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My mistake, but you're welcome.

I don't get your joke either, so I guess that evens out. Probably one of those things you have to see firsthand.

What do you call something that looks like an obstacle, but is really a stepping stone?
An obstacle illusion.

This is an excerp from a book I'm working on.

Isaac groaned. "Dad, even I'm not dumb enough to do that."
"Well, at least he showed up to own up to it."
Dad jumped. "Honey, don't sneak up on me like that!" he protested.
Mom laughed. "You mean like that time just before our first anniversary? You should tell him about that one."
Dad closed his eyes as if in pain. "Oh honey, please, no..."
Of course those four words were all Isaac needed to hear. "What, what happened?"
Dad dragged a hand down his face. "Well, a week or so before our first anniversary, I wanted to get your mother something from her favorite jeweler. But I wanted to surprise her, so I added some winter gear to the list and told her that was why I was going.
"As I was leaving the sporting goods store and heading for the jeweler's, I saw your mother coming down the hall. Apparently she had remembered some things she wanted to get and came hoping to meet up with me while she was at it."
"So?" asked Isaac. He still didn't see why his dad would want to not discuss this incident. "What happened?"
"Well, I did the first thing that came to mind. I reached into the bag and put on the ski mask I had just bought."
Isaac started to laugh. "You don't mean..."
Dad's shoulders were starting to shake too, and Mom's face was buried in her arms on the back of his chair. "I was so relieved when she didn't notice me, I forgot to take the ski mask off and walked right into Kay jewelers with it on!"
Isaac fell out of his chair laughing. "You're... ha ha ha... joking!" he managed to get out between bellylaughs.
"I finally found him," Mom finished, "In the security office, and asked him what happened. He told me..." and then she lost it.
"Let me guess," said Isaac, still snickering. "You told her you wanted to surprise her, right Dad?"
Dad struggled to stop laughing. "Well," he said, "I did, didn't I?"

Things to say when someone at the lost baggage department asks if your plane has arrived yet.

10. No, I'm having an out-of-body experience.
9. Has it? *check watch* Wow, that time travel experiment really worked!
8. Of course it has. You think they'd let me take my jet pack through security?
7. Actually, no it hasn't. I am secretly the mutant superhero Nightcrawler, and when there wasn't enough time for another movie I decided to just teleport right here.
6. Well, yes and no. The real me decided to send his clone-that's me-to pick up the baggage ahead of time.
5. No, it just looks like it. I have a Pokemon hidden in my jacket and it's using double-team.
4. (scowl and put on a British accent) No, my plane had an engine problem so I had to fly commercial.
3. I guess it hasn't. Maybe I'm just dreaming this after having too much airline food.
2. No, but somehow I'm still here talking to you.
1. Yes.

In honor of Christmas...

A man was heading home from college for Christmas and stopped in a diner to get some breakfast. He asked for Eggs Benedict and, after a while, the waiter brought him his order... on a hubcap. The man was baffled. He asked the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?"
Without hesitation, the waiter began to sing, "Oh there's no plate like chrome for the hollondaise..."

A lady is sitting in church with her infant child while the pastor is preaching. About halfway through the speech the baby starts crying. The pastor tries to speak over the baby but the child just screams louder and louder. Finally, the mother gets up with the baby to step outside. "Oh nevermind that," said the pastor, "I have no problem with the baby."
"Yes," she said, "but he has a problem with you."

Daisy --> Could be just me, but I for one missed the humor in that.