I looked around the dark forest, breathing heavily. I heard the pounding of paws running after me. I took a deep breath and ran as quickly as I could, rushing for safety. I stopped for a breath and was tackled to the ground by an unsuspecting body...
The Beggining
"Awe. She's adorable!" I wondered. 'Whose adorable?' Suddenly I felt myself being lifted up. I cried out for help and I heard my mother growl. "Put her down Sasha." I felt myself being gently put down on something wonderfully soft. Then I found I was being pushed by something cold and wet. I wiggled, trying to get free. But then I felt my mom's warm tongue kiss my head. I felt comforted by this furry creature. Problem was, that I couldn't see what was happening. I was totally blind! I suckled from my mother, feeling a few squirming bodies pushing up next to mine. I knew who they were. My brother's and sister's. When I finished nursing, I closed my eyes and fell deeply asleep with my mother and siblings warmth.
3 weeks later, my eyes opened and it was like I was a new dog. I scampered around, snuffling at rose bushes and digging in flower beds. I wresled with my brother and sister. I was the most mischievious and I wanted to do everything. I no longer nursed from my mother, I drank out of the water bowl, like the big girl I was. (Whenever I say that, my mom laughs).
I sighed and jumped up and shook my yellow fur. My brown ear flipped over. My wiggly nose wiggled, as I caught a scent. My black paws took me fast to a hollow, rotten log. "Ahh!" I screamed as the black and white animal emerged from it. It turned around to face me and snarled. I shrunk back as the animal stepped forwards. "What are you doing in my home?" The animal asked. I, as usual, ignored the question asked, and asked one of my own.
"Who...what are you?" I shivered. "A badger." The animal said. "My name is Badge and I'm a badger." I studied this black and white animal, and I noticed that when he spoke, he had an accent. I don't know wat type of accent, but he did. I smiled. "My name is...well....oh yea! My name is Myki! I'm a dog! Puppy actually!" I exclaimed.
Badge laughed. Then he turned serious again. "Now you better leave before you get hurt." I screamed and ran away.
Thinking it Over
That night at supper, I sat down beside Alexander. My brother. But instead of pigging out like I normally do, I say there, thinking. Pasha, my sister finished before I did. She turned to me and asked, "Myki, can I have your supper?" Before I could asnwer, Pasha reached for my bowl. "Stay away from MY supper!" I snapped. My mother gasped. "Myki!" She cried. "What have you done?!" Pasha lay on the ground. As I passed her, I whispered, "Weakling." Pasha tried to kick me, but I dodged it. "Good try, loser." I sait down beside my food dish and ate slowly.
"Myki?" My mother asked. I ignored her. When I finished my food, and tramped upstairs into the room that Pasha, Alexandrer, and I shared. I wiggled under the blankey in the wicker basket I used as my bed. Sighing sadly, I thought about what it would be like to live in the wild, like Badge. I closed my eyes and thought about it. The most I thought about it, the more I liked it. "Myki." I jumped up. "Mom! You scared me half to death!" My mom chuckled softly. "Myki. I wanted to ask you something." I stared at her, telling her to go on. "What's going on? I mean tonight, at supper, with you and Pasha?" I looked away, unable to answer.
"Myki." I looked over but not directly in her eyes. "Myki?" My mom said again. "Because." I finally answered. "Because I have been thinking alot about well, living in the wild. I mean, after I met Badge and the way he lived made me want the same. I thought it over so much and I decided I want to." My mom shook her head. "Everybody wants to once in a life time. But that still doesn't explain why you attacked Pasha today during supper." I nodded. "Yes it does." I said. My mom raised an eyebrow. "How?" "Well," I said. "Wild dogs have to fend for themselves. They have to fight for their food." I looked at my mom. She laughed. "I get it. Honny, by tomorrow, you won't wanna be wild." She kissed my head.
Then she left the room. I shook my head. "I'm going to be wild." I yelled silenty. "I made my decision. " I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
A Crow's Call
The next day, I woke up with Pasha beside me. I looked over at Pasha's knit basket. The basket contained a pink wool blanket but no puppy. I pushed Pasha off of me, not caring if i hurt her. Mama tells her everyday to sleep in her own basket and not come crawling to my wicker one. I stepped over her and went downstairs. I ate my breakfast silently until I heard the little girl that owns me come into the kitchen. "Myki!" She called. "Sasha!" I yipped happily. Sasha gulped down some toast, grabbed her book bag and ran out the door. I followed her.
She dropped her bag and grabbed a blue tennis ball. I happily tried to steal it from her but she was to quick. She yanked it backwards and chucked it across the yard. My ears and eyes on full alert. I scampered after it. But everything seemed to call out to me. I turned my head and ran towards an inviting rose bush. I threw myself onto the ground and rolled around in the fresh mud. Then I snuffled around in some tulips and dug up some old newspapers. I had hidden them not to long ago. My mornings are always so much fun. Suddenly I heard a noise .
It was all to familiar. I growled at the big yellow school bus that approached Sasha's front yard. It came to a rumbling stop. With a gasp, the door opened. Sasha kissed me goodbye and disappeared into the vehicle. As I turned to go back inside, I heard a sound. "Caw, Caw!" Came the scratchy voice of the old crow that lived in a nest in the backyard. "Caw!" It made sure I was watching and flew over the fence. It came back and tried to lure me over to the fence.
I followed it but stopped short at the edge of the fence. I had never been on the other side of it before. Ever. But I was sure the crow was trying to get me over. I looked under the fence and my gaze was trapped on the forest on the other side of the street. Across from my house. I looked up and the crow cawed again. He flew over the fence and into the forest. It came back. Suddenly, I knew what it was doing.
It was telling me I had to follow my dreams. The crow's call was telling me, I could do it. Without thinking, I started to dig. I fit underthe fence and ran to the forest. I stopped at the edge and glanced back at the edge and glanced back at my house. I thrust my head forward and ran into the dark forest.
Running Free
As I got deeper into the forest, I realized I had no idea where I was going. I was nothing but a simple house pet. A small unsuspecting puppy that had never been past the perimeter of it's own yard. But that all changed. Instead of turning back, I kept running. Freedom is what I wanted. And freedom is what I got. After an hour, I stopped at a cave. It was amazing how my small heart could pump as fast as an adult' swhen I ran that far and that fast.
I layed down, panting heavily. I shivered. I should have brought along my black blanket. I shivered and curled up into a small ball. The kept me warm for a bit. But not for long. I sighed and went out of my cave to look for something to eat. All I knew was that I couldn't attack anything till I was bigger. Much bigger. I walked around and caught some small field mice. But they weren't enough to satisfy my hunger. I fell asleep in the nearest cave and 15 minutes later, I woke up. My energy was regained and I ran around.
Running free was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was so much fun that I didn't notice that I was being watched. As I galloped around in the field, of mush from the snow and the tiniest bits of grass poking up, stood the scariest looking animal, watching me through the bushes. I tripped on my front paws and stumbled to a slushy stop, right infront of the creature.
I gasped and held my breath as the animal smelled me. He, she, it smelled my rear end and I giggled. It looked at me and continued sniffing me. I felt its hot breath on the back of my neck and it made me scared.
Finally, the animal sat infront of me, and whispered "A young german shepherd like you shouldn't be out in the dangerous forest like this." I was surprised by how low its voice was. I figured it was a boy. "Why?" I asked. "Isn't running free a right?" I asked. The animal answered, "To some animals, yes. But not toall. It is a right to me, a wolf, but to a pup, no." I was about to ask why again when the wolf thing ran off. I thought about why he said, I couldn't run free.
Getting Away
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out what the wolf thing meant. I really wanted to know. I found my nose start to wiggle. I caught a scent and chased after is. Suddenly, I stopped. I saw the wolf thing talking to a small wolf thing. I edged a little closer. I heard small bits of what they were saying.
"Make sure....."
"of course."
"I mean it..."
"Pup"
"German Shepherd...."
"Sure..."
"Thanks..."
I dove behind a bush as the smaller wolf walked past me. She looked back at the boy wolf and winked. "I will make positively sure you get her. Dead or alive." I was about to freak out when the boy wolf said, "Alive. Bring it to me....alive." The other wolf nodded. "Sure. Faux." So Faux was the boy wolf's name. Then the other wolf was starting to wlk away, when I saw her pivot and sniff the bushes I was in. I froze. I screamed as the wolf brought its lips to a snarl. Its teeth gleamed white. The wolf yelled, "It's in here!"
Faux ran to the bushes and leapt down and
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| August 19, 2009 | ||
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It's sooo good. Tala is freakin' aweosme, rips out Mac's eyes! It
tooka while to attack him though. |
| August 20, 2009 | ||
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Pretty rough. As you might have guessed, I'm no fan of the violence or
the language. But the story is pretty well-managed except for one
thing: your main character's desire for the wild needs considerably
more development. She just meets one wild animal and all of the sudden
she's acting like one, enough to hurt her own brother? Way too
rushed. Also, it might be a good idea to break up the paragraphs a bit more; start a new one each time the speaker changes. |