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Should I continue?
Yes 100%  100%  [ 4 ]
No 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Mabey 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
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 Post subject: Blade's of Brothers
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 10:06 am 
Famous one
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Location: In my mind where I can truly be me ^^.......with Emuku of course xD!



Ok im writing a book but i dont know if i should continue writing it. Im going to post the Prologue ( before the main part of the book begins ) and the book info that you read on eather the back or on the inside. Then please rate my book sofar and tell me if i should keep writing it. And be truthful dont lie or anything i want your real opinon. Oh and im not that good of a speller so bear with me on that matter. If i do finesh my book then i'll edit all the words so they are spelled corectly.


Prologue

The moon had reached the peack of the sky as midnight struke. Under the moon on this cold windless night in the Forest of Begining, five travelers in cloacks of beautiful grace had stopped by a hollow suronded by tree's that praticaly tuched the moon itself. " Each one of us must hide our blade's in this hollow." said a man in a coal-black cloack alined with silver. At that all of the others and the man who spoke took off their cloacks and the blades from their sides. The cloaks where laid out and folded around a slealthed sword. Each cloak had a magificent color to it, there was the coal-black alined with silver, a golden one alined with an icey-blue, snake-skin green alined with a lighter shade of green, a rose-red alined with a blood-red green mix, and finaly a foggey grey alined with a darker shade of grey. A lightly built man with strait dark brown hair holding the golden and icey-blue bundle growled. " Why brother? Why! These swords belong to us !They choose us!" his voice softened before continuing with all eyes glued on him. " 5 years....we have had these blades for 5 years and yet you want us to hide them for who knows how long?" He hold the bundle with his blade evan closer to his chest. Now a heaver built man with the same color of hair only a little bit longerwalked up and put down the coal-black and silver bundle to put his hand on the young mans shoulder. " Robin...brother our blades need to be passed down too younger stronger-" Robin for that was the young mans name cut him off. " Lets just hide the blades." he mutterd. Robin was the lasat to hide his blade. He knelt down on knee and forced all of his power into the only exposed part of the sword. " If I can not weld you no one can" he growled silently. " I curse this blade and the wreched soul who next weilds you cursed blade, may you curup the heart and soul of the next sword berier that carries you and may you die along with that pathedict man!". And with that Robin stood his hair covering his eyes with his head down. His comrades thought he was hiding a tear but his eyes burned with an icey-fire for now his own soul was made of pure evil for the cruel thing he had done.



The books info

Zala was a normal farm girl when she and her brother Garrus went hunting deep in the Forest of Begining. But when she finds a sword rapped in a cloack of coal-black alind with silver and her brother finds a sword rapped in a golden cloak alind with an icey-blue her hole life changes. Now her brother Garrus is an evil Lord of Darkness casting terror over the land. Zala along with the protector of the sword she now carries must find the other three sword berier's so she can break the curse that toke her brother away from her and to stop the rain of terror he is now casting. Can she do it? Or will Zala's brother be lost forever and his rain terror never end?



And thats it so far besides the first chapter i have fineshed. Now remember to rate it at tell me if i should keep wrighting it!

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 Post subject: Re: Blade's of Brothers
PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:30 am 
Famous one
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Location: In my mind where I can truly be me ^^.......with Emuku of course xD!
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 Post subject: Re: Blade's of Brothers
PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:39 am 
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I think you should definatly continue. It's great!


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 Post subject: Re: Blade's of Brothers
PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 2:31 pm 
Famous one
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I think it's a very original idea, and that you should continue. However, I suggest:

-Try and use paragraphs when someone speaks, the mood changes or for when someone's point of view changes. It just makes it easier to read.

- I love the descriptions in the passage, but unless they are going to feature largely in the book, I wouldn't bother describing certain characters in too much detail. If they do play a huge part, try spreading it out a little, so it develops naturally.

Otherwise, I really like your story and hope to see more. :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Blade's of Brothers
PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:08 pm 
Famous one
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Location: In my mind where I can truly be me ^^.......with Emuku of course xD!



thanks G'Reths Wish and Canis Lupus. I will use your sugestions and they are welcomed greatly because im only a beginer ^^

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