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dammit
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 6:21 am |
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| Young pup |
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Joined: Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:18 am Posts: 7 Location: A long rime ago,in a galaxy far,far, away...FLAME WARS!
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1. Repeat everything the person says in a question. 2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World." incessantly. 3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 4. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" 10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, not now, not motion sickness!" 11. Meow occasionally 12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. 13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. 16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?" 17. Say "Ding!" at each floor. 18. Say, "I wonder what all these do." and push the red buttons. 19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." 21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. 24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on. 25. Ask every passenger that goes up if you can press the button for them. 26. Log on to a computer, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream: "Oh crud! They've found me!" and bolt. 27. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 28. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the dang thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour. 29. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly. 30. Bring a chain saw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously. 31. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes. 32. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required. 33. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, and then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line. 34. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you. 35. Send e-mails constantly to the person next to you. 36. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 37. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 38. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 39. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 40. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 41. Ask, "Did you feel that?" 42. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 43. Swat at flies that don't exist. 44. Dance, while drumming noisily against the walls.
_________________ NO HOMO!
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Jake Razor
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 5:05 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:35 pm Posts: 3662
Gender: Male
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Thomas Roy, of White Bear Lake, Minnesota, was driving along on a country road and ignored a “Bridge Out” sign, but had to stop a few miles later when he found the road completely barricaded. He turned around and drove back, discovering the following message on the back of the sign. “It was, wasn’t it?”
What’s in a Name? Don’t Ask. Before you get married, consider how your combined surnames might look in the marriage notices section of the paper. Apparently these people didn’t. Mr. And Mrs. Hardy-Harr Mr. And Mrs. Looney-Warde Mr. and Mrs. Poore-Sapp And don’t forget Mrs. Allison Wonderlain, of course.
This campaign sign probably didn’t do much for the candidate: Vote For Michael J. Whimpey A Strong Voice for the People
Love Language Man-me-Downs: Men who are passed from one woman to another after a failed relationship. Cupidity: The faulty logic that leads a clueless third party to think two random singles would be perfect for each other. DNRR (Do Not Resuscitate Romance): A directive that you are not, under any circumstance, allowed to revive a past relationship
_________________


 Sig and userbars created by Bastet  Body piercing saved my life my-book-t30672.html Click here
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dammit
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 4:43 am |
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| Young pup |
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Joined: Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:18 am Posts: 7 Location: A long rime ago,in a galaxy far,far, away...FLAME WARS!
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What to do when you know you'll fail an exam.
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "**** this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. -deleted-
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
34. -deleted-
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if heshe did it.
42. Dress like the professor.
43. Cross-Dress.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras
_________________ NO HOMO!
| Last edited by Swords of the Wolves on Fri Jan 29, 2010 10:54 am, edited 1 time in total. |
| Jokes like the ones I deleted are more fitting for Facebook. Not here. |
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Conay
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 3:27 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 11:39 am Posts: 5603 Location: Dartford, Kent, England, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Nothern Ireland, Europe, Planet Earth.
Gender: Male
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Roi Doberwolf wrote: Oh, wow... >.> I appreciate you're trying to post more productively, Dammit, but your post has inappropriate things in it. Please change it. I have to agree. Plus, not one of these actions are possible without losing your rights to sit another exam.
_________________ Here's to the crazy ones...
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Jake Razor
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Post subject: Re: Comedy Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:52 pm |
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| Animation Source is my home! |
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Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:35 pm Posts: 3662
Gender: Male
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Ancient Fairy Dragon wrote: Er...i'm not very comical,but here goes...
Someone out there either has too much spare time, or is deadly at Scrabble. DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION - RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
Now that's just kinda creepy the way they actually change into descriptions of the word ELVIS: Rearrange the letters: LIVES.
_________________


 Sig and userbars created by Bastet  Body piercing saved my life my-book-t30672.html Click here
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