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June 4th, 1940. Nazi forces invade Paris. Within ten days, they control the entire city. enforcing a curfew on it's few remaining residents. The former City Of Light must wait for the Allies to raise the shadow over Paris.
THE BLOODIEST BATTLE OF THE WAR
Saint Lo, France

A gunshot rips through the air. "Ya missed!" A Dachsund shouted. "Mandlebaum, that's gotta be the sorriest shootin' I ever saw!" The dog turned towards him. "Let's see you do better Huxley." And walks off. Then, a red and cream husky walked by. "Hey, what's your name, uhh, Kodiak, right? Come get your gun, I got five bucks says you can't hit four in a row." He points to the helmets on wooden posts out in the field. The husky walks over and picks up the M1 Garand. "I told you, it's just Kodi, OK?" He said and shot the helmets off their posts in a matter of seconds. Huxley pulled a frag grenade off of his belt and threw it into a tire. Followed by the explosion. Huxley turned around and yelled. "Did you see that?! Hey, Kodi, keep watchin' me I'm gonna bag me a few of these." He smirked and opened the small crate near him. "Oh, nice! There's smoke grenades in here too!" He handed a frag grenade to Kodi. "Let's see you get one in that old barn there." Kodi threw it through the window of the barn. Huxley patted him on the shoulder. "You got a good arm, Kodiak." Huxley tossed him a smoke grenade, which Kodi tossed in. Huxley turned around. "Shoot, Dixon's looking right at us. "Alright, Kodi, you're all ready for Jerry. Hey, Dix! This one's a born natural!" Huxley yelled at the German Sheperd. "Hey, guys, there's Nazis wearing helmets too. What do you say we go find 'em. Gather up weapons and ammo and get on the truck." Kodi quickly picked up a Thompson machine gun and climbed in. Huxley, Dixon and a few others came in after. A large Bullmastiff looked them over. "I'm McCullin, two rules. Rule One: You're no good to me dead. Rule two: Ah, what difference does it make? You'll all probably end up dead anyway." And with that, he left. Huxley scoffed. "Well, that was sure inspiring." Dixon shot him an icy stare. "You want inspiration, Huxley? Read a poem. Sarge is ten times the soldier you'll ever be." The truck started up as Dixon continued. "OK, today we're on a secret mission to get coffee and donuts. Problem is, the Germans drank all the coffee and ate all the donuts, so now, we gotta go kick their butts." Huxley smiled. "Or we could've stayed at the base and eat those French rolls." Dixon just stared at him. Suddenly a lab ran up to the truck. BOOM!! Mortar fire rocked the truck all over until the truck flipped and Kodi blacked out.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Not too shabby, keep going, I'll read it.

Well, I'm a sucker for war fics, esspecially Balto ones.
Two things, though:
1) Lack of paragraphs.
Before-
A gunshot rips through the air. "Ya missed!" A Dachsund shouted. "Mandlebaum, that's gotta be the sorriest shootin' I ever saw!" The dog turned towards him. "Let's see you do better Huxley." And walks off. Then, a red and cream husky walked by. "Hey, what's your name, uhh, Kodiak, right? Come get your gun, I got five bucks says you can't hit four in a row." He points to the helmets on wooden posts out in the field. The husky walks over and picks up the M1 Garand. "I told you, it's just Kodi, OK?"
After-
A gunshot rips through the air.
"Ya missed!" A Dachsund shouted. "Mandlebaum, that's gotta be the sorriest shootin' I ever saw!"
The dog turned towards him.
"Let's see you do better, Huxley."
And walks off.
Then, a red and cream husky walked by.
"Hey, what's your name, uhh, Kodiak, right? Come get your gun, I got five bucks says you can't hit four in a row."
He points to the helmets on wooden posts out in the field. The husky walks over and picks up the M1 Garand.
"I told you, it's just Kodi, OK?"

Just work on that. It's not terrible without the change, but it really makes a difference to the reader.

2) This seems like Call to Duty 3 written out with Kodi as the main character. I don't know if that's...well...copying, but maybe add some new stuff for those of us who've played the game.

Write on!
-LWf

What if Balto joined the U.S. military????? I bet he would be en excellent soldier. He will surely be promoted to a high ranking military officer. Pack your bags Balto, you're being ordered by the president to go to the Pentagon. Poor Jenna would be alone with out Balto if this happens.

Please don't post in old topics.

Topic Locked.