Animation Source Forums

Doesn't it say , "You don't search for Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris searches for you?"

What do you call a mathematically based band?

The Log-a-rhythms

I got one:

A lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. The man behind the counter looks at the two and asks, "where'd you get that pig?"

The lady says, "that ain't no pig."

The man answers, "I was talking to the duck."

Lol at the temperature one. I'd be more like the Florida people

Apparently only Australians will understand this (sorry it's so long!):

Being 'Straylian

You know you're Australian if......

1. You know the meaning of the word 'girt'.

X 2.You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

X 3. You think it's normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount
Vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for
Something illegal such as watering the garden.

X 6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil
Case when he first attends school.

~ 7. When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how
Often and with whom.

X 8. You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black
Thong's refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

X 9. You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.

X 10. You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.

X 11. You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional.

X 12. You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way
To Maccas.'

X 13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its
Highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

X 14. You call your best friend 'a total *******' but someone you
Really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a *******'.

X 15. You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a
Place.

X 16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

X 17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's
Twice as big as its $2 coin.

X 18. You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga'
But 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.

19. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast
Spread.

X 20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they
Stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

X 21. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'.

~ 22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during
Any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

X 23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known
As the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

X 24. You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is
Not spelt with a 'u'.

X 25. You wear ugh boots outside the house..

~ 26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important
Discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks
For a pittance.

X 27.. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you
Like them.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order
Takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

X 29. You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me'
Is always polite.

30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your
Nose.

X 31. You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'.

X 32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to
Handle.

33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules
For beach cricket.

~ 34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what
They call 'Anzac cookies'.

~ 35. You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.

36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally
Strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in
Fruit.

~ 37. You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black
Tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

X 38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

X 39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the
Need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

X 40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national
Anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed
Essential in the government's new test for migrants.


Haha and ones with an X are true for me, with a ~ are sort of and with nothing are not true for myself.

Though most of them make sense

And here's a blonde joke:

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are on the run from the police. The decide to hide on a potato farm in potato sacks. The policeman goes over to the sack in which the brunette is hiding, but she says "Meow!". So the policeman says "Oh never mind, it's just a cat in there." He goes to the next sack, where the redhead is hiding. "Woof!" "Don't bother, it's just a dog."

Then he gets to the sack where the blonde is hiding...

"Potato."

The Superbowl is so crazy. You get people whooping and cheering, shooting guns into the air, honking their horns, and even old people dancing in the streets because a bunch of muscle-men crossed a chalk line with a dead pig.

Goliath's last words: "This never entered my mind before."

Actual card submitted to Hallmark (and rejected):
My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
I looked at my tire
and noticed your cat.
Sorry.

Speaking of biblical characters here's a joke about the life of Christ told by Robin Williams.

Robin Williams: And it was a good thing that Jesus was an only child because his siblings would have been miserable. Can you imagine being "Jerry Christ".

Come on Jerry let's go to the beach.

But I don't want to go to the beach mom.

Why not Jerry.

Because when we get there Jesus will round up a bunch of followers, walk on the water, and then feed everyone there and all I'll do is get sand in my trunks. Yeah, great day for me.

Wolfdog --> I'm not oing to make a fuss about it, but try to be careful about religious things on here (like in the shoutbox, try to keep it non-specific). But that was funny, even if historians would call its premise into question.

"The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast." - Demitri Martin

Three pychiatrists agree that people always come to them with their problems, but they have no one to go to with theirs. So they agree to listen to one another's deepest, darkest secrets.
The first confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper, deeply in debt. So I always overbill my patients."
The second admits, "I have a drug problem, and I pressure my patients into buying drugs for me."
The third says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."

I was going through my couch looking for stuff the other day, and I hit jackpot. I found a bed!

A soccer coach was giving the referee a lot of lip until the ref threatened him with a penalty. He stopped, but an older woman picked up where he left off. The ref told him to control his sideline, so the coach turned around and hollered, "Cut it out, Mom!"

A college student came in from his English midterm, looking upset.
"How'd it go?" asked his roommate.
Throwing down his book bag, the student replied, "Does F-A-L-E mean anything to you?"

This is one of those guys-you-had-better-not-try-this-at-home situations. A woman, five months pregnant and ravenously hungry, decided a second helping of dinner was in order. As she spooned more food onto her plate, however, her husband commented on it.
"Remember," the woman told him, "I'm eating for two."
"True," he said, "But how many are you excercising for?"

A parasailer getting ready for takeoff nervously asked the boat pilot, "How often do you change the rope?"
The pilot shrugged. "As often as it breaks."

I don't no about you guys, but to me the people at the DMV or the MVD are the slowest, meaniest, craziest people on the planet. This is an acutall DMV job interview:

Interviewer: How fast can you type?

Job searcher: Two, maybe three words a minute.

Interviewer: Good, you'll slow up the line real nice. Do you get snippy or have outbursts at people for no apparent reason.

Job searcher: Yes I do.

Interviewer: Congratulations. You're the new suprervisor.

Another thing about the DMV, no matter how early you get up to go there, you're always waiting in a line like you're waiting for tickets to an Aerosmith concert. I once waited in line for so long I forget what I wanted. I got up there and said, "let me have a Bic Mac, with a large fries and a coke." The lady said, "sir this is not McDonalds. This is the DMV." I said, "well then super-size me some lisence."

I drove with my uncle to the airport after my vacation. Remember, never drive with someone whose lisence is suspended because everything that looks like a police car is a police car. One time my uncle saw a state trooper that I didn't see. I thought he was having a stoke. He was saying , " turn the radio down!" I said, " yeah right. Like the cop is waiting back there saying 'I'm going after them. I love this song.'"

These ones are kinda childish, but I warned you.

There are 3 men traveling, they come across another man and the man says. "Hello! If you jump off the cliff, *points* and shout what you want to be, you will turn into it." So the 1st man runs and jumps off the cliff and yells "Buffalo!" So he turns into a buffalo. The 2nd man runs and jumps off the cliff and yells "Penguin!" So he turns into a penguin. The 3rd man runs and falls off the cliff, is surprised, and shouts. "Crap!"...

xD I cracked up at that one

There are 3 guys, one is really strong, one is just medium strong, and one is weak. They walk into a so-called haunted house, they all have to go to the bathroom so the really strong guy walks in. He hears a mysterious voice that sings. "Floatin' on a chocolate Island!" He is scared so he jumps out the window and dies. The medium strong guy goes to look at whats taking the really strong guy so
long and hears the mysterious voice. "Floatin' on a chocolate island!" He gets scared and jumps out the window and dies just like the 1st man. The weak guy goes to look and hears the mysterious voice. "Floatin' on a chocolate island!" So he lifts up the toilet seat and sees a couple of flies floating on some poop singing. "Floatin' on a chocolate island!"

That one wasn't as funny but my friend told me em'.

Sora --> Those are really gross.

I know there gross but I'm not normal. There supposed to be gross.

Once a guy walked into bar, he said, "Ouch!"

Heheh ha heh heh....

A friend told me that one before, it took me ages to get it, lol.