he awoke one morning finding they were not there anymore. Then all of a sudden Ally shows up from seemingly nowhere - from DJ's perspective naturally. Why she sought him out is explained in the paragraph before the last one, however I'm still confused. How do they know each others? What happened when they met?

You don't have to explain that, but those are my questions.

Another fishy fact is that Ally's father disappeared mysteriously, without any notice in the text, except from post-event "Oh, he will be here in a couple of minutes (...)"


Anyway, you need to work a bit on your spelling and grammar; the story completely lacks commas, and there are a lot of typo's here - too many for me to pop in this post without making it so long it would be silly. When a character says something and you'd like to add something she or he said after his/her first phrase, you should try this:
"I wonder if he still likes me..." Abby said, sighing. "I have not seen him for years. What if he doesn't remember me?"
Another protip I'd like to give to you is that you don't have to use "he said" after every time that character said something. A good way to make the story sound good would be to drop the "he said" some places and rather establish a rythm.

Example:

"John, why did you do that to me?" Areelia said, looking at him angrily.
"I did it because I wanted to!" John replied, smirking.
"But, why did you want to do things like this?"
"I simply find it fun to mess with your mind, Areelia. You should know that by no-"
"It's NOT fun!"
Areelia lowered her head into her palms and began sobbing.
"It's not fun, John... you really scared me."

:elpmaxE ("Example" spelled backwards ^^).

Here I establish a rythm of which the characters speak, ridding myself of the need to indicate which character says what. If you are going to have another character interrupt two in a conversation, you can always do so.
Example:
"Hey man, that was a really nasty thing you did to Areelia there!" a voice suddenly shouted from behind the bushes.
John turned his head toward the voice.
"Oh really?"

It makes the story much more comfortable to read and it will seem more professional.


Regardless, I do hope you finish the story at some point, proofread it and follow some of my advice =) Hope I've been of any help, as I think the story could be even more interesting as it is now.