Animation Source Forums

One that I'm thinking of submitting to the "Healthy Levels of Insanity:"

While in a taxi, politely let the cabby know you need to pee.

______

I told a friend about dubstep. You know what she told me?
"I wub it!"

Alright, here's a pretty funny and clever one I found on Tumblr xD

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”
“Oui.”
“Sí.”
“Ja.”

I saw that one! ...And still don't get it. I'm going to kick myself when I do aren't I?

Translation (phonetically):

"Yes, we see ya (you)"

Thanks for clearing that up, JC.

^It took me a few seconds,but I finally got it,good one Rebelness.

*facekeyboard* GOT IT. Had to say it out loud. Thanks, JC.

I feel like an idiot now. xD

I LOVE it! Very witty.

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear. Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?" "The sucker called again!

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead go to Heaven and are told that they must listen to 100 jokes. If they can do so without laughing, they get in. The brunette laughs at the 12th joke, the redhead at the 36th. The blonde laughs RIGHT before the 100th joke is asked. When asked why she was laughing when no joke had been asked, she responds, "I just got the first joke."

Thanks for posting those. Here's something a friend of mine linked to on FB, even if they are late at this point.

Things You Never Want to Hear on Thanksgiving Day

Honey where’s the fire extinguisher?
Oh I forgot to tell you, I invited my cousin Eddie and his wife and their 18 children. And they’ll be here in an hour…
Honey I need the fire extinguisher like now…
Was I supposed to take this little bag out of the turkey before I cooked it?
Honey did I tell you that my cousin Eddie and his wife and 18 children are all vegetarians, celiacs, lactose intolerant and don’t eat any corn products?
Can we please open some windows so the smoke alarm will shut off?
Daddy, what’s wrong with Sparky? He just went and laid on his side after I gave him the turkey carcass.
Sorry honey, all we have is decaf (this is definitely the worst thing to hear)…
Dad, there are some people at the front door dressed up like pilgrims and Indians and they want to sing to you…
I think this turkey will be okay once I wipe the fire extinguisher foam off…
Hey kids, I read that the Pilgrims probably didn’t even have turkey on the first Thanksgiving so we’re having something authentic – woodchuck!
And thank you for this food, and thank you that I lost my job yesterday – oh honey, sorry but I forgot to mention that to you…
I didn’t have quite enough pumpkin pie filling so I mixed in some ground-up jalapenos….
Don’t worry honey. Even though I burned the turkey we have something just as good – Boca Burgers!
Hey Dad, this is great! Can we go out to a restaurant with Uncle Eddie and all our cousins every Thanksgiving?

Here's one I found:

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. " Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? " Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."

In the spirit of Christmas (if I've told this already somewhere forgive me xD):

Yo momma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!

Okay, you can all shoot me now X)

How does Santa take photos?

He uses his North Pole-aroid.

Classic Christmas joke. Good.

Whatta you call a moose wearing antlers? A snowplow!

^ Uhh, moose have antlers.....


You don't want to know what Mrs. Claus does with the North Pole.
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