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 Post subject: kingdom wolves 2 teaser
PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 8:21 am 
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Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2006 11:05 pm
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Location: La Junta Colorado
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With the darkness now surrounding the town of Nome, their was no source of sunlight except for the light that came from the windows of the homes and business buildings.

The townspeople looked around at their town that was now shrouded in darkness, even the dogs looked around at their dark home.

From what Balto saw was an errie black and violet aura, but it looked liked water waves mixed with shadows.

"How did I let this happen!" Balto shouted in his mind angrily.

"Balto are you okay. You look really angry," said Jenna.

"I am just upset because this happened, I am supposed to be the guardian of the doorway and I failed."

"You didn't fail Dad, you did your best, said Kodi.

"It doesn't seem like it."

The Heartless were starting to slowly move toward the crowd of people that were being protected by Sora and Balto.

Balto decided to let his anger subside and he was ready to fight.

The Heartless started to charge the crowd but Balto and Sora fired a Thundaga magic attack at the Heartless, but with the dark aura around the town, the Heartless blended in with the surrounding and could not be seen that well.

Balto swung his wolf blade at the Heartless but since they blended in with the surrounding area, he almost struck Sora and Jenna with his blade.

"I am sorry guys. I didn't mean to almost hit you," Balto said sounding guilty.

"Balto don't worry about it," said Sora.

Suddenly Xemnas appeared and looked at the battle and saw that Sora and his friends were not doing so well since the Heartless could no be seen well.

Balto looked and saw Xemnas and fired his howling blaster at him but Xemnas deflected it and shot it back at Balto and he dodged it just in time.

Xemnas looked at the Heartless and waved his hand for the Heartless to move out of the way.

When they moved they noticed that Xemnas was raising his arm and having his hand face the crowd and he began chantting a magic attack.

I hope you are ready for this sequal.

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I am just a new person that was interested with Balto and the fanfics that I read


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 Post subject: Re: kingdom wolves 2 teaser
PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 12:06 pm 
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Nice 9/10

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Squrrels and fire don't mix. But feel free to do so.


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 Post subject: Re: kingdom wolves 2 teaser
PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 3:41 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 4:37 am
Posts: 1624
Location: Norway
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Must say I don't quite enjoy Kingdom Hearts/Balto-hybrid fanfics.
You have a nice beginning, but... it flattens out, and starts to sink in quality after about halfways through.
Your dialouges are pretty nice, your grammar needs a little work, and your spelling is good.
And then, there's the dreadful descriptions. I see nearly none. For instance; what does Balto's blade look like? Is Sora any different from the game? How does the area around them look like now? Is Jenna different as well? Is it winter?

All-in-all, decent, but has room for much improvement.

5/10


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