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A really sweet start, all the character interaction has this really endearing fuzzy quality that you capture very well, fantastic job there.

The only critique I would make for future parts is regarding the flicking back and forth between script style dialogue (ie. Kirby: "Hey, you're a few minutes late there Kodi..") and standard literary dialogue (ie. Kodi "Yeah I know, I just wanted to see mom and dad that is all."), it makes the writing seem a little uneven and it's something you might want to bear in mind. Be assured however that it in no way undermines the flow of the story

So I really enjoyed it, very nice work and I'll look forward to new parts in the future. Really well done.

I must be real honest here now. The story has a really good "feel" to it, and with a little work, it can become a great one. You have captured the feelings one might have when speaking to one you like, and you will probably make the story into one of the nicest ones I've read so far... However, you have a really confusing setting on your dialouges, and it gives me a headache. There could have been better usage of punctuation and spaces, but that's no biggie.

Overall, it was a good story, but a little confusing. I give it a 7/10.

Looking forward to read more from you.

- Wolflux


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