Animation Source Forums

This isn't exactly comedy, but I think it should bring a smile to anyone's face who reads it.

We've all gone through those "valleys" in life where depression is at an all-time high and everything else is at its lowest. Sheryl was in one of the deepest valleys she'd ever been in when one day she got a card covered with beautifully covered flowers in the mail. It said "Cheer up" and was signed "someone who loves you."
Sheryl wondered who could have sent the card. All day at work she ran through the posibilities: her fiance, her parents, siblings, cousins, friends, everyone she could think of. Finally as she was punching out at the end of the day, a co-worker noticed her vexed expression and asked what was wrong. So she explained about the card and, to her surprise, her co-worker said, "Oh, I sent that."
Sheryl was confused. "Why?" she asked.
Her friend smiled and said, "I just wanted you to spend one day thinking about all the people who love you."

Laughs are a great way to cheer someone up, but they're not the only way. In the words of Ken Davis, "Lighten up and live!"

Sounds like my school

Here's another few. You know you went to my college when...
... you have dug at least one snow cave trying to get out your front door.
... your favorite college memories include watching a bunch of classmates chasing a rubber ball around the room between classes, and it wasn't gym class.

The first one, definitely not. The coldest it gets here in winter (daytime) is about 15 degrees Celsius, which is 59 degrees Fahrenheit. Lol. And at night, about 4 degrees Celsius, about 40 Fahrenheit.

But the second one, very much so. I remember playing football (Australian style) with my classmates on our knees in the classroom before the teacher came back. Lol. I got serious carpet burn on my knees.

This one actually happened at my college (I have witnesses). Our head dean was talking about chivalry, and about a man's responsibility to show respect for women, which among other things includes protecting them if need be. As an example, he stated, "If you mess with my wife or my daughter, I will kill you."
Later at a separate meeting, his son was speaking and the subject of that talk came up. He commented that when his father had said that, he'd been sitting there wondering, "What about me? Am I supposed to just fend for myself?"
After he was done speaking, his father went up and took the microphone. "If any girl goes after my son..." he began, then waited for the crowd to stop laughing before he continued, "... I will die laughing."

It sounds like my school

You know you went to my college when you understand why the saying "It is safer to be Herod's pig than his son," was considered humorous when it was first said (it involves Latin).

A class was taking their final exam on ornithology (the study of birds). The teacher marched them past ten birdcages which were mostly covered, so that only the brids' feet were visible. After looking at the birds' feet, the students were each given a blue notebook and told to write down what kind of bird each was, what color its feathers were, what it ate, and where it lived in the summer and in the winter.
One student sat stewing in the back for a while before he came up and threw his book down on the desk. "This is the most unfair exam I've ever had!" he snapped, walking out.
the teacher scowled, then noticed the student hadn't written his name on the notebook. "Hey you, what's your name?" he called.
The student turned back to face the teacher and pulled his pant legs up to his knees. "You tell me," he retorted.

You know you live in upstate New York when the H and C on your shower knobs stand for "Hypothermia" and "Cryogenic."

This is one I made up just then;

You know you come from my town when you tell others how hot it is and they assume you're talking in Fahrenheit.

The British Government has been taken over by theatrical Muslims, and are now killing everyone with a British passport...

In Woolwhich, 4 people die because of this.

(No actual politicians were harmed in the making of this joke)
A man running for office gave a speech in a small town. When he was done, people lined up to talk to him. One man came up and told him, "I've heard a lot of speeches, but that's the worst one I ever heard."
The candidate, very annoyed by this remark, asked the man to go. So the guy went to the back of the line and came back again. "That was the crummiest speech I ever heard in my life."
Time and time again the guy kept going around and criticising the politician. Finally the poor guy had had enough, and he turned to one of the local authorities nearby. "Who is this guy and who's going to get him out of here?" he asked.
The policeman laughed. "Oh, don't mind him," he said. "That's just the town nutcase, and he doesn't even know what he's saying. He just says what he hears everyone else saying."

If I vow to avoid poison ivy, am I making a rash promise?
Is a chicken crossing the road poultry in motion?
Christmas is wierd. What other day of the year do we sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of our socks?