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Hey! This is Shadow in the Storm, duh xD, but anywho I wanted to post something really random a friend of mine and I wrote a few years go. I know I've posted it before but it still is amazing and I'm sure its gone by now. Enjoy! < 33
“Good afternoon my fellow classmates, no today we are going to talk about this toaster I have in my hands, ok yeah we are. He is the Great Toaster. See? SEE? He has spectacles, magical ones too! And I am the Toaster Overlord. Now, do you have any questions?”
“Ok, um first of all,” said my teacher, who is a mortal, “This has nothing to do with World War 2, and that was your assigned topic. And secondly, what the heck is the Great Toaster Draken?”
“What kind of question is that? He is addressed as the Great Toaster, and he is overlord of all toasters and bagels!”
“That’s very interesting, Draken. But-“
“NO!”
“What?”
“I said NOO! When you address me, you address the Toaster Overlord! Now bow down to him! Bow down I say!”
“Um, I’ll think I’ll pass on that-“
“NOOOOOOOO! You must bow! Bow to him!!!!”
“Draken, dude, as only sane one in our group I have to say you might want to get a grip before…well remember what happened last time when you tried to convince Mrs. Zink that the Great Toaster was the one that founded out country, and when you told Mr. Gast that The Toaster was the 7th element, and then the time when you told our ELA teacher that The Great Toaster was the one that wrote all great literature?” Rydell said looking at Draken from his note book where he had been trying to take notes, though it was hard on a topic that was so dumb that it did not exist.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN! DO YOU THINK I’M AN IDIOT?????? DON’T HOLD BACK!”
“Draken, people are staring at you...”
“I DON’T CARE! I WILL NEVER BACK DOWN! I WILL STAND STRONG FOR MY CAUSE!”
The teacher cleared her throat. “Draken, it would be nice if you got off those papers, and off my desk for that matter.” She glared at the toaster that he was waving in her face.
“FEEL THE POWER! And!” he said plugging it into the wall, “if you stick a fork in it you get a prize!” He smiled innocently.
The teacher stared at him calmly. “Yes, and if you stick a paperclip in a wall outlet, you’ll get a prize, too.”
“Oh, I already fell for that one,” Draken said with a twisted grin, “Yesterday in history class I told Mrs. Zink to go jump in a lake because she wouldn’t put the Great Toaster down in the history books! She told me to go stick a paperclip in the outlet, and I did, and I was holding this toaster, so ever since that day it’s been dying! She KILLED it! You will not do the same, evil lady! I know all your tricks!” Suddenly he felt a prick in his arm and he fell off the desk and head first into the trashcan.
Rydell threw his hands into the air. “THANK GOD!!!!! Wait, did you kill him? I’m in his will…and ya know what the dumbo left me? That freaking toaster! I mean I understand that after his mouse Buba died that he replaced him with that dumb toaster obsession, but gosh, as his beat friend I expected something more, like his house or something...”
“Well really I don’t care. So take that moron to the nurse or something.” The teacher said holding the smoking tranquilizer gun aloft in the air, her eyes a strange shade of red.
Rydell backed away slowly, dragging the trashcan behind him.
“Get him out of my sight or I’ll blast you, too!” The teacher aimed the gun at Rydell.
Rydell dropped the trashcan and ran for his life, then came back and got the trashcan and dragged it down the hallway, still running for his life, but maybe a little slower.
The nurse looked up from her desk as Rydell came in, looking like he had just run like 6000 miles. (Yes, he’s out of shape, but don’t make fun of him. That’s for latter. Shush, it’s a secret, but I know and you do too. ^^) “ARE YOU OK?!?!” (Note: the nurse is Alexander Willem Soduk the fifth’s mom)
Rydell fell down and mumbled something that only the floor tiles could hear.
“WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?”
He nodded to the trash can.
“You need the trash can?”
“No, it’s the guy in the trash can that needs your help, and believe me he needs it really bad…in more ways then one.”
The nurse got up slowly and looked into the trashcan. She saw many things there: a banana peel, some rotting and moldy lunches, graded papers, report cards, and right at the bottom was…a head. She looked up at Rydell. “What did you do to him?”
“Believe me, he brought it upon himself,” Rydell said.
The nurse bravely fished Draken out of the trash and threw him onto the cot. He was still clutching a toaster to him, and could be heard faintly mumbling, “Toasters rule all, toasters rule all…Don’t worry, Great Toaster, I’ll find your spectacles!”
The nurse, again, looked at Rydell. “Is he your friend?”
Rydell thought about it. “Uh…no. I’ve never seen him before in my life.”
“Then, how did you find him in a trashcan?” the nurse asked, “Or do you normally go snooping through trashcans?”
“No, that’s not how it happened!” he protested, “The teacher shot him with a tranquilizer gun when he started talking about the Great Toaster, and he fell into the trashcan! And then the teacher said she would shoot me if I didn’t get him out of there! So I did…in the trashcan! And now I’m here! And I know you’re staring at me kind of funny, but it’s all true! I swear! Could you…fix his head? Please? You’re a nurse, right? So…make him normal! PLEASE!!!!!!!”
“Ok, ok. I’ll do my best, but it may be painful and it may kill him, sometimes they don’t become the same ever again. Are you ready to make that kind of decision?”
Rydell nodded. “Yep, you never had to fight evil with him. Boy that muffin man was a real bad one. I’m the Unicorn of doom fear me!”
“Ok then, just steep outside.”
Rydell ran outside and shut the door. He waited for what seemed like minutes but was really and hour.
The door opened and…
“Hello, Rydell Alfalfa.”
Rydell stared at Draken. “Draken?”
“Don’t call me that, please. I prefer Drake. It’s more…normal.”
Rydell’s eyes popped out of their sockets (well, not really. Jeez, get a grip on yourself). “You were never meant to be completely normal! Where’s your toaster?”
“It has returned to my neighbor’s house. It was a gift that I took without asking.”
“So it was stolen?”
“If you must put it so bluntly, yes I stole it.”
“Shame on you.”
“I know. But now I have put my past behind me, and I have seen the light. No more toasters for me. I am no longer the Toaster Overlord. You are no longer a Toaster Knight. The Great Toaster is now a useful kitchen appliance. The Toaster Reign is over…and you are no longer my friend.”
“WHAT???” Rydell exclaimed.
“Thank you for helping me see the light, but you are no more. It may seem harsh now, but I guarantee in the morning it will feel much worse. Goodbye, person-I’ve-never-seen-before.” Draken began to walk away.
Rydell’s face became a very dark shade of strawberry red. Or raspberry, whichever fruit you prefer. “Well, that’s a positive thought for today! I’ll feel much worse?? I just helped you see the light! And now you’re forcing me into the shadows, to become nothing more than a shadow among shadows, to be lost forever in the darkness, to go over to the Dark Side-” he stepped over to the dark side of the hallway.
“Well son, I have a few words for ya,” said a passing janitor. “It makes more sense to only light half the school if you want to buy better stuff for the teacher’s lounge. And never eat soggy waffles remember that son.”
“WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME SON! I’M NOT YOUR SON, NOW ARE YOU MY FATHER!”
“No, I’m your mom,” the janitor said with a straight face.
“What in the name of glue sticks?!?!”
“I kid, I kid, and I kill.” He ran off down the hallway. “MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!”
Around the corner charged Red, a.k.a. Anduhkman Yawahtah, and Alex, a.k.a. Alexander William Soduk the 5th.
“No, Red!” Alex yelled, “Don’t do it!”
“But I gotta try!” Red cried.
“You can’t hurdle the principal’s desk, you just can’t!”
Rydell watched them go by with his mouth gaping open. He wondered how many insane people there were in the world, and was saddened by the fact that there was one less, since Draken was now normal. Too normal for Rydell, it seemed.
Red skidded to a stop in front of Rydell, “Hello you look like you need a hug!” He lunged for him but Alex shoved him out of the way. “Don’t do that! If you hug him he might go poof into some animal!”
“I LOVE ANIMALS!” Red grabbed Rydell in a hug and low and beholds Rydell poofed into a unicorn. “CHARLIE!!” Red shouted, “Take me to Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain, Charlie!”
“Call me Charlie one more time and I’ll bite your head off,” Rydell mumbled grumpily. “Besides my creator just made me get my butt kicked by the evil snagle muffin, I’m not in the mood orange headed kid with the odd accent.” (really Red has no accent but it sounded good ^^)
Draken plodded back down the hallway. “I just realized that I have no friends besides you, Rydell,” he said, seeming not to notice Rydell’s rather obvious transformation, “So you can be my friend. C’mere!” He hugged Rydell, and Draken instantly poofed into a dragon.
The moral of our story is folks:
a. Normal people might exist but not in this tale of greatness!
b. Janitors such as this might lurk in the corners of your own school....*shifty eyes*
c. Never eat soggy waffles
d. If you have an odd love for toasters, DON'T HOLD BACK! IT'S a good thing!!
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And I am proud to be one of the authors. 