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It's hard to say what exactly what changes will be made... Nothing too major though, I'd imagine.
Maybe... Maybe not. Four episodes will be about 90 minutes worth of material, and I don't want to go much over the 90 minute mark. Don't worry though, once it's properly polished and everything it won't seem rushed. (If somehow it still feels rushed, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.)
That's great! Thanks so much for all your help on this, I can't wait to read them!I'd be more than happy to give some feedback as soon as they're posted!

Thank you everyone for all your support and dedication!

Here's my attempt to draft episodes 3 and 4. I combined them with 1+2 (and made some slight changes in those episodes) so now the whole thing is in one PDF.

Let me know what you guys think!

2nd Pilot Draft

I did a little speed reading and from what I read it is great. Awesome!! I am suprised at how fast you can crank this stuff out. It takes me a while to produce anything worth reading.

This seems like some nice reading material for tonight. Give me a couple of days to brainstorm, and then, I'll post some feedback

Great job!


Same here.

I've read the whole thing and I have to say, I'm impressed! Give me a day or two to think it over and I'll give some feedback. I only noticed a few places that need tweaking, but all in all, it looks really good!

And it'll look even better with some artwork!

I read through the third episode. Overall great work, I particularly enjoyed the fight scene in Rebecca's appartment. I also loved Khan's explaination at the end, it was basically saying 'my motivations are completely selfish', loved that part. I do have suggestions of course:

Maybe have Griffith fire shot when his menion enters but due to the interuption he barely misses Baloo and Kit, add a little more drama to the moment and make the last second save more obvious.

Maybe extend Jarret and the Sea Duck's dogfight if possible, I liked the way it ended but maybe have them somehow turn more of his weapons against him, Baloo and Kit are pretty creative, so I'm sure they could do that, like maybe make him damage his own plane with that saw blade, or even slash it off with itself somehow. Just a suggestion since the Sea Duck doesn't have weapons to use, to make it less one sided. And maybe instead of just having the forest leveled, having the remains of it in an inferno from the explosion, making the group more likely to believe even if Jarret didn't die in the explosion, he was unlikely to escape the blaze.

Maybe show more anger for Sultan in that scene, like instead of just saying he's not firing him, say something like 'because it'd be too cruel to put someone else in your position', something like that, just a thought.

Also, did anyone look over my idea for a 'direct' follow up to this that would take place later on? It's in the suggestions threac

Hi guys. Sorry I've been busy. I will be reading the scripts tom during my break at school so I hopefully can try to give some feedback. ^^

I'm still alive and wanting to help in this project. Just so you know

Glad youre still in. I'm still waiting on the writing to be done and working on the promotional while working on commissions to make a living, so bear with me since comission is a big thing for my income now . 50 % of my income comes from there sometimes more

Hey all!

I've been pretty busy lately too and haven't been able to spend nearly as much time as I'd like on this project... Thanks to everyone for your patients and for staying with this thing, I really appreciate it.

The 2nd pilot will be finalized soon, so... last chance for suggesting changes and giving feedback. Once it is finalized, you're all welcome to nominate scenes to be illustrated. I suggest you submit your nominations in order of preference, because they all probably won't be able to be done. Hopefully most of the first picks can be done, for a total of seven or so illustrations. Ultimately it will be up to opus to decide how many illustrations are possible.

Also, I'm open to suggestions on what the next story should be. Something with Don Karnage would be good since he's a very popular character with TS fans... I'm just trying to give all the major/most popular/recurring characters some screen time in the first few episodes of the VS in order to appeal to as many fans as possible. After the major characters have had screen time we can come up with stories for more minor/one-shot characters. I know you all probably have a favorite minor/one-shot character you'd like to see in an episode, I know I do, so be thinking about that as well. Characters from the TS comics are also allowed even though they're not technically considered canon. (Just a reminder, story ideas go here)

I look forward everyone's story suggestions!

@godzillawolf:

Sorry for not responding to your story idea, I meant to and then I just....forgot....my bad. I responded now though.

@phylogeny:

If you email me the celtx file I'll go ahead and do some minor tweaks so we can try to get it finalized in the next few days.

@steet:

I'll have the VS news posted before the end of the month. I want to get the 2nd pilot finalized first so I can report on it's successful completion in the news post.

Ok, this is good news I may try to re-read the 2nd pilot again to see if there are things to change, but it seems OK to me. (well more than OK actually, but you see what I mean...)

Did I ever say I was up for illustrating things? Can't remember? I am not as talented as Eclipse or Opus but I can try. By the way I stink at backgrounds.

I think you did at one point... That's great! I'm sure they'll welcome your help! Thanks!

@steet:

I'll have that news posted by Friday... I had hoped to have the 2nd pilot finalized by then, but as I don't have the celtx file, I haven't been able to do that yet. Oh well. I'll just go ahead and post the news anyway.

@opus:

I'm working on the storyboard approximations for "Kit's Flight"; they should be ready soon. I just used pictures I took with my camera and pictures I found online to represent camera angles and such. I just wanted to let you know.

@everyone:

Has anyone heard from phylogeny lately? I sent him an email about a week ago but I haven't received a response... I hope he's alright. Straycloud also... They're probably just really busy with RL... at least I hope that's all it is. I'd hate to lose such talented people.

About the VS, I thought a good next episode could feature Lilly Ravenwood from the 1st and 2nd TS comics... The ones with the SkyRaker... That way we could include Don Karnage, Shere Khan and some cool technology and aerial sequences plus a nice helping of drama and comedy all in one (or two) episode(s). Let me know what you think!

Question, is there a possibilty that we could somehow link a Don Karnage plot to Khan's new sea port that's under construction in this episode? Like perhaps the boats now coming into the area on a regular basis are found to be better targets for the Air Pirates or, which hurts Khan's new busniess, requiring him to work with H4H to deal with this problem (like consider it a favor for him helping them out in the pilot). Just an idea. I'd post it in the suggestion thread but I was last to post there.

I am still around, just have been busy lately. I'll send you that celtx file tonight hopefully.

Mmm, it's kinda late in the game to make any changes that drastic... Also, adding more characters at this point would add more plot complication which is what I'm trying to avoid.

Don't worry though, the next story will have a heaping helping of Karnage and the air pirates. I could use your help brainstorming for that episode(s) though! (I'm thinking it'll be a two part episode.) Have you read the comics I'm referring to? They're actually pretty good stories with a nice plot and accurate characterization. (Flight of the SkyRaker, parts I and II) The way the second comic ends, with the film washed up on the beach, waiting to be found... It's just begging to have the story finished!


Oh ok, I figured that's what it was. That was me for about the last 6 weeks... Things are a little better now but I can't say how long they'll stay that way... Hopefully a while.

@steet:

I was working on the news tonight when I hit a little snag... We don't have a title for the 2nd pilot! I can't believe that slipped my mind until I was almost ready to post the news! I guess I had gotten so used to just calling it the "2nd pilot" that I forgot that wasn't it's actual title. So anyway, I'll post the news as soon as we have a title. (Well probably Sunday because I'll be away from home with no internet connection. )

@everyone:

We need a title for the second pilot! Something TS-ish... I stink at titles, but maybe I'll come up with something half-decent... In the meantime, suggestions are VERY welcome!

Thanks!