Water splashed on her face and she woke up. She wasent laying in the Battle feild, but she was in a healers den. " She has woken!" A healer called. "Huh?" Moona said. Padded Paw came into veiw. " Moona! Well, you fainted in the feild. We brought you here. And the nurse said you can come out in a few minutes after she gives you some stuff to make you feal better." She steped aside to let Kaya, one of three nurses come towrds Moona with a bottle full of liquid. " Drink this." She said and Moona bent down to drink it. Moona got up. " You are free to go." Kaya said and escourted them to the exit of the den. Moona sighed and whipped her head around to face Padded Paw. " I only fantied when I was a pup before. And that was because I had a asthma atack. This one was diffrent. I saw a bright light then, I just fell to the ground." Padded Paw nodded, then said. " I`ll make sure that it never happens again. And if it dose I will be there with you." Moona smiled and they both trotted to there den. They layed down, with there paws streched out infront of them. Moona swept her tail across the dusty dirt ground. It blew a mini dust clud and shrank back to the earth. Moona yawned and reasted her shoulders. Then she saw Balck paw race across the clearing. She smiled and said. " Dosent he look handsome." Padded Paw smiled tooo and said . " I know you like him." She paused to lick her paw. " Tonight when Amaya dose her speach, I will ask her if she can leave you and Black Paw in the clearing and let everyone leave. You and Black Paw will finaly get to know each other."
Moona looked down at her paws. " I don`t know if it`s going to work." Padded Paw shot her a funny gaze. " Trust me," She said. " It will all work out." ****** Later on..... ****** The night was dark and the wolves came to the gathering feild right outside of there den`s. Moona and Padded Paw dodged threw the crowd and sat in the front row. Amaya howled and jumped up onto a rock called "the howling rock". She gave the wolves a stern look and breathed in. " Now HUSH!" She yelled. She sat down and started again as the wolves hushed down. " I would like to talk about the prograss of our pack. We ahve just shown the Elders 3 young warroirs. They have shown them there fighting skill`s. Now, the Elders would like to talk...."
She got down as Maka and the other Elders came up. " We would like to grade them. Moona, you get a A for very good fighting skill`s and doing well in other lessons. You are a very skilled wolf, and I honor you with the
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| December 24, 2008 | ||
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| !Rise up as an anonymity! |
And here I thought I wrote long stories! hehehe that was lovely my dear. It surpasses my expectation for your stories, I meant it went up and crashed into an airplane or something. Well done, you must've put all effort into this. Regarding DT's comment > Well I see where she's coming from regarding the human-nature implements, and I too see that. But hey, just a little error for a first timer? As long as you don't repeat it. its cool! You'll do better guranteed. BUT B...you're gonna have to face the noise to become more creative. The worst crticism can turn to the best advice. Like my favorite quote of all time "By allowing strangers in , can we find new ways to be ourselves." You've just got to take the opinions you have been told and form them into a way to help you better your next fic, understand. In addition, people please stop attacking her from every angle. If you haven't realized she's quite young and for her to be writing at this age is simply amazing. (i did't even start writing at this age) So just like LAY OFF for a while kay? |
| December 18, 2008 | ||
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Not too bad lot-wise, but the wolves were too human to be
realistic. Using human implements (bottles for example) and a human timetable seems slightly off. But apart from that and the spellng errors, it was pretty good. |