He chortled, to be met by death from one swift swipe of Vertrou's antlers. The stag fell onto the floor, gasping,writhing and choking, and finally something worse, silence.
" And let that be a lesson to all of you! NO ONE DARES TO LAUGH AT ME!!!" No stag dared to any more, and several of the dead stags friends cried a little, silent tears running down their cheeks, but they acted as if nothing had happened, how could they?
But that wasn't Nocere's last battle, for Ronno was also willing to battle for Lojalis. Nocere to was prepared, but since he had just battled Vertrou, he had the disadvantage. Ronno used his antlers first, but since Nocere's antlers were more powerful, Ronno had no hope. Nocere lost as a fawn, and Ronno was going to make sure he lost again, and that Ronno won Lojalis. But Nocere was more powerful in antlers, hoofs, feet and in general, no matter how powerful Ronno was, so Nocere won, and Lojalis was finally Nocere's.
" Thank you my brave hero" She whispered, as a genital breeze went by. Meanwhile, Vertrou was feeling sad, he had no doe, and he wasn't interested in rutting unless it was for Lojalis, but he had lost her. Silver tears trickled down his cheeks as he looked in the river, his refection was only half himself, a part was missing. " Vertrou?" A soft voice he knew well asked, and sat down besides him. Suddenly, the reflections merged to form one deer. Bukuri?
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![]() | September 22, 2012 | |
Well, there are many fights in your story. And don't get me wrong,
they are well described, but you don't get the deer (and the readers,
for that matter) a chance to breath. We just rush from one fight to
the next. I'm excited to find out what happens next. Oh, and by the way; did Bukuris char page get deactivated? |