Personally, too much happens at one time in the latest part. It's hard to keep up, and the momentums just aren't... there.
In other words; the scene changed too quickly to the hunter shooting, and Rudy falling dead over, so the story couldn't build up a momentum.
I'll give you an example of you you could've done it to build up a momentum before releasing it:
The crowd gathered closer as Jenna and Balto reunited together. *BAM!* Out of nowhere there was a gunshot and a yelp. Everyone started panicking and running about. Nobody had noticed the hunter that had been watching them. Balto and Jenna were trying to find Rudy in the frenzy. They found him still on the ground.Now this, could, for example, be turned into this;
The crowd gathered closer as Jenna and Balto were reunited together. However, all was not well. In the nearby, they were being carefully watched and studied by a strange figure. A human, indeed, one with no good intentions. Slowly, he loaded the gun he was carrying, and took aim. Taking his time while the wolves were gathered, he carefully picked his target. Then the hunter fired, the sound of a gunshot piercing the air.
The pack scattered in fear and panic half a second after, and Jenna, trying to find Rudy in all the chaos, panicked and nearly stepped over him. He was still lying on the ground, not moving at all.Do you see my point?
This version builds up a small momentum, and then releases it just before the hunter fires.
I'm not saying you must do it that was, but it's a mere suggestion on how you can improve, lengthen and create a more professional story.
I'm still enjoying it, however. It's a very nice read, and I'm looking forward to the next part. You've got talent. Much of it.
