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Okay everyone, I was wondering if you could give me a review of what you think of this script for my History culminating project. This thing's worth 20% of my mark, so I want it to be both entertaining and meaningful (FYI, it isn't just all humour. There has to be a purpose)
History Culminating Rough Script
Scene One:
(Kid finishes creating his time watch)
(Puts down small screwdriver and looks at watch)
Kid: Sweet, it’s finally finished. Now I can complete that History project that’s due tomorrow.
(presses button on side)
(disappears) [stop camera and restart without actor in shot]
Scene Two:
(Kid reappears in front of building)
(Kid steps out and looks around)
Kid: Hey, this doesn’t look like Renaissance Europe to me! It looks like my hometown in 2006!
Scene 3:
(sees gentlemen running up)
Luther: Help us, good sir. I’m being chased by the Roman Inquisition. They say I’m a heretic.
(Turns and sees car driving up, with a friend being run down)
Luther: (yells) Run Harold, run as fast as your short legs will carry you!
Harold: Luther, get inside! I’ll be okay! I’m faster than…
(scene focuses on Luther and Kid, where Harold goes flying by. Front of car is shown in scene.)
(Kid and Luther flee into the building)
(Head of Roman Inquisition steps out of back seat of car)
(Luther and Kid burst into second-floor room, where German Emperor is sitting)
GE: Luther, what are you doing here? And who is this gentleman?
Kid: Name’s Mikey Simon. Look, I have to get a quote from Luther for my history project. Can you hold that Canary off for a few minutes.
GE: It’s Cardinal.
Kid: Do I look like I know my specific species of bird? Just keep her busy, okay?
(GE nods)
Kid: Okay Luther, do you happen to have the 95 Thesis on you right now?
(Luther shakes head)
Luther: Nope, it’s in Wittenberg.
Kid: (groans) Crap.
(outside, Lead cardinal shout at window, addressing the hidden Luther)
HC: Martin Luther, I know you are in there. Surrender peacefully, and God will have mercy on your wretched soul.
sfx: dun Dun DUUUNNNNN!
(GE pokes head out window)
GE: Luther isn’t here! (turns head and yells) Right Luther?
HC: He’s inside, seize him!
(Luther and Kid slap foreheads)
Sfx: punch
Kid: Dude, you’re supposed to protect Luther, not give him up like that!
(GE nods and pokes head back out window)
GE: Okay sir, if you plan to arrest Luther, you’ll have to arrest everyone here too!
HC: Okay, you’re all under arrest!
(Luther and Kid slap foreheads again)
Sfx: punch
GE: And use the side door, it’s much quicker!
HC: Okay then! To the side door!
(Luther and Kid slap foreheads for third time) [repeat first forehead slap scene for number two and three]
Sfx: punch
Kid: Great, now look what you’ve done you idiot! Those pigeon…
GE: Cardinal.
Kid: Whatever! The point is, they’ll be coming any second now…
(HC bursts into room)
HC: Martin Luther, you are hereby deemed a heretic and will be executed. Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Luther: yes, one thing only. For, where God built a church, there the devil would also build a chapel…In such sort is the devil always God’s ape.
(Kid writes this down)
(HC then addresses him)
HC: And you, young sir, what do you have to say for yourself?
Kid: Well…
(Point over HC’s shoulders)
Kid: Look over there! It’s a distraction!
(HC turns)
HC: Where?
(Luther, Kid and German Emperor run)
(HC turns around and sees that Luther has disappeared)
HC: Crap, I always fall for that one.
Kid: Well gentlemen, I’d like to stay, but I have an appointment with Louis the fourteenth.
(presses button on watch)
(disappears)
(Luther looks at GE)
Luther: Who’s Louis the fourteenth?
(Kid arrives inside Versailles, the home of Louis XIV and his absolute rule)
(Kid walks only a few centimetres and is instantly attacked by the palace guards.)
Guard 1: (bad French accent) Arret, you villain. Zee king will be tres ‘appy with us.
Guard 2: Oui, oui. We will be, ‘ow you say eet? ‘Eroes!
Kid: Right. Okay guys, I just want to speak with the king. I need some information.
(guards look at each other)
Guard 2: Fine, you will see zee Roi de Soleoi. But rest assured, we will be watching you boy. Try somezing, and we will run you through with our swords.
Guard 1: Oui, oui, and I ‘ave an itchy sword finger.
(Guard escort Kid to Louis XIV, who is admiring himself in a mirror)
Louis: (to himself, but loud enough to hear) You are a sexy beast Louis, a very se…
Guard 1: Your majesty! You ‘ave a visitor.
(Louis glares at guard 1)
Louis: What ‘ave I told you about knocking sir?
Guard 1: Umm, do it?
Louis: Exactly, here’s a cookie.
(Louis throws cookie to Guard 1)
Guard 2: Hey, where iz my cookie?
(gets hit in head with soccer ball)
Guard 2: Alouette, jonti Alouette. (voice fades out)
(Louis turns to Kid)
Louis: Now, what iz it that you want? I am a very busy king!
Kid: Your majesty, I need a quote from you for my history class. May I get one from you?
(Louis thinks hard)
sfx: jeopardy music
Louis: Fine, I shall grant you this reasonable request.
(Kid pulls out paper and pen)
Louis: L’etat c’est moi!
(Kid looks at King with confusion)
Kid: Whatcha talkin’ bout Louis? (pronounced like St. Louis)
Louis: You ‘eard me peasant! Now leave me, you have your quote. I have a very important appointment with my mirror.
(Kid leaves, watching Louis continue talking about himself to himself)
(Kid is about to leave, when he looked back at Versailles and has a revelation)
Kid: You know what, I think it’s time I showed Louis a thing or two.
(Grabs “Hello, my name is…” sticker and pen from pocket)
(Writes France in blank spot)
(sticks it on shirt)
(walks into Versailles)
(Kid pushes door open to Louis’ study, startling him and making him drop his mirror)
Louis: You! You made me break my mirror! You will pay dearly for that!
Kid: Okay listen, croissant brains, you need to learn some manners. I challenge you to…
sfx: Mortal Kombat yell
sfx: crickets
Kid: Umm, actually I was just planning on duelling you for French rights.
Louis: Okay, but let’s sweeten le deal. If you win, I’ll loosen up my absolute rule, but if I win, you buy me a new mirror.
Kid: Done. See you at sundown.
(show video of sun setting; sped up)
Sfx: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly theme song
(show stereotypical showdown cameras angles; pan left to right of both men, then an ECU of both eyes, followed by a CU left to right pan of their waist, where their hands twitch beside swords)
(Louis draws his blade, Kid draws a rubber chicken)
Sfx: record scratch
Kid: Whoa, wonder what Mom’s cooking right now.
(show Mom cooking sword in frying pan)
(Louis knocks chicken from Kid’s hands, pointing sword at his throat)
Louis: You lose foolish boy.
(Kid puts up hands)
Kid: Hey, hey, hey. Louis, bubbie, this isn’t a fair fight. I need a sword, no some clichéd joke from the Thirties.
Louis: I see your point. Look in that box over there.
(points to cardboard box behind Kid)
(Kid turns and kneels down, looking through box)
(Pulls out lightsaber, throwing it behind him)
Sfx: lightsaber swing
(Pulls out handgun, throwing it away)
(show objects falling onto ground)
(Anthony flies through scene, as if thrown from the box)
(Anthony sits up)
Anthony: Hey, what’s the big idea?
(is hit by stuffed cat)
(frails around)
Anthony: Ahh! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
(falls to ground)
(sits up, face all scratched)
(is hit in head by soccer ball)
(show Kid finding sword)
Kid: Haza! I have found it!
(Kid walks back into scene)
(MK-type fight starts)
Sfx: Round One…fight!
i)
L: 100%
K: 100%
Fighting stance
(Fight! animation appears)
ii)
L: 95%
K: 100%
K swings sword
iii)
L: 95%
K: 80%
L does punch and kick combo
iv)
L: 65%
K: 80%
L blocks a few shots
(sfx: arm block)
then tried a swing, misses, and is hoofed by K
(Dan Forden comes in from left side of screen)
(sfx: Toasty!)
Forden then backs out of scene)
v)
L: 65%
K: 75%
L points one direction, K looks, L does wimpy shin kick
(sfx: wimpy punch
K: Dude! That’s not cool.)
vi)
L: 45%
K: 75%
K uses rope to lasso L
(sfx: get over here!)
Pulls him into a strong kick
vii)
L: 20%
K: 30%
Chair flies into L
(sfx: punch)
K laughes, gets hit by chair
(sfx: punch)
[L’s health bar turns red]
viii)
L: 10%
K: 30%
K throws sword at L
viv)
L: 0%
K: 30%
(Finish Him! Animation appears)
(sfx: Finish him!)
K walks up to L and taps him.
L falls backwards onto ground.
(Kid points sword tip at Louis’ throat)
Kid: Well?
Louis: Okay, you win. I’ll free the French citizens.
(Kid drops sword and leaves Versailles)
(Louis sits up)
Louis: Sucker.
(reappears in Paris, during the French Revolution)
Kid: Now where am I?
(watches noble run by, chased by a mobster)
sfx: bonk
(mobster walks back into scene, dragging body of noble)
(points at Kid)
Bicep: You didn’t see nothin’.
(Kid nods)
(Mobster leaves with noble still being dragged)
Kid: What the?
(gentleman walks up)
Gentleman: That’s the Mob. There’s a revolution coming, I can feel it.
sfx: male scream
Sfx: guillotine
(Kid groans)
Kid: What was your first clue poindexter?
(notices group of men behind him)
(Kid turns to see group of four)
Snake: Hey kid, seen any nobles around?
Kid: Nope, sorry. But I was wondering if I could ask you guys a favour.
Snake: Depends.
(Kid cocks eyebrow)
Kid: Depends on what?
Snake: On whether I care or not. And frankly, I couldn’t care any less what a weirdo like you says.
Bicep: (low voice) Owned.
(High fives other mobsters)
Kid: Hey, who do you think you are anyway?
(Snake stares at Kid, making his gang go silent.)
Snake: Who do I think I am? Listen bub, I think I’m the man who will bring democracy to France. My name is <insert name here>, but you can call me Snake.
(Kid shakes head)
Kid: And who’s your group Sergeant Pepper? You lonely hearts club band?
(Snake starts becoming irritated)
Snake: You think you’re pretty funny eh? Well, you want to know what I do with wise guys?
(Kid gulps)
Kid: What? What do you do?
(Snake puts hand on Kid’s shoulder)
Snake: I congratulate them.
(Kid blinks)
Kid: A-buh?
Snake: Me and the guys are too serious. We need some humour around here.
Kid: Then you shoulda been around earlier in the film.
Snake: Yes well, I was busy. I had some noble trash to take out.
Snake: So, what’s the favour you wanted to ask us for?
Kid: I have a history project where I need some quotes. Since you were one of the people we studied, I was wondering if you’d mind giving me a few.
(Snake nods)
Snake: No problem. How about this. <insert quote here>
(Kid jots this down)
Kid: Awesome. Anymore?
Snake: Well, I guess I could give you one from a friend of mine; Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
(Kid does double take)
Kid: You mean the J.J. Rousseau? The Lone Wolf of the Enlightenment?
Snake: Well, I don’t mean John Jacob Jingle Himer Shmit.
Kid: That will do then.
Snake: Alright then. Man is born free, but he is everywhere in chains.
(Kid jots this down)
Kid: Sweet, thanks a million dude.
Snake: Foget about it. That Rousseau is quite the intelligent man.
Kid: Seems knowledge is growing nowadays.
Snake: Yeah, I’d say it’s great to learn…
(rest of gang pops in)
Gang: Cuz knowledge is power!
Mobster 1: Snake sir!
(Snake turns to see one of his gang running up)
Snake: What happened to you? You look like you got pimp slapped.
Mobster 1: Sir, we’ve spotted the Minister of Defence. He’s trying to escape!
Snake: Then do what you did with everyone else. Make his head…
(StarFox-style comms box appears with picture of Peppy inside it.)
Peppy: Do a barrel roll!
(Snake blinks in confusion)
Snake: ‘da Hell?
(comms box disappears)
Snake: Right. Anyway, I want you to chop his head off and parade it around town.
Kid: Don’t you think that’s kinda harsh?
(gang stares at Kid)
Kid: I said something I shouldn’t have, didn’t I?
Snake: Oh yeah, you defiantly did.
(points at Kid)
Snake: Get ‘im!
(Kid screams)
sfx: Homer scream
(Kid runs, followed by Snake and his gang)
Kid: Holy sugar honey iced-tea!
(notices caster table in his path)
(jumps onto table)
Snake: That son of a…get that table!
(Kid turns to see Snake and his gang slowly losing ground)
(turns back to see Snake in his path)
Kid: Crap!
(jumps off table)
(Snake sees table heading his way, with no time to dodge.)
Snake: Oh shi…
(is hit with table, pinned against wall)
(Kid disappears)
(Bicep runs up)
Bicep: Snake? Snake!!!!!!
(is mafia slapped)
Snake: Shaddup and get this table off me!
(reappears near Austrian border, where France and Austria are fighting each other)
(France is throwing cows at the enemy, who is taking cover)
Soldier 1: General Herpes sir, we’re being bogged down by those French and their bovine ammunition. We can’t fight for much longer.
(General Herpes looks over at Soldier 1)
Herpes: Boy, I want you to know one thing before you risk your life for our country. I want you to know…that you are a wimp.
(shoves Soldier 1 out into battlefield [keep camera focused on Herpes])
Soldier 1: Oh my God! Suicide cow!
sfx: cow moo
sfx: explosion
(Herpes coughs)
Herpes: (cough) Well, that didn’t go as I had planned.
(Napoleon points at border)
Napoleon: Now everyone, make those Austrian scum feel the wrath of beef!
(Soldier 2 pops head in)
Soldier 2: Where’s the beef?
(Napoleon pushes Soldier 2 out of camera view)
(Kid walks up to Napoleon)
Kid: Napoleon Beaunapart, am I right?
(Napoleon turns to Kid)
Napoleon: Oui, and who are you?
Kid: Mikey Simon’s the name.
Napoleon: Well Mikey, I’m very busy right now, but what do you want?
Kid: A quote.
(Napoleon looks confused)
Napoleon: Pourquoi?
Kid: I have a history project due tomorrow, and I need some quotes for it. Got any good ones?
Napoleon: I think I may. How about this. <insert quote here>
(Kid jots this down)
Kid: That’s perfect. Merci.
(Kid then turns to see two individuals trying to sneak over the border)
Kid: Hey, is that…?
(zoom onto two figures)
(They turn out to be King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette)
(Kid walks up to the two)
Kid: Excuse me, your majesty?
(Louis clamps hand over Kid’s mouth)
Louis XVI: (whispers) Shh, be quite you little brat! I don’t want anyone else to know I’m the king.
Marie: Louis, I want to get out of this country! We’re already in trouble as it is!
Louis XVI: Of course my sweet. We shall waste no more time.
(Louis XVI removes his hand from Kid’s face)
(Louis and Marie start to sneak away, and are just millimetres from border)
(Soldier 2 notices them and points)
Soldier 2: Hey, it’s the King! He’s trying to escape!
(CU on Louis XVI’s face)
Louis XVI: Crap.
(kid reappears back where he started)
Kid: Wow, that makes all five quotes! Now I can finish my project.
(notices journal duotang on table)
(flips it open to see all five quotes he had worked hard to get)
(scene outside house)
Kid: Arrrrgggghhh!
(Credits)
End
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