Animation Source Forums

slayguy86 · **Posted:** Sat Nov 17, 2007 11:48 am

Great so far

Keep it up

Balto_freak · **Joined:** Tue Oct 23, 2007 5:11 pm **Posts:** 369

Cobaltié · **Posted:** Sat Nov 17, 2007 11:54 am

Very well, after your PM, I read it. It didn't really interest me enough, I lost focus very easily due to the many spaces between dialogue. Everyone acted very predictably, which is probably why I lost focus. Take some time to really define your character's personalities and throw in events that challenge them.

Also, I'd prefer it if you didn't PM me for these things too much

Balto_freak · **Joined:** Tue Oct 23, 2007 5:11 pm **Posts:** 369

Balto_freak · **Joined:** Tue Oct 23, 2007 5:11 pm **Posts:** 369

Cobaltié · **Posted:** Sat Nov 17, 2007 12:02 pm

Balto_freak wrote:

Haha, I'm keeping you all on edge, aren't i? lol

My point is that you aren't yet in the story, and as all good writing goes you should be. Two parts and all I get is dry meat, if you get what I mean. People like their meat juicy, as they like their stories.

Balto_freak · **Joined:** Tue Oct 23, 2007 5:11 pm **Posts:** 369

slayguy86 · **Posted:** Sat Nov 17, 2007 12:06 pm

Okay. Firstly it's a great start, but think carefully about where you want the characters to go by the end. Character development is very important, before you write more take notes on each of the characters to figure out what kind of journey (In development terms) they're on. Finally Make the directions look different from the dialogue, put it in Bold or something along those lines. It is a great start, keep up the consistancy.

Balto_freak · **Joined:** Tue Oct 23, 2007 5:11 pm **Posts:** 369

Cobaltié · **Posted:** Sat Nov 17, 2007 12:13 pm

Balto_freak wrote:

Uhmmm, it was a sarcastic joke, Cobalt. Haha

/me is nub with sarcasm sometimes :lol:

Balto_freak · **Joined:** Tue Oct 23, 2007 5:11 pm **Posts:** 369

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