Prochnow in “Das Boot”. Next to him stands scary looking like Gestapo officer that is giving captain an “Enigma” code-machine.

Gestapo Officer: Captain, please broadcast the report. [captain receives machine and waits for message] The eagle has landed. Repeat: the eagle has landed.

[Cut back to post office. Morse is still lying without any motion. Cut to dark, obscure room where numerous maps are on wall. Several Korans are there, because of uniforms we see those are northern Koreans. One of them turns to be Kim Il-sung. He broadcast some Morse-code message.

Cut to some obscure cave. There are several people in Arabic cloths, Taliban looking like. One of them turns out to be Osama bin Laden. He listens the message.

Cut back to Nome post office. Morse is still lying calm, ignoring the message.

Cut to alien space ship. Aliens (X-files looking like “Greys”) are broadcasting their message too. Cut to view of Imperial Star Destroyer. Zoom in on bridge. Darth Vader is receiving signal, panting dreadfully.

Cut back to Nome postoffice. Morse is still lying indifferently.

Cut to similar post office in Nenana. Nenana postman is broadcasting his message. “No sled reached Nenana in past 48 hours. Stop. No sled…” Cut to Nome post office. Morse is raising his ears and opens his eyes with excitation. He barks and runs out to dogs outside.]

M: We’re doomed! They’re lost!

[Cut to tropical landscape of desolated island. Modern crashed airplane is in background. On beach Balto and Steele are sitting in front of campfire. Cut back to Nome.]

M: No, I mean they are really lost. Their team hasn’t reached Nenana yet.

[Kodi, Dusty, Kirby, Bart and Ralph sigh with fear.]

K: Oh, my God! We must save them!

Ki: And save our humans! The plague is harvesting it’s crops. For now over twenty people died due to diphtheria! [In upper right corner of screen appears the inscription with number “20”] 20 nor now and it’s still growing. [In the background one of walking citizens falls on the ground, shivers in tremor. Then dies with painful expression on face. Number in upper-right window changes to 21.] We must to and find them!

Random man in background: Ueeeegh! [falls down and dies. Number changes to 22]

K: Yeah, we could do it! Neither snow, nor rain, nor sleet nor hail will stop the US mail. [He looks on Dusty, Bart and Ralph. They seem not to be fully convinced.] Come on, we must save my dad. [Still no response.] Think about profits… [Spark of interest on muzzles of dogs] We will be famous. The world will be side open before us… No girl would resist us. [Bart and Ralph smile, but Dusty is still indifferent.] And no boy of course too. [Dusty sighs with relief.] So, are you with me? [Weak cheers] Guy, we are their only hope! [cheering is louder.]

[Voice form off screen.]

V: Indeed, they were only hope for lost sled. Nome transport was still based on sled dogs and that tradition seems to be unchangeable. Tries of improvement and progress were always failures. [Cut to shot of Duke, entering his plane. Pilot is covered with tomato juice. He starts the engine and takes off.] Tradition can defend oneself. [Cut to Kodi and Dusty, wearing British Army helmets and running 40 mm Bofors AA twin-cannon. They aim to the sky and open fire. Cut to black-and-white WW2 film – airplane is being hit with burst of shots, starts to smoke and explode in the air. Cut back to Kodi and Dusty. Dusty salutes Kodi.]

[Back to street of Nome. Musher is harnessing his dogs.]

K: So we’re going? [dogs nod their heads. Random man in background dies and number in window grows to 23]. So better we will be going quick. [More and more people dies around. Scared Kodi hastens his companions.]

 

Scene 2 is cut from the story, due to its naughtiness and extreme lack of political correctness. It should not be read nor comment, however, if You ant to check it out, mail me.

[email protected]

 

Scene 3:

[Map of Alaska. In corner of screen counter is still counting with absurdly high death toll. Dot representing sled is moving on north – not in Nenena direction! Kodi’s voice from off screen]

K: There is no fun to be a hero, if there are no chicks around.

[Dot comes north, while on east there is pulsing red point with inscription (Here is Balto, trapped under an avalanche, you idiots!), but dogs ignore it.]

 

Act 3:

Scene 1:

[Young Bambi with his mother wanders in snowed forest. Merry music while roe is showing her son beautiful landscape. Finally Bambi’s mother starts to dig in snow to uncover some plants to feed her child. Bambi eat from holes, mother digs a new hole.

Music is still the same, but suddenly roe is taken down into the hole. We see only her rear legs, that kick in sudden pain then freeze. Bambi retreats crying, from snow comes Steele with blood-red muzzle.

Steele drags up roe’s body, then turns his stare down and calls]

S: Come out, Balto! (seeing that wolfdog doesn’t come) I won’t kill you! It’s no fun in fighting your enemy muzzle to muzzle, without ambush nor deceit. It’s not villain-like enough. (Balto comes out) Good, look on that mess! [he points on all snow mass around.]

B (replying with reproach) : You did it!

S: Yeah, that’s right! Look on all the mess I’ve done and tell me, why haven’t you died by a chance?

B: I guess that Aniu was watching over me. But what now?

[They both looks around, finally Balto finds something in snow. He pulls it up. That is body of musher.]

B: Look, it’s our musher!

S: He’s dead!

B: No, he is not. He is just resting…

S: He is definitely dead. [human actually looks as if he was frozen to death]

B: No, he’s not! He is just resting… [To prove that he nudges human, but then human’s neck breaks and head rolls aside on snow.] Oh, never mind. So, what would we do?

S: That’s your problem. While you are still bound with harness to cart buried several metres under snow, I’m free. I will leave you to death here! [Then another wave of avalanche falls on dogs, cutting them any way out of valley. Steele looks on it with anger.] Or, no. I’ve changed my mind. I will heroically stay with you and froze too.

B (patting Steele’s back): Thanks pal. I always knew you are nice guy. (they both laugh, but then Balto asks further) But so will happen now?

S: For few hours nothing special. (Steele points clouds on the sky) But then blizzard will come and we will freeze to death.

[On scene appears Charlie B. Barkin with aureole and angel-wings. He flies to Steele and Balto and say with amused voice.]

C.B.B.: Don’t worry guys, all dogs go to heaven.

S (pointing on Balto): He is a wolf-hybrid, actually.

C.B.B. (sighing heavily, he puts his paws on Balto shoulder): I’m terribly sorry, Balto. But don’t cry. I heard that hell is much warmer than this place.

[He flies away, accompanied by angels choirs]

 

Scene 2 “Nobody expects the happy ending”:

[After few hours. Night has come, there is all dark around. Steele and Balto sit in snow, clearly cold and tired. Blizzard slowly starts.]

B: So that’s it? It’s over now? (Steele nods his head) Steele, is there any chance they would find us?

S: Face it, mutt! We are professionally lost and avalanched. No one would find us! The probability of sudden rescue is not greater than unexpected appearing of Spanish Inquisition.

B: Oh, right. We don’t expect that.

[Cut to main Spanish Inquisition Main Quarter.

A modern, or even futuristic looking like room, filled with computers and terminals. Few dozens of priests and monks operating that machinery. In center of room, on special (very comfortable) chair is sitting cardinal Ximénez. His adjutant is standing next to nearest console and he is pressing to one of ears a headphone, listening to something.]

Ad: Cardinal! We have them! Signal is spotted and weak, however we could fix the coordinates! (He listens for several seconds, then looks on monitor) Those are: 64°33’40’’ North, 165°25’55’’ West. It’s Alaska, Your Excellency! Seward Peninsula.

c.X.: Ow, bless it! Alska! I bet there is sacred freezing there! Well, fortunately His Holiness sent us those new, polar chasubles. But don’t complain! It’s about life of those poor American heretics. We are playing for high stakes. (Cut to high stake, prepared for burning; witch is being guided to it) Come on, prepare our horses or reindeers if Congregatio de Propaganda Fide advises that means of transport on that latitude. (Cardinal stands up and going to door. Then stops and turns back to priest) And ask Santa Claus for the air-recon!

 

The end (?!)

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