Toby Part Five: Date With Disaster

 

“Hey, To-bum!” Pete called.  “How’s your girlfriend?”

Toby groaned.  Why couldn’t Pete just let him hang out with Luna like a normal dog?  Even if Luna was his girlfriend-which admittedly she was-that was their business.  Besides, he had other matters on his mind besides Pete’s insults.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Pete went on, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  “I forgot she’d never go with a loser like you.”

Toby bristled, and he could sense Luna beside him doing the same.  Both dogs whipped their heads toward Pete, glaring daggers at the husky.  “It just so happens,” Luna snapped, “That for your information I am his girlfriend.”

“That’s right!” agreed Toby.  “We’ve been steady for a full week now-seven times your record, I believe.”

Pete couldn’t argue with that.  He had gone through at least a dozen “girlfriends” and he had never managed to hold onto one of them for more than a day.  They usually averaged at around two hours.  “Oh yeah?” he retorted.  “Well, how many dates have you been on?”

“Look who's talking,” scoffed Luna.  “Most of your ‘girlfriends’ dump you before the first date.”  She knew this because her sisters were the two biggest gossips in town, and one of them had actually been one of Pete’s girlfriends.

“Ha!” Pete laughed.  “They just can’t handle real quality.”

“Great,” Toby jabbed.  “We’ll be sure to warn them if we see any.”  He took in the flabbergasted look on Pete’s face and then turned to Luna.  “Come on, sweetie,” he said, putting just a little emphasis on the word, “sweetie.”  “Let’s go before he comes up with another one of his lame comebacks.”

“Right behind you, big boy,” Luna smiled sweetly, following him around the corner.

As soon as they had disappeared from Pete’s sight, Luna made a face.  “Ugh,” she groaned.  “I hate talking like that.”

Toby laughed.  “Well, I thought it was worth it just to close Pete’s mouth for once.”

Luna nodded.  “Yeah.  But don’t ever call me ‘sweetie’ again.  If my sisters had been watching…”

Toby got a cocky grin on his face.  “How about ‘Widdle Pumpkin?’”

Luna glared at him.  “Don't even think about it.”  She shook her head and glared back in the direction they had come from.  “I just can't believe the nerve of that creep.  Since when does it matter whether or not we officially date?”

‘Well, this is awkward,’ thought Toby.  “Actually, I've been thinking...maybe it would be kind of nice to go out.”

Luna regarded him with a slight degree of skepticism.  “Are you doing this just to shut him up?”

“No!” Toby blurted.  “I just want to go out with you sometime.  I mean,” he added, “If that doesn't bother you.”

Luna considered.  “Well,” she said slowly, “When were you thinking of doing it?”

Toby breathed a sigh of relief, but even as he did his mind was racing.  It was almost lunchtime, but doing it after lunch wouldn't work.  He needed time for some ideas.  “How’s tomorrow?”

She smiled.  “Yeah, I think I’m open then.”

Toby wagged his tail.  “Great!”  Then he paused.  “If you’re sure,” he repeated.  The two of them had made a promise that they wouldn’t pressure each other into anything.

“To be honest,” she told him, “I was wondering when you’d ask.”

Their owners called them at that moment, so they had to say goodbye.

“See you tomorrow,” said Toby.

Luna nodded.  “Catch you later!” she called in parting.

“It’s a date, cupcake!” Toby joked.  Luna playfully swiped a paw at the snow and sent some of it spattering in his face.

 

‘Great,’ thought Pete, watching them go their separate ways.  ‘Just great.’  His ears sank, but then he brightened as a plan began to take shape in his mind.  This was great.  Toby and Luna had been a thorn in his side for a long time, and now he had the perfect chance to split them up for good.

 

Toby didn’t know that Pete had plans of ruining his date with Luna, but he did know he was in over his head.  ‘Why’d you ask her out?’ he asked himself.  ‘You don’t know the first thing about dating!’

So he did what he always did when he needed advice about girls: he went to his dad’s house.  As usual, he found Rex inside, dozing on a rug.  Anyone who didn’t know the bloodhound would have thought him lazy, but the truth was that Rex was a seasoned tracker with a fighting spirit and a wealth of wisdom to match.  More importantly at the moment, he knew how to deal with girls.

Rex yawned and stretched as his son’s approach awakened him.  “Ah, Toby.  What brings you here?”

“Well,” Toby began, “I asked Luna out this morning, and now I need some advice.”

Rex smiled.  “Somehow I knew this would happen sooner or later.  So what do you need to know?”

“Everything.  What to do, what to say, that kind of thing.  Basically, how am I supposed to act on a first date?”

Rex nodded.  “I see.  Well, it’s very simple: be yourself.  Just do and say what comes to mind.”

Toby was surprised.  “What, no guidelines?  No do’s and don’ts?”

“Ah, so you want the easy answers, eh?”

Toby sagged.  “You make it sound like cheating at obedience school when you put it that way.”

“Well, I can give you a few warnings to start with.  One, be careful how you answer any questions she might ask you.  If she asks a question about her looks, answer it right away before she gets offended.”

Toby was confused.  “Why would she get offended?”

“How should I know?  The way I see it, men were never meant to understand the female mind, and females were never meant to understand ours.  Just watch out for questions about what you think of her appearance.”

“Why?”

Rex looked at Toby with a very serious expression.  “Son, I have years of experience with your mother.  Females sometimes ask questions there is no right answer to.  If you say you like something, they will insist that you don’t and demand to know what’s wrong with it.  If you say you don’t like it, they’ll just skip the accusation and go straight to the demand.”

“Dad, correct me if I’m wrong, but mom’s the only female you ever took the time to get to know since you were a puppy.  What makes you think Luna would act that way?”

“Toby, trust me.  I have talked to other dogs, and my experience with your mother is not unique.  Watch what you say.  And if Luna asks if you think she looks fat or anything like that…”

“Why would she ask if I think she looks fat?  She knows she’s not fat.”

“Has she said that she knows she’s not fat?”

“Well, no,” Toby admitted.

“Then take my advice: if she asks a question like that, run!”

Toby was beginning to worry.  What if his dad really knew what he was talking about?  ‘Well he should know,’ he decided.

Rex laughed, seeing Toby’s confusion.  “Don’t worry, Toby.  Just do like I said and be yourself.”

Toby looked at the ground.  “Well, yeah, but don’t you think she’d be expecting me to act a little different?  We’re not just hanging out like we usually do, you know.  This is a real live date.”

Rex nodded.  “Well, I’m afraid my advice there may be a little rusty.  It’s been a while since your mother and I have gone anywhere special.”

“When it comes to leaving the house, you don’t go anywhere, period,” Toby pointed out.

“Exactly.  But if you want to make this relationship last, and I’m guessing you do, then just remember to be nice to Luna.  Complement her on how she looks, the way she smells, things like that.  And don’t forget little things like her favorite things to do, her favorite places to go, her eye color, and so on.”

Toby nodded.  “So basically all you’ve told me is everything I already figured out on my own.”

Rex laughed.  “That’s what I’m here for.”

Toby rolled his eyes.  “Great.  Looks like I’m back where I started.  Didn’t you ever do anything with mom that might qualify as a date?”

Rex considered.  “Well, there was that walk on the beach by moonlight a couple months ago.”

Toby nodded.  “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“And we watched the sunset when we were getting to know each other, so that might be a good idea too,” suggested Rex.

“Or the sunrise,” Toby added.

“That’s good,” Rex agreed.

 

As they continued their brainstorming, Pete listened with rapt attention to their plans.  In his mind he was cooking up some plans of his own...

 

Around sunset, Toby swung by Luna's house to let her know he'd be picking her up before sunrise the next morning.

“Why so early?” asked Luna.

Toby smiled.  “It’s a surprise,” he answered mysteriously.

‘Yeah,’ thought Pete, ‘But not the one he thinks.’

 

Toby woke up bright and early the following morning, had a quick drink from his water bowl, and headed out the door.  The cool morning air filled his nostrils with a crisp, clean smell.  ‘I should do this more often,’ he thought.

He ran all the way to Luna’s house, breathless with excitement.  Screeching to a stop outside, he realized he had a problem.  He didn’t know which

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