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Hello everyone on Balto/The Lion King Source, I'm LordLion24. I'm posting this because, frankly, I'm stuck. I need people's opinion's about my story. So i thought, "Hey! Why don't I ask people in Balto/lion King source." So here i am posting this to ask for your opinion. So here's an exerp from my story, so I hope that you enjoy!

"Then in Africa, at Pride Rock. Mufasa and the lions are stuck at Pride Rock because of the weather…it’s raining again.

“Why won’t this rain just stop already. This is the fourth time this week. And it’s really getting annoying!” Sarabi growled softly, clearly irritated by the constant rainfall.

The other lionesses agree and walk up to Mufasa, who is at the entrance of Pride Rock just staring out into the rain, and start asking questions. And while that’s happening, he asks himself, “What would my father do?”

So he then turns around and roars. Everyone then turns silent. He looks around and just stares and thinks to himself for something to say.

And he turns back around and says, “Everyone just needs to calm down. And listen to me…there is nothing that I can do, let alone what you can do. So you’re just going to have to just stay in here and find something to do to occupy yourselves.”

This is just part of my story if you like it, I'll put more of it on!


I Put A Poll Here Because I Want To Know What You Think! And If You Thought It Was Ok, Then Tell Me What You Would Change!

Sounds Great, I would definitely like to read more. Fan Fiction is one of my favorite things

Thanks Everyone! I really appreicate the comments that were left. So I'll put more of the story on here! Enjoy!

"Kaplan took the wolf’s advice and headed in that direction, hoping that he would avoid the hunters. So he ran as fast as he absolutely could and found himself at the edge of a hill. He looks to the left…then to the right…and decides to go left. He trails up the hill to try and get back to the rest of the pack. And while he’s doing that, he’s spotted another wolf. He questions himself, “Why is he or she just standing there on that rock all by them self?”

So he walks up to the deserted wolf and asks, “Hello! My name is Kaplan. Why are you here all alone?”

The wolf answers, “Hello young one. I am Tundra. Please, leave me in peace.”

Kaplan is baffled, and says, “But…why?”

Tundra replies, “I need to be alone…”

Kaplan is still baffled, but he continues to ponder, “I wonder if everything is okay with him?”

“Okay, but are you sure you’re okay?” Kaplan asks.

“Yes…I will be fine. But you won’t if you don’t get back to your pack…” Tundra answers.

“Ok I – Wait, how did you know that I need to get back to my pack?” Kaplan asks, but he’s still baffled at the fact that he knew that.

Tundra answers, “I know everything that happens in this forest. Or…what is left of it.”

Kaplan is confused, but asks, “What do you mean “what’s left of it”?”

Tundra then takes a deep breath and says, “Well son, let me tell you a story of what happened to part of the forest… Long ago, when the birds were flying high and the wolves were howling at night, when suddenly my pack heard something in the distance. None of us were sure of what it was. But we wanted to find out. So I sent two of my scouts to search and find out. But…they never came back. So we figured they just got lost. But unfortunately, they weren’t lost…”

Kaplan then asked, “What happened?”

Tundra continued, “They were captured. We knew that the humans were going to come around and capture us sometime, but we weren’t expecting them then. We weren’t prepared for this sort of thing, so we tried to flee to the next forest. But it was too late; while I was off trying to find another trail. I found one but when I came back to this spot, there were tons of humans carrying my brothers and the rest of my pack. It was the most horrible sight I have ever seen. And so, this is where I lay until the day I die.”

Tears run down Kaplan’s face as the story ended. Kaplan then said, “Wow…that must be really sad for you, losing all your brothers and your pack. Well, I hope that everything goes well for you.”

“Thank you Kaplan. I hope that you don’t make the same mistake that I did.”

Kaplan answers, “Believe me…I won’t…” And then continues his way back up the hill."

Thanks! I thought the same thing myself!

Now I'm Going To Put Even More Of My Story On Here For You People To See!

"At the top of the hill, Mallard walks up to the other wolves are; growls softly, and then says, “What are we doing just standing here? We can’t just sit here and watch Kaplan and Hetman walk straight into their death bed! We have to do something!” He rounds up some wolves and orders the others to stay back for back-up. They’re now closing in on the hunters, which are closing in on Kaplan and Hetman.

“On my signal, attack them…”

“CHARGE!!!”

“No…I won’t let you do this. You might get yourself killed or captured,” Winter says.

Mallard replies, “So what? You people don’t care about me anyway! All you do is make fun of me and have me do everything for you!”

Timber steps in and says, “What the hell are you talking about Mallard? Now you know that that’s not even true! Since when do we make fun of you? Or ask you to do everything for you? We would never do that! You, Mallard, are one of us. There were a lot of other wolves out there that wanted to be in our pack because this pack is the strongest and the most exciting. But you know who we picked out of all of them…you! So you have no place to say that you are the outcast of the pack when you know ***** well that you aren’t!”

Timber walks away and keeps watch.

Mallard thought, “Maybe Timber’s right…they did pick me over everyone else that wanted to join. And I don’t really recall anytime where they actually picked on me.”

He paused, and then he said to Winter, “Maybe you’re right, I probably shouldn’t go. Even though I would be putting myself in danger. So I’ll just stay here and keep the reinforcements company. You go on and have fun!”

Winter replies, “Now you see it my way. Now wait a minute, last time I checked, you weren’t my mother or my father!”


Timber jumps in between them trying to set things straight and says, “What the hell has gotten into you guys. Didn’t we just try to straighten this feud between both of you out before, and now you are at it each other’s throats again! By god you both are the most neurotic morons I have ever seen!”

“Hey! Speak for yourself Timber! Oh yeah, like you’re the greatest and most perfect wolf in the world. You won’t ever be perfect so understand that now, and don’t try to pretend either because that won’t work! ” They then both look over to him, with anger in their eyes.

“What the hell are you talking about? Where the hell did you get the idea that I thought that I was the greatest and most perfect wolf in the world? I don’t look at myself that way. I understand that no one in this world is perfect or is going to be perfect. Don’t try and assume that I think that I’m perfect. So what you both need to do id get your facts straight!”

Hmm, seems pretty good so far... The only thing I'd comment on are the few spelling and grammar mistakes, but only on the very few that there are. Other than that, it seems like a fairly sturdy fanfic. Good job.

-- Balto5670

Thank You Kind Sir!

This Post Goes Out To Everyone!

--> What do you think about the last few passages from my fan fic "The Lion king Remake -- Lions & Wolves"?

--> Anything you'd like to comment on?

Well, while I was in my room brainstorming for a story i thought, "hey!" Why not write a story about Lions and Wolves using Lion King as the foreground! And I won't tell you why and when and where the stories B/W Lions and Wolves intertwine until you read the story when it comes out B/W Late April or early May!


Oh, and here's another passage from the story!

'Kaplan finds himself at the top of the hill, overlooking the Allurer Pack. The sky turns black, the clouds drift away, and the moon is full. Kaplan’s body desires to howl at the moon. But he’s trying to fight it, but…it doesn’t work. He howls and signals to the hunters that he’s still alive. The hunters are now surrounding the right side of the forest from any trespassers. Kaplan still manages to slip away from them and runs down the other side of the hill to catch up with his fellow wolves.

The Allurer Pack finally comes to a halt; they are all tired and sweaty from all the running. Mallard is still as jumpy as can be, even though the others are panting and trying to catch their breaths.

Mallard turns around and gasps.

Timber walks up to him and says, “Mallard…what is it? What do you see?”

Mallard answers, in excitement, “IT’S KAPLAN!! HE’S BACK!!”

All the wolves jump in rejoice that Kaplan is coming back.

Kaplan runs up to the pack and says, “Miss me?”

They all run up to him and hugs him in happiness.

His mate spots him and cuddles up to him, “I thought I lost you, Kaplan. Is everything alright?”

“No…no it isn’t… Hetman…he…died…”

“Oh my gosh…what happened?”

“Well…while you all were running up the mountain; one of the hunters shot Rolland in the knee and he fell to the ground. I heard his cry and came to his rescue. I took him into the forest and behind a bush so that we wouldn’t be seen. And he told me to let him be, but I just wouldn’t listen. I was still trying to find a way to help him live. But it was too late. His last words were “And if I die, tell everyone that I will miss them and hope that everything goes well, no matter what happens. And tell my wife that……I love her.” And then his head slowly and softly touched the ground…and…that was it.”

Hetman’s mate starts to break down crying because of the loss of her husband. She was devastated of the loss of him, so she just walked away in agony, “Just leave me alone.” She says this as the pack watches her, walk away in agony.

Kaplan says, “Timber…”

“Yes Kaplan. What do you need?”

“I need a favor, I need you to go out and watch her. Protect her if you will, make sure that she doesn’t get captured and that you don’t get captured. Is that too much to ask?”
“What do you think I can’t do simple tasks like this? Is there some force in this world that is keeping you from making positive comments about me? Or are you just some hypocrite or you just like to make a mockery of me?”

“No, that’s not what I said. Stop trying to put words in my mouth! You know that I don’t appreciate when people put words that I don’t or didn’t use into my mouth.”

“Oh, like I’m trying to put words into that big old mouth of yours. All the words in the world couldn’t fit into that mouth of yours. You think that you are so tough and strong because you were appointed Alpha of the pack. Well guess what, NEWSFLASH…you are not as strong as I am, and certainly not brave or tough. So…just get with the program!”

“TIMBER!!!!!!!!!! Mark my words, you will pay for this!!” Then leaps out at him, with fury in his howl and just starts to slash and bite him. Timber fights back, and pushes him off him with his feet. Timber and Kaplan gets up at the same time, catch their breath and keep fighting.

Winter and Rolland turn around from their walk around the forest and notice that Timber and Kaplan are fighting. Winter asks one of the wolves, “What the hell is going on here?”

“There’s a fight between Timber and Kaplan going on…DUH!!”

“How did it start?”

“Well it all started when Kaplan told Timber to go and safeguard Hetman’s mate. And at the end of that order, Kaplan said, “Is that too much to ask?” Then Timber got really mad. And that’s when they just started to argue…and then this is when the fight between the two started.”

“But are you going to just stand here are watching them rip each other limb from limb. Or are you going to stop them before they kill each other?”

“No, this actually is quite entertaining. Thank you very much!”

“You are such a moron! Get out of my way!”

The wolf quivers in fear and moves out of his way. Winter finally gets through the entire crowd and is thinking, “Boy this is a big turn out!”

Winter jumps right in between them before they are ready to claw through each other’s throats and says, “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You are both fighting over something that can be talked over and settled. But no, you have to take the violent path and fight each other just because one said this and the other got mad. This is preposterous! I cannot believe that you two are fighting. You were the best of friends, well at least…that I’ve seen while I’ve been in this pack. And now you’re showing everyone else that you are willing to throw away that friendship over a fight. That my friend is ridiculous!”

Kaplan and Timber just stop…their thinking, “Is Winter actually making some sense?” Kaplan smirks and says, “Well, I guess that I shouldn’t have said it that way…”

Thanks! Hey! Would You Mind Telling Everyone Else About The New Update On The Story?!?