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Balto, Jenna, and Steel discover a deadly viris in the town of Racoon City(50 miles away from Nome) that can put Alaska in great danger. Before thay can save Nome they have to survive the evil that lurks in the shadows.

This is going to be a hard fanfic to write because of the limited blood and violence ruel. So I'll try to make it a kid friendly story.

Lol! Go on!

ps.
Write also an uncut version and send it to all RE fans

Not all fanfics are for children, you can restrict, you're not forcing them to read, are you? Enough of it, let me read yours, I'd love to.

If you just cut out any 'birds&bees' stuff, I think it allready ranks as pretty child-friendly, I mean... it would have to be pretty gross to be rejected if the story you write around it is of high quality.
But if it's just two lines of fanfic purely because of shock-value, don't even bother.

I should write Chapter 1 of this fanfic for you can tell me to stop or to contiune. Let's see...

Chapter1 The plane crash

I can't bleave we're running threw the forrest after hearing about these attacks from dog packs in Racoon City and the forrest outside it. Thats were we are. I stop for a second or two then Jenna said, Balto. Look over there. I run to the cliff were standing on and saw a white cloud of smoke appering form the plains across the forrest. I immediatly jump off the eage and slid down the side of the cliff onto the ground. Jenna on the ether hand triped on a rock and fell into the bushes below the cliff. I immediatly run tord the bush Jenna fell in and asked, are you all right? Jenna sumbles out of the bush and replied, Im ok. Lets get going. I help her up and started running to the plains. The smoke grew when we entered into the plains.It was hard to see for a minite until we got to the plane crash. "This is Duke's plane", I said when i got close to the plane and saw a bag of mail on the ground. Where's Duke?, Jenna asked. I don't know, I replied. But we have to find him. So Jenna went one way when I went the ether. When looking for Duke I see a black figuer in the smoke. It came toawrd me so I backed up a bit. And when the figuer was clear, it was Steel. I sigh in ruelf. What are you doing around here wolfdog?, he asked. Before I chould say anything Jenna yells, Balto! I fond something! Steel and I ran torwed Jenna and saw her standing next to a rock. I walked over to the rock and see something sticking out of the grass. Steel pushs me aside and bites on the objeat. He pulls it up and a gun was sticking out. Steel contiunes to pull. And then there, holding on the gun, was a detached human arm. steel drops the gun and screams louder than a plane. Than a growling nosie apperes. Then a Dark figuer was in the cloud of smoke. The dark figuer in the smoke clears and a nightmareish dog apperes a cupel feet away from me. It snaps its jaws closed and begins to charge at me. Before the dog can attack me, Kodi rams into the dog, smacking it onto the ground. Then he immediatly saids, Father! Mother! run to that house! We then ran as fast as we can to the house. The dog then gets back up runs at a unormes speed tord us. Before it can cech up to us, Kodi jumps up grabs and turned the knob and opened the door. We ran into the house and Kodi slamed the door shut. The dog then runs into the door, ranoff a bit, and then totall silents.

*sigh* Please, please, proofread your stuff before you stick it on here. I mean, a couple mistakes or typos are fine, but you only have a paragraph and it's full of spelling errors and there are no quotation marks! Come on, your story derserves better than that: you owe it to yourself to spellcheck your work before you slapdash it on here.


Content-wise, I'd like a little more explaination as to what's going on. I don't know what going on from one moment to the next. What are these attacks? Who are they on? Why do Balto and Jenna care? These are just some of the questions you might like to address in the beginning here, to grab us into the story. It needs that hook. Also, I didn't realize until about half-way through that Balto was the narrator. It sounds like an interesting plot, although there are minor kinks to be worked out. See if you can't polish it up a bit, I'll be waiting!

You're right HrryNrmn. That was poor effort that I did. I will rewrite this and put more detail into it. And how the Adventure begins. I gess I got ahead of myself when I wrote this fanfic. And I'll proofread before I post.

<lol>, keep writing
(but just remember that distinguishing dialogue-parts with quotation marks or dashes will significantly improve overall readability of text)

Ps.
This is very first kid-friendly story with detached limbs that I read.

Ok Taka_PL. I'll contiune on. But frist I got to rewrite this Chapter.

ChapterI The Beginning

After the mailrun between the Duke's plane and Kodi's dog-sled team back in 1928, Racoon City (west from Nome) became a well known city of scientific arts in the western region of Alaska. This was ok before Kodi's human retierd from the U.S. mail and moved to Racoon City. Now Kodi tells me about his human begins to work on a projet of some sort in Racoon City's forest. "A projet that can change the Citys way of research." He saids to me. This was insisting at frist than the fril of it began to slow down a few days later.
Three weeks passed by senice the projet began and I'm starting to think, "What is this projet? And what is it for?" But I knew that these questions will be answered in time. Than one day, siting on the deck of my boat looking out into the ocean until Jenna ran up to the boat and yelled, "Balto! Balto!" I then run down the deck and jumped off the boat onto the ground. "What is it?", I ask. Jenna replies, "It's Kodi's human. He died from a attack well working on the projet." "How do you know this?" I ask. Then She said, "I saw it in the newspaper that Rosie had." I look west from were I was than back at Jenna than I asked, "Did the paper say anything about were he is?" She shook her head no. "I gess we better look for him," I say to her. But she than asks, "Were are we going to find him?" I reply, "His humans house." I start running west to Racoon forest with Jenna behind me.
We ran day to night till we got to Racoon forest. Through the dead leaves and trees till we got to a cliff to stop for a moment. I lied down next to an oak for a minite or two, until Jenna said, "Look Balto." I got up and walked to Jenna and immediatly see what she saw. A big white cloud of smoke coming from the forest.

ChapterII The Crash

After seeing this I jumped down the cliff and into the bushes bellow. Jenna on the ether hand, triped over a rock and rolled down the cliff and into the bushes. I immediatly jump out of the bushes and run to the bush Jenna was in. "are you all right?" I asked. She replys, "I'm ok. Lets keep going." I helped her out of the bush and we ran into the forest. Through the trees, weeds, and dead leaves we come to the smoke and enter to find the cause of the smoke.
We walked left and right not knowing were we're going till we came across a crashed plane with the words Balto and flyer across the sides. "This is Duke's plane." I say to Jenna. I jump on one of the wings and look Inside the plane. Nothing but a trail of blood from the seat to the outside. "I think he's still alive." I say with a lot of hope. "We have to find him." Jenna shook her head and went one way while I went the ether. I looked through the tall grass high and low but no luck. Then I came across a black figure in the smoke. It came tord me so I back away. And before I knew it, Steel appears from smoke. I sigh In relief."What are you doing around here wlofdog?" Steel asks in a angry way. Before I could answer, Jenna yells, "Balto! Come here!" Me and Steel ran toured Jenna and stoped and saw a metal thing ponting out of the grass.
I reach for it, but Steel knocked me over and grabed it. I was mad there for a second until he pulled it up. It was a gun and he cuntiued to pull. And there, holding on to the gun, was a hand of a human. Steel drops the gun and screams louder than a plane. Than almost instently a devilish growl appears and a black figure shows in our sight. "Kodi?" Jenna asks. But when the figure came into clear sight, it was a dog that looked liked it came out of are worst nightmare. It was missing a large amount of lims and bleeding almost everywhere around its body. It looks at use and the growls got even lougher. "is it going to kill us?" Steel asks. "1% no, 99% yes." Jenna answers. Then the dog charges at us at super speeds and attacks. But before the dog can complete it's attack, Kodi runs out of the smoke and rams into the dog, knocking it to the ground. "Mother! Father! Run to that house!" Kodi saids immediatly. We see a house in the distenst. We start to run as fast as we can. Then the dog gets up and runs faster than any of us. We approch the house and Kodi jumps and terns the knob. Dog bigens to pick up speed. Faster and Faster it gose. Kodi now opens the door then we run in. The jumps and Kodi slams the door.
The dog hits the door a lagre thump and begins to run away a bit, then toal silense.

Is that good HrryNrmn?

Yes, this is better. I'm interested to see where you're going with this now.

You still have more spelling and typo errors than I like to see, although it is much improved over last time. I also enjoy your use of proper quotation marks; it makes it much easier to figure out who is talking when. Just for your own reference, "raccoon" is spelled with two 'c's and Steele's name has an 'e' on the end of it.

Content-wise: I don't see anything here that is excessively violent, although amputated limbs are certainly a scary prospect. Your use of Balto as a first-person narrator is certainly unique; I don't believe I've seen anything like that before. It's almost somewhat disconcerting at first, until you get used to it. It's still a bit short, but adding details is something to do during the first re-write sometime in the future. I'd say, what's important now is to get your ideas down on paper (or on screen, if you prefer) and we'll work on the rest later.


I hope you don't mind my advice; if it throws you off, just say so and I'll be happy to shut up. I've sort of become something of a writing coach for you on my last two posts, and if that is bothersome go right ahead and tell me to stop. However, I've found that input on stories and fiction helps me to identify areas I need to work on. I think you have a very good story idea going here and I'd love to see it be all that it can be.

Happy writings, and I hope to see more soon.

thanks fo the reply HrryNrmn. It means a lot to me. And I dont care if you send advice to my fanfic. It really helps me for when I write the real thing. So thanks HrryNrmn. Your the beast.

ChapterIII Enter The Horror

After all was still and silent, I looked up at the stairs in front of me then looked left and right. The left side had a white door and a typewriter on a small old tabel. The Right side had two doors, one brown and the ether one light blue. I then realises I was standing on a beautiful red rug that goes up the stairs to the 2nd floor. Then Jenna asks, "What just happen Kodi?" Kodi replys, "Its a really long story mother." Then a gun shot fires. "What was that?" Jenna asks. "I'll go check." I say. "I'll come too." Kodi saids immediatly. I reply, "NO! You stay here with your mother and Steele. I then run to the white door on the left side of the room. before I open the door, Jenna says, "Balto. Take care." I shook my head and open the door.
When I looked inside It was a dinning room with a large tabel in the center of the room, pictures on every wall, a grandfather clock and a door on the right side of the room, a blue vase on a small Greek piller, and a emblem on the far end of the room. I walked toured the far end of the room, looking at the old pictures on the way. One picture had a cow pulling a cart on the farmlands. And a nether one with a human standing on a rock with a large gun and a hound dog next to him. The eathers wear ok, but not all insisting. I stoped when I steped in something wet. I looked down and saw red blood on the floor. I then immediatly jump out of the blood and start rubing the blood on my paws on the floor. "Who's blood is this from." I asked myself. I then looked at the blood and see a trail going under the door next to grndfather clock. I then open the door leading to a hallway. I look right and saw three doors, a big and blue one at the end of the hall, a red door next to the blue door, and a nether blue door a little ways from the red one. I then looked left and saw the blood trail going around a corner. I followed the trail leading the corner and I saw something just as bad as the Dog outside. But it wasn't a dog at all, but a human feasting on a nether human. This made me have to throwup. I backed up on the blood trail and made a little splash that grabs the humans etenchen than stops eating and looks at me. The human begins to get up and walks toured me which makes me really alert and begin to backup from the human. It cames closer and tries to bite me. I dodge the attack and run toured the dead human and immediatly see a gun in the humans hand. I pick up the gun with my teeth and look at the human walking toured me. I get a good aim and pull the trigger with my tongue and fire a bullet out of the gun and hit the human in the chest. But the human kept coming. I pull the trigger again and hit the human in the head. The human stoped and fell on the ground. I drop the gun on the floor and run out to the dinning room and to the main enterence of the house. "Jenna! Kodi! Steele!" I scream in the room. But no one answered. I looked around the room but no luck. I then gave up and lied down on the rug and saw Jennas bandana laying in front of me. I put it on and asked, "Were is every one?"

Awesome! I'm the beast!

Interesting work on part three. If you like, when you're done, I'll spell check it for you, there are still a few mistakes that want correcting. Good of you to stick with quotation marks, that's always nice.

Content-wise: I like where this is going, even though you've ramped up the violence quotient a bit. I'm wondering now where that evil dog went to, and if the cannibalistic human doesn't have something to do with it. The part where Balto fires a weapon with his mouth made me smile a bit; it's somewhat unrealistic, but hey, so are zombies and talking animals so I'll let it slide

Keep up the solid work.

Ok HrryNrmn. You got your self a deal.

Chapter VI Up The Stairs Where Heaven Stops

I look around one last time and stoped at the stairway and think to myself, "The stairs in front of me leads up to the 2nd floor. Maybe they're up there." I start walking up the stairs and see two diffrent ways up to the 2nd floor."Left or right?" I think to my self. I deside the right side and start walking up and looked around.
I see three doors, the one in front of me is big and red, the one a little to the right from the red door is small and snow white, and the last one behind me big and tall is gray with weird designs. The white one looks positive so I walked to the door and open it, walked in and shut the door. I look around and notice that im in a narrow room with blood stains on the wall and floor. I followed the stains until it stoped at a door. I opened the door carefully and looked around. It leds to an outside ballconey with a tabel and chairs and a dead human corpse. I walked onto the ballconey to see the corpse a little closer and notice it was Duke! He looks like hes been pecked to death by crows. I notice a key in hes hand and it looks like he dosen't need it anymore, so I steped a little bit closer to get the key.And before I notice it, a pack of five crows fly out of the trees and into the ballconey. "These crows must of killed Duke." I say to myself. One of the crows started to fly down and peck at me. I started to back up and before I knew it, I slip on a wooden pole. And thay all started flying down and pecked at me. I got really mad and picked up the wooden pole with my mouth and started swinging the pole in the air hitting the brids of me. One of them flew at me and I swang the pole hitting the crow on the ground. The second one flew above me and I jumped into the air and stabed the crow threw the chest with the pole and swang the the crow off the pole and hit the thrid one in the head and fell into the bushes bleow. The forth crow the same thing the second one did. I simplly jumped in the air and wacked the crow onto a spike and went threw the brids head. the last crow flew at me with high speeds and I stucked the pole in mid air and the crow hit the pole and off went its head. After the crows were done, I walked to the key and up goes Duke. I backed up a bit and looked at Duke. He's eyes looked sad and alone that no one whould set him free form this nightmare and up to heaven. I know what I had to do to set him free. Tears started running down my face as I pointed the pole at Duke. I started running torured Duke and jumped into the air as I said, "Duke, you'll never be alone while im here. I'll set you free." As I was falling torured Duke's head, I screamed, "Duke! Be free!" The pole went threw his head as I fell onto the floor. He fell onto the floor as I whach him. I then got up and ran to Duke, stoped, and lied on top of his bodey. Tears rushed down my face as I lied on his bodey saying, "Duke, Duke, I'll be hear for you, no madder what." Then I felt this cold breese on top of my head. Almost as if someone was peting my head. Then I heard a voice saying, "Good boy Balto." It made me feel a little bit better. And then the cold breese is gone. He gone. To heaven. I got up from Duke's bodey, picked up the key, and ran out of the ballconey, knowing Duke is in a better place.

This is one of the saddiesed chapters in my fanfic.

Sorry to say this but I have to stop this fanfic becauce It's taking to long to write and It's geting to violent and bloody. So I'm going to stop till further noteise.

(would a monderator lock this form. Please)