nice" Luid commented, turing to see if he could still follow Kya, Asante and Tumaini's steps from up on the hill. Couper smiled. She wanted to laugh, to tease him, but her mouth would stil not make the words. Her leg was healing, and there was now only a faint scar on one of her leg. Her left eye looked normal, but she was still half blind. Man did also not know this, but were looking for something to shoot. Couper seemed like the perfect target, and man decided to set a trap. It was almost like a bomb, and it killed the animal, but did not blow them up. Man carefully placed the bomb trap under a pile of leaves , then waited for something to come.
Couper and Luid were not aware of the danger, although only Couper was in danger, since Luid was already dead. Half way through the trees, Luid stopped. The full moon shone through the leaves of the trees, so tiny specks of moonlight scatterd the ground randomly. Couper moved her head upwards, silently asking what the matter was.
" I sense danger" Luid whispered. Couper moved her large Violet eyes from side to side, but she could see no danger.
" Mabye I was mistaken" Luid thought, and the two carried on walking. Man was to clever though, and sat silently, whilst Couper took the bait, and stepped on the leaves the bomb was under. Luckily, Luid noticed the lump in the leaves, and pushed Couper out the way as the bomb exploded. The noise was defening, and there was a bright light that made Couper turn around. But the nosie was too loud. It deafend Couper temporarily, but for now she was deaf. When the two made it to saftey, Couper glared at Luid trying to tell him it was all his fault shw as now deaf, even if it was temoariy.
" Well waht do you want? I can't see through leaves from a mile off!" Luid shouted. Couper wouldnt listen, she turned on her hoof and made her way in the oppiste direction, towards Trotzen's herd.
" FINE!!! WELL WE'LL SEE HOW MUCH YOU CAN COPE WITHOUT ME THEN SHALL WE???" Luid yelled after the retreating sheeoat. And with that, Luid turned and made his way towards Swift tails herd, the rain never once wetting his transparent fur.
Meanwhilst, the deer these two had just met, Kya, Asante and Tumaini also went towards Trotzens herd. Tumaini sensed a presence he did not like at this herd however.
" Tricheur" He growled, and vowed to destroy him.
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Trotzen fled through the rain. Why was there so much heavy rain nowadays? He thought, for Storms and heavy rain were now commen. Were would Palugit have gone? Swift tails her would seem the likely answer, but that felt like a trap. Insted just before coming to the border of Swift tails terrortry, there were two paths. The right path led towards Swift tails herd, so Trotzen took the left path and it worked. Trotzen saw her from a mile off, and rushed towards Palugit, not noticing how hevy the rain was.
" PALUGIT!!!!!!!!!!" The doe turned round to see Trotzen pelting towards her. She backed up nervously, but saw that Trotzen meant no harm, so looked at him closley. He did not seem wild, so had not been kicked out by his own herd. Insted, Palugit ran towards him, and pulled him inside the cave she was sheltering in. After Trotzen had explained his story, and the two white tails sat in silence for a moment, Trotzen got up and walked towards the entrance of the cave.
" Can I ask you one thing?" Palugit asked. Trotzen nodded.
" How did you know Swift Tail from before?" Palugit wanted to know. Trotzen wondered wether to lie, and after thinking he decided to tell the truth.
" The truth or a convincing lie?" He joked. Palugit took it seroiusly.
" Truth please."
Trotzen sighed, this was the first deer he would tell, and that would hear about this. He hoped Palugit could keep a secret. The scars ran too deep to confess to any deer ... up until now.
" He's my brother" Trotzen confessed.
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| November 01, 2012 | ||
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I understands and there's only one new character to come, but each
character will serve a purpose. |
| November 01, 2012 | ||
I enjoyed this. My only complaints are these: I'd noticed the
constantly shifting group of characters as well as the fact that the
story jumps all over the place. Now, the jumping about may be helped
if perhaps you spent more time introducing the scenario in which the
character becomes important to the plot - it's very important that you
don't add random characters for the heck of it - and make it clear
when your switching perspective. It just gets confusing sometimes. |
![]() lover | October 28, 2012 | |
Hi, I've been reading your chapters and this one Is AWSOME! I live the
meeting between Kya and Luid, and the dramatic scene at the end! |
| October 28, 2012 | ||
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Actually the rivalry of Trotzen and Swift tail was inspired from The
Tygrine cat ( I live that book) but yeah |
![]() | October 28, 2012 | |
*Listening to Circle of Life*. Sorry, it's just a little TLK-ish. With
two rivalry brothers and two herds and Not one of us...(By the way, am
I the only one who randomly started singing the song?) The new chapter is nice, the pace is great and the story is getting more interesting by each chapter. And the meeting of Kya and Luid was cute. Too bad he's a ghost, they would make a nice couple. I am excited to find out how the story continous. |